Satan, You Can't Have My Marriage: The Spiritual Warfare Guide for Dating, Engaged and Married Couples

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SATAN, YOU CAN’T HAVE MY MARRIAGE by Iris Delgado

Published by Charisma House

Charisma Media/Charisma House Book Group

600 Rinehart Road

Lake Mary, Florida 32746

www.charismahouse.com

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version of the Bible. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc., publishers. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked amp are from the Amplified Bible. Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1954, 1958, 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked NAS are from the New American Standard Bible, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations marked NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked THE MESSAGE are from The Message: The Bible in Contemporary English, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Copyright © 2012 by Iris Delgado

All rights reserved

Cover design by Justin Evans

Design Director: Bill Johnson

Visit the author’s website at www.crownedwithpurpose.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Delgado, Iris.

Satan, you can’t have my marriage / Iris Delgado.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p. ).

ISBN 978-1-61638-673-3 (trade paper) – ISBN 978-1-61638-674-0 (e-book) 1. Marriage–Religious aspects–Christianity. 2. Spouses–Religious life. 3. Spiritual warfare. I. Title.

BV4596.M3D45 2012

248.8’44–dc23

2011038961

People and names in this book are composites created by the author from her experiences as a counselor. Names and details of their stories have been changed, and any similarity between the names and stories of individuals described in this book to individuals known to readers is purely coincidental.

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication.

I dedicate this book to my wonderful husband, John,

who has always displayed all the attributes of a loving and

caring husband. His total confidence in me has lifted me above the

mediocre, status quo wife into one who is eager to excel and give back an

unconditional love that is satisfying and uncompromised. His

dependence on God has affected our entire family. Thank

you for forty-one years of love, respect, and honor.

CONTENTS

Foreword by John Delgado

Introduction

1 Marriage Today

2 Investments for Faithfulness

3 Digging Out Destructive, Harmful Roots

4 Affair and Divorce Prevention

5 Keeping a Financially Stable Home

6 Love and Bless Out Loud!

7 How to Grow a Powerful Marriage

8 Is Satan Abuse Troubling Your Marriage?

9 Protect Your Home With a Security System

10 The Healing Power of Friendship and Intimacy

Conclusion: You Can Have a Supernatural Marriage

Notes

FOREWORD

WHAT A DELIGHT to write this foreword. I’ve never met a person quite like Iris Delgado. She is not only a special friend and companion, but she is also a godly example of God’s faithful love and endurance.

I have seen the quality of her character close up. During the storms of life, unbearable illness, and demands of ministry, this very special woman of God has stayed steady and unmovable in the face of adversity.

Marriage is a tapestry of varied roles, commitments, and responsibilities. I have observed Iris fulfill every challenging task with optimism and grace. I now observe how our daughters imitate her qualities and look to her for advice and counsel. Our grandchildren as well can’t seem to get enough of their Nana.

This very special woman is my wife of forty-one years, and I love her and thank God for her life. I treat her like a queen, and she treats me like a king!

—JOHN DELGADO

HUSBAND AND FRIEND

Dr. John Delgado is the president of Vision International Leadership Network, a Christian educational ministry training leaders all around the world.

INTRODUCTION

TODAY WE ARE inundated with tons of counsel and advice for married couples. Much of it is inconsistent and unscriptural, but some of it is very helpful. As I thought and meditated about the counsel and advice I want to share with today’s married and prospective couples, I kept coming back to my own experience and the confessions of many couples experiencing painful and difficult situations in their relationships. In our marriage seminars, my husband and I are witnessing an alarming increase of unhappy marriages and chaos in too many Christian homes.

Perhaps your marriage is wonderful, healthy, and stable.

Perhaps it’s just so-so; one day it’s up and one day it’s down.

Perhaps it may be like so many today—hanging by a thin string, ready to dissolve any moment.

I have confidence that the counsel in this book will equip and guide you to find solutions that will empower you, with God’s help, to enjoy a wonderful and healthy marriage. Some of you may need a total marriage makeover, and that too is possible.

Through these pages you will find my own candid advice about marriage and the real-to-life experiences of couples facing the onslaught of Satan’s attacks. This advice is based on personal experiences throughout my forty-one years of marriage with the same complex and wonderful man. You will find out about my effective plan of action and my specific prayers and thoughtful on-purpose habits. My intention is not to tickle your ears or make you feel good, but to prepare you for the sudden tornadoes and devastating floods Satan is always looking to bring upon God’s marriages. When you build your house upon a firm foundation, Satan can blow all he wants, but he won’t be able to blow your house away.

You will be able to relate to many situations and, at the same time, learn about what makes a good till-death-do-us-part marriage and many of the things that can destroy it. I intentionally keep my writing style simple and to the point. It is my intention that no matter at what level, status, or profession you find yourself, you will be able to understand the practical, no-nonsense advice found among these pages.

I believe that you too can have a wonderful and fruitful marriage. I also realize that many couples are hurting because of different types of abuse, and healing is necessary before change can begin. I pray that you will be able to find healing through this counsel.

CHAPTER ONE

MARRIAGE TODAY

Is your marriage strong enough to withstand today’s epidemic of divorce?

Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.

—HEBREWS 13:4, AMP

AS A BABY boomer, I remember hearing many of my friends complaining about the fights and abuse they were facing in their homes. My best friend confided that her parents were too busy to listen. Many of my junior high school friends expressed their fears of their parents divorcing. In my own home there was a constant uncanny fear and lack of freedom to express love and enjoy life. Instead of love and commitment, my father ruled the home with control and abuse, driving the siblings to develop hatred and contempt at an early age. I vowed at the age of eighteen that when I married, it was going to be different.

My own children, labeled Generation X, born in the 1970s could have been victims of my own upbringing. Instead I have chosen a different path, one that has led my family to wholeness. It is a known fact that many of the Generation X parents defy their upbringing and pour everything they have into giving their children everything they didn’t have, no matter how great the sacrifice, including divorce. To allow our own marriages to end up in a bitter divorce is allowing the curse of divorce to continue affecting each generation.

Members of today’s generation believe they are on a different wave, a wave to save their children from experiencing the heartaches of their own parents. But it comes at a great cost—they are neglecting to protect and nourish their intimate relationship with their mate. Yes, children are better educated, fed, clothed, and pampered, but at a great price, one we will see manifested in our next generation. Many parents will look back and notice the pain their crumbling relationships inflicted on their children, pain they did everything to avoid.

Today’s married couples are trying to avoid divorce for the sake of their children, but not for the sake of their mates. Sadly, when the nest is empty, there will be two strangers wondering what went wrong. Going on behind closed doors in too many homes today, yes, even Christian homes, is:

• Lack of commitment

• Crisis … fear … depression

• Lack of order … permissiveness

• Criticism … shame … condemnation

• Unsatisfied marriages … selfishness

• Infidelity … cheating … divorce

• Financial crisis

• A single-mom boom

• Pregnant teens

• An obsession with self and possessions

• Sensual dressing … body makeover craze

• Rebellious, unsupervised children

• Online porn and resultant sexual addictions

• Child abuse … molestation … incest

• Bisexual relationships

• Mental issues … insatiable desires

• Lack of communication and affection

Yes, all these different symptoms and tragedies are facing our society today. Marriage is under assault. Our children are at risk. The news media reports right in front of our eyes every day confirm the downhill slide of family values. No one is escaping the onslaught.

My intention in writing this book, especially for young couples, is threefold:

• Care and maintenance

• Prevention

• Rescue

If you will apply these principles and counsel at whatever stage your marriage is in today, I promise they will be effective and powerful to build up and to bring change.

LUKEWARM VALUES

A national poll conducted by Gallup shows that while Americans still hold on to some traditional moral values, they have validated immoral behaviors that are self-satisfying.1

The words self-satisfying got my attention. The need for self-gratification can blind a person from noticing the needs of other people, especially those of loved ones. Many marriages are suffering because of lack of satisfaction and passionate love for each other. When a Christian becomes lukewarm in his walk with God, everything else turns tepid, and indifference begins to settle in (Rev. 3:16).

During our Christian conferences and marriage seminars, altars get filled to capacity with couples asking for divine intervention for their marriages. Hands go up everywhere when we offer prayer for children with problems. It’s everywhere—crisis, chaos, brokenness, abuse, instability, prayerlessness, lack of respect, rebellion, dissatisfaction, unfaithfulness, frivolous divorces, and on and on. It is on your turf and on my turf.

The other day I was sitting at a food court in the Festival Flea Market in South Florida, the kind where everything is new and under air conditioning. As I looked around at all the people busy shopping and eating, I noticed many elderly couples, mostly Jewish, talking, laughing, and carrying on, and many enjoying their potato knishes and kosher hot dogs. As I thought about it, I asked myself: What makes these couples so different from so many other couples we know and meet every day?

As I pondered and savored my last bite of knish, I turned to my husband and said, Honey, I guess what makes the difference in these couples from so many others we know whose marriages are in crisis is their value system.

He readily agreed and added, Most of them have a healthy fear of the Lord. They were brought up memorizing scriptures, saying prayers, and following specific biblical traditions that have impacted their lives, as well as the lives of their children and grandchildren.

I believe our moral value system has deteriorated and continues doing so at an alarming rate. Our values will determine the destiny of our future, the strength of our marriages,