Everything I Never Told You

About the author

Ajay K Pandey grew up in the modest NTPC township of Rihand Nagar with big dreams. He studied Engineering in Electronics at IERT (Allahabad) and MBA at IIMM (Pune) before taking up a job in a corporate firm.

He grew up with a dream of becoming a teacher, but destiny landed him in the IT field. Travelling, trekking and reading novels are his hobbies. Travelling to different places has taught him about different cultures and people, and makes him wonder how despite all the differences, there is a bond that unites them. Trekking always inspires him to deal with challenges like a sport. Reading is perhaps what makes him feel alive.

You are the Best Wife was his debut book based on his life events and lessons. Apart from writing, he wants to follow his role model Mother Teresa and create a charitable trust to support aged people and educate special children.

After his debut book, Ajay has authored bestselling titles Her Last Wish, You Are the Best Friend, An Unexpected Gift and A Girl to Remember.

: AuthorAjayPandey

: @AjayPandey_08

: @author_ajaykpandey

: ajaypandey0807@gmail.com

By the same author

You Are the Best Wife

Her Last Wish

A Girl to Remember

Praise for the author and his works

Can an IT professional write bestselling books? Ajay Pandey, the author of two bestsellers would have an answer to this.

— The Hindu

Bhavna's last words become strength for Ajay, who lives to fulfil his promise of love.

— Business Standard

"... channelise his agony into writing. The result? Two best- selling novels, You Are the Best Wife and Her Last Wish, based on a true love story.

— The Asian Age

… a semi-autobiographical book on vanquishing loneliness.

— Mid-Day

… anyone who is going through a rough phase in terms of a personal relationship must read this.

— Deccan Chronicle

… Pandey beat the likes of JK Rowling and Devdutt Pattanaik to go to the top of the bestselling list in India.

— Mid-Day

… Ajay K Pandey hit the big league of pulpy romance.

— Quartz India

... a bestselling book is made.

— Scroll.in

The real love story will pull you in a pool of emotions.

— Jagran

"There are some books that are not just stories but reflection of realities of life. You are the Best Wife is one such book.

— WritersMelon

The Indian author has given reasons to believe that India has not only given good tech-heads, but are delivering literary moths too.

— The Truth India

…sold over a lakh copies… connected with the masses in a way no previous author has ever done.

— BookGeeks.in

The loving heart of a beautiful soul Bhavna, encouraged Ajay to fight back and start looking at life in a positive way.

— India Café 24

It is one of the purest, heart-warming love stories I ever read…

— Salisonline.in

Everything

I Never

Told You

Ajay K Pandey

Srishti Publishers & Distributors

A unit of AJR Publishing LLP

212A, Peacock Lane

Shahpur Jat, New Delhi – 110 049

editorial@srishtipublishers.com

First published by

Srishti Publishers & Distributors in 2020

Copyright © Ajay K Pandey, 2020

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

This is a work of fiction. The characters, places, organisations and events described in this book are either a work of the author’s imagination or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to people, living or dead, places, events, communities or organizations is purely coincidental.

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

Some ideas shared in the book are inspired from spiritual books and readings, with inputs from the public sessions and articles on Sadhguru from the Isha Foundation and Speaking Tree.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Publishers.

Cover concept: Saurabh Garge. Cover picture: Pixabay

Printed and bound in India

Dedicated to Mr Roshan Dixit.

Thanks for allowing me to make modifications in your story.

We can live without a religion, but we cannot survive without human emotions.

–Soha

Acknowledgement

Hi friends,

The idea of writing this book sprouted when I met Roshan and Soha. I was so taken in with how these two have made their love story a success. I have been wanting to write about their story and struggle ever since. However, I have changed a big chunk of their real life experiences into fiction for this book.

My deepest respect to my entire family that stood by me and decided to take each step with me.

Heartfelt gratitude to the exceptional team at Srishti Publishers for the superb guidance, with a special mention of Jayanta Bose, Arup Bose and Stuti.

Love and thanks to Merril Anil for her contribution to the book.

Many thanks to my friends from the film world – Adit Singh and Prashant Bhagia.

Thank you, Satish and Gautam sir for showing your faith in me.

A big thank you to my readers for accepting my crazy stories.

I am quite active on Instagram and Twitter. Please do connect. I make it a point to reply to each and every message and comment that I get. Believe it or not, it is you who have made me what I am today.

I take this opportunity to thank all the wonderful hearts who stood in my support in their own individual way. Your reviews and feedback are the silent but efficient way to promote an author. Thank you for making me an author, though I would always politely ask you to treat me as your author friend.

Never surrender!

Ajay

1

Roshan

'A re you sure you want to do this? ’ Soha asked for the sixth time. She knew very well how difficult it had been for me back then. And now, even after all those years, it was still almost impossible.

We had been discussing the same thing for the last few hours. Was it morally wrong? I was not sure. Life seemed to have come full circle. I had been in this situation in the past too. Back then, it was Soha’s father. Now, I had to face my own son.

‘Am I doing something wrong?’ I asked Soha, noticing the obvious worry on her face.

‘It is not about right or wrong, Roshan. It’s just that sometimes, it is impossible to make people understand… to make them see things from your perspective.’

‘But so much has changed since then, Soha.’

‘Oh yes, it has. Back then, you were twenty-five. Now, you are almost forty-five years old.’

‘I am forty-six, and a couple of years older to you.’ I smiled.

‘Oh! We are old.’ She smiled back.

A lot was said in that one statement, without any words. I looked into Soha’s eyes and saw all the years between us, the years we had lived without each other.

‘Will you be able to face the society?’ she asked. ‘I will face everyone.’

I knew she was checking my confidence. She went into the kitchen, cleaned our now-empty coffee mugs and placed the coffee and sugar jars back to their shelves. She moved around the house like she had always belonged here. In the midst of all this, she kept looking at the clock. Anuj would be home from school any time now, and it was obvious that she was in a hurry to leave. She did not want to face Anuj.

Anuj, my seventeen-year-old son is the only treasure in my life. I lost my wife Manisha four years back, when Anuj was just about fourteen. He was a darling to his mother, and his overly-emotional teenage mind and heart took a long time to come to terms with the loss. Even in Manisha’s last days, Anuj refused to leave her side. It badly affected his studies and I had to send him to Alisha’s house often. Alisha was Anuj’s maasi, Manisha’s younger sister. She was the only mother figure in Anuj’s life now.

‘Okay, I have to reach the clinic. I won’t be able to come tomorrow, because I have a surgery scheduled,’ Soha said, collecting her belongings and searching for her shoes. She was a gynaecologist, running a clinic in Rohini. Strangely, she had been certain about her life goals, even as a child. She had always dreamt of becoming a doctor.

There was no fatigue in her personality, even though she had been managing that clinic single-handedly for ten years now. Her elder brother was settled in Germany, leaving her to be the sole owner of everything that earlier belonged to her father, Dr Khan. I often wondered how she would have managed all that alone. But I knew her well. One of her traits that stood out and helped her beat the world was – she had mastered the art of saying no to others. She knew that saying no to others often meant saying yes to herself.

She hailed from an affluent Muslim family and her father always stood by her decisions, like a rock solid support. Late Dr Khan used to be a leading surgeon at Noor Clinic in Rohini. He had built the clinic from scratch and Soha was practicing in the same clinic. After her father passed away, she took over the clinic and expanded it to make it better equipped and all-encompassing. Today, Noor Clinic, with its two-storied building, was much more than a small clinic that it once used to be.

We grew up together, studied together, laughed together and even struggled together. In fact, a lot happened in my life after we parted ways. Everything changed in an unrecognizable way. Although I was not the same person anymore, it seemed life hadn’t been able to change her much. She was just the same, how she used to be so many years back.

She broke my chain of thoughts with, ‘I am leaving, Roshan.’ I nodded in response.

‘You will have to talk to Anuj today.’

‘Yes.’ How could I forget!

‘I have a suggestion for you,’ she said calmly, looking into my eyes without blinking.

‘I don’t think I am in the mood to hear any today.’

‘I know, but just one last thing.’ She had always been like this – unstoppable. She was an ocean of advice.

‘Alright, say it, please. You won’t be able to rest in peace otherwise,’ I gave in.

‘You should talk to your son more often...’ Before she could finish her sentence, there was a knock at the door.

‘Shit!’ Soha panicked.

‘Relax, there is nothing to worry.’ Anuj knew Soha, but he had never asked me anything about her.

‘I am not ready to face him,’ Soha said softly. I did not react and opened the door, although I was a little nervous myself.

Anuj stood at the door. His eyes met mine and then landed on Soha. His face turned stiff for a moment, but he walked in and took a deep breath.

‘Namaste auntie!’ He greeted her with a poker face.

‘Hi beta, how are you doing? Hope you are taking those medicines I gave you for fitness. Oh, and congratulations for your exam results. Roshan told me you’ve done really well,’ Soha said along with the usual pleasantries.

His formal greetings had unceremonious hesitations. He nodded and moved directly to the washroom.

‘I will leave now, Roshan,’ Soha broke the eerie silence in the room.

I nodded, unable to say anything else amidst the awkwardness that was choking both of us.

I knew it was an unexpected situation. I had wanted Soha to meet Anuj, but unfortunately, not this way. I went into the kitchen to make some coffee for Anuj.

Anuj was still in the washroom. I realised he was taking longer than usual and it worried me a little. I went near the washroom door, to make sure he was fine. It seemed like he was struggling to breathe, had ragged and uneven breathing. Was he sobbing? After a few seconds, there was dead silence. I wanted to break open the door. I raised my hand to knock at the door, but it opened just then. His red eyes and face soaked in disappointment spoke volumes.

‘Sorry, something had fallen into my eyes. You can use the washroom now,’ he told me and moved to the couch. He dug out his phone and stared into the screen. I stood fixed outside the washroom, while he pretended to be occupied on his mobile.

I sat next to him and tried to look at his phone screen. He was re-tweeting some tweet about how Hindus are in danger. I placed my hand on his shoulder, but he did not react to it. It seemed Twitter was more important to him than I was.

Today was a big day for him. He had topped in the class XII results that were recently declared. I was hoping he would come home beaming. But more than anything, he looked glum.

‘How are you, Anuj? How was your last day at school?’

‘It was good. They gave me the Best Student award and invited me to the annual day celebrations.’

‘That is good.’ I tried to cheer him up.

Then why were you crying in the washroom? I wanted to ask with all my heart, but couldn’t summon the courage.

‘Papa, I am getting late for the gym,’ he said, getting up. ‘Wait, Anuj! I want to talk to you.’

‘About what, Papa?’ He still held his phone, deliberately avoiding eye contact.

I guess we both understood what the topic of discussion was going to be. He gave me an expression which said I was wasting his precious time.

‘Anuj, I am sure you are mature enough to understand this... now that you are going to be eighteen soon.’

‘What happened, Papa?’ He stopped staring at his phone and looked directly at me.

Anyone could make out that he had been crying with one look at his red eyes. I had no idea why we did not talk as much as we could have. He was so close to his mom, and when he got to know she had cancer, he spent a lot of his time with Alisha. I was so busy with managing and balancing the finances and work, that I lost out on a lot with him.

‘Beta, why were you crying in the washroom?’

‘Is that really what you wanted to talk about?’

‘No.’

I took in a long breath and memories of years ago came flooding. Of the time when I was equally nervous, when I had to speak to Soha’s father.

‘Son, I wanted to discuss something really important.’ He made a face, but I wanted to make sure I spoke to him clearly, in detail. ‘When your mom left us, she took a lot with her. I loved her. I still love her.’

‘Papa, I have a request. If possible, do not involve mom in this,’ he interrupted me.

I understood that I had to come straight to the point before things went horribly wrong between us.

‘I want to get married.’

His red eyes and stiff face gave me a heart-piercing look. ‘Are you asking for my consent or informing me?’

He had never spoken to me like that. I am an advocate by profession, and have had my fair share of heated arguments and angry faces, but this was different.

‘I want your support in my decision, Anuj.’

He took out his phone and checked notifications. A few seconds later, he stood up and started walking away.

‘Don’t you want to know who the person is?’ I called out.

‘I