Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    The Auto Auction
    The Auto Auction
    The Auto Auction
    Ebook157 pages1 hour

    The Auto Auction

    By Jeffry Weiss

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Bobby Conway, owner of S&M Motors, is wheeling and dealing in the madcap world of the auto auctions.  Approaching 40 he's growing tired of the game, but there's too much money and too much "bling" to just let go.  Then he meets Kathleen. 

    She encourages Bobby to follow his outrageous dream: get out of the car business and open a home for wayward kids.  However, there are huge obstacles.  He is threatened by two "wise guys" - Tony Mailbox and Joey A - who need his expertise to rob the auto auction; and two "aspiring terrorists", Samood and Achmed, who "insist" on his help in using the auto auction to smuggle money and explosives into the country.  In the meantime, Bobby tries constantly to drum up business for giant toilets wherever he goes.  All this, while the cops conduct their own undercover investigation into the used car business. 

    Bobby uses wit, humor, and absurdity along with the support of a friend, Paul Pottimouth, with Tourette's syndrome, nuns, a funeral director, and an undercover cop to overcome all obstacles.  The wise guys are "arrested" by laughter.  In a twist of fate, the terrorists become used car dealers, and the man with Tourette's winds up testifying before a Congressional committee.  All of the characters change, but many in unexpected ways.  

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJeffry Weiss
    Release dateAug 16, 2019
    ISBN9781393453697
    The Auto Auction
    Author

    Jeffry Weiss

    BIOGRAPHY Mr. Weiss attended Central High School, at the time recognized as the top High School academically in the U.S.  He then attended Drexel University where he gained a BS in History, Temple University where he earned an MA in Economics and the University of Pennsylvania where he received an MA in International Affairs.  Those studies provided him with unique insights in the realm of foreign policy, military capabilities, détente, and trade. He has been a writer for forty plus years and has penned hundreds of articles on social, political, and economic issues.  He has written position papers for the Carter and Clinton Administrations and his work on social issues has received recognition directly from the office of the President of México.  He speaks regularly with Noam Chomsky on political, economic, cultural, and military issues. Mr. Weiss writes political, military, economic and scientific thrillers.  There are now twelve books in the Paul Decker series.  All his stories come right off the front pages of the major magazines and newspapers but none of his plots has ever found their way into novel before.  His characters are ones readers can relate to: flawed, not superheroes.  His stories do not require a leap of faith or use deus ex machina. Finally, he has written a stage play, “Einstein at the Guten Zeiten (good times) Beer Garden, and an urban horror novel: “The Art of Theft”, a modern day version of “The Picture of Dorian Grey” by Oscar Wilde.

    Read more from Jeffry Weiss

    Related to The Auto Auction

    Related ebooks

    Action & Adventure Fiction For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      The Snake Wears A Tank Top

      Oct 5, 2023

      The Snake Wears A Tank Top
      17 min read

    • Article

      The Middle Lane

      Aug 10, 2022

      The Middle Lane
      2 min read

    • Article

      The Blue Meanie!

      Dec 22, 2020

      The Blue Meanie!
      8 min read

    • Article

      The Souls of Latarian Milton

      Oct 29, 2018

      The Souls of Latarian Milton
      8 min read

    • Article

      Not So Fast

      Mar 6, 2024

      Not So Fast
      3 min read

    • Article

      Jake Hayes

      Mar 29, 2021

      INTERVIEW BY TRENT FAHEY Jake Hayes grew up in Sydney, cutting his teeth at iconic spots like Martin Place, Chifley Plaza and Cook and Phillip. He’ll always have a soft spot for the gritty Sydney city skate scene, but these days he lives in Koreato

      15 min read

    • Article

      All-time Low

      Sep 3, 2021

      All-time Low
      5 min read

    • Article

      Billy Bob Thornton

      Sep 1, 2018

      Don’t define Billy Bob Thornton by the roles he chooses. He hasn’t lost that aura of being a down-home Arkansas country boy, but he’s also an award-winning actor, filmmaker, poet, and musician. He’s been married six times, yet he remains a romantic.

      2 min read

    • Article

      One For The Road?

      Dec 10, 2021

      One For The Road?
      6 min read

    • Article

      Goofy Joe

      Jul 4, 2022

      Just on a month ago, a lot of people — myself included — were gutted to learn that our friend Robin Silk had just lost his hard-fought battle with leukaemia. The auditorium at Southward Car Museum holds more than 500 people and, with that packed out,

      5 min read

    • Article

      Esquire Fiction

      Aug 17, 2023

      Esquire Fiction
      14 min read

    • Article

      Staging A Comeback

      May 25, 2022

      Staging A Comeback
      6 min read

    • Article

      Greater Clements

      Apr 27, 2020

      Greater Clements
      88 min read

    • Article

      Strictly Speaking

      Dec 24, 2021

      Strictly Speaking
      6 min read

    • Article

      Johnno Halchenko

      Dec 12, 2019

      Johnno Halchenko
      13 min read

    • Article

      Firing Up Editor

      May 26, 2023

      Living in Orange County, California, I’m exposed to a good amount of cultural diversity. On my street alone, you’ll find a couple of imports and a few domestics. Yep, there is quite an automotive mix in my neighborhood, and I’m proud to be part of it

      2 min read

    • Article

      Meet Ronniemac

      Dec 13, 2017

      Meet Ronniemac
      5 min read

    • Article

      My Herbie Story

      Jun 9, 2020

      My Herbie Story
      3 min read

    • Article

      Gabbers And Friends

      Jun 28, 2023

      Gabbers And Friends
      14 min read

    • Article

      Feedback

      May 13, 2019

      Feedback
      3 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for The Auto Auction

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      The Auto Auction - Jeffry Weiss

      Jeffry Weiss

      303-525-1771

      jeffryweiss@gmail.com

      Black screen, white letter:

      I LOVE TO SLEEP.  I’D RATHER SLEEP THAN EAT OR HAVE SEX.  SO IF I HAVE TO GET UP IN THE MORNING, SOMEBODY’S GOT TO PAY.

      ––––––––

      Joe Girard, The World’s Greatest Used Car Salesman.

      FADE IN:

      ––––––––

      EXT.  L.A. CALIF. – DAY

      Sunlight breaks through the clouds, illuminating Los Angeles below. In response, the city spreads its wings: palm trees, million dollar homes, Rodeo Drive. 

      Continuing beyond the splendor - factories, blue-collar neighborhoods, Walmart - halting over an INDUSTRIAL PARK.

      ––––––––

      EXT.  USED CAR LOT - DAY

      A large one-story building.

      A sign hangs out front: S&M MOTORS

      There are about twenty cars of all ages and prices out front, with strings of lights criss-crossing the lot. Billboards advertise: DEEP DISCOUNT FUNERALS. TWO FOR ONE SPECIALS.

      The low angle light of a late afternoon seeps into the clearstory windows of the building, providing a bird’s-eye view of the garage.

      ––––––––

      INT.  S&M MOTORS - DAY

      It’s a full service garage: miles rolled back, wrecks rebuilt, flood cars refurbished, insurance scams, midnight auto supply.

      Cars in every state of repair and condition are spread out over the huge work area. Metal shelves hold all manner of parts. Cars are spliced together: red fenders on a black BMW, silver front end on a white AUDI, green doors on a blue JAGUAR.

      Music plays in the background. RACHMANINOFF: PIANO CONCERTO #2

      BOBBY CONWAY (40’s) choreographs the action.  Easy going.  Leftover hippie, but college articulate. Shaggy brown hair, winsome eyes,

      an easy smile.

      He’s a dichotomy. Much of what he does is illegal, yet he has an endearing quality about him.                 

      Bobby waves his hands as if conducting the concerto.

      He realizes he hasn’t done any work since lunch and so he get to it. He extracts the instrument cluster from a 2008 Chevy Tahoe, and turns it over.

      TIGHT SHOT: Bobby delicately plugs a small HAND-HELD COMPUTER into the back of the odometer and punches in numbers. The miles blink, then go from 145,000 to 45,000 in an instant.

      Bobby is totally nonchalant. He’s obviously done it a million times. 

      Employee #1 (BILLY – 30’s) is a greaser, but a graduate from the cool school.  He opens the door to an OLDS CUTLASS standing next to him.

      CLOSE UP ON THE CAR; A flood of WATER, along with some FISH, pour out of the car. There are FLOWERS growing through the dash and patches of GRASS on the seats. Billy sticks the nozzle of a giant SHOP VAC in the car and begins sucking out the left over water. 

      BOBBY

      Hey.  Turn that thing down to low. I can’t hear the virtuoso cadenza.

      Billy complies. 

      A moment passes. Billy calls out to employee #2 (PHIL - 20’s) a computer nerd.

      BILLY

      There seems to be a little mildew here, Phil. Hand me that spray bottle of flood fix we just

      picked up.

      Phil is hunched over a MICROSCOPE.  

      PHIL

      (totally focused)   

      Just a minute. I’m almost finished here.

      TIGHT SHOT: Phil peers down the tube of the microscope.

      PHIL’S POV: An ULTRA FINE BRUSH whites out the hundred thousand miles digit on a title. The miles go from 145,000 to 45,000. The same miles that are now on the odometer Bobby’s working on!

      BACK TO SCENE:

      Phil admires his work for a moment, then walks over to Billy with the SPRAY BOTTLE. 

      PHIL

      What’s that scent? Eau de swamp?

      (after thought)

      You could open a flower store with all the shit growing in there.

      There is a knock on the shop door. Bobby throws a worried look at Billy. 

      BOBBY

      I thought Stan was watching the lot today.

      BILLY

      He went on a parts run.

      Bobby starts to walk over to the door, but not before sliding the instrument cluster under the counter. Phil stashes the microscope in a desk drawer.

      Bobby opens the door, sticking his head out a narrow opening. He confronts an Indian, SINGE PATEL, who stands determined, sporting a traditional headdress. He’s visibly upset.

      There is a brief push / pull as Singe and Bobby fight for control of the door. 

      Singe wins Round 1.

      SINGE PATEL

      I must speak to the owner.

      BOBBY

      Is this in reference to his funeral expenses?

      SINGE PATEL

      He is dead?

      BOBBY

      Run over by a cab.

      SINGE PATEL

      Probably driven by an Indian.

      BOBBY

      You said it, not me.

      Bobby rubs away fake tears.

      BOBBY

      Left three kids behind.

      Singe Patel maneuvers past Bobby, looking for incriminating evidence in the shop.

      SINGE PATEL

      Never the less, I must speak to whoever is in charge. You perhaps?

      BOBBY

      Me?  No. I’m a comedian. I’m just here tryin’ to come up with new material. His wife inherited the place but she’s in labor with their fourth child. 

      Bobby puts a hand on Mr. Patel’s shoulder, chokes up, chest heaving.

      BOBBY (CON’T)

      Four kids with no dad. What’s worse than that?

      Singe Patel is waving his hands erratically; walking around in a small circle like one foot is nailed to the floor.

      SINGE PATEL

      (dismissively)

      The car I was sold is berry, berry bad. 

      BOBBY

      We fired the salesman who sold you the car. He was an illegal alien.  We’re supposed to report anybody

      who can’t say, very, to the INS.  Can I see your green card?

      Singe Patel starts to reach for his wallet before regaining his senses.

      BOBBY (CON’T)

      Say, why’d you need a station wagon anyway? We’ve got plenty of sedans.

      SINGE PATEL

      For my snakes.

      Bobby doesn’t know if he is being played or not.

      BOBBY

      Don’t tell me; you’re a snake charmer.

      SINGLE PATEL

      Okay, I won’t tell you.

      BOBBY

      Thanks.

      SINGE PATEL   

      I

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1