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Lost States: True Stories of Texlahoma, Transylvania, and Other States That Never Made It
Lost States: True Stories of Texlahoma, Transylvania, and Other States That Never Made It
Lost States: True Stories of Texlahoma, Transylvania, and Other States That Never Made It
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Lost States: True Stories of Texlahoma, Transylvania, and Other States That Never Made It

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Everyone knows the fifty nifty united states—but what about the hundreds of other statehood proposals that never came to pass? Lost States is a tribute to such great unrealized dreams as West Florida, Texlahoma, Montezuma, Rough and Ready, and Yazoo. Some of these states came remarkably close to joining the Union. Others never had a chance. Many are still trying. Consider:

• Frontier legend Daniel Boone once proposed a state of Transylvania in the Appalachian
wilderness (his plan was resurrected a few years later with the new name of Kentucky).
• Residents of bucolic South Jersey wanted to secede from their urban north Jersey
neighbors and form the fifty-first state.
• The Gold Rush territory of Nataqua could have made a fine state—but since no women
were willing to live there, the settlers gave up and joined California.

Each story offers a fascinating glimpse at the nation we might have become—along with plenty of absurd characters, bureaucratic red tape, and political gamesmanship. Accompanying these tales are beautifully rendered maps detailing the proposed state boundaries, plus images of real-life artifacts and ephemera. Welcome to the world of Lost States!
LanguageEnglish
PublisherQuirk Books
Release dateJun 3, 2014
ISBN9781594747526
Lost States: True Stories of Texlahoma, Transylvania, and Other States That Never Made It

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Who wants to live in the breakaway territory of Nataqua? Apparently no women did, so it failed to acquire the population necessary for statehood. Anyone favor living in “Transylvania”? It was a failed state, in what would later become Kentucky, proposed by Daniel Boone. How about the state known as “Chicago”? You read that last sentence right, the great city of “Chicago” once had aspirations of becoming its’ own state. This was mostly born out of anger at not having enough representation in the state government (being outvoted by farmers makes one think of revolution). This book is full of many more cases of states, some crazy (like Boston as a city-state) and others rather logical (such as a better division of Idaho, Washington and Oregon) as well as the details behind the division of the Dakotas, the reoccurring attempts at New Jersey and Maine divisions and the desires of Long Island to separate from New York and become its own state. “Lost States” is a walk down the popular Historic Lane of What Might-Have-Been. It is a series of engaging, interesting, funny and surprising tales, all contained within a book less than 200 pages long. Each “failed state” has the pertinent details behind its creation attempt described and also includes either a map of the period with the state on it, or one of the author’s own creation. These short little snippets of our forgotten history help to illustrate the parts, politics, population, foreign policy, state and federal governments, environment, human temperament and sheer randomness played in the creation of the country we know today as the “United States of America”.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Have you ever met someone who was born in the state of Absaroka, Forgottonia, or State X? Maybe you have met someone just over the border from State X in State Y. Where are these little known states? Maybe a better question would be, “Where were they?” But, that would not be entirely accurate, since they never actually existed, that is, except on some old map or in the minds of their advocates. In Lost States: True Stories of Texlahoma, Transylvania, and Other States that Never Made it (Philadelphia: Quirk Books, 2010), Michael J. Trinklein has put together a most delightful book about the many interesting states that never made it to full statehood. There were many of these might-have-been states in our nation’s history. Some would have made perfect sense, as for example Superior (the upper peninsula of Michigan) or South California. South California was a proposal made in 1859, when California had a population easily calculated on one’s fingers and toes. The advocates of this mutilation of California, led by a wealthy landowner named Andres Pico, wanted to name their state “Colorado.” The proposal failed, but the name survived.The course of history was not kind to these “states.” The Gold Rush seems to have doomed the idea of dividing California. At least in California’s case, the idea is not totally dead. It keeps coming up again and again. And why not? Many residents of northern California would love to be rid of southern California and all its problems.Trinklein devotes two colorful pages to each of what he calls the “lost states.” One page provides a map locating the proposed state, and the other provides a brief account the history and fate of the “state.” The book’s attractive dust jacket folds out to provide a large, antique-looking map of the continental United States of America with twenty of the lost states superimposed on the actual forty-eight. This atlas of another, somewhat romantic, America is the perfect gift for American history buffs, or as a coffee table book.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is a book that breathes life into both American History and Geography. Had it been around before, schools might still be teaching Geography as a subject because the author not only entertains us with the human foibles that fed the process of determining which domestic and foreign territories became states, he also gives us insight into how the process works and why it sometimes doesn't. He connects the past to the present with a sense of humor that makes it easier for us to look at our current areas of contentions with a less ominous perspective. That is a gift only a talented historian can give: the ability to draw from the past to enlighten the present and perhaps guide the future.I found it fascinating to see the parallels in time and place. Many of the same geographic areas that are calling for secession now were calling for it then. Could it be that the spirit of those early zealots lives on in the spirit of the place or is it just in-breeding? Just when I am becoming dismayed at the contentiousness of the current political climate, this book reminds me that contention and discord is nothing new. That is power of captivating historical commentary: to give us perspective, to remind us of past mistakes so we might avoid repeating them, to allow us to see lessons never learned and learn from the mere study of them.I was surprised to learn that there have been so many cities and states that have tried to secede so often and so recently. There were stories of politicians pressing for secession that have only recently left the national stage. It was no surprise to see how racism and religious fanaticism played such key roles in determining where and why to draw boundaries. However, I was encouraged to see that the majority of our leaders applied thoughtful, reasonable standards as to how and when an area would be admitted into the union: population density, urban vs. rural balance, ability of the area to sustain commerce or agriculture, as well as other rational criteria. This book also gives us the unofficial rules for naming states along with stories as to how many of the state names came into being. Reading of the fads, trends, and political motives for naming a state made for delightful reading.This book can be read quickly, but I would recommend against it. There is a hidden depth that, if mined, gives you delightful gems of fact and commentary that make a slower and more thoughtful read of the book worthwhile. I look forward to more from this author. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and will be recommending to everyone I know because not only is it an informative and entertaining read, it well presented. The publisher has treated the material with respect and enhanced the text with good quality paper, pleasant and easily legible fonts, wonderful maps, and a dust cover that is not only printed on durable paper but also folds out into a map. The entire experience: content, artistic presentation, and the cover combine to make this a book you will be proud to have visible for guests and will find yourself reaching for time and time again to share anecdotes from its pages with anyone who sits still long enough to listen.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This was fun. To think we could have twice as many states if all of these had come to fruition.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    A light read of interesting 'what if.' Though the book's title claims this to be a book on 'lost state' (territories that might have been states), I'd say it's more accurate to say a good majority of the 'states' is just pure speculation or fantasy (no way is there going to be a state of Navassa). I'd also have given this higher marks if the author or editor had done a little more proofreading, since there's a couple erroneous facts in this book. But then this is more of a lighthearted book and not meant for scholarly use.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I'm a cartographer, so I might be a little biased about a book of maps. But Trinkein has a lot of fun with these places that almost might have been. He takes quite a few liberties with both the mapping and the storytelling (some of these places were never more than one nut's crazy idea) but it makes for a funny and quick read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Lots of overlapping information with another state book, How the States Got Their shape but in a more humorous, quippy tone. The maps and graphics were very helpful and interesting. I also have some new historical figures to research.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Entertaining book about what could have been. Trinklein's style is engaging and humorous, though some of the entries are rather far fetched.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Full of great tidbits of information. Well written and arranged. Great photos. Love the humor.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The content of this book is certainly interesting and Trinklein has a great sense of humor. The illustrations are lovely. A high school history fan would probably like this book. However, since the states that never made it are listed alphabetically, the flow of the book is a bit jarring.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    A wonderful coffee-table style book. It gives little historical tidbits about each failed state proposal, each getting 2 pages (one text, one map). The proposals range from seriously made ones to semi-humourous ones, and from preColonial to as recent as the 1990s.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Lost States will fascinate US History and geography buffs alike. Each two page spread describes an attempt at statehood--some more credible and seriously sought than others. You will learn all kinds of historical tidbits about the settlement of the USA and why some lines exist and other proposed ones do not. A fun read.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Trinklein, Michael J. True Stories of Texlahoma, Transylvania, and Other States that Never Made It. Philadelphia: Quirk Books, 2010.This was a really interesting book. Though by book, it is not so much a narrative, but closer to an encyclopedia of states that wanted to be states but never were states. Within each entry, however, the writing is clear and amusing as well as being informative. This book is great for the American history enthusiasts or for that person who just likes to know about trivia.Each entry is about a part of American that either formally applied to Congress to be a state or for where there were movements that tried to make a new state. It seems that most of these Lost States wanted to form because they felt forgotten by the rest of the state or that they felt that the rest of the state exploited its wealth. Sometimes both feelings happened at the same time. However, there is also influences of world politics, local politics, and personalities that conflicted that created these crazy stories. Each entry also includes a map of where the state would be located. As an added extra, the maps are made to look like a map from the period when the statehood movement took place.This is a fun and interesting book. The perfect place for it- in the bathroom. It can give you something quick to reading when you have time to sit.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Lost States is a captivating read. You need not be a history scholar (although an interest helps!) The entries are in alphabetical order (I would have preferred a geographical order) and are fun,fast reads full of quirky geographical history of the many proposed states and reasons why they failed. Each entry is two pages, one of text, one of a map (usually a historical reproduction). Did you know that Navassa was once proposed for statehood? Where? A better question is about the Guano Islands Act of 1856.Or Popham Colony (Maine). Preceding Plymouth by 10 years, abandoned after a year, the inhabitants returning to England.Or Montezuma. Where a handshake deal between two crooked politicians set back statehood for New Mexico by 37 years.Amazing stories made all the more captivating by the fact that they are all TRUE! Do yourself a pleasant favor. Give this book a try!
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Nice coffee table book. It's interesting to flip through but, difficult to read cover to cover. Full of fun stories regarding failed attempts at statehood, and great illustrations. The fold out map that shows what America would look like with all of the "alternate" states is cool to look at. A fun read.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    The information was interesting. I didn't appreciate the author's style of writing.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I greatly enjoyed this alternate-history look at the U.S. States that might have been. Interesting historical snapshots, topped off with a healthy dose of dry wit, make this book a delight from start to finish.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Entertaining and a fast read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Though it only provided anecdotal accounts of an abundance of statehood proposals, this was a fascinating collection on a subject that I knew disturbingly little about. Highly recommended for any armchair history buffs like me.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    A quick and breezy overview of many serious and a few fantastical efforts to redraw the map of America.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Received this book from the Early Reviewers. I read it on a long plane trip between Alaska and the East Coast. While I wouldn't cite it as a source in an academic paper it was a fun and entertaining read. I will be putting it on my living room table for others to enjoy, once my table is delivered of course! It was beautifully illustrated on the cover, and the map was very detailed and colorful. I wish there had been better annotation of his sources though, so I could do my own research on the content a little easier. None the less, an enjoyable book all around.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Lost States is a fun look at the states that could have been. Not only do we get to see some history and trivia about these territories, but the author also infuses some humor to keep it fun. I love that the story of each lost state also included a visual representation of how the state would have looked if the propositions had been accepted. A great book for all ages!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I won this as part of Library Thing's Early reviewer program.This book is a hoot. Not only does it give some of the ridiculous names for states Forgottonia, Half-Breed Tracts, and No Man's Land to name a few. But it also goes into alittle of the history behind each of these state requests.Did you know that when they made Mount Rushmore that they wanted a state that was mainly there becasue of Mount Rushmore?Albania (the Country) loves America so much it wouldlike to become a state? Boston wanted to become it's own state?These are just a few of the tidbits that you will find in this book. It also has a book jacket that when opened has the outlines of some of the more prominent states on a map of the US. This is book is highly interesting and would be a great addition to any family library.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Quirk Books has a concept they call "irreference", a combination of "reference" and "irreverent". That pretty well sums this book up. The book covers 74 "lost states", with each state receiving a one-page blurb, a map showing its location or an educated guess thereat, and one or two other pictures related to the article. I would kind of question the inclusion of some states; I'm not sure that failed colony proposals that were "never seriously considered" or the thought that if Quebec were to secede from Canada, Alberta and British Columbia might theoretically petition for statehood quite meet my standards for "lost states". I also tended to prefer the blurbs that leaned more heavily on the "reference" side rather than the "irreverent"; the blurbs are short enough that I didn't much care for it when they focused on sports teams or veered off into talking about Pat Boone. Frankly, I would have preferred fewer states with more information on each.Those quibbles aside - and they really are quibbles, all things considered - this is a thoroughly enjoyable book. The subject matter is interesting in its own right, and Trinklein usually digs up some additional human interest facts or stories associated with each area. The maps are one of the main draws of the book; they're drawn to match the time period in which the state was considered, and they're very well-done and attractive. The cover itself folds out into a large map as well. Overall, the production quality on this book is extremely high.As other reviewers have noted, this is more a coffee table book than an actual reference book; it's light, chatty, and occasionally opinionated. It's also consistently entertaining, informative, and beautiful to look at, so I'd say that as a coffee table book, it's a very good one.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Great fun book for anyone who is interested in how our country came together. Any age will find this of interest. Learn something new!
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Having studied cartographic technique and history, Lost States is an interesting and brisk read. It illustrates the varied influences brought to bear when attempting to apply rather arbitrary lines of demarcation to the random and often uncharted wilds. Why the author still has a boner for George W. Bush and Halliburton in 2010 is mysterious, unless you take into account his former employment at PBS.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Book received through Early Reviewers.Lost States is a nice coffee table book that provides quick overviews of the "might have beens" in U.S. geographical history.It is a quick read and provides enough information that, if the reader so wishes, said reader can investigate further if s/he so wishes.The book was humorously enjoyable and I liked the photographs in it, as well as the dust jacket that becomes a foldout map.I do wish that one of two things happened, though for the same reason, it was either longer or there were fewer entries.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is an adorable book. It’s designed to be enjoyed in bits and pieces; each unrealized state is allotted two pages – one for three columns of text and one for an illustrated map. The trim size allows Trinklein to include sizable maps without requiring any turning of the book, and for a larger font and chapter heading, which makes the text even more inviting. Trinklein presents the book as a conversation, inviting the reader to stop by for a few minutes of interesting trivia, with no pressure to stay. It’s clear he had fun researching and writing the book – in his notes about the maps he warns the reader: “Don’t attempt a coup. You will fail. (But if you do, please mention this book as your inspiration. It will probably help sales.)” – and his diction only rarely crosses the line from charming to cheesy. I’d definitely recommend this book to anyone. And the cover unfolds into a map! So fun.(Note: This is not a scholarly book in any way. There aren't any citations, though there is a light bibliography.)
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    To be honest, when I first saw this I was expecting one of those quasi-history books that're long on cuteness and short on facts. Lost States bears absolutely no resemblance to that sort of thing.Over 157 pages, Trinklein goes through a rich and diverse list of areas, both within and without current US boundaries, that were proposed or came ever-so-close to statehood at some point in America's history. Trinklein's depth of research really shows in his writing, which takes a playful tone without being too light-hearted. The design is fantastic, too, with at least one page of this oversized book being given over to maps of the prospective states and commonwealths.If you want to know more about the history of Franklin, Trans-Oconee, State X, Greenland, or Taiwan--and who doesn't?--you should definitely make sure to pick up Lost States.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    For twenty-eight years, ending in 1702, the colony of New Jersey was two separate colonies, East Jersey and West Jersey. I spent my childhood in the city of Perth Amboy, which was the colonial capital of New Jersey, and found the idea that this small state was once two separate colonies fascinating. The Proprietary House, which was the Governor’s Mansion, still stands there.So, I was delighted to find in the book Lost States that there have been, in the not so distant past, more ideas about again dividing New Jersey in two, this time with a border separating “South Jersey” from the rest of the state. Indeed, there is much to commend this: the southern counties are culturally rather distinct from the northern ones. Any resident can vouch for this! I doubt, however, that any plans to divide the state will come to fruition. The only upside I can see to this is an extra set of Senators in Washington, and they’d not likely agree with my politics!This book is an amusing light-hearted romp through geography and history. The fun the author, Michael J. Trinklein, must have had in gathering his information shows in the writing. It can be inspiring, too, to encourage the reader to investigate in more detail, since the text is as much teaser as informative! The book is visually appealing, too, with a dust jacket that opens into a map, printed to look “old,” and the pages are wider than tall, with text opposite a full page of maps or illustrations. Delightfully, it’s clothbound, without being a “special edition.” I’d definitely recommend this for middle and high school libraries, and public libraries. It also can make a great coffee table book, for it lends itself to browsing.

Book preview

Lost States - Michael J. Trinklein

differently.

★ ABOUT THE MAPS ★

All maps have a purpose, perhaps even an agenda. Mine are no exception.

The goal—always—was to create maps that illustrate borders and locations as clearly as possible. This means that the maps often lack extraneous detail. So don’t use them to plan a hiking trip. You’ll get lost.

Also, I designed each map to reflect the historic era in which the events took place. For some, I modified an existing map from the appropriate historical period; for others, I created an old map from scratch.

Because most failed statehood plans never had an official map, I had to conjecture a bit here and there to draw the proposed boundaries. If you have better information on a particular border, please send me a note. I’ll try to include it in the second edition.

Some readers may be annoyed that I did not include inset maps that offer a you are here overview, but this omission was deliberate. Each map contains enough cues to address that need.

And even though certain maps may inspire you to try to establish your own state, please follow all constitutional guidelines. Don’t attempt a coup. You will fail. (But if you do, please mention this book as your inspiration. It will probably help sales.)

★ ABSAROKA ★

JUST WHAT WE NEED: ANOTHER SQUARISH WESTERN STATE.

Approximation of Absaroka’s boundaries.

You may laugh at the notion of Absaroka becoming a state, but the same people who proposed the idea may have persuaded your family to visit this region when you were a kid.

The story goes like this: Because the area was so desolate, local businesspeople figured they needed a monumental attraction to convince people to visit.

So they carved Mount Rushmore.

Granted, I’m leaving out a lot of detail, but the point is that many of the big thinkers who pushed for the giant president heads also thought it would be nifty to have their own state.

At least that’s what they proposed back in the 1930s. Absaroka would have sliced off sections of South Dakota, Montana, and Wyoming to create the forty-ninth state. The boundaries on my map are conjectural because Absaroka enthusiasts produced several different maps.

Petitions circulated, especially in South Dakota, and aggressive proponents stamped out license plates and even held a Miss Absaroka pageant in 1939. Since no follow-up contest ever occurred, I assume the winner is still wearing her tiara.

Even today, there remains a certain economic logic to Absaroka. The state would be the nation’s top producer of a particularly valuable commodity: grass. There may be no better place to grow the stuff. The region’s grass farmers earn a tidy income—because cows really like to eat grass. And people really like to eat cows.

Americans are also fascinated with the men who tend the cows, so that’s become another economic engine for the area. For dudes who want the real cowboy experience, no other setting can match Absaroka. It’s not uncommon for city slickers to spend $2,000 a day for the privilege of sleeping on the ground, drinking water from a creek, and watching horses poop (hopefully not in the same creek).

And the name? Absaroka comes from a Crow word meaning children of the large-beaked bird. So if Sesame Street’s Big Bird ever has a baby, they have to name him Absaroka, don’t you think?

As this fictional stamp implies, Absaroka would have had the benefit of South Dakota’s biggest tourist attraction—and one of the great icons of America: Mount Rushmore. My experience in 1971 followed the pattern of most other ten-year-olds: 12 hours of Are we there yet? followed by 14 seconds of awe and wonder … followed by What’s for lunch?

★ ACADIA ★

OR JUST MAINE. TIME FOR A DIVORCE?

This is an educated guess of Acadia’s boundary. Statehood proponents never produced an official map.

Today’s Maine has a split personality. The south is filled with fancy folk for whom the word summer is a verb. In the north are hardscrabble Mainers living in a still-wild country of forests and mountains. Increasingly, the two groups have little in common. So in 1998, Republican representative Henry Joy sponsored a bill to study the idea of splitting the state in two.

Northerners supported the plan. They were sick of the regulations that, they believed, limit their livelihood. They want to shoot more fauna and chop more flora. Southerners, on the other hand, would prefer that everyone enjoy more civilized activities, such as growing organic blueberries or hosting Shakespeare festivals. If only the northerners could shed their genteel neighbors to the south, they could ramp up their economy by capitalizing on the resources that grow, swim, and molt throughout the region.

What would the new state be named? Many wanted to call it Maine, which would force the lower half of the state to rename itself with a more appropriate moniker—perhaps North Massachusetts. Others have argued that the upper half should change its name; one of the most popular suggestions was Acadia. This name, curiously enough, applied to land that is now Maryland and Virginia in the 1500s. Over the years, the name gradually floated north until it came to rest on the region that now consists of Maine and nearby Canadian provinces.

Then there is the question of where to draw the line to form the new state. Acadia’s proponents never created a definitive map showing its boundaries. I drew a fairly arbitrary east-west line. Feel free to draw your own.

Representative Joy’s proposal didn’t get very far, so he tried again in 2005, with the same results.

But there’s always hope. Remember, the idea did work at least once before: Maine used to be just a part of Massachusetts until 1820, when it was split off to form a new state. Perhaps lightning can strike twice in the same place.

These loggers from Maine’s north woods would probably not have been interested in getting an aromatherapy massage in Bangor. And there’s the rub.

★ ADELSVEREIN ★

A NEW FATHERLAND—IN TEXAS?

New Braunfels was the first Texas city created for German immigration. By the time this map was made, however, the dream of an independent German state had died.

Let’s move Germany to Texas." As bizarre as it sounds, that was the quite-serious plan of some rich and influential Germans in the mid-1840s.

The groundwork was laid by Gottfried Duden, whose popular German books painted an idyllic and adventurous picture of America. Even today, more Germans tour the western United States than any other European people.

By 1842 Germany’s economy was failing, so twenty-one nobles devised a plan to move massive numbers of Germans to Texas. Settlers were promised comfortable travel and guaranteed jobs. The Germans were organized (of course), but a bit too optimistic. Travel costs were higher than expected, nasty weather caused problems, and disease took its toll.

Then there was the land-grant problem. In order to receive land in Texas, the Germans agreed to settle a region that was the homeland of the Comanche. I have to assume this was some sort of cruel joke, since the Comanche were known to be especially fierce. If you encroached on their territory, they’d kill you.

But Germans don’t give up easily. They developed a great rapport with the Comanche and managed to strike a deal that was beneficial to both—the only time in American history that a private group forged a lasting treaty with a Plains Indian tribe. We don’t know exactly why the two got along so well, but the Comanche were clearly fascinated with German leader John Meusenbach’s flame-red beard—they even nicknamed him The Red Sun. And when the toughest people on the continent give you a cool nickname, you know you’ve earned lasting street cred.

The Germans in Texas hoped to form their own nation, or perhaps their own state, named Adelsverein. But American state lines weren’t drawn to accommodate ethnic enclaves, and the dream of a German state eventually faded.

Regardless, the lure of freedom and free land meant continued German immigration—less to Texas and more to the upper Midwest. But no one in Berlin, Wisconsin, or New Germany, Minnesota, ever proposed a new German Fatherland.

That idea never got beyond Texas.

The approximate boundaries of Adelsverein.

★ ALBANIA ★

THEY LOVE AMERICA—LIKE A STALKER.

Albania, with the 51-star flag they’d like to see.

Thousands of Albanians would love for their country to become the fifty-first state. And it’s not just some offbeat splinter group requesting the inclusion. The whole country seems rabidly pro-American.

When President George W. Bush visited in 2007, no one protested. No one. (I couldn’t believe it either.) It seems that Bush enjoyed higher approval ratings in Albania than in a roomful of oil executives. In fact, his visit invoked newspaper headlines that read: Please Occupy Us! No kidding.

This odd love affair with America dates even earlier. During Bill Clinton’s presidency, thousands of Albanians named their babies Bill and Hillary. Again, all true.

Albania was also among the first nations to join the United States in Afghanistan and Iraq, and it unflinchingly supports every American policy in the region. When the United States couldn’t find any country in the world to accept deported Guantanamo detainees, Albania stepped up and took them off America’s hands.

Much of this loyalty dates back to the post—World War I period, when President Woodrow Wilson made sure that the Albanian homeland wasn’t chopped into sections and handed over to its neighbors. Yet that doesn’t fully explain the obsession. After all, we also bailed out France in World War II, but you didn’t see an uptick in French children named Dwight or Franklin.

It is hard to makes sense of it all. Perhaps a little historical context is needed to understand Albania’s true intentions. Remember that, during the Stalin era, Albania formed a political alliance with the USSR. When that relationship hit a rough patch, Albania jumped into

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