Stop Eating Your Heart Out: The 21-Day Program to Free Yourself from Emotional Eating

Praise for Stop Eating Your Heart Out

Meryl Beck integrates some of the most effective weight management tools available into a 21-day plan that will empower you. You will also be able to identify with the author's personal story in ways that will be highly instructive for meeting your own challenges. We highly recommend this superb program.

—DONNA EDEN AND DAVID FEINSTEIN, PHD,

CO-AUTHORS OF ENERGY MEDICINE AND ENERGY MEDICINE FOR WOMEN

"Stop Eating Your Heart Out is rich with powerful tools to heal overeating. If you are ready for change and want compassionate and nurturing support on your journey, this book may just be the recipe."

—SYLVIA HASKVITZ, AUTHOR OF EAT BY CHOICE, NOT BY HABIT

"From the first moment you start reading Meryl Beck's Stop Eating Your Heart Out, I think you'll feel like you're with one of your best friends—someone who loves you, cares for you, and really accepts you just the way you are. I did. Meryl's honest presence and simple, doable approaches fill the pages and made me feel supported and that her suggestions were going to be easy to follow and really helpful. If you've got the chains of emotional eating holding you back, Meryl will help you be free."

—TAPAS FLEMING, FOUNDER OF TAPAS ACUPRESSURE TECHNIQUE®, TATLIFE.COM

"Stop Eating Your Heart Out is a well thought out book that will help those with emotional eating find a path to recovery. Meryl Beck's personal story illuminates the journey and her practical step-by-step guide provide touchstones that anyone can follow to find healing from emotional overeating."

—CAROLYN COKER ROSS, MD, MPH,

AUTHOR OF THE BINGE EATING AND COMPULSIVE OVEREATING WORKBOOK

Meryl has written a wonderful book that demystifies Twelve-Step Recovery and brings the healing tools within Twelve-Step programs to us all. Her book is a valuable contribution in the field of emotional eating recovery. Readers will gain personal insight as well as practical tools for healing and living well.

—JOANNA POPPINK, MFT, PSYCHOTHERAPIST, LECTURER,

AUTHOR OF HEALING YOUR HUNGRY HEART

"Meryl Hershey Beck has presented 21 self-help tools in her thought-provoking, beautifully written Stop Eating Your Heart Out. She creatively and artfully takes us along on her journey as she combines tried-and true recovery methods, such as the Twelve Steps, with new energy techniques. If you have a problem with overindulging and using food instead of dealing with feelings, then open this book and discover for yourself that you too can achieve freedom from emotional eating."

—DR. JAMES DURLACHER, DC, AUTHOR OF FREEDOM FROM FEAR FOREVER

An excellent resource. Here you will learn how to understand varieties of problems that contribute to overeating and how to sort these out. Helpful exercises at the end of each section will guide you on your path to a healthier, happier life.

—DANIEL J. BENOR, MD, ABIHM, AUTHOR OF SEVEN MINUTES TO NATURAL PAIN RELEASE

"Meryl Beck's Stop Eating Your Heart Out is a must have for anyone searching to make peace with food, weight, body image, and self-esteem because you will find that safe haven you are looking for right here. It is truly food for the soul. Meryl takes this complex and important issue that plagues millions and breaks it down into bite-size, palatable pieces that you can easily digest and lovingly weave into your everyday life. Plus, you will get the pleasure of absorbing all the soul-filled nutrients that are present on each page. I highly recommend this book. Your life will never be the same."

—BRONWYN MARMO, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF THE FOOD IS A LIE: THE TRUTH IS WITHIN

Meryl Beck has written a book that illuminates the true path to recovery from compulsive eating.

—JEANNE RUST, PHD, CEO AND FOUNDER OF MIRASOL EATING DISORDER TREATMENT CENTERS

First published in 2012 by Conari Press, an imprint of

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With offices at:

665 Third Street, Suite 400

San Francisco, CA 94107

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright © 2011 by Meryl Hershey Beck

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

The Twelve Steps are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (AAWS). Permission to reprint the Twelve Steps does not mean that AAWS has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, or that AAWS necessarily agrees with the views expressed herein. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism only—use of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after AA but which address other problems, or in any other non-AA context, does not imply otherwise.

Excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit on pp. 143–144 reprinted courtesy of Doubleday/Random House

All client names included here have been changed to protect their privacy.

ISBN: 978-1-57324-545-6

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

Cover design by Jim Warner

Cover image © Sandra Voogt

Interior design by ContentWorks, Inc.

Illustrations by Alison Hershey Manes

Typeset in Berkeley Oldstyle

Printed in the United States of America

Malloy

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of the American National Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials Z39.48-1992 (R1997).

www.redwheelweiser.com

www.redwheelweiser.com/newsletter

In loving memory of my cherished son,

who was so proud of his mama!

Jonathan Hershey Beck

1976–2011

Contents

Foreword by Jeanne Rust, PhD

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1: My Story: The Making and Breaking of a Compulsive Overeater

Chapter 2: Becoming Self-Honest

Day 1: Eating History

Day 2: Food-Mood Diary

Day 3: Personal Journal

Chapter 3: Finding Support

Day 4: Creating a Support System

Day 5: Self-Care

Day 6: Therapy

Chapter 4: Spirituality and Spiritual Growth

Day 7: Higher Power

Day 8: Prayer and Meditation

Day 9: Creative Visualization

Chapter 5: Energy Techniques

Day 10: An Introduction to TFT and EFT

Day 11: Rapidly Integrated Transformation Technique (RITT)

Day 12: Personal Energy Work

Chapter 6: Going Within

Day 13: The Inner Child

Day 14: Right-Hand/Left-Hand Dialogue

Day 15: Parts Work–Embracing the Inner Critic

Chapter 7: Personal Housecleaning

Day 16: Mini Inventory

Day 17: Giving It Away

Day 18: Making Amends

Chapter 8: Conscious Living

Day 19: Forgiveness

Day 20: Gratitude

Day 21: Healthy Eating

Chapter 9: Putting It All Together

Epilogue

Daily Assignments Overview

Resources

Recommended Reading

Index

Foreword

WHEN MERYL HERSHEY BECK ASKED me to write the foreword for her new book, I was ecstatic. I must tell you that I absolutely love Meryl Beck! I have treated eating disorders for nearly twenty-five years, including twelve years as the CEO of Mirasol, an integrative eating-disorder treatment program. During that time, I've had the pleasure of working with Meryl and sharing a common interest in energy psychology.

When I'm with Meryl, the room is full of light. And now Meryl has written a book that illuminates the true path to recovery from compulsive eating. She is a recovered individual who has survived the ups and downs of living life on life's terms and has survived the emotional journey of those who seek that often elusive true path to healing.

Every morning millions of people get up, go into the bathroom, and say, Good morning, Mr. Scale. Mr. Scale is the one who determines if they're going to have a good day or a bad day. Bad scale days are damaging to self-esteem and emotional well-being. Billions of dollars are spent in the diet industry every year, yet people are continuing to get fatter.

This last year alone, obesity rates rose in seventeen states, and obesity is now contributing to most of our healthcare costs. Currently one-third of all Americans are obese, one-third are overweight, and the rest are of a normal and healthy weight. The majority of the people in this country are told they should lose some weight. This includes not only adults but, sadly, children and babies as well.

I remember growing up in an overweight family that was always on a diet. I remember when my parents would come home from the grocery store, all smiles as they brought in the grocery bags. All of a sudden, everything in life was wonderful. We all breathed a sigh of relief because we had an abundance of food in the house. Happiness in my house was a full refrigerator. When my mother died, my brother and I walked through her home and found four refrigerators and three freezers, all full. Both of my parents were heavy and died relatively early deaths due to heart disease. Of course, what they really died of was compulsive eating.

There are many books about binge eating, but few are written with the openness, clarity, and authenticity of Stop Eating Your Heart Out. Meryl begins with a quiz to help you determine whether or not you have a problem. Then, ever so gently, she leads you into a provocative twenty-one-day program that teaches the difference between food and feelings. The focus of the program is not about weight loss but about learning to recognize when you're engaging in emotional eating, which Meryl believes is at the core of a binge eating disorder.

Most experts agree that eating disorders are caused by a combination of biogenetic, psychological, and socio-cultural factors. Meryl teaches us how to live in recovery. No matter what caused the disorder, what matters now is finding peace with our bodies, forming new identities, and becoming acquainted with our true selves.

Stop Eating Your Heart Out provides a step-by-step path to wellness using strategies that are designed for the real world. Humorous anecdotes sprinkled with wisdom and informational insights help add new dimensions to our thinking.

I would suggest that you read the book a little at a time—as you would savor a good meal—and slowly begin to integrate Meryl's suggestions. Whether you're living in recovery or just beginning the journey, this wonderful book will add tremendously to your knowledge. You'll see why I love Meryl Beck! And why I love the path to recovery she has chosen.

—Jeanne Rust, PhD

CEO and Founder,

Mirasol Eating Disorder Treatment Centers

Tucson, Arizona

Acknowledgments

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

—MARCEL PROUST, PLEASURE AND DAYS

I AM VERY APPRECIATIVE OF the many individuals and family groups who have made my soul bloom throughout my journey.

My biological family was with me through thick and thin, literally. Although I had challenges growing up, my parents, May and Bob Hershey, always did the best they could and I feel incredibly loved by them. I can also always count on my sister and brother, Bonnie and Denny Hershey; family love runs strong through our veins and hearts!

My illustrator, the talented, wise, generous, and very loving Alison Hershey Manes is also my beloved daughter. She is a blessing in my life, as are her five awesome daughters who bring me immense joy.

The Twelve-Step Recovery community became my family of choice in the 1970s and gave me the best education I ever received (and I have two master degrees!). These folks loved me until I learned to love myself and I am forever grateful. With their help and support, I experienced physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual recovery: I learned about feelings, had a spiritual awakening, began to engage in healthy eating, and moved into self-acceptance.

My spiritual family also loves me unconditionally, and I am very thankful for them. Robin Trainor Masci, my best friend, was the first person to hold up a mirror and show me the awesomeness of my true self; I am immensely grateful that I can always count on her friendship and her love. Many others have been my cheerleaders and supporters as I wrote this book, including Janet Mooney, who makes me laugh every day and strongly encourages the best in me, and Mark Naseck, my soul brother, who celebrates all the victories with me. I am appreciative of many others, way too numerous to mention, who hold the energy for me and see me in my highest self.

An acknowledgment also goes to my writing family. In 2010 I attended Tom Bird's writing retreat and birthed this book. I am grateful for Tom's encouragement and for the support of all my classmates, especially my roommate, Jerelyn Schultz, and the Tucson writing group that was formed with Mimi Villifane, CJ Walker, Jan, and Jere.

Many folks worked with me in the revision stage of the book. Thanks to Laura George for her reassurance and care in helping me through the writing-publishing process. Mary Langford did a phenomenal job assisting with the submission package and the first few chapters of the book before she became ill; working with her was easy and fun, and I continue to pray for her optimal health. When I needed quick editing help, Mimi and Ellie Starer graciously jumped in. Then the very observant eyes of Andra Ewton and Windy Jones took over and I relished being able to count on them, the ease of working with them, and the invaluable suggestions they made.

Conari Press has become my newest family, and I am so thankful that my dear friend Nancy Burson recommended them. I feel indebted to Caroline Pincus who told me my writing was Terrific. Just terrific, and decided to take a chance on me, an unknown author. The editorial help I have received from Caroline Pincus and Susie Pitzen has been invaluable, I love Jim Warner's cover design, I appreciate Martha Knauf's assistance, and I look forward to working with Pat Rose and everyone else at Conari who is going to bat for me (and the book)!

Jeanne Rust has been a friend for several years and I so appreciate her believing in me, seeing my light, and writing the foreword.

Although I don't always get to the conferences, the energy psychology community has felt like a family to me and holds a special place in my heart. We are all indebted to Kate Sorenson, my incredibly wise soul sister, who instituted the Energy Psychology Conference in 1999, and to my ingenious teacher and colleague, Gary Craig, who so generously gave EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to the world.

And finally, I applaud my clients and the many women I sponsored for trusting me enough to test out the methods discussed throughout this book. It has been a blessing to walk beside them and support them in their growth and recovery.

Thank you.

Introduction

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

—JAMES BALDWIN, THE CROSS OF REDEMPTION: UNCOLLECTED WRITINGS

DESPITE THE FACT THAT AMERICANS are obsessed with weight and spend over $60 billion a year on diets and diet products, has it done any good?

The media screams out to us on a daily basis: We have an obesity epidemic! According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, over two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese. Many of the millions of heavy people have an eating disorder, which has the highest mortality rate of any mental health diagnosis, including depression. Binge eating, the most common eating disorder in the United States, affects over twenty-five million people. This diagnosis has received a lot of media attention recently because the American Psychiatric Association is recommending that it be considered a separate, distinct eating disorder, as are bulimia and anorexia.

Though not all obese individuals are compulsive overeaters, experts believe that about 75 percent of overeating is emotional eating—using food to deal with feelings. Although everyone turns to food for comfort on occasion, such as hot soup or hot chocolate on a cold winter's night, or something sweet to chew on after a fight with your honey, the compulsive overeater turns to food as the primary means of coping with everyday stress, anxiety, and other difficult feelings. We have an emotional hunger. Some of us eat because of an inner emptiness, and some of us become addicted to sugar and refined carbohydrates as a result. Fast food has become the opiate of the masses, fitness trainer Chris Powell declared on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. Compulsive eating begins as an attempt to ease emotional pain, but it ends up making us feel even worse.

As a licensed professional clinical counselor, I have worked with compulsive overeaters and binge eaters for over twenty years. In addition, I, too, am a (recovered) food junkie and spent many years quelling feelings by shoving ice cream or cookies down my throat. Food was the glue that kept me together.

Some folks with excess weight just eat a bit too much. Emotional eaters like me, however, use food as a fix: I abused food, just as an alcoholic misuses booze, stuffing myself in an attempt to fill an inner emptiness. For many of us, though,