Rest Now: 7 Ways to Say No, Set Boundaries, and Seize Joy

"If you are ready to be set free from the nagging stress of feeling chronically overwhelmed, then Rest Now is the book you have been looking for. Filled with practical takeaways and transformational ideas, it is sure to gain a place at the top of your favorite books list."

Mandy Arioto, president and CEO of MOPS International

"We all need a friend who understands the struggles of life. More importantly, we need a friend who points us to Jesus. Kelly Balarie does both in Rest Now. With transparent and tender compassion, Kelly shows us how to access the peace of God—as well as His joy—even in the midst of chaos."

Joanna Weaver, author of Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World

"I jumped at the chance to read Rest Now—not just because Kelly Balarie is known for her positive encouragement but because I am so tired. God’s true rest eludes me. If I’m being honest, I am so far from living in that place that I don’t even know how to aspire to it. Rest Now is full of practical advice for identifying the lies we tell ourselves that keep us from being able to embrace rest, as well as straightforward tips for overcoming the barriers we’ve put in the way of getting there—and ways to implement boundaries so we can remain there. This book shows us we can have that beautiful, peaceful life of rest God promised. Not someday. Not later. Now."

Kelly O’Dell Stanley, author of Praying Upside Down, Designed to Pray, and InstaPrayer: Prayers to Share

"In Rest Now, Kelly Balarie provides a real-life and applicable antidote for all who find themselves shuffling for approval in the pursuit of more, busy, and perfection: the ability and the wisdom to rest in the here and now, knowing we were made for this life by a God who simply wants us to rest in His arms when we feel weary."

Kara Lawler, author of Everywhere Holy: Seeing Beauty, Remembering Your Identity, and Finding God Right Where You Are

"Kelly helps you dig deep into why you may not be experiencing true rest. She lovingly walks you through practical and biblical solutions to get the kind of rest that brings about transformation, freedom, and success. This book is a must-read!"

Rebecca Garcia, founder of Christian Women Entrepreneurs Network

Reading Kelly’s book reminds me of the beautiful relationship between sisters—with Kelly taking the role of a spiritual sister for her readers. She guides us through pages of wisdom and personal stories. Most evident is her heart for listening. In each chapter, Kelly brilliantly identifies challenges, applies a biblical solution, and assigns an action plan. Her book will impact several generations. Perfect for mentoring, book clubs, or small group discussions.

Christine Abraham, founder and executive director of Bible Cafe Ministries, BibleCafe.org

"Rest has always been a recurring theme in my life. No matter the season I am in—wife, mother, entrepreneur—God reminds me of His gift of rest. Then Kelly comes along in her book to remind me rest is for now and not just for later. This book helped me to understand total rest in God includes boundaries for myself and others. I am encouraged by knowing I can set boundaries, seize joy, and rest in God. Thank you, Kelly, for this much-needed book for the body of Christ."

Roshanda The Rosho Live Pratt, storyteller, live video strategist, and producer

The fact is, I didn’t want to rest now. I felt like I was bad at it. I’d rather run my furious race on the hamster wheel of life and skip the inner soul work. But Kelly has a way of cheering us on and leading us to healthier practices. There’s no one more gracious and loving to encourage us toward greater peace and joy.

Melanie Dale, author of Calm the H*ck Down

"Full of practical application and a few touches of ‘ouch’ from conviction, Rest Now partners with the Holy Spirit for specific wisdom and boundaries to be able to navigate and put wholehearted focus, effort, and work into what God is calling us to build. This book has me declaring its truths aloud and asking for forgiveness when I feel a check in my spirit."

Adrienne Young, author of Declare & Establish, Women Who War, and Don’t Go Thrifting Without Me

"In Rest Now, Kelly Balarie’s unique gift of storytelling, relevant spiritual insight, and raw humanity beautifully collide. The result is a deep and wide panorama of Christian self-care for hurried and harried souls. From the very first lines of the introduction, you feel her brand of authenticity. The lessons are fresh. The approach is practical. The spiritual impact will be deep. So, get ready to be redirected and restored to strength in Christ as you revel in Kelly’s hard-won truths. Don’t wait! Read it and you will surely rest now. It’s time!"

Marlinda Ireland, DMin, cofounder of Christ Church Rockaway & Montclair, New Jersey

"There are few writers who resonate with my understanding of life and the joys and challenges of truly desiring the life God created us for like Kelly Balarie. Kelly writes in a way that makes me think that she has been ‘in my head’ or ‘reading my mail.’ When I read her, I hear Kelly’s voice as if she is speaking the words to me. And as she shares about herself, she somehow holds up a mirror so I see myself in most of her own stories and circumstances. I sat down to read Rest Now and ended up feeling like it read me. Kelly outlines practical pathways to live a life of rest and renewal that will satisfy the most restless of souls through some of the least-practiced spiritual disciplines—along with showing us how to create boundaries that help us maintain a lifestyle of rest that represents the life Jesus intended for us. This book is a gift for all of us who are becoming."

Dan McCandless, pastor of leadership development, Black Rock Church

This book speaks right to the heart of this recovering prodigal who spent many years trying to make up for past mistakes. Kelly reminds us that doing or being more isn’t the way we get to deep, soulful peace. Instead, it comes from intimately knowing God, knowing who He says we are, and learning to resist anything that tries to corrupt either of those things. It’s a must-read for any Christian woman, especially those in leadership!

Angela J. Herrington, MA, LSCC, online pastor and life coach

Kelly opens our eyes to the emptiness of the culture’s attempts to fill our God-shaped vacuum with more people, possessions, or position, and she gives us biblical and practical steps leading us to the only One who can—Jesus.

Sharon Jaynes, bestselling author of Enough: Silencing the Lies That Steal Your Confidence

"Rest seems like it should be simple, yet why is it so evasive? Perhaps it is because we have a one-dimensional view of what rest means and how to experience it. In Rest Now, Kelly brings her honest, enlightening, and refreshing perspective on how to make rest our reality. With heartfelt prayers and practical application, she leaves readers equipped and encouraged to rest."

Lisa Bishop, director of women’s ministry at Park Community Church in Chicago, IL, and founder of Living a Life Unleashed LLC, doyoulalu.com

Not only is this book engaging and well written but it also taps into the universal weariness that’s numbed American society. As Kelly beautifully reminds us, there is hope—hope to overcome the fear, anxiety, and depression defining our generation through the strength and love of Christ. With humility, real-life stories, and actionable steps, Kelly shows us how to make rest a natural rhythm of life and reclaim our joy. She leads us to a place of peace that speaks to the soul.

Kari Kampakis, author of Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter and 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know

© 2020 by Kelly Balarie

Published by Baker Books

a division of Baker Publishing Group

PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287

www.bakerbooks.com

Ebook edition created 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

ISBN 978-1-4934-2769-7

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations labeled AMP are from the Amplified® Bible (AMP), copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

Scripture labeled BSB is from The Berean Bible (www.Berean.Bible), Berean Study Bible (BSB) © 2016–2020 by Bible Hub and Berean.Bible. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2016

Scripture quotations labeled MSG are from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Scripture quotations labeled NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Italics and/or boldface added to Scripture quotations represent the author’s emphasis.

The author is represented by MacGregor & Luedeke Literary Agency.

Some names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

God, You know I don’t do things perfectly,

but You love and want me anyway.

For this, I am grateful.

May my imperfect words

be a blessing unto You.

Contents

Cover    1

Endorsements    2

Half Title Page    6

Title Page    7

Copyright Page    8

Dedication    9

Introduction: Rest Is Now    13

PART 1  OUR UNREST    23

1. Our Endless Pursuit of More    25

2. What Is Your Truth?    35

3. How You Think    47

4. Recovering Prayer    59

PART 2  THE SEVEN WAYS TO COME AWAY    75

5. The Way of Weakness: Encounter the Kingdom    81

6. The Way of Humility: Sit in God’s Care    97

7. The Way of Forgiveness: Embrace God’s Compassion    113

8. The Way of Focus: Become Worry-Free and Peace-Filled    129

9. The Way of Less: Enjoy the Presence of Gladness    143

10. The Way of Words: Refresh Your Soul    155

11. The Way of Christ in Us: Be Led to Greater Things    167

PART 3  SET BOUNDARIES    179

12. What Boundaries Are and Are Not    183

13. The Heart of Boundaries    195

14. Executing Boundaries    209

Conclusion: Encouragement as You Go on Your Way    227

Group Study Questions    235

Acknowledgments    245

Notes    247

About the Author    251

Back Ads    252

Back Cover    255

Introduction

REST IS NOW

I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

Jesus (John 14:27)

I’ve always wanted rest. But I’ve never known how fully to get it—or live from it, for that matter.

I grew up as the oldest of six kids. I was the responsible kid, the in-charge one. I knew what needed to get done and how to accomplish it. Birth order demanded this—or so it seemed. When summer break ended, I reminded my mom of everything on the school supply checklist, ensuring nothing was forgotten. When a family member was unhappy, I sat with them to comfort them. When a sibling had a problem, it was my problem too.

One sister made a habit of skipping school. Because we attended the same high school, I constantly checked on her. I missed my classes to make sure she attended hers. It didn’t make any sense; I was doing what she was doing. Either way, I was going to keep her in line. One time I got all up in her face because she was hanging out with the wrong people. I pushed her up against a cabinet and yelled in her face.

Taking care of everyone will always take its toll, emotionally. It certainly took a lot out of me. I just wanted my siblings to go the right way. I cared a whole awful lot—or so I convinced myself.

Around the college years, my second-oldest sister said she was moving to Hawaii. I remember how jealousy came over me. It was so easy for her. So simple. She could just up and go. I couldn’t leave. Who would take care of everyone? There were people in my house who needed taking care of—or so I thought. How could I leave them? Abandon them? Not be there for them?

The responsible side of me said that things would not be okay without me. That I wouldn’t be okay if they were not okay. Now I see that maybe this was just the prideful side of me talking.

Around this time, I developed an eating disorder. I don’t know why. My parents loved me. I had a great family. But I became a nervous wreck. I spent hours in the computer lab searching for the perfect job. I tirelessly worked to achieve all that was expected of me. I drove myself hard.

Finally, rather than jealously wanting other people’s lives, I moved—to California. There, I still struggled with an eating disorder. To make matters worse, I got myself that perfect job but hated it. The issues started with the interview. I acted like their ideal candidate. I studied the company’s web page. I projected everything they wanted to hear. But whoever I pretended to be—it wasn’t me. It was an idealized version of their dream employee. The interviewers loved me and hired me, but I hated every second of that job. I hated the fear I felt because I had to be someone else. I hated the stress. The work was boring and headachy and required long hours. Tiring. Monotonous.

I just went on, acting like someone I wasn’t. One of the worst tortures of life, I’m convinced, is being anyone other than who God created you to be.

It’s just what people do, isn’t it? You do what you do—until you hate life and can’t bear it anymore.

I left the job after a year. Following that, I bounced around from job to job and idea to idea. I could be a real estate agent. No, I’ll be a waitress. No, I’ll work in technology. No, I’ll start up my own business. No, I’ll blog about food. No, I’ll start chef’s dinners that travel all over the nation.

Then I landed in a position doing corporate work. Rest seemed like being really great at things. Getting to a certain level. Being my best self and living my best life, or something like that. So I aimed