The CEO Life

Preface: A Note from

the Other Side of the Desk

ACCESS IS EVERYTHING to the small business owner. The ability to be considered for and secure corporate contracts can transform a business from a fledgling entrepreneurial venture into a thriving enterprise. However, as the General Manager for Supply Chain Management and Supplier Diversity at Delta Air Lines, I’ve discovered something that many of the small business owners I interact with are unaware of when they seek those contracts. Access is just the beginning.

Many entrepreneurs dream of landing a contract as a supplier for a major corporation, and it’s certainly a dream worth pursuing. A successfully executed contract with just one major corporation can pull your business out of the small category, launching you to new levels of revenue and profitability. It can also lead to new contracts with other corporations, so that first successful relationship is crucial. However, the only way to secure the deal and successfully execute on it is to be corporate ready. This is a different world from selling direct to consumer or business to business. Your business must be ready to scale to the level required of the vendors who work with some of the biggest companies in the world. Fortunately, positioning your business to scale to meet demand is doable, especially if you have a mentor to guide you along the way.

That’s where T. Renee Smith and The CEO Life come in. I first met T. Renee when she came on board during the developmental stages of Delta’s Supplier Development Academy. The program is designed to help small business owners master the strategies required to position themselves for sustainability and to be ready to scale when the opportunity presents itself. Through our work with these suppliers, T. Renee and I reached the same conclusion. Most small business owners need to stop working in their business and start working on their business. They need to step out of their role as baker, marketer, caterer, or software developer, and step more fully into their role as CEO. It’s the only way to take your business to the next level.

I’m committed to helping more small business owners make that leap, a passion I developed early in my career. After securing my degree, I was shocked to find that no one was waiting to hand me a job. When my father offered me a position in his business, along with the rare benefits of free room and board, I took it. My time spent cold calling companies taught me a lot about the value small businesses can and do bring to our communities, our economy, and our nation. It also taught me exactly what kind of work it takes to get in front of the right person, to show up and network effectively, and to be prepared when opportunity presents itself. I was delighted to discover in T. Renee Smith a passion for helping small businesses grow that matched my own.

Initially, I found it hard to believe someone so vibrant had been an entrepreneur for more than two decades, but it quickly became clear that T. Renee has a wealth of experience earned by doing. She brings to the table an uncommon willingness to share the lessons she’s gleaned from her wins and her losses alike. As a business strategist, she helps small businesses develop and implement plans to grow and increase profitability. Her passion is so contagious that working with her naturally becomes a fun, invigorating experience.

More and more, large corporations are recognizing how they can boost their bottom line by diversifying their suppliers. T. Renee is committed to ensuring more small businesses are ready to jump in and make the most of those opportunities. She’s on a mission to help entrepreneurs think like CEOs, position themselves to scale, and strategize for the long-term health of the business. In The CEO Life, she gives you exactly what you need to do all of that and more.

DR. KARMETRIA BURTON

DELTA AIR LINES

Introduction

STRIVE FOR WORK-LIFE BALANCE, many of the experts say, because you can have it all. Is that a myth, or is it a realistic goal that we, as busy women, wives, moms, and business owners, should work hard to achieve? (I speak from the perspective of a woman in business, but men, this elusive balance is just as much a factor in your lives as it is in ours. Stay with me.) In my more than twenty-five years of business ownership, twelve years of marriage, and eleven years of parenting, this has been an ongoing struggle for me. On the one hand, I want to be a dedicated wife and mom, who caters to the needs of my husband and children, and on the other hand, I want to be a boss, running a successful company and fulfilling my purpose. I want it all. I want them both, but often, these two worlds collide. I know you see all the pictures on social media where every hair is in place, the kids are dressed in their Sunday best, and the savvy businesswoman’s office has everything neatly organized and in place. However, my day-to-day world looks totally different and could provide some juicy video bites for one of the Real Housewives television shows.

I searched high and low for a book that could show me how to be successful in both worlds at the same time. I found some great books on how to grow your business, whether you’re a man or a woman, and some very intriguing books on women’s empowerment, but nothing gave me the exact steps to keep my marriage spicy, ensure my kids are thriving, and keep my business growing, all while I remain true to myself and sane in the process.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some amazing businesswomen and corporate executives. Regardless of their background, line of business, or ethnicity, one common thread runs through their stories: there’s no such thing as balance. I have seen successful businesswomen who feel lonely in their marriages because their husbands don’t support them and seemingly perfect couples who struggle behind closed doors because the wife secretly resents that she’s not pursuing her purpose and feels like she’s sacrificing her life for her kids and marriage. I have been on both ends of the spectrum, and neither end feels good.

I’ve also met men who run successful businesses but go home to an empty house because they’ve destroyed their marriage by giving their life to work. They’re lucky to see their kids every other weekend, and some of them bounce from one marriage to another, hoping to find a woman who can put up with the fact that she’ll essentially be a single mom in the marriage. Others manage to stay married, but the relationship is a shell of what they dreamed it would be. Many of these men sacrifice their health on the altar of business success, only making a change—if it isn’t too late—when they suffer a heart attack or receive a life-threatening diagnosis.

As for me, my journey has been filled with the highest of highs and lowest of lows. The same day I was featured in Entrepreneur magazine, the sheriff served me notice of a lawsuit. While I was filing business bankruptcy, I was evicted from my plush 10,000-squarefoot office space. My business bank account was overdrawn, and my dreams were crumbling right in front of my eyes. What was happening to my American dream of small business ownership?

Through it all, I learned that you can create the life that you want, but it requires effort, transparency, surrender, and a whole lot of prayer. In reflecting on what I wanted to share in this book, I thought back to a conversation my husband and I had many years ago. He told me he was tired of me coming to bed in a black bonnet and my red lumberjack-plaid pants (oversize sweats) and that he and the kids were tired of getting the leftovers from me after I’d poured into my business all day. I meticulously argued my point. I was working to build an empire, a legacy for our family, and I didn’t understand why he didn’t support me. Those words fell on deaf ears. Finally, my husband said one thing that stopped me in my tracks. How is it going to feel, he asked me, to be a successful businesswoman and a single mom? That moment started my quest to figure out how to have it all without sacrificing myself, my marriage, or my family in the process.

Months after that conversation, I realized I had been cheating on my husband. I wasn’t cheating with another man, but I was emotionally cheating with my business. My business provided me with validation, love, affection, and adoration from others, financial security, and the opportunity to pursue my purpose, so I no longer sought those things from my husband. I had placed my business on a pedestal. I thought about it when I was awake, dreamed about it when I was asleep, and longed to get back to it when I was away from it. My business consumed me. It had taken priority over my marriage and sometimes over my kids. I had to take a really long look in the mirror and at the direction my life was moving in. I was headed for a divorce and breaking up my family without even realizing it. Yes, I wanted a successful business, but at what cost?

In another conversation, my husband pointed out that it was funny how I was often too tired and worn out to practice my marriage ministry, but if a client called, I was up and ready to go. Catering to the needs of my husband wasn’t as important as catering to the needs of my business. When I was spending time with the kids, I would often be on my phone or my laptop. My oldest son complained about how much I read my email while I was supposed to be playing with him and his brother. I might have been physically present, but my mind definitely wasn’t there. (I know I wasn’t the only one acting like I was going to the bathroom and sneaking upstairs to check email and text messages during family time. Can you relate?)

Not only was my business taking over my marriage and family, but it was also taking over my life. I worked so hard that my body, mind, and spirit didn’t get the attention they needed. I found myself getting sick more often, I was tired, and one fateful day, my back went completely out while I was walking down the stairs. When I went to the chiropractor, she said I was simply stressed and overworked. So not only was my marriage falling apart, but I was also headed to an early grave. The more I argued and thought my husband didn’t support my business, the more we grew apart. The more I poured into my business, the more an emotional wall went up with my husband. The journey of entrepreneurship I had started more than twenty years earlier definitely wasn’t turning out how I’d expected.

Business owners often start a business to create flexibility, financial security, and the freedom to pursue their dreams. Entrepreneurship requires individuality, breaking away from the crowd, and accomplishing goals. It can be hard to turn off that independent drive and aggressiveness and turn on partnership and union, the foundations of marriage. It can be difficult to switch hats from the boss at work to a loving partner at home. Sometimes the pursuit of building a business overshadows the things we hold so dear–family relationships.

I’ve been at the point of breakdown, near divorce, at my wits’ end with my kids, and considering closing my business and walking away from everything just to find a little bit of peace. My breakthrough came when I decided to do something different and then actually did it. Do you want to know what that something is? Read on. In The CEO Life, I share with you my journey of learning to have success as a wife, mother, and businesswoman all at the same time. The strategies I use can work for you whether you’re single or married, a woman or a man, a parent or not. Simply put I’ll show you how to grow a business that allows you to have a life. Sometimes the words on these pages will make you laugh, cry, or do a reality check about what’s really going on in your own life.

As business owners, it’s important for us to share our successes but also our failures, mishaps, and painful truths. If you learn from my experiences, you may be able to avoid some of those same struggles. Let’s get rid of the façade that we have it all together and speak the truth. Every hair isn’t in place, our house isn’t as spotless as we claim, our children don’t always listen, our marriage isn’t as perfect as it seems, our business isn’t always doing as well as we say it is, and sometimes, when we get a moment of peace, we realize there’s a scared little girl or a scared little boy inside of us, trying to figure out how our life, family, or business ended up the way it did.

It doesn’t matter how much outward success we have if it isn’t matched by our internal peace. I finally burned the superwoman cape and stopped trying to have it all at the same time. I realized that I don’t have to be perfect, I don’t have to live up to anybody else’s expectations, and the only approval that really matters is God’s and mine. From bankruptcy and failed businesses to being incarcerated and on the brink of divorce, life has definitely thrown me some curve balls.

I have finally accepted that, on Monday, I may nail it by making a home-cooked meal, finishing client projects on time, and ensuring my children do their homework. Then I can wake up on Tuesday, and the kids barely make it to school on time, I take a nap while I’m supposed to be working, and the kids take a quick wash-up instead of a bath before bed. Instead of balance or perfection, I strive for work-life integration. I now endeavor to find joy and peace in all areas of my life regardless of what season of life I am in. I have embraced the ebbs and flow of life and realize that sometimes I’ll crush it as a wife, mom, and business owner, and other times I’ll question if I even have what it takes to be successful. Life is an emotional journey, and I have learned to give myself compassion when I fail, when I’m afraid, and when I question myself.

Learning how to be authentically me has been a journey of self-discovery. I’ve found a safe place inside of myself that offers me all the acceptance and love I need. I have learned to speak in terms of and instead of or. I now realize I have the power to redefine my success and set boundaries so I can be successful as a wife, an engaged mother, and a rock-star business owner—without having to choose one over the others. I want to share this wonderful gift with you.

Throughout the pages of this book, I will share my personal stories and teach you my CEO Life System, which shows you the exact five steps you must master to grow and scale your business:

Business Strategy

Unique Branding

Integrated Marketing and Sales

Leveraged Systems

Decisive Leadership

Are you ready to burn your superhero cape, stop trying to live up to the expectations of others, and admit that you can’t do it all by yourself? This is your time. If not today, then when? I invite you to learn how to scale up the quality of your business and personal life at the same time. Let the journey begin.

From the Desk of the Decision-Maker

KIMBERLY COFFMAN

MANAGER, SUPPLIER DIVERSITY, SUPPLY CHAIN MANAGEMENT DELTA AIR LINES

THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I see small businesses make when they want to do business with corporations like mine is forgetting that corporations have their own policies, procedures, and standard practices that employees must adhere to as corporate representatives. I recommend small businesses follow the guidance and direction provided by corporate representatives. This will ensure that all steps required to do business with the corporations are fulfilled based on their unique needs and expectations and your company’s opportunity to market to them won’t get delayed or missed.

CHAPTER ONE

The CEO Struggle

The CEO Struggle

RUNNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS is supposed to give you the freedom to do what you want with your life. However, for many business owners, growing a business consumes far more time than any conventional job ever would. You don’t get to spend time with your family like you want to, you frequently feel like you’re one day away from burn out, you take work home, and you get stuck in the trenches of day-to-day work instead of being the creative visionary for your company. This situation ruins the joy and personal freedom of business ownership, and a lack of strategy, structure, and systems prevents your business from scaling.

What’s the magic formula to succeed as a spouse, parent, and business owner at the same time? There is no magic formula; it’s all about priorities, boundaries, and striving for harmony instead of balance. Based on the season of life you’re in, sometimes you will focus more on your family, and other times you will focus more on your business. Understanding this truth helps to relieve some of the guilt you may feel when you aren’t giving your all to your spouse, kids, business, or self-care routine. Instead of striving for balance, work towards creating harmony in each area.

I’ll be the first to admit that it requires heart, determination, and pure resilience to build a successful business while keeping your family intact. I’ve found it’s essential to take time to focus on what I need, personally and spiritually, to ensure that my cup is full before I start to pour into my family and business. You’re supposed to pour into others with your overflow, not your reserves, but too often, we run ourselves into the ground trying to be everything to everybody. We say yes to other people when we should say no. We say no to ourselves when we should say yes. I love Shonda Rhimes’s book, The Year of Yes. In it, she reveals how saying yes to herself for one year totally changed her life in a positive way. One of the best things I learned from the book is that no is a complete sentence. To give our all to others or our business, we first have to make sure that we are whole in our mind, body, and spirit.

There are several facets to creating success in all areas of her life. You have the woman/man, wife/husband, mother/father, business owner, and all the other roles we play. In order to have authentic success, we must address the needs of each area and not just one.

I speak from a woman’s perspective in this section because I want to share my experience. However, in my many years of working with male business owners and executives, I have come to realize that they experience many of the same challenges that we do. They struggle with how to be an involved and understanding husband, father, son, and friend while aggressively growing a business. They sacrifice their health in pursuit of their dreams and forget that self-care is just as important for them as it is for us. They sometimes feel left out because women have magazines, conferences, support groups, and sisterhoods, and the men are left to figure things out on their own. Well, not on my watch. Men, the strategies I share in The CEO Life are just as relevant to helping you on your journey to achieve success in your business and life as it is to women. The advice works equally as well for men as it does for women as long as you follow the steps.

Man or woman, your wholeness—mind, body, and spirit—is the foundation of your success. It’s impossible to sustain success, over the long haul, in your marriage, your relationships with your kids, and your business, if you’re not whole and happy with who you are as a person. Resentment, unforgiveness, fear, and insecurity will always creep up when you least expect it if you don’t have a solid foundation.

As I started to mature and grow as a woman, I realized I was the common denominator in my problems. Frequently, when there was conflict in my marriage, I had brought insecurity, selfishness, or emotional baggage from previous relationships into the situation. As a mother, when I was yelling, screaming, and losing patience, it was often because I saw a reflection of myself in my kids. (Moms and dads, don’t tell me you’ve never yelled at your kids because they were acting like you.) I was trying to discipline them for something I’d yet to discipline myself to do in my own life. In my business, when I wasn’t reaching my revenue goals or attracting the right clients, insecurity, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and fear had crept in. There were times when I wasn’t being the best friend I could be because I was on empty and not pouring back into myself with prayer, exercise, meditation, eating right, or taking some me time. The results showed up differently in each area of my life, but the root of it all was a shaky foundation.

I’ve done many things to help me on this path of self-discovery, to start pulling back the layers and shifting my mindset to replace old beliefs that no longer serve me. One of the most important things I did was go to therapy. In minority communities, we often look at therapy as a bad thing. We’re raised to believe what goes on in the house stays in the house. We are told not to share our secrets and to take them to the grave with us. This mentality causes preventable illnesses, premature deaths, divorces, rifts between families, overall unhappiness, and unfulfilled dreams.

What I know for sure is all the secrets you keep will prevent you from living an abundant and authentic life. Now, don’t get me wrong. Holding a mirror up to yourself and being real and honest about who you are is no walk in the park. It has taken me years—and I mean many years—of struggle, denial, blame, projection, grief, tears, tantrums, and the full gamut of emotions to start accepting the real me and having compassion for myself.

As women, it’s much easier for us to have compassion for others—your kids, your husband (well, when you’re not pissed off with him), your parents, your boss, and everyone else—but we are so hard on ourselves. As men, you’re often told that your emotions don’t matter and forbidden to show yourself any compassion at all. Throughout my evolution, I’ve learned how to be compassionate with myself, which is a true game-changer.

I use the word evolution instead of change because change sounds like such a daunting process. Evolution, on the other hand, is an unfolding, a process of growth and expansion in a desirable direction. It requires you to look at the areas of your life that aren’t going the way you want them to and take responsibility for changing them. Evolution means no longer blaming other people for where you are in life and taking your power back by focusing your