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    For Love & Without Love
    For Love & Without Love
    For Love & Without Love
    Ebook205 pages2 hours

    For Love & Without Love

    By JOHN G. ROBMAR

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    About this ebook

    A woman, strongly conditioned by the psychological legacies of her past due to the violence suffered, finds herself fighting "For love" against herself in order to reach the set life goals.

    However, she does not realize the suffering she causes to the people around her, forced to beg her love without getting anything in return. It will be life, with its unforeseen even painful events, to mark the path that the various characters will travel in search of denied love.

    The text, halfway between prose and theatrical production, will be able to thrill readers to the point of making them feel involved in the events in which everyone can recognize themselves.

    Reviews

    “Skillful and elegant novel that involves emotionally like witnessing a three-dimensional representation. Thanks for the preview.”
    Rosario Lo Franco, University of Palermo

    The author

    John G. Robmar
    Born in Misilmeri (PA) in 1947, from a family of humble peasants, since he was a boy he felt a particular propensity for the art of writing and for theater acting. Author of numerous theatrical texts known and represented in all regions of Italy, he also cultivates a secret love for poetry, with rare appearances in public.
    LanguageItaliano
    PublisherGiovanni Amato
    Release dateJan 4, 2021
    ISBN9791220245692
    For Love & Without Love

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      Book preview

      For Love & Without Love - JOHN G. ROBMAR

      grandchildren

      PREFACE

      Hi, I’m Carmen.

      I’ve always cultivated two great passions. Writing and a love of theater.

      When I told my parents I intended to write a novel about my, or rather our, life story and turn part of it into a play, so readers could experience it as if they were at a theater, they complied by describing in detail all those events you won’t find me personally involved in.

      This is why I’m able to relate the following facts and describe them in detail.

      Besides, I’m sure dear readers, you’ll be willing to allow me the use of imagination and inventiveness a writer needs, since this falls within what you could call poetic license.

      I will combine the reality of prose with what imagination might be needed for the play. In the latter, I will picture my own family members and myself, with fictional names and activities: on the hypothetical stage, my husband Dario, will be Giulio, a well-known lawyer, and I will interpret Teresa.

      I will not venture into overly abstruse descriptions or use high-sounding terms. In fact, I want this story to be easily understood by everyone so they can become aware of what is negative and to be avoided and what could be a symbol and incentive to enable us to seize those opportunities our everyday life offers us. This might encourage us to come to the rescue of those in need of help and love, especially when our efforts and feelings are directed towards children, young people, whose psyches must draw from sound teachings. Or likewise towards the elderly in need of help, since a lifetime of struggle and sacrifice may have deprived them of the strength to face their daily needs and problems.

      I was telling you about the novel of my family’s life history.

      But to do this I need to start a long way back. I have come to realize at my own expense, and unfortunately and more seriously at that of my children’s, that my life prior to my marriage has had a strong influence upon myself as a wife and particularly as mother.

      CARMEN AND DARIO

      It was almost nine in the morning when I placed my index finger on the bell next to a door upon which there was a plaque engraved with the words: LAW FIRM LAWYER. DARIO A…

      If you want to know my life story it won’t be that important to know surnames.

      A beautiful woman opened the door.

      My first thought was that she could have participated, with a good chance of success, in a Miss Italy contest.

      Daniela, tall and blonde with blue eyes, wore a stylish fashion label dress, enhancing her beauty.

      Even from the simple words Please come in I could clearly hear the sound of a warm, sensual voice.

      Good morning, I replied, I’m Carmen G …, have an appointment, for nine, with the lawyer. May I?.

      Come in, she said, the lawyer is waiting for you.

      She told me to wait while she would make my presence known and I stopped to admire the exclusive furnishing of the bright room.

      When I saw him, for the first time, he was facing the other way because he was gazing through the large window of his study.

      As soon as he sensed my presence in the room, he immediately turned around saying:

      Hello, excuse me but I was intent on watching the firefighters busy putting out a fire in the building opposite.

      The words came to me as if they were in the background, because my main attention was focused on:

      Two splendid blue eyes illuminating a handsome brown face.

      This was the first impression I had of him, on seeing him, Thanks for the compliment but let me be the one to tell you that Roberto has told me about your business profile and your stunning looks. Let me tell you, to be perfectly truthful, that as far as beauty goes you really have been blessed.

      Roberto was a mutual friend of ours and it was he who had praised my professional skills as an English, French, German and Spanish interpreter.

      A short interview on my Curriculum Vitae was enough for me to be hired.

      As majority shareholder and manager of the Legal Affairs Office of the International Petrol Company, Dario was often on missions abroad.

      In fact the following week, at ten in the morning, I was already accompanying him on a magnificent Us Airways plane heading for New York, looking through the porthole at an evocative landscape of clouds that looked like hills and snow-white canyons. It was the classic love at first sight; we were already in love.

      The taxi dropped us off at 1335 on the Avenue of the Americas and as soon as I got out, I looked around and found myself surrounded by enormous skyscrapers, indeed to be precise, I had the impression of being in front of huge fifty-story gold bars, such was the feeling of wealth they emanated.

      When we got to the Reception of the spacious New York Hilton Lobby, Dario, without asking me anything and with his usual discretion, ordered two single rooms.

      Preferably adjoining, I added, to his great pleasure, as I noticed from his eyes, seeing his pupils dilate and illuminate his gaze.

      Dario spoke English and French very well, but he didn’t know German and Spanish.

      Hence, the need for my presence.

      During the congress, which we were to participate in the next few days, I was able to put to good use all the sacrifices I had made in my studies. I was fully appreciated by Dario, who showered me with compliments while, at the end of an intense day’s work, we were sitting, by candlelight, at a table in the luxurious Grill 53 Restaurant.

      It’s late, he concluded, tomorrow we must leave, we’d better get back to our rooms and go to bed.

      I noticed from the tone of his voice that he deliberately wanted to emphasize this last sentence.

      His expectations had been disappointed when, on previous evenings, I had politely refused to let him into my room and just kissed him good night.

      Little had changed the night before. He had achieved the same result, but, to make up for it, I had kissed him with such passion, that I could clearly feel him being terribly aroused.

      We had returned.

      At the doorway of my room, he didn’t say a word, he leaned over, being taller than me, to kiss me and as he did so, I was pervaded by a sense of pleasure and fear at the same time, by voluptuousness and an inner trembling. I instinctively let him close the door behind him.

      We didn’t move far from the door. A little farther away, to the side of the carpet colorful square cushions were scattered. We descended, still kissing each other, to lie down on them and found ourselves naked and passionately clinging onto each other.

      Why are you trembling? he asked me.

      I didn’t answer him. My mind was elsewhere as tears ran down my face.

      Suddenly, when he was about to enter me, I was assailed by an intense tremor that caused Dario to stop. I felt his presence on the furrow of my lips and, as if armed by sudden strength, I suddenly threw him to one side and slipping away from underneath him, crying desperately, ran to lock myself in the bathroom.

      Carmen, honey, please open the door. Tell me what I’ve done wrong!.

      He had, lovingly, insisted that I open the bathroom door, these words made me come out.

      Please forgive me, I said, It’s not your fault. It’s a curse I’ve been carrying around for years, and I can’t get rid of it. Even though I try to force myself, try my hardest, it keeps coming back into my mind, taking me back to that damn evening.

      Let’s talk about it, Carmen, who knows, maybe I can help you in some way, he said, as he caressed my soft hair.

      I looked down at him sitting next to me, on the floor, cross-legged and I saw that his sex was curled up, like a kitten asleep between the legs of his mother.

      I was in my first year of university ….

      The words were interspersed with sobs and I explained to him how I had been brutally raped, as a virgin, by four boys in the throes of alcohol.

      He had kind and comforting words.

      However, we couldn’t go back to making love, in fact, to be precise, Dario absolutely avoided forcing me to do so.

      PRESENTIMENT

      I was sad on the morning I was boarding the plane that would take us home. I can’t tell you exactly why.

      A thousand worries were rushing through my mind, as if I had a presentiment that something was about to go wrong.

      While I was absorbed in my thoughts, I was distracted by Dario’s voice, who invited me to admire the clouds below through the porthole of the plane.

      Look, my love! Isn’t it a wonderful sight?

      The bad thoughts went away and we dwelled upon how the frenzy of life often prevents us from appreciating the beauty of nature around us.

      Upon how, at times, you discover the beauty, or even the very existence, of a monument, of a work of art after passing it by every day for years.

      Who knows how many times you passed me by before you noticed this masterpiece my mother gave birth to she said laughing.

      All thanks to the raw material provided by your father, Dario replied jokingly.

      My face darkened.

      This didn’t go unnoticed by Dario and he was asking me why this sudden change, when we were interrupted by a Pilot’s voice announcing:

      …and, therefore, we will be forced to change course and attempt an emergency landing ….

      The presentiment had become a reality. I don’t remember understanding anything else, I was already gripped by fear.

      I have such vague and confused memories of what happened that, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t be any more precise in the details.

      I don’t even know what Dario’s reactions were.

      I can write to you about sensations, confused memories, voices, cries of despair, pain, sounds and noises perceived as if, with eyes closed, I was listening, in dolby surround, to the scenes of a film on a plane crash.

      Shouting, shouting, shouting, just shouting. Followed by prayers.

      We’re falling!. We’re all going to die! God help us!. Mother Mary, save us!. Ave Maria ….

      It wasn’t an emergency landing on the runway, it was more of a crash onto the runway. A great din, almost a roar, screeching brakes, a spin, a collision I don’t know what, the plane tilts all over to one side, crashes and stops.

      Recover yourself from the shock, dear Reader, as I did after realizing that it was all over and we were all safe and

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