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    Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants
    Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants
    Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants
    Ebook104 pages2 hours

    Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants

    By Raven Kaldera

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    About this ebook

    In the world of Dominant/submissive and Master/slave relationships, new seekers often find an overriding ideal archetype of dominants, masters, and mistresses always being big and strong, and able to physically overpower and discipline their submissives and slaves. But what happens when the dominant is or becomes disabled, and requires caretaking from the submissive? This book is an anthology of the experiences of brave disabled dominants and the people who gladly serve them, and how they maintain their authority from the darkness, the chair, and even the bed. These stories are a bouquet of triumph and loyalty, and an inspiration to every temporarily-abled person who reads them.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLulu.com
    Release dateSep 10, 2012
    ISBN9781300180425
    Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants
    Author

    Raven Kaldera

    Raven Kaldera is a Northern Tradition Pagan shaman who has been a practicing astrologer since 1984 and a Pagan since 1986. The author of Northern Tradition for the Solitary Practitioner and MythAstrology and coauthor, with Kenaz Filan, of Drawing Down the Spirits, Kaldera lives in Hubbardston, Massachusetts.

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    • 5/5
      Really important topic. Some fresh ideas on the subject that are especially helpful.

    Book preview

    Hell on Wheels - Raven Kaldera

    Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants

    Hell On Wheels: Disabled Dominants

    Edited by Raven Kaldera

    Alfred Press

    12 Simond Hill Road

    Hubbardston, MA 01452

    Copyright

    Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants

    © 2012 by Raven Kaldera

    ISBN 978-0-9828794-4-3

    All rights reserved. Unless otherwise specified,

    no part of this book may be reproduced in any form

    or by any means without the permission of the author.

    Printed in cooperation with

    Lulu Enterprises, Inc.

    860 Aviation Parkway, Suite 300

    Morrisville, NC 27560

    Dedicated to my weasel-boy,

    whose devoted service gives me

    effectiveness in the world.

    We are the best team ever.

    Foreword

    This book came about partly because a progressive genetic illness pushed me into a place of disability, partly because I saw other disabled dominants struggling with the physical spaces and community myths of the BDSM demographic, and partly because I am determined to be an activist for everything that I am, in some way. That means building bridges between communities — long, slender threads that become stronger and sturdier as more and more people pass across them. It means speaking up in a way that will be the most effective for the future goals that you want to put in place, which is the purpose of this book. It exists to tell the stories of actual disabled dominants, to provide inspiration for others like them, important coping tips for both them and their s-types, and a window into this world for people who are, as some of my friends put it, temporarily able-bodied.

    If this book is a bridge across communities, it is only a limited one. Hell On Wheels deals only with physical disabilities, and only with dominants. I considered expanding its scope, but decided against it … because I feel that submissives with physical disabilities, and both dominants and submissives with mental illnesses and neurological problems really need their own books, where the proper space and focus can be given to their own specific issues. I hope to see those books come out in the future; with luck, this will be a seed to begin a grove of trees.

    The first thing that people need to understand is that not all dominants need to be tall and strong and able to throw someone to the ground. It’s true that when you have a disability, you’re at a disadvantage for any kind of dating, but it’s especially true when it comes to being a BDSM dominant looking for a submissive. While disabled s-types (submissives and slaves) have their own problems with getting significant others, it’s less socially penalizing to be an s-type with a disability, because it’s seen as a weakness, and it’s more acceptable for s-types to have weaknesses. Or perhaps I should say that in the mythos of the BDSM demographic, it is often ridiculously, unrealistically unacceptable for dominants to have any weaknesses whatsoever.

    There’s a kernel of need and fear at the bottom of that myth. When a person turns part or all of the authority over their life to someone else, they’re in a very vulnerable place. It’s understandable that in order to feel safe, they are going to want to believe that the person they’ve turned it over to is the strongest and most competent individual of all. A master or mistress who is often laid low by illness or cannot do many basic things for themselves may not make the s-type feel safe, utterly protected, and cared for on an irrational, emotional level … and, fair or not, that’s often the level that needs to be satisfied before the s-type can fully trust enough to give themselves over.

    There’s also the fact that there is often (though not always) a strong sexual fetish component to power dynamic relationships. Physical strength and health are associated with dominance in the minds of many people, and they don’t find the opposite sexy at all. While this too may seem unfair, it’s important to take a deep breath and remember that sexual attraction is never fair. It’s always fickle and subjective, and it wants what it wants regardless of what anyone might prefer intellectually.

    In addition, submissives and slaves each have their own internal scale as to what qualities mean this person is superior to them. Those qualities are not only extremely subjective and variable, they are often ruled by the aforementioned irrational level. For many, physical prowess is absolutely a requirement. They need a master who can literally wrestle them down, or they don’t feel moved to submit. On one particular online list for people in power dynamics, someone asked whether the s-types on the list would consider someone with dwarfism as a master. Fully half of them said no; for them, only a master who was larger, stronger, and able to dominate them physically could inspire them to surrender and obedience.

    On the other hand, that left half of the s-types on the list saying, Yes, I might, if it was the right person with the right dominant attitude. Not everyone has a superior list that includes physical aspects. For some, the M-type needs to be smarter than them, and able to out-think them. For some, the dominant needs to be fascinating and inspiring, or more experienced and knowledgeable about the world, or better able to hold to their moral code and be a good person. For others — like my own slaveboy — what’s superior is a dominant with far better self-control and greater willpower than the s-types in question. All of these qualities are quite achievable by dominants with physical disabilities, and they are often the reasons that our s-types give for why they follow us.

    The dominants who write these essays are brave, indomitable people who do not let their physical difficulties get in the way of taking charge of their lives … and the lives of others. Their sheer willpower, and their adaptability to the unfairnesses of life, shines through. The submissives and slaves who write about their beloved and respected masters and mistresses are loyal and dedicated people who do not let their M-type’s limitations get in the way of their own dedication. This is a book of pure courage and devotion, an inspiration to anyone who worries that brutal life circumstances will prevent them from getting what they want.

    One note on terminology: Several of the authors in this anthology, myself included, will often use the word spoons to indicate a discrete unit of body energy. This analogy was first made by Christine Miserandino, the creator of the website http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com, an online support network for people with chronic illnesses. She describes the spoon theory in an article on the website, where she tells the story of being in a late-night diner and trying to explain to a friend what it was like to live with a chronic illness. She grabbed up the spoons from nearby tables and used them as an abstract example — each spoon represented a unit of energy needed to do some small and basic thing such as wash, dress, or eat — and some days there weren’t enough spoons to do much of anything. Since then, many people with chronic illnesses and disabilities that impact their energy levels (and thus their ability to manage everyday activities) have referred to their units of energy as spoons, as in I’ve only got two spoons left, so I’d better get home while I can still drive. People now wish each other more spoons, and even give away little spoon-shaped pins as gifts. You’ll see that term used throughout the book by various authors who struggle daily to make the most of their limited spoons.

    May you all be as healthy as it’s possible to be, with more spoons than you ever expected, and have joy in bed and out of it, in the dungeon and out of it, in the community and out of it, in the circle of family and out of it, and in each others’ hearts and minds.

    Raven Kaldera

    May 15, 2012

    Being A Disabled Dominant

    Disability and Mastery

    Del Schlosser

    My name is Del, and I’m a monster.

    I’ve been part of the BDSM scene since the late 90s. I started out as a sub, did some pro work for some time, and as time progressed it became clear to me that I was not in fact a submissive but a top. The longer I topped, the more I got people coming to me who felt compelled to offer me acts of service, so I sought out various mentors who taught me what it was to be a dominant and a master.

    Physically, things have not been easy for me. I have an anomalous and undiagnosed neurological disorder that causes muscular and pain difficulties, as well as occasional cognitive difficulties. I have moderate mobility issues and varying amounts of stamina. I suffer from moderate to severe chronic

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