The Proper Way to Eat A Peach: A Guide for Christ-Honoring Couples

Connie’s Introduction

I thought I knew what oral sex was. Then I married Mike. I was wrong. I had no idea. I was grossly misinformed.

Mike is an incredibly giving partner. He knows and serves my body in ways that are, quite literally, mind-blowing. His touch, his use of observation, and his constant innovation leave me breathless. And speechless. We have been married nearly eighteen years, and I still find myself drifting off to sleep in a post-orgasmic haze uttering phrases like, What was that? Did you do something different? I almost always get an affirmative response coupled with a sly chuckle reserved only for me. But I never get details. He keeps his secrets to himself.

For years, I have told Mike that he should teach a class on what he does for me in bed. There are many classes I feel he is qualified to teach; oral sex is definitely a subject he has mastered. Though I have never calculated officially, I am quite sure the ten-thousand-hour rule would apply. With his being a virgin until we got married, I honestly don’t know how he knows what he knows because he always gives God the Glory whenever I inquire. The Holy Spirit teaches me how to love you.

Some may wonder why I would want my husband to disclose details about our intimate relationship with other married couples. I have thought about that myself. Do I really want him sharing what he knows and does in our bedroom? I am still not entirely sure, but I do know we have counseled and comforted so many couples over the years who aren’t seeing God’s Best in their Marriage Bed. On some level, I am hoping that if Mike shares his heart on these matters, other couples will catch a vision and find inspiration. That holds value to me. I am hoping our transparency and vulnerability are worth it. The goal seems lofty enough to try.

We have received many requests from couples over the last decade for Mike to teach a class on this (and other subjects). He has always felt a tug in his heart to do so but shied away from it for obvious reasons. I know he wants to help other couples—wives in particular—locate and enjoy fullness in their sexual union. When he told me he was thinking about writing this book (and a few others), my heart was happy. It may not be as interactive as an in-person class, but I know what he has to say will be a blessing to many.

One of the obvious points of awkwardness in having my husband write a book on oral sex (and me writing my commentary) is the implied admission that oral pleasure is part of our married sex life. This, I think, is also a form of ministry. So, without hesitation or shame, I boldly proclaim, Oral sex is an important part of our sex life! I love it. It’s a blessing to us both. It is not gross or forbidden or shameful. It is beautiful. It is a gift from God we both enjoy. You can quote me on that.

Husbands, I pray Mike’s words inspire you to be everything God wants you to be to your wives. This book deals with how to minister properly to your wife through oral sex, but it is about much more than that. It is about being a man, a man of God. It is about being HER man of God, a Christlike servant indeed. This book is written by a master. I have never experienced nor heard of anything like what my husband provides for me in this area. Open your spirit and take notes. I believe God will stir something powerful within you.

Wives, I have often joked about bottling what Mike does to me in bed and selling it. I know we would make millions of dollars from our satisfied and repeat customers. I’m ever-mindful of the countless women I’ve met who feel neglected in their married sex lives, wishing they could experience the ecstasy I’m privileged to enjoy. I grieve for many of these women and dream of pouring Mike’s attitude and aptitude into their husbands so they could move from empty to overflowing in one blissful evening. Of course, this is simply not possible. My husband’s passion and servanthood in our bedroom cannot be bottled, nor will it be shared. The next best thing I can offer YOU is my support of him in writing this book. This is as close as anyone will ever get to receiving from his ministry in this area. You’re welcome.

This is a very up-close glimpse into the glorious, monogamous sex life of a real couple who has seen God salvage gold from the ashes of their joint sexual brokenness and dysfunction. I pray some of what we offer on these pages takes your married sex life higher than you ever imagined.

Stay Frisky!

Connie Smith

Atlanta, Georgia

2019

Chapter One

Oral Sex is Great!

Oral sex, specifically cunnilingus (oral pleasure provided to a wife), is a gift to the Christ-honoring couple. When done properly, it is a jointly given gift, one in which a man partners with his wife’s Heavenly Father to celebrate, liberate, and unleash the grandeur of her sexual Design. Cunnilingus pays due respect to the distinctive nature of female sexual anatomy. It compels each husband to take note of God’s boundless Imagination and to fully—and cheerfully—indulge every orgasmic extravagance afforded to his bride.

As a husband, I’m thrilled to minister to my wife in this manner. Pleasing Connie orally represents my love for her in splendid intersection. My creativity, intuition, humor, passion, servanthood, admiration, appreciation, patience, eagerness, forethought, gratitude, observation, and innovation all collide whenever I take my place between her legs. I’m not merely pleasuring her with my mouth; I’m making love to her from my soul.

All lovemaking (biblically speaking) originates within the heart; oral sex is no exception. Like intercourse, pleasurable cunnilingus is anchored more in a husband’s internal make-up (and how he views his wife) than his external sexual equipment. But unlike intercourse, which is primarily sharing in nature, oral sex is primarily serving in nature. This alone sets cunnilingus apart. Penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex is reciprocal in the stimulation it provides—at least it ought to be. As such, the aspect of selfless servanthood plays a slightly reduced role. Does a man enjoy seeing his wife ravished during intercourse? Obviously. Is the pleasure entirely one-sided? Not in the least.

Whenever Connie enjoys orgasmic satisfaction from my penis during intercourse, my ego sometimes seeks to rear its ugly head—as though the size or shape of my anatomy has done some great thing. This is ridiculous, of course, because a man requires only nominal length and girth to fully serve and satisfy a woman, and no husband can legitimately take pride in something he did not create or select for himself. If Connie is pleased by the fullness she experiences during penetration, what glory is that of mine? The tightness of her vagina around my shaft is God’s doing. If I deserve a pat on the back for any reason, let it be for the kindness, patience, and deference I show toward her.

Ego can creep into oral sex as easily as it can other forms of marital service (inside or outside the bedroom), but because cunnilingus does not include direct genital-to-genital contact, my focus is almost entirely fixed on my wife’s enjoyment. This is not to suggest I don’t get turned-on while pleasing Connie orally. Quite the contrary. I’m often highly aroused, but the pleasure I feel flows from my soul—distinct and apart from stimulation to my body. Cunnilingus frees me to relish the sight, sound, feel, smell, and taste of her arousal. I exult solely in her pleasure, taking no pride in things my love for her compels me to do. The only possible source of arrogance would be that I serve Connie better than any other man has or could, but what place is there for such thinking within a Christ-honoring, exclusive marriage? None at all.

MORE THAN FOREPLAY

Of the few husbands routinely providing oral pleasure to their wives, even fewer understand and embrace its full scope and splendor. For many, oral sex is something they do while on their way to doing something else in the Marriage Bed. They view it as an act of perfunctory courtesy, an obligatory handshake before getting down to official business. This is woefully shortsighted. Oral sex can be foreplay, but it’s definitely not restricted to the warm-up arena.

Men who approach cunnilingus in a half-hearted manner do so for many reasons, not the least of which is their subconscious indifference toward female Design. Because the penis is cylindrical in shape, we men are conditioned from our youth to crave the inverse form of that shape—a tube of sorts—to sheathe our penises and supply friction. Most of us expend abundant energy throughout our lives seeking and securing this cylindrical pleasure in one way or other. In the absence of an actual vagina, we become adept at exploiting whatever might simulate one, especially our own hands.

When we marry, many of us wrongly assume that because our cylinder is pleasurably connecting with her various tubes, both parties must be fully satisfied. Some of us falsely conclude the tubular nature of our wife’s vagina, mouth, hands, squeezed-together breasts, and/or anus signifies a completed sexual circle—one we stand proudly in the center of. Unfortunately, this not only ignores the enormity of God’s sexual Creativity, it also frustrates many wives.

Do women experience orgasmic release from penile insertion and thrusting? Certainly! Does PIV intercourse encompass the full scope of female sexual possibility? Not even close. Though complementary, men and women differ in Design and function. Apart from the enjoyment some men get from prostate pressure, all male pleasure is basically the same. Yes, different insertion points provide different sensations/pressures, and yes, some forms of stimulation are more intense than others, but generally speaking a male orgasm is a male orgasm is a male orgasm. Women, because of God’s manifold Wisdom, are not this way.

All women were created with the capacity to experience wide-ranging orgasmic pleasure through diverse forms of stimulation. I speak not in the context of Freudian debate but as a matter of simple fact: female orgasmic sensations can vary widely. They may be deep or surface, localized or full-bodied, rapid or slow-building. They may be accompanied by light ripples or crashing waves, soft whimpers or curdling screams. They may end in guttural contraction or gushing release, leaving a woman rigid, suspended, and arched or shaking, quivering, and collapsed.

Female orgasm is like female sexual creation itself—layered, nuanced, and wondrous. A wife’s varied climactic response is worthy of reverence and celebration because she is—and all of her inner and outer intricacy comes from God. This is what makes cunnilingus significant beyond the mere pleasure it provides. When we men gloss over, avoid, belittle, or shame a woman’s divinely-implanted yearning for oral stimulation, we do so in contempt of Divine Invention. Only a carnally minded fool would display such disdain for his wife and her Creator.

Throughout most of our culture and history, society has depicted sex in the monochromatic light of male pleasure and potential without sufficient consideration for how God fashioned women. Despite measured progress, many wives are still shamed for taking too long to orgasm, but not enough people ask, Compared with what or to whom? Approaching married sex in this manner does not honor God—nor does it serve wives well. The best many women can hope for is to marry a man conscientious enough to let her climax first—whatever that means. Sadly, hope is all many women will ever have in their Marriage Bed.

Connie has counseled more than a few wives over the years who uneasily confess to waiting for their husbands to fall asleep after intercourse so they may quietly finish by themselves. How backwards and unfair! The guilt these women carry perplexes me, especially since it doesn’t seem theirs to bear. The shame is more fittingly laid at the feet of their uninformed, unconcerned, and/or uncaring husbands—each of whom is guilty of marital robbery according to Scripture.

For men, especially men of faith, this inequity demands sincere attention and repentance—a genuine change of heart, mind, and attitude. We must stop defining sex through the scope of our ignorance and conceit, and we must resist viewing female pleasure through our narrow, penis-centered lens. There is no excuse for failing to imitate Christ’s servanthood in every aspect of marriage, including sex. We must demand better of ourselves, offer better to our wives, and expect better for our sons and daughters.

Imagine if roles were reversed and society embraced a lopsided, female-defined standard of pleasure and fulfillment. What if women were only taught to tap, flick, kiss, and lick the very tip of the penis, depriving men of the encompassing, tube-like sensation they naturally desire? What if the masses of women walked around perplexed by their husband’s orgasmic difficulties, I get my pleasure when he rubs the head of my clitoris, why can’t he get his when I rub the head of his penis? Would we men find a way to climax in the face of such affront to our Design? Probably. Would we be forever LONGING for something deeper and more immersive? Absolutely!

Cunnilingus is too broad and too beautiful to be relegated to the hors d’oeuvre category. It deserves a prominent role in the Marriage Bed because it’s part of the Full Female Pleasure Spectrum (FFPS). Every wife should be supported in her pursuit and enjoyment of the FULL ARRAY of God’s sexual Design; cunnilingus is a vital part of that array.

CONNIE’S COMMENTARY

Oral sex is GREAT? Ain’t it though!

Society generally views sex from the perspective of male ego and satisfaction, but in Christ’s economy it’s intended to be mutually celebrated and jointly enjoyed. Giving and receiving oral sex should be part of this enjoyment.

Inequality persists in many bedrooms, but a revolution is taking place. Couples are shaking off the slumber of age-old lies regarding female sexual expression, and they are awakening to discover the sexual universe doesn’t revolve around men or male pleasure. No longer duped by dead religiosity or outdated pseudo-science, greater numbers of women and men are embracing God’s Truth about female sexuality and rejecting fallen-world falsehoods. Mike and I are one such couple. We feel compelled to share what we’re learning.

No rational person believes God intended the wonders of married sex for husbands alone. Men don’t have naturally higher sex drives than women. Men aren’t instinctively more interested in sex than women. Men don’t automatically treasure sex more than women, and they don’t necessarily enjoy it more. Sex isn’t more emotional for women, nor is it less physical. And legitimate sex never concludes until BOTH parties have expressed their orgasmic will and had their orgasmic fill.

Married sex isn’t something for wives to simply tolerate and accommodate; it’s something they should anticipate and enjoy. A sexually captivated wife is a normal wife. A woman who fantasizes about being naked with her husband is not acting like a man; she is embracing the beauty of her Design.

At the start of our married sex journey, I longed to satisfy my husband but never really thought about my own identity as a sexual being. Mike waited with bated breath to please me by eating my peach (or any number of other activities), but my damaged self-concept put a lid on my physical desire. The sexual passion we now share in our bedroom (or whatever room we find ourselves) was needlessly delayed for nearly a decade.

During those early years, Mike and I learned that shaming, blaming, or otherwise putting stress on a seemingly unresponsive partner is a lose-lose enterprise. When people feel sexually anxious, their orgasmic response retreats. Their anxiety may be real or imagined, self-imposed or partner driven, but in every case it’s counterproductive and frustrating. If left unaddressed, one or both partners wind up feeling bitter, rejected, and devalued.

Sometimes wives worry unnecessarily about their climax, becoming overly occupied with reaching orgasm instead of simply enjoying sex. Some resort to faking it or abandoning their orgasmic expectation completely. While I never faked a climax with Mike, I did find myself struggling with thoughts of being a sexual failure in our marriage and a disappointment to my husband. My sexually disconnected soul and bodily numbness did a number on Mike’s self-concept. He mistook my lack of response as an indication he lacked prowess and capability. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

This misunderstanding created some intense moments early on. More than once, Mike expressed annoyance over what he perceived to be a combination of my indifference and his inability. His outbursts inadvertently drove whatever orgasmic response I might have had even deeper underground. We continued down this dysfunctional path for so long that it eventually undermined the effortlessness of Mike’s climax as well. Not only did he have to work harder to get me off, but he had to concentrate harder to get himself off. It was a difficult Season to say the least. We’d tied ourselves in a dreadful knot, and our misguided yanking on the strings only made things worse. It took a lot of talking and listening, apologizing and forgiving over that first year to recover the ease in our budding sexual relationship. Though we were still confused and broken, we concluded we were in it together—for the long haul.

The idea of partnership is central to every aspect of married life. Whether it involves sex, finances, parenting, or managing household tasks, couples who embrace life’s joys and challenges as teammates fare far better than those who operate like opponents. In the Marriage Bed, lovers should be aligned in their goal of dual satisfaction. The tension between serving and being served in the bedroom becomes a beautiful dance when couples view lovemaking as an extension of their total-life partnership.

Mike and I decided a long time ago to fully incorporate our best-friend-ness into our sexual relationship. It has made all the difference. We invest in our emotional, devotional, recreational, and conversational partnership before, during, and after our naked time together. Our ongoing communication and sharing outside the bedroom fosters an atmosphere for increasing oneness inside the bedroom—the way God intended.

Because cunnilingus is solely focused on a woman’s pleasure, it’s often consigned to the taboo-y, inconvenient, and nasty sidelines of Christian marital interaction. This should not be. Cunnilingus isn’t foreplay, nor is it a means of wifely pacification before getting down to the real sexual business at hand (or vagina or mouth or wherever). A husband who eats his wife’s peach ought not act like he’s doing her a favor. And hasty, obligatory oral (or digital) attention below her waist does not make him a hero. Couples who approach cunnilingus as an aside to actual sex sell themselves short and short-change each other.

Eating a peach properly begins with a patient and generous husband affirming his wife’s right to focused, unrushed pleasure. He should honor her willingness to assume such a vulnerable sexual posture and assure her of his dedication to her comfort and fulfillment. This is one of many incredible things about my husband. He doesn’t treat my satisfaction as an afterthought, and I never get the impression his going down on me is simply a tick-box on his lovemaking checklist.

If you glean nothing else from chapter one, it should be obvious Mike is passionate about feasting in my garden. He is always looking for innovative ways to heighten and expand the experience. His enthusiasm relaxes me, allowing me to freely express my desire and concentrate on my pleasure. He’s never in a hurry to finish and always encourages me to take my time—no matter how often I come