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    My Life as Alien Monster Bait
    My Life as Alien Monster Bait
    My Life as Alien Monster Bait
    Ebook122 pages1 hour

    My Life as Alien Monster Bait

    By Bill Myers

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    About this ebook

    Classic stories from the Wally McDoogle series now with new designs and spot illustrations throughout.

    “Hollyweird” comes to Middletown! Wally’s a superstar! A movie company has chosen our hero to be eaten by their mechanical “Mutant from Mars!” It’s a close race as to which will consume Wally first – the disaster-plagued special-effects “monster” or his own out-of-control pride … until he learns the cost of true friendship and of God’s command for humility.

    My Life as Alien Monster Bait keep young readers laughing while learning about who it really is who deserves “star treatment.”

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThomas Nelson
    Release dateSep 10, 2019
    ISBN9780785231189
    Author

    Bill Myers

    Bill Myers (www.Billmyers.com) is a bestselling author and award-winning writer/director whose work has won sixty national and international awards. His books and videos have sold eight million copies and include The Seeing, Eli, The Voice, My Life as, Forbidden Doors, and McGee and Me.

    Read more from Bill Myers

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      Book preview

      My Life as Alien Monster Bait - Bill Myers

      Other My Life As . . . Books

      a Smashed Burrito with Extra Hot Sauce

      Alien Monster Bait

      a Broken Bungee Cord

      Crocodile Junk Food

      Dinosaur Dental Floss

      a Torpedo Test Target

      For other books by Bill Myers, including

      more of the My Life As . . . series,

      stop by www.billmyers.com.

      My Life as Alien Monster Bait

      © 1993 by Bill Myers

      Illustrations © 2019 by Thomas Nelson

      All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

      Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Tommy Nelson. Tommy Nelson is an imprint of Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc.

      Scripture quotations are taken from the International Children’s Bible®. Copyright © 1986, 1988, 1999 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

      ISBN-13: 978-0-7852-3114-1

      Cover and interior illustrations: Julianne St. Clair

      Epub Edition July 2019 9780785231189

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Myers, Bill, 1953–

      My life as alien monster bait / Bill Myers

      p. cm. — (The incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; #2)

      Summary: Wally’s pride gets out of control when he is chosen by a movie company to be in the film they are making in Middletown, until he discovers the cost of true friendship and God’s desire for humility.

      ISBN 978-0–8499–3403–2

      [1. Motion pictures—Production and direction—Fiction. 2. Christian life—Fiction. 3. Humorous stories.] I. Title. II. Series: Myers, Bill, 1953–  . Incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; #2

      PZ7.M98234Myp 1993

      CIP

      AC

      Printed in the United States of America

      19 20 21 22 23 LSC 5 4 3 2 1

      To Bob and Ilene—

      For your love and support these many years

      Contents

      1. Just for Starters

      2. Behind the Closed Door

      3. School Daze

      4. Death of a Dork-oid

      5. Lights, Camera, Not So Much Action

      6. A Day Off or an Off Day?

      7. And . . . Action!

      8. The Plot Sickens

      9. Send in the Fleas!

      10. Wrapping Up

      Never think that some people are more important than others.

      —James 2:1

      Chapter 1

      Just for Starters

      Science class was created for sleep.

      That’s pretty obvious.

      The way I figure it, God knew kids would like to stay up late. He also knew they’d hate English, geography, math, and all the other brain bruisers grownups would dream up. So He created something like science class (which we can’t possibly understand anyway) so we can catch some zzz’s and keep staying up late.

      Simple, right?

      Not to Reptile Man. That’s what we called Mr. Reptenson, our science teacher. He seemed to think the life stages of a moth were more important than what late-night talk shows have to say.

      Talk about a weird set of values.

      At the moment Reptile Man was droning on about carbon dioxide, oxygen, and photo-something-or-other. You know, the usual non-stop, action/adventure, science stuff.

      I slipped my leg under my seat and sat on it. Then I threw a look over to Opera. He was my best friend for as long as I could remember. Well, ever since last summer at Camp Whacko. He’s a fellow Dork-oid. You know, Dork-oids . . .

      —the ones wearing the same haircuts everyone else wore five years ago

      —the ones wearing their brother’s or sister’s hand-me-downs that are still just a little too big

      —the ones always picked last when choosing sides for sports of any kind

      Or, as the dictionary reads:

      Dork-oids (dor•koidś) n. 1. Bottom of the human food chain. 2. Triple-A losers.

      Anyway, we Dork-oids always stick together. Through thick or thin, we’re always there for one another. In fact, we even have our own hand signal—a clinched fist with the little finger raised. It means, I know it’s not easy being the All-School Fool, but hang in there ’cause you’ve got company.

      Opera was already nodding off. I tell you, the guy could sleep through anything—except classical music. And, of course, breakfast . . . or lunch . . . or dinner . . . or the sound of any potato chip bag being opened within a mile.

      Reptile Man stood behind the counter at the front of the room. I was way in the back. No way could he see me. So I closed my eyes for just a second, or two, or twenty, or—

      Mr. McDoogle?

      I jerked and blinked awake.

      Would you be so kind as to come up here and demonstrate?

      I swallowed nervously. I had no idea what the guy was talking about, so I tried to stall. I uh . . . I don’t think I’m qualified.

      Everyone giggled.

      Mr. McDoogle, if you’re a human being who inhales oxygen and exhales carbon dioxide, believe me, you qualify.

      More giggles.

      One other thing I forgot to mention about Reptile Man—he hated me. The guy always picked on me. The best I figure, he knew I was the only one in the school who couldn’t beat him up. And since he had to take out his frustrations on somebody, and since I was the only one available . . . well, there I was . . . ready, willing, and not so able.

      Mr. McDoogle . . . we’re waiting . . .

      Oh . . . right, I stuttered. No problem. I stood up, took one step forward, then fell flat on my face. Seems my eyes weren’t the only things that had fallen asleep. My leg had also taken a little nap. Of course everyone laughed. And of course I jumped up, giving my usual McDoogle-the-idiot grin. It’s like one of my trademarks. McDonald’s has its golden arches; I’ve got my idiot grin.

      I half limped, half staggered to the front of the class. (My foot was a slow riser.)

      A glass beaker sat on the counter. There was some liquid inside it and a glass tube, like a straw.

      Reptile Man was wet with perspiration. He was always wet with perspiration. You could put him in the middle of Antarctica, and there’d still be sweat on his forehead. Of course

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