A Musician’s Paradox: The Ups, Downs, and Ebb and Flow of Being a Pensive Musician

A MUSICIAN’S PARADOX

The Ups, Downs, and Ebb and Flow of Being a Pensive Musician

Philosophical Discussions on Life, Human Behavior, Music, God, Relationships and a Reconnection With our Instrument.

TY KIERNAN

Copyright © 2016 Ty Kiernan.

Ty Kiernan

Solana Beach, CA 92075

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-5135-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-5137-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-5136-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016907053

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 9/2/2016

CONTENTS

Preface

Chapter 1 Why We Play?

Chapter 2 The Parallels Between Band Dynamics and the Love Relationship

Chapter 3 Pop Culture and the 1960’s; Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus Christ; the Power of Love

Chapter 4 Depression, Bars and the Philosophy of the Drunkard; Keep it Humble

Chapter 5 Effortless Mastery; Enter the East

Chapter 6 Bugs Bunny and His Most Astute Pliability; The Art of Logic and Good Character

Chapter 7 I Think, Therefore I Drive Myself Mad

Chapter 8 Defining One’s Character Through Predominant Personality Traits

Chapter 9 Nonconformity, Tattooed People and the Bigoted, Narrow Presupposition

Chapter 10 Perspective: Is My Life So Bad?

Chapter 11 Integration of Life and Music

Chapter 12 The Platitudes of Politics, the Game of Division: Kids Will Be Kids And Adults Will Behave Like Kids

Chapter 13 Supernaturalism of Music and its Transcendental Properties

Chapter 14 Anger and the Wrath of the Moody

Chapter 15 Defining God’s Character and a Word on Inner Religious Disputes

Chapter 16 Communication Breakdown: Enter the Technological Art of Human Avoidance

Chapter 17 Musical Mercenaries: To Play Or Not To Play: That Is the Question

Chapter 18 Meat, To Eat Or Not To Eat: Do Humans Torture Sentient Animals to Assuage Our Insatiable Appetites For Meat? If So, Why Do We Look Away?

Epilogue

Endnotes

Change hits hard and interrupts the equanimity of the id/psyche. How one deals with and accepts it is a test of manhood… The search for the content of the character is a process that is laborious to say the least.

- Ty Kiernan

DEDICATION

A fter the completion of this book, I pondered the dedication for approximately four seconds. I felt great relief in the fact that I could pull from a wide host of very inspirational people in my life, such as, my parents who have passed from this world, to living relatives, close friends and old inspirational writers. But as my brain computed at breakneck speed, only one person stood out as the vanguard of inspiration, my loving wife, Melissa. When I use the word loving, I mean that in its most literal, uncontestable sense. You see, Melissa is what one might refer to as a pure soul. She brings the best out in those she meets by her loving, compassionate and tension relieving nature. As her husband, I can attest to the fact that loving is not a job for her, nor is it a learned behavior. In the psychological theory of Nature versus Nurture, I’m convinced that Melissa possesses love by nature. She has pushed me, with an extraordinary amount of positive reinforcement, to complete this book and has never given up on the hope that people will enjoy reading it. I love and adore you Melissa Kiernan.

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

I would like to express my debt and gratitude to the following people who contributed greatly to the endeavor of this book: Phil and Mary Kiernan, Melissa Kiernan, editor Marjorie Rodgers, Eileen Myers, Steve Myers, Paula Mathis and all those who contributed to my Kickstarter campaign. I must add that the inclusion of a name in this list does not imply that said person necessarily agrees with the views expressed in the content of this book.

PREFACE

T he following philosophies, thoughts and meditations are composed and presented with the musician in mind; however, this book is not exclusively designed for the musician. The meditations revolve around the process of being human, asking philosophical questions to instill wisdom and sincerely seeking answers. That being said, I will be examining life issues, and specific issues that seem to weave themselves around the very psyche of the musician.

You see, in some cases, the working musician who has constructed his life around an instrument and playing in front of a live audience night after night, has positioned himself in a most interesting conundrum. This conundrum consists of frustration, insecurities and a dearth of understanding why we play music, all the while loving and not being able to give up this obsession with music itself, thus being torn between two worlds. For us, the musicians, music is life and life is music. I personally believe that music can transmute into wisdom, that is, raise our consciousness to help wisdom flow in us.

The thoughts presented in this book are just that, thoughts. I do not claim to be a philosopher or a psychotherapist; however, I do love and have a background in both disciplines, thus pulling from them often. I find both disciplines fascinating and believe that we have much to learn from the subject of being human, myself included. This, combined with a passion for music and/or the arts, makes for a bittersweet combo.

This book will often digress into philosophical thoughts and then tie back to the topic at hand. Because of this, you may find some of the information useful and some of it not so useful. I feel that almost every book has something to offer us. We all have many different ways of looking at the world at hand. Thus, there is always room to feed your head.

Emptiness the starting point. In order to taste my cup of water you must first empty your cup. My friend, drop all of your preconceived fixed ideas and be neutral. Do you know why this cup is so useful? Because it is empty.

- Bruce Lee, Striking Thoughts

We will be trying to ponder some of life’s issues; thus my digressions are not random. It’s my hope that you, the reader, may benefit from the philosophies found in these pages, and perhaps help raise your own consciousness as well as that of your friends and fellow musicians.

I will also quote a rather circumscribed group of philosophers and social activists that tie back into the discipline of music. I have personally found their thoughts and thought processes to be a boon in my life, which has, in turn, had a profound cognitive affect on my playing. Again, it’s my hope that you may also be inspired to pick up some of their works and possibly benefit from their wisdom. Wisdom is a beautiful word. In the Greek it’s pronounced Sophia. So much do I love this word, I had it tattooed on my neck. Some may question the wisdom of tattooing wisdom on one’s neck, but that engenders the most nebulous world of moral relativism: i.e., what one considers foolish, bad or crazy does not always follow for the next guy, society or culture. So let us leave it be for now.

We, the players, put our hearts, minds and souls out there every time we hit the stage. Ironically, we can sometimes feel more exposed in front of a small crowd rather than a large one. We also can have the tendency to get caught up in a rather superficial, callow world, known as the bar. We spend more time there in a month than most people do in a year or two. The bar also presents its own set of unedifying problems, which we will discuss later in the book.

My thoughts and meditations are designed to get us thinking in general (the non-musician) and assuage some of the anxiety affiliated with playing our instruments and performing. But more importantly, the thoughts and meditations are to help us understand what a gift it is to play our instruments and share the stage with people of like mind. For us to keep our sanity in this life of music, we have to find equanimity with our life, instrument, music and how we approach the shows.

I would encourage all musicians, before each show, to beseech what we would commonly understand to be God. I say this not because I’m wholeheartedly convinced of an omnipotent, all good and all powerful being, as I have many issues and struggle with the thoughts and concepts of God. I will certainly express my thoughts on said topic in the chapters to come, but to be candid, I’m not sure how much I have to offer in the way of originality. The greats have offered a plethora of arguments, for both the existence and nonexistence of God.

Personally, I would define myself as somewhat agnostic with a penchant for the possibility of the existence of an intelligent agent, which, in turn, engendered a First Cause, the law of causality. That is the relation between a cause and its effect or between regularly correlated events or phenomena.

In the vernacular, it’s stated that something can’t come from nothing, thus the biggest something, the Big Bang, must have been started by something or someone, perhaps God. First Cause is a rather tough one to get around. But, of course, this sparks the Who caused God? debacle. I would, however, submit that if God exists and is prodigiously above our thoughts and the laws of physics, time and space as we know it, and works on a different plane than us, then it’s possible that he, she or it always was, that is, always existed.

You will surely notice my agnosticism manifest throughout the pages of this book. Now, that being said, I would encourage prayer and meditation because it’s hard for me to deny the focus and positive outcome that prayer and/or meditation has on an individual and, by and large, on society itself. Meditation or prayer can often move a rather callow person into a more meaningful existence or state of mind. What I like most about prayer/meditation is it removes oneself from oneself and transfers focus onto something greater than I. This is a tremendous help in keeping one humble; humility is key to a good life.

Again, I do not perceive to know the mind of God, if God exists or why prayer would be necessary. Indeed if God is all-powerful, why would he/she/it need me to pray to get earthly results? The not so all powerful anthropomorphic world of multiple Gods, like in Santeria, that still need or crave the earthly barter system, would make more sense here. But, in the final analysis, results of prayer in the life of said persons are indeed noticeable.

I was a practicing Christian for a time and, through the influence of my teacher and years of conga drumming, became an initiate of Santeria. Santeria is the religion of the African slaves in Cuba, who implore the use of the Conga and Bata drums in their religious ceremonies.

Gandhi

I have also read a plethora of books on the subject of theology and philosophy by Rene Descartes, John Locke, Antony Flew, Bertrand Russell, Aristotle, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Augustine, the Buddha, the Dalai Lama, Martin Luther King Jr., John Stuart Mill, Socrates, the extrapolations on Jesus, Mahatma Gandhi, Bruce Lee, Alan Watts, most of the Bible, sections of the Bhagavad-Gita/I Ching and even the philosophy of Shaolin Kempo, which is tangentially related.

Does God exist or not? Is it design inference through specified complexity, such as DNA coding and cosmological anthropic principles, or perhaps random mutation, as in the Darwinian theory? Is it East or West? Well, I’m not sure, and like I said, it has left me rather philosophically agnostic on the subject. However, giving up issues to a so-called higher power/God, when you feel you just can’t control these said issues, works for a great number of people. I would argue a prodigious amount! Thus again, it can be most auspicious to tap into this mystery for your life and your musical endeavors. Even if you’re not convinced that there is a God, being at least open to the possibility for the existence of God can add a bit more meaning and interest to one’s life.

For me, the search for the possibility of God is something that stirs my thoughts and my soul. I will thus continue my search for as long as it takes and wherever it leads me. This thought is key to the thesis: mentally letting go of the material world, or sometimes, to some degree, just breaking a staunch existentialist thought process.

CHAPTER ONE

Why We Play?

Pride is a sense of worth derived from something that is not organically part of us, while self-esteem is derived from the potentialities and achievements of self. We are proud when we identify ourselves with an imaginary self, a leader, a holy cause, a collective body or possessions. There is fear and intolerance in pride; it is sensitive and uncompromising. The less promise and potentiality in the self, the more imperative is the need for pride. The core of pride is self-rejection. It is true; however, that when pride releases energies and serves as a spur to achievement, it can lead to a reconciliation with the self and the attainment of genuine self-esteem.

- Bruce Lee, Tao of Jeet Kune Do,

We have worshipped the god of pleasure only to discover that thrills play out and sensations are short-lived.

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A great number of players have lost, or perhaps never had, a good tangible and comprehendible understanding of why they play music. Such as, they play music for the wrong reasons, reasons other than the pure love of playing their instrument and making music. As a kid, I most definitely played music for the wrong reasons. For example: girls, acceptance, getting drunk, getting high, hiding my insecurities and so on. The stories are myriad and I’ll spare the reader the wannabe, nauseating rock star endeavors in which I saturated myself at the time.

It was all good and crazy fun until I came across players who were exemplary on their instruments, the trap kit at the time, and knocked my ego right off its high fucking horse! All the praise from others at that time couldn’t restore my ego. But, at the same time, I had too much pride to ask how they got so good. I thought I would come across as a sycophant and expose my insecurities. So, the wall went up and the practice time doubled. This helped a little, but didn’t do the trick. I just felt like I didn’t have it. And I didn’t.

My mind was egocentric and undisciplined! This life of thinking I was good, then bad, then good, then bad, would pretty much haunt me until I gave up kit drumming altogether. I gave up the pressures of not making it, getting signed to a major label, becoming rich and famous by a certain time, being jaded by meeting the same old people at the bars, and losing my sense of what I was and who I am. Am I a musician? Do I tell people what I do for work since I’m not a full time musician? All the thoughts that will inevitably tear you down as a player led me to throwing in the towel!

In retrospect, it was a necessary expurgation for me, as it led to my musical and spiritual epiphany. However, for some, it’s the end of their musical career. I’ve often found that people who take this line of action can end up being a little condescending to those who continue playing music. You still play music? I gave that up years ago! You know, you should get a real job!

____________________________________________

Musical Application and Aphorism:

Music, and the ability for one to play music, should be properly understood in its original context. When one takes much latitude and thus ignores, interpolates or forces his own history upon the instrument of choice, he acts as the egocentric narcissist, seeing only his own beauty. He is blind and even threatened by the beauty of others, insuring short-lived pleasure. Myopic is the musician that can’t unlock his own conciseness to see past himself. Transcend self and originality will flow.

A Musician’s Renaissance:

A rock and roll band is like a gang, or clan, or a family – often a dysfunctional one - that comes together to say something. Whether their message is revolutionary or nothing new at all matters just as much as – or as little as – or even less than – how they say it. In popular music, the message isn’t simply in the words and music; the musicians are the message too. They are representatives of the point of view, the opinions expressed, and the stories told in the music they create. Whether their image is manufactured, imposed, or an organic extension of the artist’s or band’s personality, it is their most powerful tool. As loud as their sound might be, their image will always be louder…

- Anthony Bozza

Shortly after I gave up the drum kit, I started studying the conga drums simply for the fun of it, which I believe is a great reason to play. Now, this was new to me, to actually study the instrument, its history and the social significance of the music itself. I first studied with a great, local drummer. Then, following a series of lessons, he sent me to a well-known master percussionist in San Diego who conducted group and private lessons. This is where I became hooked on the hypnotic tension and ebb and flow of the Afro-Cuban 6/8 feel!

There was something different about this instructor that I was mysteriously captivated by. What drew me in was not how extraordinary and well-versed he was on all drums, a true master. It was his spiritual persona that intrigued me. I had never met a player with that type of vibe before. He would wear all white, at times a robe, and would occasionally not shake your hand but rather touch elbows. He wore a plethora of multicolored beads around his neck and always had a number of minions following him around.

Santeria Temple

And, sporadically, he would give esoteric salutations to specific people at the drum class. But most of all, he was at complete peace with himself and with his instrument. Well, as it turned out, he is a titled Santero, one who is a priest or a saint from the religion called Santeria.

As a non-practicing Catholic, I had a very circumscribed understanding of God, theology and religion. My parents were not the most religious folks when I was a kid, but my father knew his Theology. So, this drum class, in which I was participating, was my first real exposure to religion and religious people. I most definitely had not understood this in the context of playing my instrument.

It’s my contention that if one understands that the genesis of music (vibrations) was considered praise to God, and not for narcissistic pleasure, then it may release the cognitive block that often hinders our playing and creativity. I don’t mean to imply this in just a supernatural way, although it very well may be, or to claim to have the panacea for a blocked player. What I do think is that it’s possible to change or reprogram, a common practice in psychotherapy, your understanding of the instrument and how lucky we are to be playing music.

I speak from my own experience, as an example of removing a creative block. I play the Conga drums. Technically, I play the conga (middle drum) and quinto (high drum). There is some debate if it is judicious to play the conga and quinto as your male and female drums or strictly the tumba (low drum) and conga together. The quinto is the solo drum and some feel it should only be used in a context such as rumba or bembe. The drums themselves, specifically the Bata drums, were and are used to connect with the Gods, orishas, saints of the paranormal in the sacred drumming of Santeria. It is believed that the drums, in conjunction with the players, can literally call down the orishas and the saints, which in turn mount or possess the dancers and the others present at the ceremony. Thus the drums provide answers to life’s problems.

For an excellent exposition on Bata drumming, pick up a book by John Amira and Steven Cornelius, titled The Music of Santeria, Traditional Rhythms of the Bata Drums. The Conga drum is also used in Santeria for bembes (celebrations) and guiros. Guiro is a musical salute to the Afro-Cuban orisha deity known as Eleggua. Eleggua is always addressed first amongst the orishas. The Conga drums had their historical roots in Africa, and then moved into Cuba during the slave trade where they are the main component for street rumbas. Rumba is a political, cultural and occasionally religious street celebration, which involves many drummers and dancers. Rumba has three specific sub rhythms, a family of rhythms: rumba guaguanco, rumba Columbia and yambu, the slowest of the rumba. ¹

Knowing specifically that the instrument I play has such an intense political and religious background keeps my respect for the drums high and my ego in check. Knowing the rich history of the conga drums has also been an encouragement for me to represent the drums as authentically as possible. Thus, having this background has indeed kept my playing spiritual and positive. It also drives the desire to keep progressing and moving forward as a player. I encourage those who play to investigate the rich background of your instrument, which will result in much more appreciation of your art.

So, back to the rebirth… I studied diligently and was soon out in the music scene again and playing the congas in a few jazz, rock, Afro-Cuban and funk bands. This time I had a fresh attitude about music and I was more focused on how to approach playing music. I soon found my way in a touring band that was selling out venues. But, still, there was something that was missing and absent in my music playing.

During this learning phase of mine, I was becoming extremely curious about Santeria and I decided to start asking my teacher about it, as he seemed to be a local vanguard in the religion. It was interesting to pick his brain on the topic, but he most definitely was aloof about answering particular questions, which only made it more intriguing for me. You see, I wanted what he had: God, infused with his instrument!

The first thing he told me to do was to read up on the topic of Santeria and assess and assimilate what I had read. Then if I was still serious, I could get back to him and he would answer my questions.

I will cover a bit more about Santeria, the religion of the African slaves in Cuba, later in this book. Although I’ve traversed a journey in Santeria and other religions, I basically still remain agnostic on the topic of God.

CHAPTER TWO

The Parallels Between Band Dynamics and the Love Relationship

T here are parallels between being in a band and being in a male/female relationship which are uncanny, to say the least. With my background in social work and the application of psychology used therein, I cannot help but look into these parallels and contemplate the situations.

The format and analogous style of this section was inspired by a book that my dear, late father had me read, titled Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. In the book, the author draws philosophical parallels and analogies of life’s problems from a somewhat mundane motorcycle road trip with his son. The parallels vacillate back and forth and were a little confusing and difficult to follow, but certainly left an impression on me. I will attempt to do this, what the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance did, more simplistically.

Before we enter the parallels of the relationships, first I will review the power of the male/female relationship of love. I label it the all-powerful because I believe it is indeed one, if not the most, powerful thing we experience as humans. I submit this poem, by an anonymous author, as evidence of the power of love.

Your eyes have entered my soul, leaving it in angelic disarray.

Your touch has tranquilized my very being; with no recourse, I’m consumed by this polarizing state, which seems to reach beyond reason and self-control. Indeed, I thought I knew love, indeed I felt the warm touch of others, and indeed it was Quixotic in its nature; for until I looked upon your eyes, heard your voice in my ears, felt your breath on my lips, touched your skin to mine, and felt the sweat of your body slowly warm my soul, I then, and only then, knew love. What I thought was real was just a taste of what you would bring to fruition, my love.

When one is found in this lovesick state of consciousness, it grips your state of being. I would argue that one might feel, metaphorically speaking, like one is in prison, unable to ignore or escape the feelings and emotions, which hold them in this euphoric, nebulous state.

At this point, we need a clear working definition of what type of love I’m discussing, as the term being in love can be described by many varying definitions. Certainly one can grow into love over an extended period of time, such as, I learned to love him/her. And one can love the idea of love. One can also reason that true love is found in the for better or for worse relationships (i.e., a lifelong partnership that holds through the cantankerous times). But for the purpose of this chapter, let’s focus on the falling hard and fast type of love.

In this chapter, I am going to compare relationship behaviors, which derive from a somewhat love addiction personality type in a partnership and playing music in a band. This personality type typically engages in the falling hard and fast type of love. This is conceivably not the most stable type of falling into love. And I’m cognizant of the fact that this type of love may not endure, if its foundations are grounded solely on emotions and nothing else. That being said, it’s probably the most passionate.

I have been in the grips of it once or twice. I find this specific type of love of interest. I also find the band life parallels very intriguing.

Additionally, I’m not referring to lust. For the sake of brevity, let’s set aside the feelings and actions of lust and concern ourselves only with the act of falling in love and the pain of heartbreak.

It has been said, The eyes are the windows to the soul. This could be true, not in the sense that one can extrapolate all truth from your lover’s eyes, but in more of a metaphysical way. For example, looking into your lover’s eyes can transport you into a very transcendent state of consciousness. When you are fixated on her eyes, she may seem to appear somewhat angelic. Alas, nothing around you seems to exist, just her eyes. Tunnel vision will soon ensue, and one may slip into a transitory, euphoric state of mind, as if one is high or not part of this world at all. One has to almost shake off the high, so to speak, just to get through the day.

The statements above are similar to what Aldous Huxley experienced while using mescaline, as chronicled in his book The Doors of Perception. However, his fixation was on colors and objects, which exploded with life. The similarities may lie in the angelic image or surreal feelings that often accompany new love. Some claim to have experienced much more vivid colors when overwhelmed with being in love, such as seeing the world anew, a religious feeling, if you will.

So how does this happen? Some would argue that this is nothing more than manmade romantic subterfuge and quixotic thoughts at best, or an insecure need to compensate for the black hole of loneliness. Well, perhaps for some this is the case. But who’s to say when someone is in love? Who’s to say what is and is not true for that person? The only one who can truly answer this question with any merit is the one who is in the grips of love itself.

Perhaps one may be in a hazy morass, an unfit state of mind, when under the influence of love, but I would summit that one is still able to reach down into one’s heart and know, with some certitude, if what they feel is real or not.

In reality, there are only so many idiosyncrasies that need to be met in a possible mate for one to fall in love. To further understand the science behind falling in love, I recommend reading The Science of Love, by Anthony Walsh, Ph.D. It’s an interesting exposition on what love is on a biochemical level and the impact love has had on society itself.

I have done some loose, ostensible field studies on being in love and found some interesting results. I was surprised to find, in both males and females, that an overwhelming amount of people have never experienced love in the degree that I’m discussing here. Experiencing this kind of love and the antitheses of the dreaded break-up and heartbreak, which could follow, can teach us a lot about ourselves.

Coming down from love or dealing with a break-up, can be extremely devastating to one’s psyche. One could experience the following, which could also be coping skills, when trying to get over a loved one. 1) You may turn in vain to others, while seeking a feeling that once came so naturally from the one you loved. I say vain, as one will quickly realize this feeling is not going to come to fruition with new said person(s). 2) Superimposing on people the lost idiosyncrasies that once made you feel so complete, so alive, with a true renaissance of the soul.

At times, after a break-up something said, seen, or smelled (olfactory) can be so prodigiously mnemonic, that one can literally shut down in tears on the spot! And the thought of your former lover in the arms of another is maddening, driving an otherwise sane man to a polarizing state of lunacy!

If your former lover has decided that it is best to truncate all communication between you and her, and you are still in love with her, it can indeed be debilitating, commensurate to a feeling of death, (i.e., it may seem your former lover has passed away). Basically, one’s world of seeing, sharing, and talking with said lover is dead. Therefore, one may experience a type of depressive grieving period that’s very similar to losing a loved one. Also, complete perseveration may set in, the nonstop thinking about said situation accompanied by an overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

When all is said and done, I hold fast to St. Augustine, and the old poet’s thoughts, "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

I progress to the parallels between a love relationship and the band dynamics.

Parallel 1) the unhealthy attachment or proclivity one can have towards his or her band, such as, My band is everything to me! Having an obsessive/unhealthy attachment, as opposed to a healthy attachment, to a band or mate can be distressing to say the least, as she/he may not feel the same towards you, or all of your happiness is contingent on said person (if they’re happy, you’re happy, if they’re sad, you’re sad), thus leaving you open for intense heartache. I’ve been there, and it’s not fun.

I’ve also witnessed other bandmates develop this similar attachment. In both cases, the same chemicals, endorphins and dopamine, are released in the brain, and the result, in this case, is the unhealthy attachment. Being in love with a mate, and being in love with music and/or playing music, can get the musician equally high, to a certain extent, and addicted to the high.

If you find yourself with the ‘obsessive attachment’ and the high that comes with it, it is certain that the despair will eventually follow. Here’s a typical example of how the separation unfolds. When you or your mate starts to come down from the high (brain chemistry gets low or returns to normal), you (the musician) may experience the same depression you do when your relationship with your mate comes crashing down. For example, you may experience a feeling of complete devastation from a breakup, in the sense that everything you were working towards with your mate is no longer, and you feel lost. Thoughts such as, what do I do now? Will I ever find someone as good to love me? Was I not good enough? Was I in the wrong? Was what we had real? Can I fall in love again? What do I do with my time? And the typical fear, did they meet someone else, and are they happier with that person? That’s the killer!

Now, apply this dynamic to each question relating to your band life and I think you’ll get the premise. Was it my playing? Will I find players as good? All that work for naught? Was the music really as good as I thought, or was I just fooling myself? Will I have to start all over? Not again!

It’s obligatory for us as players to maintain a realistic and macro understanding of our boundaries, and lessen our dependence on the band(s), so if a breakup does come to fruition the blow will not be as devastating. Built on my experience and the weight of probability theory, the chance of our bands at some point splitting up before we get a huge break from a label, or before some other outside entity can help keep the project together, is extremely high. Unfortunately, this is the norm and not the anomaly.

In my opinion this is not a defeatist attitude. One should not use this as an excuse to be lazy, or not to practice, or not to give as much as you can give to the music. On the contrary, as players we need to get back to a higher level of consciousness when it comes to making music and playing our instruments.

In the final analysis, enjoy and love the band and its members you play with, but be prepared to detach from it when need be. This is a mental discipline you must be prepared for.

Non-attachment as the foundation is man’s original nature. In its ordinary process, thought moves forward without halting; past, present and future thoughts continue as an unbroken stream.

- Tao of Jeet Kune Do, Bruce Lee

Parallel 2) The green-eyed monster. O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on…

Relationship jealousy can also parallel life with a band. In a love relationship, jealousy at some point is inevitable with most couples. The dictionary defines jealousy as: 1a: intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness. b: disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness. 2: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.

We all know how it goes and have been jealous at some point in a relationship. The root of jealousy seems