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    Loving Gordon: A Dementia Caregiver's Journey
    Loving Gordon: A Dementia Caregiver's Journey
    Loving Gordon: A Dementia Caregiver's Journey
    Ebook132 pages1 hour

    Loving Gordon: A Dementia Caregiver's Journey

    By Ruth Baird Pollard

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    About this ebook

    When her husband, Gordon, was diagnosed first with Alzheimer's dementia and later Lewy body dementia, Ruth and Gordon Pollard faced the challenge of their lifetime. Aiming to keep him at home as long as possible while knowing a memory care facility might be an eventual reality, Ruth educated herself about every aspect of the disease, attending seminars and reading stacks of books. She embraced support from family, friends and neighbors and joined a support group. And most importantly she asked for help, for this journey cannot be completed on one's own.

    Along the way, Ruth found wisdom in the words and actions of professional caregivers as well as her dearest loved ones. Surprisingly, help also came from complete strangers in the form of encouragement and understanding. The journal she kept for several years now supports and inspires caregivers and their family members through their walk with dementia, one of life's most arduous, tender and compassionate journeys.

    And now...

    It's your turn to experience this captivating memoir... Scroll up, download, and enjoy Loving Gordon today!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherCitrine Publishing
    Release dateDec 1, 2018
    ISBN9781947708358
    Loving Gordon: A Dementia Caregiver's Journey

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      Book preview

      Loving Gordon - Ruth Baird Pollard

      Loving Gordon

      Praise for Loving Gordon

      What’s the life of a family caregiver like? Only a person who has experienced the highs and many lows of being in that role can truly describe that experience. Ruth honestly shares her life and that of her husband in the long and difficult journey of living with dementia and being a family caregiver. As I was reading the very personal account of Ruth's story, I felt like I was right there with her. She makes the challenges of this caregiving journey come alive.

      —Sharon Lewis, RN, PhD, FAAN

      President and Developer

      Stress-Busting Program for Family Caregivers

      "A tribute to a touching love story, Loving Gordon gives us an authentic look inside the heart of dementia. This caregiver’s narrative dives deep into the realities of how dementia affects the mind, body, and spirit of the patient, but even more so, how it impacts the people they love. Just when you  wonder how one can survive such loss, Ruth Pollard will answer this question and bring you far beyond it, with the realization that love can transcend any illness or circumstance."

      —Chloe Rachel Gallaway

      Author

      The Soulful Child: Twelve Years in the Wilderness

      Ruth Pollard’s beautifully written book describes the challenges of those caring for a spouse with dementia. She shows the humanity and maturity they need to succeed in this role. She also shares how she managed her husband’s care by seeking education, support, and help. Most importantly, she helps readers understand that life’s most difficult experiences can deepen the soul of those who can love others. As a friend of Ruth’s and a former caregiver for a spouse with dementia, I was always inspired by her.

      —Jan Kilby

      Writing consultant and Freelance Writer

      San Antonio, Texas

      Loving Gordon

      A Dementia Caregiver’s Journey

      Ruth Baird Pollard

      Citrine Publishing

      Copyright © 2018 by Ruth Baird Pollard. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations included in critical articles and reviews. For information, address Permissions@CitrinePublishing.com.

      Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for well-being. In the event you use any of the information in the book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and publisher assume no responsibility for your actions. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher.

      Editing by Carol White

      Cover design by Rolf Busch

      Cover photo by John Pollard

      Author Photo by Kim Jew

      Flourish designed by Alvaro Cabrera / Freepik

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Pollard, Ruth Baird

      Loving Gordon: A Dementia Caregiver’s Journey

      p. cm.

      Paperback ISBN: 978-1-947708-32-7

      Ebook ISBN: 978-1-947708-35-8

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2018965038

      First Edition, December 2018

      Citrine Publishing

      Asheville, North Carolina, U.S.A.

      (828) 585 - 7030

      Publisher@CitrinePublishing.com www.CitrinePublishing.com

      For Annabelle, our family, and caregivers everywhere

      In Memoriam

      Claude Pollard

      Gordon Pollard

      Kent Johansson

      and

      Tammy Pollard Johansson

      Contents

      Epigraph

      Prologue

      A Love Letter

      Caregiver’s Journal

      Epilogue

      About Gordon David Pollard

      A Note to My Readers

      Resources

      About the Author

      Publisher’s Note

      Loving Gordon: A Dementia Caregiver’s Journey

      April 13, 2011

      This evening at church the homily was about extravagant love, the kind of love demonstrated by the poor woman who saved a whole year’s wages to buy an expensive oil to anoint Jesus’s body after the crucifixion. The kind of love that asks for nothing in return, that gives unconditionally from an open and loving heart. At the end of the homily, our pastor asked us to think of ways we could love extravagantly, so I have started my journal again to pay tribute to Gordon; to leave something to mark our journey; to record my thoughts and feelings; to leave a record for our children and grandchildren. Unless one lives with dementia, and comes to know intimately its ravaging effects on the mind and body, it is hard to understand the effect not only on the patient, but also on the extended family as well.

      People ask how I cope with everything; they say it must be awful to see the effects of dementia on Gordon, and they are right. There are several answers. First is my abiding faith in God. Looking through the lens of my life, I can clearly see that God had prepared me for this journey. Without His preparation, I would be lost.

      The second answer is that I fully accepted the fact of Gordon’s dementia, almost from the day he was diagnosed. I have not denied his illness nor asked why this was happening to us. I have accepted the fact that this is simply what happened and do not ask the unanswerable question of why? It just is.

      Thirdly, I made it a priority to become educated about dementia. There are many excellent books on the subject and the Alzheimer’s Association is a wonderful resource. Also, I have as much help as possible. This is a journey one cannot undertake alone without seriously damaging one’s own mental and physical health. It is vitally important to seek support from family, friends, and a caregiver support group. Many people are going through the same thing I am (and some situations are much worse). It is so helpful to talk through problems and to obtain insight from other families.

      I could not stop thinking and planning for my life after Gordon. In some ways I was ready to be done with this part of our journey, yet I cherished every hour we had together. Each moment was more precious than it would have been without his dementia. In a perverse way, dementia taught me to value every moment of life. I have learned loving compassion and extreme patience. Recently, I was thinking of my future when Gordon walked into the room. I gave him a long hug and felt a twinge of guilt for planning my life when he was still there before me, his body warm, and his touch gentle.

      I kissed his neck and thought, Please forgive me for planning to go on without you.

      Prologue

      Fall 2017

      In my dream today, I heard Gordon doing some chores.

      What was in that small cardboard box out in the garage? he wondered aloud.

      It was a ceramic egg poacher that I ordered from a friend of mine, I replied.

      Oh, so you just drop an egg in there and microwave it? he said.

      Well, you have to put a little water in with it, I said.

      He was wandering around carrying a large sheet of plastic.

      I think I can fix the box with this, he said as he walked toward the couch where I was napping.

      Come here so I can give you a kiss, I said.

      He stepped toward me and leaned down. I lifted my head toward him; it felt like lead but I wanted so badly to kiss him. With great effort my lips touched his face. I could feel the rough stubble of his beard. His skin tasted slightly salty and damp. His warm cheek yielded to my gentle kiss.

      I awoke thinking, He was so real, so real.

      As I gradually took in my surroundings and realized Gordon wasn’t there, I felt sadness. He had come to me in my dream, bringing me the wonderful memory of our love.

      For about five years I have dreamt of telling my family and other caregivers about Gordon’s and my journey through dementia. I’ve yearned to share how two people navigated this difficult journey, not always perfectly but with perseverance and love—and to let them know that if we could do it, they can too. I’ve wanted to share how he came to the end of his earthly journey, and was made perfect and whole once again.

      I arrived at the end of our path a little battered and bruised, but with a renewed purpose in life. I invite you into our world. May the story of our journey renew you and give you hope.

      A Love Letter

      WINTER 2016

      Dec 29, 2016

      Dear Gordon,

      People ask me why I want to write a

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