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    Breaking the Silence: A Call to the Church to Help Victims of Child Abuse
    Breaking the Silence: A Call to the Church to Help Victims of Child Abuse
    Breaking the Silence: A Call to the Church to Help Victims of Child Abuse
    Ebook117 pages1 hour

    Breaking the Silence: A Call to the Church to Help Victims of Child Abuse

    By Lisha Lender

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    About this ebook

    The hard truth is that no church or faith-based community is immune to having child abuse happen within its church families. Breaking the Silence will educate you about the realities of child abuse and why many victims blame God for abuse, have a misguided understanding of who He is, and walk away from God and the church.

    It is time for the church to be educated about child abuse and take a stand to support victims. Child abuse includes physical, sexual, and verbal abuse as well as neglect and living in domestic violence. The majority of child abuse is perpetrated by someone in the victim’s family or someone the victim has a close relationship with. Go into the life of victims and learn how they are impacted their entire life by those who abuse them. The ACE study is an eye-opening reality check of the lasting effects of child abuse on victims.

    Abuse within the family system keeps most victims quiet. Victims feel alone and isolated. This isolation affects every relationship the victim has, now and in the future, especially their relationship with God.

    It is time for the faith community to be actively involved in helping victims of child abuse. Child abuse is a crime committed against the very children God has entrusted to us. This is not about protecting the church or maintaining family unity. It is about helping people thrive and live the life God intended for them. This can only happen when the church steps up and is willing to face the reality of the brokenness within many of its church families.

    There is a desperate, silent cry from millions of victims just waiting for someone to notice them, believe them, and help them heal.

    Breaking the Silence is written as a call to educate the church, but it is loaded with information anyone will find useful. Everyone needs to know and understand the realities of child abuse. Whether you know it or not, abuse is happening in your town, in your neighborhood, and possibly in your own home.

    We tend to remain silent about things we do not understand. It is time to break the silence.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThomas Nelson
    Release dateNov 19, 2019
    ISBN9781400327140
    Breaking the Silence: A Call to the Church to Help Victims of Child Abuse
    Author

    Lisha Lender

    Lisha is a lay caregiver who received her calling to follow 2 Corinthians 1:4 “[God] who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”  Lisha attended Bible College and obtained her B.S. in Christian Counseling. She’s a survivor of child abuse and a lifelong learner on how to help others. She speaks in churches about child abuse and encourages victims, both young and old, to seek help and know they’re not alone.

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      Book preview

      Breaking the Silence - Lisha Lender

      Introduction

      Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

      the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

      who comforts us in all our troubles,

      so that we can comfort those in any trouble with

      the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

      For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives,

      so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

      2 Corinthians 1:3–5

      It is easier to believe that child abuse happens somewhere else. It is easier for the church to say, Child abuse is not happening within this congregation. As long as people tell themselves child abuse only happens in other parts of town or in other churches, they can also tell themselves that it is not their problem. The reality is that child abuse happens everywhere and most people, including the church, are not equipped to deal with it.

      This book you are holding will help to equip you. It will give you answers to many of the questions you have about child abuse. This book is not a how to treatment book, but rather it is a book about educating the church to have a knowledgeable conversation about child abuse. After reading this book, the church body should know the following:

      • Understand the broad spectrum of child abuse

      • Recognize signs that abuse may be taking place

      • What to do or not do with the possibility of abuse

      • How to help victims

      There is a lifetime of experience and knowledge in this book. I grew up in an abusive home and have spent much of my adult life studying child abuse and gleaning information that I share with others through educational speaking engagements. This book is that knowledge put into print. You now have it at your fingertips to read immediately and also as a future reference.

      This book is intended to give you an overview of child abuse. Child abuse is a complex issue and there are volumes of literature written about it. This book will give you enough depth so you can see the scope of the problem, but it will not weigh you down as a textbook might. It is of utmost importance for people who work with youth to have useful and accurate information at their fingertips.

      As a survivor and educator of child abuse, I know how important it is for the church to have knowledge about child abuse. This is not an issue that the church can continue to ignore, as if it doesn’t affect them. If you and your church are already prepared to help abuse victims, then I say Praise God for your ability to recognize the problem exists. You are in the minority.

      People leave the church because we are not addressing their specific problems. Child abuse is a specific problem, different from any other problem people have. It cannot be lumped into the pile of nonspecific problems the church talks about. Because of the personal nature of abuse, the deep-seated shame it causes, and the way it affects a person’s view of God, abuse must be addressed specifically. That can only be done if people are educated about child abuse.

      Don’t get me wrong: I love the church and God has saved my life. He has put the passion in my soul to help save others and there is an urgency to save as many as we can before it is too late.

      This book will not be easy to read. Child abuse is a difficult subject and there may be things in here that trigger memories or intense feelings for you. If you have been a victim of abuse, know that you are not alone and be gentle with yourself as you read this book.

      When you are done reading this book, you will be better equipped to help the kids in your youth group, in your church, and in your life deal with the abuse they are living with. You will be able to have knowledgeable conversations about child abuse and you will be able to help other kids, those not directly affected by abuse, be able to be more empathetic and not so judgmental towards their peers.

      Every case of child abuse is different and yet every case of child abuse is the same. There is fear, shame, and isolation in every incident of abuse. The coping mechanisms people use may vary, but every attempt at coping results in dysfunctional behavior that the victim cannot fix on his or her own. As you become educated about child abuse, you will learn to see the pain in student’s lives and you will look at the adults in your congregation differently.

      Do not be the one person who thinks they don’t need to be educated about child abuse. Don’t be the one who thinks child abuse doesn’t happen to kids in your community or in your church. You cannot deny the reality. Kids are being abused and neglected every day, in every community and in families in every church.

      I have been told that the church is too busy to hold a class on child abuse, that they have other priorities. Of course I am appalled by this kind of contempt. But I am not the only one who should be appalled; we all should hold child abuse education as a high priority.

      Too many kids are not receiving the help they need because many churches are choosing to look the other way. People are leaving the church and walking away from God because we are not being good shepherds to His precious children whom He has entrusted to us.

      Does reading or talking about child abuse make you want to run the other way? If you are uncomfortable reading or talking about abuse, how do you think the victim feels while living in the abuse every day?

      Child abuse is not politically correct. You may be offended by some of the things you read. But being educated is not always about being comfortable; it is about learning the hard truths.

      We tend to remain silent about things we do not understand. It is time to break the silence of abuse.

      1

      A Reality Check

      "And whoever welcomes a little child like

      this in my name welcomes me.

      But if anyone causes one of these

      little ones who believe in me to sin,

      it would be better for him to have a large

      millstone hung around his neck

      and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

      Matthew 18:5–6

      Child abuse.

      The statistics are hard to believe.

      The reality is hard to live with.

      Child abuse, or child maltreatment as it is called in the professional world of psychology and medicine, is a broad term that applies to any person under the age of eighteen. Do not think of child abuse as only applying to young children; it applies to infants, preschoolers, elementary-age, adolescents, and teenagers.

      When people think of child abuse, they often think of physical abuse and they assume that if physical abuse is happening, they will see signs of it. While it is true that a lot of physical abuse leaves visible marks on the body, it is truer that physical abuse is just as hidden as any other type of abuse. Child maltreatment also includes neglect, sexual abuse, and verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is also called emotional abuse or psychological abuse. Emotional abuse uses words to control another person and includes intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation, often in public. Psychological abuse may include yelling and threatening to hit the child with the hammer he is holding or it may be name-calling and locking the bedroom door so the child cannot get out. For the purpose of this book, I will use the term verbal abuse, but I believe you will be able to see how verbal abuse easily manifests itself into emotional or psychological abuse.

      I also include kids who live in domestic violence because these kids exhibit the same behaviors as kids who live with other types of abuse. Research is now showing what many of us have known to be true for a long time. Living in domestic violence is a form of child abuse and its consequences are just as harmful as any of the other abuses that are directed at the child. Children who grow up in a violent home have more short- and long-term psychological problems, as well as learning difficulties, lower IQ scores, and problems with memory and attention.¹ According to Childhood Domestic Violence Association (CDV), only 15 percent of the population is aware that

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