Killer Bouquets & Chardonnay: A Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery Series, #4

Chapter 1

"I would not recommend booking a cruise with Splendor of the Seas unless you want to take the chance of coming home in a body bag."

Ruth Shores brought her fingers up to her mouth as she watched the young man on a small cellphone screen that her friend and cabinmate, Loretta Moran, held in front of them. They were huddled in the kitchen of the Splendor of the Seas—the new luxury ship of the Cascadian Cruise Line. After a string of murders that had happened on the ship, word was spreading fast via the internet. In this case, it went viral on InstaVideo, a platform where regular people of all ages could record and upload their videos to share. Ruth thought it was the place to go for cute animal videos, but was quickly learning that that wasn’t exactly the case. She glanced at Loretta. This is horrible!

Loretta’s eyes were still glued to the screen. Keep watching. It gets worse.

How could it possibly get worse than this?

John Anderson, the newest addition to the kitchen staff, called out from the opposite counter, Oh, it gets worse.

The young vlogger on the small screen continued, Not only have there been two murders, possibly three if the rumor of a cook that was slaughtered with a hatchet is true, but the victims were all well-known people. A famous author and an award-winning soap opera director.

He knows nothing! Loretta’s voice went up an octave. "It was a telenovela, not a soap opera, and it was a meat cleaver, not a hatchet!"

Ruth hushed her friend. Though the hatchet, meat cleaver mix-up was certainly a big oversight in her opinion as well, it didn’t matter in regards to the reputation of the ship. She batted the air with her hand. Quiet. I can’t hear him.

Loretta let out an audible exhale as both women directed their attention back to the young man on the small phone screen.

—and that’s not all. They tried to cover it up. How can you trust a company that lies and hides something as serious as a murder? The vlogger guy paused before adding, And again, not just one murder but two or three!

Yeah, yeah, Loretta said to the screen. We get it. Geez, must he keep repeating that it’s been more than one murder?

This is Cruise Dude comin’ at you with cruise ship facts and tips. If you like what you’ve heard today, slam that subby button and gimme love! Until next time, ahoy, mateys! The video went black before recommending several more Cruise Dude videos that looked equally absurd.

Loretta shook her head. ‘Ahoy’ is a greeting, not a goodbye.

Ruth wasn’t sure if what Loretta said was true or not, but she had a question of her own. What does ‘subby’ mean?

John wiped his hands on his apron and took his phone back. He means ‘subscribe.’ He pointed to a red box under the video that read, subscribe. That way, you get updates on his newest videos.

Loretta crossed her arms. Well, I’d like to unsubscribe him.

You’d have to subscribe to him first to do that, John said.

Isn’t there a way to tell him I don’t like his video? Loretta’s eyes didn’t waver from John’s. It was clear she wasn’t about to let this reviewer off the hook.

Yes, he said. Actually, there are two ways, but I wouldn’t recommend either as it will boost his video. I mean, even by watching it, we are bumping him up in the algorithm.

What’s an algorithm?

Never mind that, Ruth said. You think Humphrey saw this?

Loretta hustled toward the shelves that held the mixing bowls. She pointed to the door in front of her. If he did, don’t you think he’d be storming in here by now?

Just then, the door burst open, almost knocking into Loretta. She stepped back as Officer Harry Humphrey barged in. Where’s Janice? he asked, his voice booming.

Fear and worry washed over Loretta’s face. Oh, Officer Humphrey. I know what he said was terrible, but I have no doubt we can come back from this stronger and—

What on green Earth are you talking about? Humphrey asked.

Ruth couldn’t believe it. Loretta was the worst at holding her composure. She scurried over to her friend, taking her by the shoulders. Don’t listen to her. She’s had too much coffee.

I have? Loretta asked.

Ruth shot her a deep stare. Yes, by the pots. She regarded Humphrey. The caffeine has an odd effect on her.

Officer Humphrey eyed them both and grumbled. So have you seen Janice? Where is she?

Ruth shook her head. You know, I haven’t seen her since last night.

Yeah, when she was grilling us on the cleanliness of the kitchen, Loretta said under her breath.

Ruth elbowed her friend and said to Humphrey, She’s a busy woman, you know.

And I just sit on my rump twiddling my thumbs all day, Officer Humphrey said. He huffed out a breath through his nose. Well, it looks like you guys have a wedding to plan.

A wedding?! Ruth said. You’ve got to be kidding.

An excited squeal escaped John’s lips, and he clasped his hands to either side of his face. A wedding?! I’ve always wanted to cater a wedding!

Ruth shook her head. You’ve got to be kidding, sir.

Nope, Humphrey said. Last-minute wedding. That’s why I’ve been trying to find Janice. The wedding coordinator has been on my back all day.

We can’t do a wedding, Ruth said. And did you just say wedding coordinator?

Yeah, she’s around. Probably in my office, hence why I’m here. She won’t leave me alone! She’s been droning on about a venue and flowers and a cake. That’s when I thought of you and figured maybe Janice would be in here. He peeked around, still searching for his savior, Janice.

Doesn’t the Blue Dolphin typically handle weddings? Ruth asked.

Humphrey scoffed. Someone double-booked, and now they need a new venue, and fast. The Blue Dolphin already has two weddings booked this week. Apparently, they don’t do more than that. Something about giving their full attention to details or whatever. Humphrey relaxed his shoulders. I think I’ll just stay here and wait for Janice. It’s nice to have a full five minutes without that wedding coordinator bugging me. He let out a sigh of relief.

The door swung open, and a slender, energetic woman hustled in, her long auburn ponytail whooshing to and fro. There you are!

Oh, no! Humphrey cried. It’s the wedding coordinator.

The lady frowned. I have a name, you know. Have you found Janice yet? I need this venue so I can confirm with the bride.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Humphrey said. You know, I’m just a sea officer, right? I don’t do this wedding stuff. He waved his hands about as if trying to rid the very notion of a wedding.

The woman tapped her notebook with a pen. You’re the Chief Security Officer, she corrected. And I was directed to go to you with this last-minute wedding because you know the ship better than anyone else, and you know all the people who work here.

Then the woman turned her attention to Ruth, and a smile formed on her face. Hi. I’m Allison, one of the onboard wedding coordinators. I don’t think we’ve ever met.

No, I suppose not, Ruth said, putting out a hand. I thought weddings were done at the Blue Dolph—

The Blue Dolphin. Allison shook Ruth’s hand with a firm grip. Yes. But we are looking to expand to other venues on the ship. We have more and more couples yearning for a gorgeous at-sea wedding. It’s becoming popular. The Mermaid’s Dinner Room has been brought up as a potential spot, and I’d say it’s a very beautiful dining area, perfect for such an event.

You saw the dining room?

Well, I took it upon myself to scope out the place a little. Allison chuckled before turning to face Loretta. And you must be the other baker I heard about.

Pastry Chef, Loretta corrected.

Right. Pastry Chef. Allison shook Loretta’s hand.

John rushed over. And I’m John. I work with them. I’m so excited.

Allison’s smile faded into a weak grin as she watched John bounce up and down several times. Yes, they mentioned the rest of the kitchen staff. She regarded Ruth again. Anyway, I’ve heard so many great things about you, and after viewing the kitchen and dining room, I think this would be optimal for a beautiful wedding.

Thank you, Ruth said. But I’m not sure we have the manpower to pull off such a task—

Nonsense, Allison said. It’ll be easy. The bride wants a very simple wedding. So just the basics. I can go over all the details with you. How many are in the party, how many guests, hors d’oeuvres, dinner, desserts, and of course the grand finale, in the baking department of course, the wedding cake!

Ruth’s eyes went wide. Even a simple wedding didn’t sound so simple.

Humphrey rubbed his temples. I’m getting a headache with all this wedding talk.

Loretta leaned into Ruth. He thinks he has a headache now, wait until he catches wind about that smear video on the internet, huh?

Ruth waved her friend away.

Humphrey continued, Now that you all have met, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go back to my office. Humphrey sauntered away, heading for the exit. Find some aspirin, put a pillow over my head or something.

When the door shut behind Humphrey, Allison popped her pen behind her ear and opened her notebook. She pulled out two thick packets and handed one each to Ruth and Loretta. Loretta took the stack of clipped papers with an oomph.

So here are some of the details to get you started, Allison said.

Loretta arched an eyebrow. Get us started? Looks like we’re planning a party for the royal family.

Allison paused before chuckling. You are too funny. Anyway… She pointed to one of the pages, seriousness taking the place of her friendly smile. For tonight’s specialty dinner, she would like two of your famous cupcakes we’ve all heard so much about on the ship and her favorite dessert: dark chocolate Cabernet truffle made with the Cabernet Sauvignon wine and coated with the sweetened, high-quality Charfon Bergër cocoa powder.

John’s eyes lit up. Wow. I’ve never had the privilege of working with Chafon Bergër’s chocolate.

Ruth glanced up from the packet. We don’t use that brand on the ship. I don’t think we have any.

No worries, Allison said. I placed the order weeks before boarding, and I was notified that it has been added to the inventory for the bride’s special occasion.

Ruth tilted her head back in confirmation.

I think it’ll be best to pair such a decadent dessert with our boldest Cabernet Sauvignon, obviously, but the bride would also like champagne as well. Allison’s phone chimed. She glanced at the screen and frowned. Looks like I’m needed. I’ll catch back up with you two. I have to go talk to the bride and let her know that we have confirmed her venue at the Mermaid’s Dinner Room. She headed for the door. Before exiting, she turned around and said, She’ll be ecstatic! and, moments later, was gone.

Ruth scanned through the pages. Just like the woman had said, everything was in there and well organized.

Loretta swiveled her head toward Ruth, giving her the "do you believe this woman?" look.

Ruth stopped at the desserts. They were detailed, down to the colors, flavors, extravagant designs, and ingredient lists. She flipped back to the front of the packet. It read, The Wedding of Natalie and Thomas Hopewell.

John put his arm around Ruth and Loretta, pulling them in. Can you believe it? We’re doing a wedding!

Chapter 2

W ell, if we are doing a wedding, then I’ll need to get my hair done, Loretta said.

Why? John asked. You’re not in the wedding."

No, but pictures will be taken, and wedding pictures are one of the most viewed pics. I don’t want to be the one lingering in the background looking like this.

John shook his head and asked, So, when do we start?

I guess now, Ruth said, flipping through the packet the wedding coordinator had given them. We need to prepare desserts for tonight’s dinner.

Ooh. John clasped his hands together. I can’t wait to be in the presence of Charfon Bergër chocolate.

I wonder if we should run this by Janice first? Loretta asked. She is our boss.

Yeah, but Officer Humphrey gave us the orders, Ruth said. He’s of higher rank and the chief.

True, but Janice is louder and scarier.

I heard the chocolate is so rich and smooth that it looks just like dark velvet. John’s eyes were set on the ceiling, fantasizing.

Loretta shot him a skeptical look, squinting her eyes at him.

Ruth swatted the air. Janice isn’t that bad. She’s just stressed. The thing is, no one can find her right now, and I say we best get started before we run out of time.

Oh, who’s going to retrieve the chocolate? John asked.

Ruth smirked at him. Yes, John. Maybe you should go downstairs to the storage area and find the chocolate.

I’m on it! John said. I heard that the chocolate has to be at a nice cool temperature. Not the fridge, though. It’s too cold and harsh. He untied his apron and hung it. I hope they knew that when they stored it.

I’m sure it’s fine, Ruth said as John skittered out the door.

Loretta placed her hands on her hips. How come the wedding coordinator knew all about your cupcakes, but didn’t mention my chocolate soufflés?

Ruth thought about the last time they’d served Loretta’s chocolate soufflés. A man had dropped dead. Luckily, Cruise Dude hadn’t brought that up in the video, but it was still fresh in the minds of Janice and the other employees. Loretta, you heard Allison. The bride likes truffles. Now you know chocolate soufflés are not needed if they are having truffles. Both are so rich in chocolate.

The familiar click-clack of a set of chunky heels approached. The door swung open to reveal the always-serious, no-nonsense, executive chef of the ship.

Janice, Ruth said. Officer Humphrey has been looking for you.

Janice’s jet-black hair was slicked back in her usual tight bun, no make-up—except for the outline around her already dark eyes—and she wore her black slacks and white blouse. The clipboard in her hand completed her ready-for-business look as she marched with confidence. Never mind him. I’ve got bigger fish to fry. She looked around. Nice to see you both don’t have your eyes glued to a TV screen watching one of those horrid shows.

Which one? Loretta asked. The murder mystery or the telenovela?

Janice grimaced. Both. Anyway, I have an event for you. I know it’s last-minute but—

A wedding, Loretta said.

Yes. Janice cocked her head. How do you know?

Ruth stepped forward. Like I said, Officer Humphrey was looking for you. The wedding coordinator has been on his tail all morning.

Better him than me, Janice said, bringing her clipboard up. I have four weddings to oversee this time. Double than what I’m used to, plus all the dinners. She shook her head, scanning the paper in front of her.

We met Allison, Ruth said.

Janice peeked over her clipboard. "You have? Great! Sounds like you’re up to speed. She will be your go-to person for this trip, so if you have any questions, talk to her and treat her with the utmost respect like you