Tiananmen Tears

Prologue

February 1988

He was covered in sweat and stood fourth in line. He leaned around and smiled at her.

She thought he looked goofy, another inebriated festival idiot. He still wore his dancing trousers and though skinny, wasn’t bad looking. In fact, he was rather handsome. He continued to peer around the line and try to catch her attention. He had probably had far too much beer. The yellow T-shirt looked good on him and the scarlet baggy trousers with matching yellow frills made him almost warrior like if not a little clownish. His friends were jumping around reliving their dance, but he focused mostly on trying to wave at her and get her attention.

She had watched them dancing in the square and wasn’t sure which position in the dragon body he controlled.

The line shortened. He was getting closer.

She really didn’t want to have to deal with another drunken dancer. Her parents made good income on this day and the yuanxiao were popular. Everyone wanted theirs it seemed. Her brother had been boiling rice for hours and her father and mother could roll and shape yuanxiao at a phenomenal pace. The bean curd, her mother made, was the secret ingredient that set her yuanxiao apart. Anyone can make the glutinous rice balls, but the treat reaches new heights when the bean curd paste was made by her mother. It was known over large sections of the city as being the finest yuanxiao. Xiu Ying had been selling the little rice dumplings for two days non-stop. They were all working on four hours sleep and she didn’t think her father and brother actually slept at all as they had to continue to make rice.

Though the Lantern Festival brought in almost a quarter of the family’s yearly salary it was hard going. Her father’s government ministry job was a meager income, and the small dumpling shop boosted their reserves.

Reserves were running short for Xiu Ying. Many of the customers came to purchase dumplings and to stare and drool at her. She was petite and attractive, and at seventeen was a ripe catch for marriage. Thankfully she had fought her parent’s wishes off. She wanted to marry for love, not for financial convenience.

More importantly she wanted to pursue her career. She knew her mother was the real brains of the family and her father’s position though respectable was largely just a government nonentity position where he shuffled papers incessantly. So much of China was a mindless shuffle.

She corrected herself, it was a mindless shuffle with a scorpion tail. Maintaining your position as one of the legs in the millipede, was vital. Step out of line and a brutal whack would result. Nevertheless, it provided for her and her brother.

The eager dancer bobbed around the line again. He was getting closer. She ignored him.

When he finally reached next in line, he seemed to calm. He stared at her. She thought he was impolite. His friends were bouncing with the excitement of the lantern festival, but he had suddenly lost his confidence.

He shuffled in front and she realized he was actually a very unusual looking boy. He was a few years older, but his smile was captivating. His eyes were rivetted on her.

Hello, what would you like?

Uh, uh… Everything.

I hope you have lots of money.

It would never be enough. His voice drifted with the vagueness of his eyes. His castle of confidence was washing, crumbling with the tide of emotions sweeping across his intentions.

Then you must buy according to your budget. A fool throws his money away. She glanced up, he had a lovely smile. He stared at her, not in a lustful way just out of fascination. He was childlike. He certainly was behaving like a child.

A greater fool throws his heart.

I’ve never met someone who would do that.

He stands before you.

The one throwing his heart or his money?

Isn’t that obvious?

Nothing is obvious with matters of the heart. She didn’t know why she said it. She normally kept her womanly desires and the pulses of her heart hidden away from everyone. It was his eyes. He seemed to pull at her. Just because she was considered pretty, she was unfortunately also often considered game or prey for marriage and relationships. She wanted a future. She didn’t want to be making rice balls for life.

His friends were jostling and ogling her. They were pushing him forward. He was obviously not good with girls. She thought he was innocently pathetic. The more she snatched glances at him the more she saw his handsome features, but lacked the manly frame her brother possessed. Her older brother had focused on being in the military from childhood, as it was a safe and sure salary. She had told him that in her opinion security and profit flourished if you lived in a box of propaganda and stupidity. The memory of their recent argument washed over her thoughts and she refocused on the confusing being perched in front of her. Her brother did not have the dreamy eyes and the hopeless drift of intensity the young man in front of her did. That drifting drew her in, enticed her like the laughter of children. He confused her.

If… if one’s heart and love was endless, would that be payment enough?

For what? One or two yuanxiao?

Is there even a conceivable price for something so exquisite?

What? She thought he was beginning to lose his way. He had been oddly charming but now he was looking a little cutely unstable. One of his friends thundered him in the back. They were obviously egging him on. What do you want?

A lantern.

We sell yuanxiao. Do you want to throw one in the air, see if it floats?

What? No, no. I make lanterns, actually the dragon faces.

So, you want to eat a dragon face? It was fun to confuse him. He was so innocent in his confusion.

What? No, no. You are trying to confuse me, but… but I can confuse you. Suddenly a spark of confidence rushed into his eyes and his smile burst forth.

She felt captivated by not just his innocence, but his smile was playful and loving all at once. She had forgotten about serving the customers. The line was leaning around staring at the conversation. She was vaguely aware of them. They didn’t seem impatient, in fact, it appeared as though they were listening. She felt herself staring at his lips almost caressing them with her eyes. The other customers were encouraging her to lose herself in his eyes. His charmed washed deep across her chest. What was he doing to her?

Answer me this. If you cannot solve the riddle, then you must launch a lantern with me.

She liked his new cocky attitude. Riddles were often forms of family entertainment and she was good at solving them. I think there is little a dragon sculptor can beat me with.

He stepped closer and stared intensely at her eyes. What races with the scattered rabbit, and also stands immobile and direct with the tortoise?

The line behind shuffled. There was a murmuring. Other customers were trying to solve the riddle. She was beginning to panic.

It is not a common riddle.

Yes, it is original, and I’ll be so gracious as to give you a hint. It will only ever be one of a kind.

She shook her head. She was good at riddles and problem solving. The wind?

No, the wind cannot do both activities at one time.

Xiu Ying glanced up at him. He was staring at her. A mad thought crossed her mind. She wanted to lose. The words pushing to her lips felt laden with too much of her soul, too much of a sudden, unbridled, confused desire. I want to give up... I mean, I give up.

A lover’s heart. Like the one before you.

The crowd shifted in acknowledgement. They were impressed with the young man.

Xiu Ying reached for a bowl and chose two dumplings. One the traditional white color, the other a soft pink. She held the bowl of two dumplings out to him. The liquid surrounding the small balls trembled. Her hands were like leaves in the wind.

With our compliments for such an honest heart. She was tempted to look away but couldn’t leave his eyes. The gaze reached in and held her.

And the lantern?

Her lips trembled with a flush of desire. A gush of intent rifled her body. I am the rabbit.

The tortoise will meet you at ten. He turned and left.

Neither was sure what happened in the line of waiting customers. A journey had begun. A fluttering rabbit-dream of floating hope raced forward to the precipice and stood watching, immobile like the tortoise.

1

Beijing. May 30, 1989

The red was lush. It hung around her like a womb of passion. The curves of draped fabric swirled around her like the love that glowed inside her. She could still feel him there. She could feel his pulse, his thrust as the moisture of their love drifted across their skin. Welded as one, she felt the mind of his desire burn on her. Burn between her legs, burn on her heart, burn on her mind, his passion swallowed her and she wanted all of him. She could consume every inch of him, every molecule of his being. It was an open want and she was not ashamed. She gloried in her hunger for him.

She slid her thigh over his and her hand drifted down. He was sleeping. A slow deep peace enveloped his heart. It drove the horrors of the day far away. She did that for him. She could take him away, transport him to bliss. He did it for her. She felt his base it hung down between his legs. He was soft. She grasped him in her palm and squeezed. The head enlarged. Tighter she would make him hard. She wanted him again before the intrusion of the world tore their moments apart. She squeezed, he swelled. She gazed at his member. It wasn’t filling. She rubbed. She wanted him. She wanted to share herself. She wanted him to lose himself on her.

A rush of nausea sifted to the top of her stomach almost choking her. She held it down. She could smell the sickness, the nausea at the pit of her stomach. For Xiu Ying the hunger strike in the square with the thousands of others had ended three days ago, but the sudden rush of food trundled out to the brave students, had not been the best quality. Over the past few days the vomit, fever and nausea caused by the street food had ransacked her body. For now she just wanted him again.

Come on Wei, fill for me. There was no movement. Come on I want you again. We don’t have much time, let’s go again.

Nnngh, I’m tired.

I don’t need you, only this. She yanked hard down pulling him down between his legs.

Ow! Don’t rip it off.

Come on, it’s mine and I want it hard, now.

There’s too much going on.

The only thing going on, should be you on top of me.

The rolling door rumbled below them in the warehouse. Muffled voices entered. She thought to squeeze him again but let it go. Her hand drifted up across his skinny chest and to his earlobe. She tugged on it. You look after yourself. I want this again.

So it’s all about you?

Yeah. You are required, but mostly just for this. Her knee slid up gently pressing his balls.

You are impossible.

You make me that way. She slid over him and kissed his neck. Her hair fell across him. She kissed his chest. It was not muscular, but protected the heart that had fascinated her dreams for almost two years. She slid lower. Her breasts pushed against the fullness raising between his legs. She kissed his stomach. It was smooth and tight. She could feel his firmness between her breasts, wanting her.

She heard them calling his name. They were climbing up the ladder. It was over. The friends would barge in and their moment would be lost. His friends had no sensitivity toward their love. From the first lantern, date a year and a half ago, she had been adopted by his university friends as another appendage, an extra arm. They treated her with respect as a woman and almost reverence because of her looks, but she was still accepted as part of him, part of the creative artist that oozed ideas and possibilities. It was alright, her love would drink any perception if she could be with her Wei, her love.

The room was tiny but it was what he could afford. It was his style. A huge collection of fabrics and foam, shards of wood and metal, anything he could design with, loomed above them. He lived in his studio or his den of madness as she called it. The narrow bed and single small table was all he had. The room though, oozed inspiration, passion draped every corner of the room. The walls and ceiling, the floor and even the single window were cluttered with items that spoke of art, spoke of expression. She lived in that with him, she lived in his world of art.

The hatch popped open and thudded back.

The head of his best friend Shin popped over the floor level. For shit sake Liu Wei, stop doing that and get down here.

Xiu Ying thought it was amusing that many of his friends were obviously still virgins and could not actually describe the concept of making love. Doing what? she asked.

It flustered Shin and he waved his hand distractedly at them. You know, that.

Wei groaned. Ah, good morning to you to.

What makes you think it’s morning?

Nothing, no idea. We finished at four. What the hell do you want?

I want you off her and down here. Both of you stop doing… that… and get down here. We have to move her now.

What, now? Is she dry? Wei asked.

Yeah, she’s perfect, fantastic. You’re a genius. We just have to cut her up.

What? No way! He bolted to his feet and stared at the hatch.

From the bed, she gazed at the dimples of his butt. She could see his balls hanging down. From her perspective, it looked as if they landed on Shin’s head.

We have to go now. Put your dick away and let’s go. The army are blocking the roads. We have to get her there now.

Do you have a truck?

No, the police are threatening all the truckers. They somehow found out something is up.

Her boyfriend flicked up his underwear and struggled to put his legs through. How’re we going to do it?"

We’ll cut her up and carry her over on carts.

What? Cut her up? Are you out of your mind?

You got a better idea? Come on, there’s a bunch of guys down here and we need to cut and load her. He glanced at Xiu. His eyes glanced down to her cleavage, there was a hunger in them. Wang Xiu Ying get dressed, come on.

Shin, he might want to hang his privates in front of you, but there is no way I will. So, get out. I’ll be there in five minutes.

He nodded awkwardly and disappeared down the ladder.

She reached up and slipped her hand into Wei’s trousers just as he was doing up his belt. The sheet fell from her. She didn’t mind her nudity, her nudity of heart, it was his and only ever his. Wei we must talk. There are things we need to discuss, our future.

Of course, but it’s simple isn’t it? We love each other. We are crazy about each other and we need to finish this mess. We need a decent country if we are going to ever consider a family or life together.

That’s the point. During the hunger strike, until you pulled me out to help with the statue, I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I started eating again, I am not sure. We have to build a world that works. She moved to the small sink and crouched before it. She was