IOU Life Leadership: You Owe It to Yourself and Others

Overview

Life Leadership

Living the IOU Principle

Life is a voyage, but who is sailing your ship? Is it you or someone else? Is your Life Ship on course, drifting, or even sinking? If you’re off-course or struggling to stay afloat, how will you, your family, team, or organization meet their Life Vision and Life Goals?

There’s a way to get back on course! IOU Life Leadership is a foundational framework for positive and effective intentional living based on timeless, universal life principles that will provide you a Life Map to IOU Living to help you become an IOU Life Leader.

The captain is the ship’s leader who steers the vessel through both the calm and storms. The captain studies the Outward environment, makes crucial decisions by turning the wheel, and sets the course based on Inward decisions. The Upward Reward of great satisfaction is received along the journey as the captain stays on course to the destination.

We all need to become Life Leaders and receive the benefits of IOU Life Leadership. When we have Life Leadership, we receive the Upward Living Life Gifts of PH2E—Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence. Living the IOU Principle will lead to Life Leadership. Everyone needs to be a Life Leader to lead themselves through the obstacles faced in life.

Let’s examine the IOU Principle. First is the Inward Principle, which I refer to as Inward Life Living. When you are Inward Life Living, you are thinking. You are not interacting with another person or the world in any form, such as speaking, texting, or emailing. You are focused on your thoughts and pondering who you are, your purpose, your paradigms or Life Maps, and your passions. Your Inward intelligence is more than just a mindset and more than your opinions—it’s your total Inward Being. You are already Inward Living most of the day, but the question is, are you doing it in a positive and effective intentional manner?

Outward Living is when you are interacting with the world. You are Outward Living as soon as you speak to someone, send an email, or perform any action that can affect a person or the world. If you are in a room with others but not speaking or interacting, you are still Outward Living because of the need to be aware of the others and your effect on them since even your body language can affect others.

Upward Living refers to receiving the Life Gifts of PH2E based on living Inwardly and Outwardly in a positive and effective intentional manner. These Life Gifts are universal and sought by all. When you examine and continuously improve your Inward and Outward Living, you move closer to the highest forms of PH2E. As your PH2E increases, your inner "SelfCulture" becomes more Dynamic and Positive. Once you learn and apply the IOU Principle to yourself, you can teach and apply it to your family, team, or organization. You will witness those cultures shift to a Dynamic Positive environment for all.

An anchor represents stability, steadfastness, and security, even in the roughest seas. What anchors or Life Anchors are steadfastly and securely guiding your journey through life? While there are many Life Anchors that make up both your Inward and Outward Living, this book will discuss The 12 Essential Life Anchors that will lead to the Upward Living Life Gifts, and provide you with a Life Map for IOU Living. When you are in tune with the IOU Principle and continuously improve upon your 12 Essential Life Anchors, you become a Life Leader and receive all the benefits of IOU Life Leadership.

You are the captain of your life so let’s begin navigating your Life Journey!

PART I

Why IOU Life Leadership?

Begin Building Your Life Ship

Chapter 1

What Is Life Leadership?

This is your life. Chart your course, take the helm and begin the voyage!

— Dr. Joe Famularo

In 1908, Vincenzo, a 13-year-old boy, crossed the Atlantic Ocean alone on a steamship to America. It was a weeklong journey in search of a better life for his parents, brothers, and sisters. Three years earlier, on a small volcanic island named Stromboli in the Tyrrhenian Sea just off the mainland of Italy, he had lived a wonderful life enjoying the fruits of the land as part of a family of seven. Dominick, his father, owned a shipping company transporting goods between their small island and France. The two-ship company was thriving, and demand was high for the service Dominick and his family provided.

Meanwhile, the country was experiencing challenges. They were celebrating the 50th anniversary of Italian unification, but the country was divided over the government’s attempt to nationalize the railroads, which led to a railroad strike. At the same time, a 7.2 magnitude earthquake rocked the southern regions, leading to many fatalities. Vincenzo and his family knew they had to stay close, support each other, and work hard on the family business during those tough times. Vincenzo was an important member of the crew, and his father boasted how Vincenzo never slacked off or got distracted from the task at hand.

Many years later, Vincenzo recounted, I remember that cold misty morning. We knew there was a massive storm coming from the north. As they had lived through and survived past storms, they needed to go into action quickly. Dominick gave the order to tie a rowboat to the 165-foot sailboat and anchor it just offshore where the vessel would have the best chance to survive, bobbing up and down freely as the rain and the high winds of the storm passed. Vincenzo said, When I was rowing back to shore after anchoring the first ship, I could feel in the air that this storm was different and was going to be a big one.

The family team repeated the task with their second 165-foot vessel. The storm violently approached. Vincenzo understood that the family’s lifeline was in jeopardy as the boats rocked ferociously from side to side, and then he saw both vessels capsize and sink before his eyes. It was the end of the family shipping company. There was an immediate need to find a solution. Vincenzo was a thinker (Inward Living) and advocated that he should move to America to find and create a new life for his family (Outward Living). As you will read in this book, he made the journey across the Atlantic Ocean alone and found a new life and prosperity for his family and generations to come (Upward Living).

Like Vincenzo, when faced with adversity, you have two choices. You can succumb to the event, complain, and let it define you. Alternately, you can think Inwardly and consider all the options, begin to design a new Life Map, chart your course with specific goals, and then execute it Outwardly into the world. You will then receive the reward of the Upward Living Life Gifts.

Life Leadership is the Upward byproduct of how a person Inwardly defines themselves and their Outward Actions and interactions. It’s about leading yourself, leading alongside others, and leading others. You can’t grab Life Leadership. It comes to you based on your Inward Positive Thoughts, planning, and Outward Positive Actions. In other words, it is based on how you develop and mix your Inward Thinking with your Outward Actions. The results are the Upward Living Rewards of Life Leadership. You can’t govern Upward Living directly. You can only indirectly influence its levels through positive and effective Inward and Outward Living. Therefore, Life Leadership comes to principle-centered people living the IOU Principle. At any given time, you are either living in an Inward Mode or an Outward Mode. When you practice Inward Positive Thinking and then Outward Positive Actions, you will receive the Upward Living Life Gifts of PH2E. Throughout this book, I will interchange using the letter "I" for Inward, "O" for Outward, and "U" for Upward.

The question is, are you living your life by design, purpose, and intention or by disorder, luck, and chance? We all have received a great gift—a gift of life, and we only get one shot at it. Have you defined your Inward guiding Life Principles? Unfortunately, many people go through life and have never taken the time to think about their "I" or Inward Living. We think about our possessions more than our Inward Life, which is your life’s most important possession. So, the question is, "What are your I’s?" Many anchors make up your I, such as your I Vision, your I Mission, your I Values, your I Relationships, your I To Do’s, etc. Your I or your Inward Living is who you are, your purpose in life, your Life Plan. Your Inward Life Principles are your core and what you believe. They are the ideas that guide your thoughts, actions, and decisions. Your guiding principles are reflected in your actions, which, in turn, define your Life Leadership.

Living IOU Life Leadership brings you the most precious Upward Living Life Gifts. They come to you by living a positive and effective Inward and Outward Life of high character and competence. You can’t reach out and grab the Upward Living Life Gifts, such as your PH2E. Those gifts only come to you through hard work, reflective thinking, and positive relationships. As you move to higher levels of your PH2E, you will feel your SelfCulture turn Dynamic and Positive. As you live the IOU Principle with your family, team, or organization, the Upward Life Gifts will be felt by all stakeholders, navigating toward a Dynamic Positive Culture of PH2E.

Life Leadership Age

IOU LIVING

Self - Family - Team - Organization

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore! Dream! Discover!

— Mark Twain

We are all living in what I refer to as the "Life Leadership Age," a world where we must all be leaders. Let me explain. A person can have many leadership roles—a son or daughter, friend, parent, spouse, coach, teacher, administrator, executive, CEO, etc. However, if you ask the average person to define a leader, the answers usually include the following:

the person in charge of a group of people

the head of a company or organization

the person calling the shots

Those answers demonstrate that leadership is typically defined by a position rather than through actions and behaviors. However, the people holding those positions may or may not be leaders in a Life Leadership Age. Understanding and living the IOU Principle will guide your leadership in every role you live in life. We must first be a leader of ourselves. You and you alone are calling the shots for your life. Life Leadership is not a position but rather a principle by which to live.

A report published by the World Economic Forum states that the world is at a turning point, referred to as the Fourth Industrial Revolution, with major shifts underway in technology, geopolitics, environment, and society. The authors suggest that the new top skills needed are creativity, critical thinking, and complex problem-solving. These skills are not developed or learned from the typical college course of study; instead, these are leadership skills. As we move into this Life Leadership Age, everyone will need tools to be leaders of themselves and others and to lead with others.

Another aspect of Life Leadership is to be a leader of your family. In a family, you may be leading alone or with a partner. Additionally, you may be a team leader, whether it’s a team in a company or a sports team. You may also be a leader in a school or organization. Everyone is a leader in a school—the teachers, students, parents, staff, and administrators. In an organization, you are a leader alongside all your associates and department heads. The IOU Principle is for everyone and every role in your life. Everyone in your family, team, or organization needs to learn and practice the IOU Principle. This experience will raise the level of each person’s SelfCulture, which will ultimately produce better results aligned to your vision and mission.

The IOU Principle has already happened in your life. When you experience impressive results and receive a positive feeling from your planning and implementation of a task, you are living the IOU Principle. The wonderful relationships in your life are due to IOU Living in a positive manner. The success at work or with your team is due to living the IOU Principle. Did that happen by chance, or are you aware of the specific principles that led to your successes? This book will explain the IOU Principle in great detail so you can replicate it, make it an intentional practice, and continuously receive the highest levels of your PH2E!

The highest reward for a person’s toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.

— John Ruskin

Be Your Own Life Coach

What if there were a life coach who would be available for you 24/7 for an entire year to help you reach your goals with a positive attitude? Michael Serwa is one such life coach who claims to be the highest-paid personal life coach in the United Kingdom. He works with top executives for an annual fee to help them feel peaceful and happy. Several of Serwa’s clients said they felt balance in their lives and better understood themselves and what was important to them after working with him. Many coaches will work with you one-on-one to find balance in your life, build positive relationships, and improve your outlook on life. As I reviewed many of these coaches’ goals, I noticed one common theme: success is measured by their clients’ happiness and fulfillment. Serwa states that general happiness is almost always the average of all the other areas addressed in his consultations. So, what’s the secret to happiness? It’s quite simple—it’s the average of everything going on in your life. It’s common sense that there is no way you will be happy if your relationships are toxic or your career is failing. We need to ask what areas provide the most growth opportunities and concentrate on them to grow our happiness.

The ultimate goal is to increase your happiness level. By studying your Inward Intelligence, you will begin to understand yourself and then create a plan to improve your Outward Actions, ultimately leading to the Upward Living Gifts of your PH2E. The 12 Essential Life Anchors are a systematic approach to aligning your innate internal wisdom to your purpose and passions and then moving Outwardly toward fulfilling your goals and dreams.

It doesn’t cost anything to live the IOU Principle, but you must start and be persistent. You need to choose to begin walking the path to take control of your life, which will start with understanding your thinking and your Inward purpose and passions to gain more clarity, confidence, and an Outward action plan to move forward and build upon them.

It’s your own fault if you’re living by default.

— Richie Norton

Are You Aware of Your Default Setting?

What’s your default setting? Did you ever notice that many times when you make a change and try something new, it doesn’t last, and you go back to your default setting, which is what you did before you tried to initiate the change? The key to lasting change is to examine and correct the principles that guide you. Stephen Covey said, If you want small changes in your life, work on your attitude. But if you want big and primary changes, work on your paradigm.

We often think we’ve changed our fundamental thinking; however, we are just behaving differently, and inevitably, we will go back to our default setting. We must first examine our principles by reflecting Inwardly, which will lead to different Outward Actions, and those will then result in positive Upward changes or consequences to our lives. We can control our Inward Thinking and our Outward Actions, but we cannot control the consequences of our I and O. Those consequences are based on universal natural laws. If our I and O Living is positive and effective, the natural result is to receive Upward Living and the great gifts of PH2E. Upward Living can only come to you. Conversely, living Inwardly and Outwardly in a negative and ineffective manner will lead to Downward Living or, as we will explain later, Wayward Living.

In Chapters 11 and 12, we will examine The 12 Essential Life Anchors of the IOU Principle that will begin the process of positive change in your life. Remember, you need to be persistent; otherwise, you will revert to the same default behaviors you have always used with no permanent change.

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.

— William Arthur Ward

What’s Within Your Control?

How does it make you feel when you eat something delicious? Where does that feeling originate? Can you recreate that same feeling without eating? Of course not. That Upward good feeling from eating the delicious meal arises from the action of eating. Life Leadership is the action you take to provide you with the Upward Living Life Gifts of PH2E. Just as you cannot simply create the feeling of that delicious meal, we also cannot produce on demand the feelings of Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence. Only positive and effective Inward Thinking and Outward Actions will lead to the Upward Living Life Gifts we all desire.

Do you have a victim mentality about the many life challenges you face? Think about this: when an adverse event happens in our lives, the event itself does not cause our response; instead, we allow ourselves to choose our reaction to the event. Viktor Frankl was a renowned neurologist and psychiatrist who was also a Holocaust survivor. He explained how he suffered unspeakable horrors in concentration camps during the Second World War. Nearly everything was taken away from him, but the Nazis failed to take his freedom because he remained in control—he had the power to choose his response to their atrocities. Frankl famously wrote, Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

We have total control over how we react to an event. That does not mean we are never sad. It just means we allow ourselves to be sad based on the event. Sometimes being sad is the most appropriate response to an event. You are in complete control. This understanding will help us greatly when the event is minor, and we typically react by complaining, being angry, or stressed. This is where we need to think about our response and change the script from being a victim to a victor. We need to believe we will overcome the adversity and take care of what we have control over and let go of what we cannot control.

When a negative thought comes into your head, think of something for which you are grateful. The better you understand your Inward Living, the easier it will be to have a positive response. I will discuss your Inward Living, such as your Inward or I Triggers, in Chapters 7 and 8. I Triggers are events that happen and result in you changing from being calm to extremely aggravated. When we understand our I Triggers, we will be better positioned to act Outwardly using a different script.

You were born with all the skills and tools to live a life receiving the Upward Living Life Gifts of your PH2E. The secret is to focus on what we have control over and make positive changes with those things. We should just accept that certain factors cannot be controlled. However, so many individuals spend their whole day worrying about those uncontrollable items. Control the things in your control, and leave the things you cannot control.

We need to live an I can life, and that begins with items we have full control over - our Inward Thinking and Inward Living. In Outward Living, when we interact with others and the world, we only have influence because we cannot control what others say and do. We can control only our actions, which may or may not influence others. The byproduct of our relationships is either Upward Living, which is positive, Wayward Living, which is neither negative nor positive, but rather mediocre, or Downward Living, which is a Downward Life Drain. We have no direct control over these byproducts because they come to us due to our Inward and Outward Living. Our control lies in our Inward Thinking and our Outward Actions with the goal of receiving Upward Living and the Upward Life Gifts of PH2E.

Remember, you are not a victim; you are a victor. You have complete control of your Inward Living and thoughts. You have no control over the Outward World but can influence it. In other words, it’s important to remind yourself you only influence what others may say and do. You do not have any actual control over their words and their actions, so focus on what’s in your control!

I believe in not trying to control things that are out of my control or none of my business.

— Tobe Hanson

What’s Not Within Your Control?

Identifying and accepting what’s not in our control can be exceedingly difficult, especially when it involves dealing with a loved one. Emotions will take over if we are not aware of what we cannot control. There are numerous facets of life we have no control over, yet we spend so much time focusing on them. When a loved one is in need, we should be present and provide the support that may result in a slight Upward positive feeling for them instead of a Downward negative feeling. Here’s a story to illustrate what I mean.

My 15-year-old son was playing in a competitive soccer game and made a brilliant defensive play, slide-tackling the opponent player on a break-away. He prevented the goal but unfortunately didn’t get up when he hit the ground. I could feel his pain from the sideline and instantly knew this was different from other falls. The fractured collarbone was obvious as the bone pressed outward from his skin. Collarbone breaks are treated one of two ways: with a sling if the bones are close enough and aligned or surgery. As the doctor explained each option, I knew I had no control over the two possibilities. I did have control over bringing my son to the doctor and being part of the decision process moving forward. Unfortunately, no matter which decision was made, the first week of recovery would be excruciating. Nowadays, narcotics are not routinely given for pain control, which is understandable given the number of addictions that have resulted from attempts at pain management. Ibuprofen and Tylenol are the preferred course of action to manage pain. My son was in a tremendous amount of pain; he sat in a chair, trying not to move since any slight motion caused an additional sharp bolt of pain. Not only did I have no control to make him feel better, I had no control to get anyone to help him since the doctor said nothing could be done until surgery. Emotions were high, and I was in IOD Living (Inward-Outward-Downward, which will be explained further in Chapter 6), which is not productive for anyone. It brings you and others around you closer to the lower levels of the PH2E Life Gifts; it’s a negative Downward Life Drain causing high stress and anxiety.

I had to turn the situation around. I had to stop complaining, thinking negatively, and asking all the why questions. Why did this happen? Why is he in this pain? Why him? Why now? Why? Why? Why? After asking those questions, my son was not in a better place, and I was way off-course from my goal of helping him. In fact, he might have been in a worse position because the time spent on things I couldn’t control, took me away from the things I could.

By understanding and living the IOU Principle in this situation, I began to move in the right direction. With even the smallest aspects I could control, I began to move closer to comforting him. IOU Living kept me focused on what I could control instead of focusing on the things I could not control, which prevented me from helping him.

When a loved one is in need, it is the most challenging time to sort out what you can and cannot control because of the high emotions involved. It is, therefore, the most difficult time to put this in practice. Instead, to begin your voyage toward IOU Living, think of times in your life that aren’t emotionally charged situations, and try putting IOU Living into practice then. Become conscious of what you can control and what you cannot. Build up your Inward and Outward Living and practice to the fullest, so when difficult situations arise, you will be better prepared to focus on what you can control and be aware of what you can’t, which will yield a positive outcome for you and your loved ones.

Captain’s Log for Chapter 1

What is Life Leadership?

Captain’s Log:

Point 1: Becoming a Life Leader will help you lead yourself, lead others, and lead with others.

Point 2: At any given moment in a day for the rest of your life, you are either living Inwardly or Outwardly.

Point 3: Upward Living and the Upward Life Gifts are byproducts of your Inward and Outward Living.

Point 4: Upward Living Life Gifts are PH2E—Peacefulness, Happiness, Healthiness, and Excellence.

Point 5: Living the IOU Principle, you will move toward developing a Dynamic Positive SelfCulture, Family Culture, Team Culture, and/or Organization Culture.

Point 6: You have 100% control over your Inward Living, and no control of others and the Outward World. You have no governance over your Upward Living. The Upward Living Life Gifts are the byproduct of positive and effective intentional living Inwardly and Outwardly.

Point 7: Be aware of what you have control over and what you do not.

Point 8: Be your own life coach and live your life by design, not by default.

Teach to Learn

The best way to deepen your understanding and, at the same time, share and stimulate new conversations with others is to teach. At the end of each chapter, share what you have learned with a friend, family member, coworker, or anyone else who will listen. Teaching is, by far, the best way to deepen one’s understanding of new insights and concepts. Consider any of the Points from the Captain’s Log or throughout this chapter for thought-provoking discussions.

New Daily Voyage:

Activity:

Being aware of when you are Inward and Outward Living—

Throughout a 24-hour period, notice when you are Inward Living and Outward Living. Think to yourself, I’m in I Mode or O Mode at this moment. When you are completely alone and thinking, you are Inward Living or in I Mode. When you interact with another person or the world, you are Outward Living or in O Mode.

Ask yourself:

How do my I and O Modes differ?

Estimate what percentage of each day you are living Inwardly and Outwardly.

Chapter 2

Living and Leading by Design

Don’t be a victim of circumstances and let life design you.

Take an active role and be the one who designs your life.

— Anonymous

It’s 1908, and a focused, brave 13-year-old boy with a clear Life Vision is determined to find a better life for himself and his family in America. Vincenzo, traveling alone with $30 and his small black trunk, boards the SS San Giorgio in Messina, Italy, along with 920 other passengers headed for America. Over the years, Vincenzo shared many stories about his 3,000-mile journey crossing the Atlantic Ocean on the 307-foot steamship. He remembered every detail about the ship, even though he began his voyage 75 years earlier in his life. He boasted, This was some ship. It had a 50-foot beam, two funnels, two masts, and a single screw propeller; it would sail 11 knots. The journey to America lasted seven days with both calm and rough