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    Sex, the Art, and Science of Enjoying Playing Bad Golf Well
    Sex, the Art, and Science of Enjoying Playing Bad Golf Well
    Sex, the Art, and Science of Enjoying Playing Bad Golf Well
    Ebook57 pages56 minutes

    Sex, the Art, and Science of Enjoying Playing Bad Golf Well

    By Julian Proctor

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    About this ebook

    This book is designed to persuade you other hackers to revise your attitude about the pathetic reality that is your golf game. It is not itnended to actually improve your game, which is impossible, but to find peace on the course and to learn to enjoy the game  despite your awesomely awful performance.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJulian Proctor
    Release dateJul 20, 2020
    ISBN9781393821649
    Sex, the Art, and Science of Enjoying Playing Bad Golf Well

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      Book preview

      Sex, the Art, and Science of Enjoying Playing Bad Golf Well - Julian Proctor

      Preamble.

      This book should probably never have been written and certainly should not be read unless you have an insatiable appetite for endless drivel.

      The title was the unhappy result from two equally bad offerings, both of which were turned down by my editor. Since I do not actually have an editor, I had to put myself in the editor’s place, which is funny because I have no idea how editors work in the first place. We, myself, and me my editor decided that Sex had no place in golf and that the actual matter of hitting a white sphere requires no Art, although I feel that the parabolic shape of most mishit shots does represent an art form in itself. Science certainly has a role in the game of golf but does not apply to the pathetic capabilities of you, my readers. If you had applied the science you would not be in the next-door fairway with a 100-foot pine tree between you and the green, would you?

      How to books are invariably boring, and playing bad golf well is a contradiction in terms. Either you play well, or you play badly, unless you manage to play in between, which means you do not need to read this book anyway. So, at the end of the day I hybridized the two titles, hoping that it was not too long for the average reader to complete the task of reading it from beginning to end.

      It was not intended to make any sense, so do not worry about it

      Fore word.

      I would like to make the case that I am qualified to write this book.

      I am 78 years old and have played golf for 70 of those years. My handicap has never been lower than 12 and I did not play anywhere near my handicap at the time. My suspicion, at the time, was that they were putting scores from the next guy on the member’s list who was a 6 handicapper. At any rate I can justifiably claim that I am a bad golfer, with an 18 handicap off the gold tees, on a good day, and I am also proud of that fact. I just simply do not care about how bad my golf game is.

      It became apparent to me that all golf books are written by iconic, high level professional golfers, and I have read most of those by Tiger, Jack and their fellow overachievers. While I marveled at their skill, I did not find much to help my golf game. It became apparent that they simply have no idea of what bad golfers are dealing with out on the links. We simply play a different game than they do. It also occurred to me that many of us deplorables, to borrow from Hilary, are acutely and chronically unhappy on the golf course, and that these wonderful how to books only serve to make us feel worse. We are simply not equipped physically or mentally to put those words of wisdom into practice. From the age of 7, I played with an identical twin, often up to 54 holes a day. This was a total and absolute war, with no quarter given or asked for, and we cared not about our scores; only that they were lower than those of the opposition.  I do not recall my twin ever giving me a putt during those many rounds and I am equally sure I did not give him any. We fought it out on the course, no holds barred, for 11 years, and the result was that from the age of 18 on I never really cared what happened to me on the golf course, win or lose. I am profoundly grateful to my twin as a result, and curiously when we do occasionally play today, neither he nor I really care who beats who.

      I also have a daughter, with a 2.7 handicap rating, so I do understand the difference between her game and mine. Her father sadly died young when she was 2 and I married her mother when she was 5, so she does not have my horrible golfing genes. When she started playing, I turned down her request to teach her the game, since I had not had lessons and was only going to teach her one bad habit followed by two more to get rid of the first one. I did offer to teach her trouble shots being an expert on these.

      I rest my case. This book is designed to give bad golfers a leg up, written by someone who truly understands firsthand, the basic problems that bad golfers deal with

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