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    Gentle Connection
    Gentle Connection
    Gentle Connection
    Ebook154 pages5 hours

    Gentle Connection

    By Daniel Roth

    ()

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    About this ebook

    While there are many books about reaching children and controlling behaviors none of them are effective without the power of gentle connection. This book explains how we can reach hurting or scared children by promoting gentle connections. What children want most is empathy, compassion and to be heard. True growth can best occur within a relationship based on gentle connections

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGentle Connection Publishing
    Release dateNov 18, 2020
    ISBN9781005709761
    Gentle Connection
    Author

    Daniel Roth

    Daniel has spent 20 years as a special needs camp counselor at Wesley Forest. 20 years that have changed the way he sees the world. Currently Daniel spends alot of time helping at a Crisis Shelter in York Pa caring for children in crisis from birth to age six. The author may be contacted at: RothDanielF@gmail.com

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      Book preview

      Gentle Connection - Daniel Roth

      Chapter 1 – Even Me

      As a child I had a severe stutter (compounded with being small and not very athletic). It was not the occasional vocal stumble like J-j-jimmy Stewart (those of us old enough to remember him) but the kind of stutter where you were happy if two or three words in a row came out normally. Kids can be cruel, so I spent the better part of my grade school years trying to fade into the back of the class and avoid being called on or speaking. Anyone who has a stutter can relate to the fact that the more you try not to stutter the more you do. The two words most stumbled over are ’I’ and ’me’. These are words that draw attention to yourself. As you can imagine, this did a number on my self-confidence.

      I can still remember those adults that took the time to reach out. It would have been easy to overlook the quiet kid, but their small acts of kindness still resonate today. A special thank-you to Sister Francis, Ms. Smith, Father Adams, and Sister Elma. Each of them had an impact on me. In their presence I felt seen and valued. If you asked them, they would probably all think they did nothing special, but they would be wrong. They were each being themselves; encouraging every child, even those easy to ignore. They were all experts at creating Gentle Connections.

      Every day, by our actions or inactions, we impact those around us. We need to be intentional about making our interactions positive ones. I want to give the respect and encouragement to other children that was given to me. If you have not had good role models as a child, you can still try to heal the broken child in you by giving to other children what you wish would have been given to you. We can heal the broken child in us by building that Gentle Connection with children that need it. The best helper is often a wounded warrior; not someone who seems to have all the textbook answers but the person who lived the same struggle and came out on the other side.

      As a side note, if you know someone who stutters the best advice, I can give is to not draw attention to it by finishing their words for them. Let them finish. Do not tell them to slow down or calm down.  No matter how well intentioned, this only makes them more aware and will, most likely, have the opposite effect. They know they are stuttering and don’t need you to point that out. I once read a great quote (do not know the source) No one in the history of calming down has ever calmed down because they were told to calm down.

      These experiences developed in me a sense of empathy for the outcast and a heart for marginalized and hurting children. As I grew that heart led me to teach Sunday School and to help start a church camp for children with special needs (that I served at for 20 years).  My time at the camp changed me forever.

      While my confidence grew as I got older, I still had trouble picturing myself being used like the great men in the Bible stories I would share at camp or Sunday school. I could not see myself as a world changer like Moses, Joshua, or David. I would never part the Red Sea, see the walls of Jericho fall or slay Goliath.

      That changed one year at camp with the help of Cate. Cate was a cute little 10-year-old with Cerebral Palsy. She could not walk, had some use of her arms, and could only talk in short, forced breaths. When she arrived, I sat with Cate while her counselor and parents moved her things into her cabin. I calmly talked to her about the fun things that would happen at camp and promised that we were looking out for her. Her apprehension quickly turned to smiles. The hard D in Dan was too difficult for her so I became Him. When she needed help, and someone else went to help her, you would often here her ask for me by saying No, him help me.  We quickly developed a Gentle Connection. You have really been hugged when you are hugged by little arms that struggle to lift to hug you. Children search for the face that lights up when we see them. They search for the person that really sees them and tries to connect.

      One night I was laying in my bunk when I heard someone knock and enter. It was a counselor from Cate’s cabin. She said Cate was really crying and they did not know why. They knew we had a connection and hoped I could help. I got up and headed over. I hoped the power of Gentle Connection would help.

      The difficult thing about dealing with kids with speech difficulty is that when they are upset it is impossible to figure out what is wrong.  First you must get them to calm down, then begin the process of finding the issue. I could hear her crying before I even entered the cabin. I walked in and gently scooped my little friend up in my arms and held her close. By the time we reached the door the wail was down to a cry. By the time we sat on the rocking chair on the porch the cry was down to a sob.  I held her close and talked softly to her. In a few minutes, before we could even figure out what was wrong, she was asleep in my arms. 

      It was then I was reminded of the Sunday School stories I would share, and I felt like I heard a voice saying I did not need you to part the Red Sea because I perfectly made and perfectly prepared Moses for that. I did not need you to see the walls of Jericho crumble because I perfectly made and perfectly prepared Joshua for that. I did not need you to slay Goliath. I perfectly made and perfectly prepared David for that. But for this night, in the hills of central Pa, for this little girl, I perfectly made and perfectly prepared you for that.

      I realized that if I could go back in time and relive my childhood as the star athlete or eloquent class president, but it meant that on this night, this little girl would not have found comfort in my arms; I would decline the offer. God’s plan is perfect even if we cannot see it. God can use even me and even you. All our experiences make us who we are. It is our challenges and successes that shape us and help make us into who we become.

      I have spent many years working with children, like Cate, from many situations and backgrounds. For 20 years, I was a counselor at a week-long overnight camp for children with special needs. No matter how many years I went to camp one thing remained constant. I always left feeling like something special was given to me, not the other way around. I took seriously the awesome responsibility I saw behind the love and trust in the eyes of the campers. I can only hope they got a small percentage of what I did. I am not the same person that stepped onto those campgrounds decades ago. Because of the people, campers, and counselors, I had the privilege of spending time with each summer I am a better person. I have been taught the real meaning of courage, perseverance, and unconditional love. I have been shown a standard I can only hope to one day live up to. I am deeply indebted to each of them for that. They have also showed me the power of Gentle Connection. How true relationship was more important than any program.

      My last time as a counselor at camp was over 10 years ago. I ran into one of the counselors who still attended, and she said she had to show me a video on her phone. The video showed some of my camper friends acting out some silliness that we used to do together. I would pretend I

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