Dave Is a Four-Letter Word: Missives from a Slightly Demented Preacher

Printed in the United States of America

First Edition

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Dave@PulpitMan.com

www.PulpitMan.com

All Biblical quotations are from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.

The cover art is an original illustration by Tim Hartman.

You can see more of his work at www.TimHartman.com

Copyright © 2019 Dave Zuchelli

All rights reserved.

Print ISBN: 978-1-54396-842-2

eBook ISBN: 978-1-54396-842-2

DEDICATION

There are some people in life who seem to make all the difference. My lovely Bride, Denise, is one of those. This book is dedicated to her—one of the hardest working people I know.

Thanks for allowing me to accompany you along the highway to Heaven.

Preface

When I was preparing my first book for publication, I kept reading and hearing from the experts that every author ought to have a blog. I was a bit queasy about diving into such an undertaking. My unease was caused by my constant desire to be somewhat consistent (if not first-rate). I didn’t want to be one of those guys and gals who only blogged every few weeks when the spirit moved them.

After much prayer and consternation, I opted to follow the advice of the specialists and began my weblog. I decided to be disciplined about it, if nothing else. My goal was to produce three blogs per week that would each be 500 words or less—quickly readable, but with enough substance to be interesting. After diving into that project, I found it to be rather enjoyable and discovered I had a lot more to say than I had guessed.

A few weeks later, I began running across more of these writing professionals who were adamant that a newsletter was the ticket. I was already blogging thrice per week and was a bit concerned that a newsletter would be over the top—both time wise and creativity wise. The incessant drumbeat in favor of the newsletter was thundering loudly in the ears of my soul, however, and almost five months after instituting my blog, I formulated a weekly e-letter that I named, Pulpit Man @ Large.

I’ve been e-mailing it out every Friday since that fateful day. Much to my surprise, people began to read it, and many even responded. I was a bit flabbergasted, amazed, and pleased all at the same time. It has even become a labor of love for me.

Well, that was several years ago. Since most of the world has, undoubtedly, never read these little missives, I decided to go all out and put some of them down in print. This book is a collection of many of the weekly thoughts, challenges, and questions that have arisen in my pea-sized brain.

I hope you enjoy reading them nearly as much as I did writing them. While they are of no great, political import, they might just touch your soul from time to time. It is my experience that our souls need a lot of touching.

-Dave Zuchelli

Contents

2016

A New ‘Tude

Time to Dive In

Sweat the Small Stuff

The Devil and the PC Police

Snow Blind

SAGging Principles

Best Days Yet to Come?

The Risen Revenant

Digital Natives

Using What You’ve Got

Welcome to the Colosseum

Imagine That

Only on This Side

The Biggest Fool of All

Humble Is As Humble Does

The Tax Man Cometh

Earth Day Freebie

The Fourth Time’s a Charm

Your Greatest Strength

Full Moons and Loony Tunes

Put Your Left Foot In

In Memoriam

It’s Like Pulling Teeth

Relax! It’s Just a Joke!

Dad Was a Garage Sitter

Fundamental Change

Independence: Are We Still Fighting for It?

Bare Knuckles

Jerusalem, O Jerusalem

Just Get Over Yourself!

Cute, Cuddly, and Unwanted

The Dust Has Settled

Changing Our Beliefs

We Are In Violent Agreement

The Cana Experience

Averting the Messiah Complex

FOMO Sets In

Slavery Abolished in France

My Personal Equinox

Abdicating the Throne

The Million-Dollar Turndown

I’ll Never Run for President

Freak Shows on the Move

B.S.

The End

Vets on Parade

You Missed the Point

Black Friday: The Countdown Begins

The Best Advice Ever

And That’s the Way it Is

When God Shows Up

Dad Liked Roy Orbison

2017

The Twelfth Day of Christmas

Paraskevidekatriaphobia

Seeing the Best in Everyone

The Joys of Dotage

Phil Sowerby Rides Again!

Getting Naked

To Tell the Truth

I Dowed It

The Ashes Have Fallen

The God of Tents

Green Eggs and Beer

Put it in Drive

Expelling the Chosen

Blind Dates

The Final Sacrifice

For Hype’s Sake

Snowflakes in May

Mom Loved Ice Cream

Yogi

Testing the Razor

Spoon by the Moon in June

Dividing the House

It’s a National Holiday

Pam’s Purple Door

Getting Caught With Your Top Down

Half Over

Shots Fired

The Long, Hot Summer

Lizzie Borden

Fixing the Government

Oscar Egg

All Together Now: I’m Offended!

Never Wear Stilettos to a Sneaker Fight

In the Eye of the Storm

Older Than Dirt

And Then He Died

Robotic Christians

D.O.B.

Closing the Deal

Wouldn’t It Be Moverly

Snowflakes

How Dark Can It Be?

Playing Fast and Loose

Dropping the Big One

Beware the Ides of December

Wring in the New

2018

Eating Last Year’s Harvest

The Root of All Evil

Excluding the Divine

Watch the Adjectives, Please

The Beast App

Today is Your Birthday

Turning the Tables

What God Intended

Don’t Just Do Something…

Holi Smokes

Sanctuary Cities

My Country, ‘Tis of Thee

Quarter Life Crises

On Becoming Cool at Starbucks

As Luck Would Have It

City Chicken

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Rev It Up

Shy and Retiring

Old Pastors Never Retire

Dating the Gang

Caught Napping

The Death of a Dream

Those Crazy Christians

Old Timers’ Disease

Women Drivers

Confronted Over Spaghetti

Cutting the Cord

Doing Good

Hearing the Light

Outercourse

Rent-a-Preacher

I Think I’m in Retrograde

The Next Little Thing

Sidewalk Rage

I’ve Not Been Cheated

I See Dead People

Waist Not, Want Not

Okay, So I Was Wrong

Full Frontal

Free at Last

Half Italian

My Last Meal

An Axe to Grind

Seen and Not Heard

On Becoming a House Husband

Mourning Has Broken

Ordinary Americans

Hart-Less

The Cult of Calling

Living in a Sound-Bite World

2019

Four Letter Word

2016

January 1, 2016

A New ‘Tude

I saw a touching, old YouTube video last week. It was a clip of a soldier returning from overseas. In the video, his son (who has cerebral palsy) gets out of his wheelchair and walks to his Dad for the first time.

Sometimes these sorts of videos can be a tad maudlin, but this one really got to me. As I watched, I wasn’t sure whether to put myself in the place of the son or the father. The emotions each of them had to be feeling must have been impossible to describe. It’s not often any of us personally find ourselves in such an overwhelmingly moving position.

I saw this video as a post on Facebook. After I had commented on the emotion of it all, a friend posted this—Great example of our heavenly daddy. I feel like little Michael sometimes. I think that hit me harder than the video itself.

Those of us who are healthy, wealthy, and secure seldom think of ourselves in this way. If we’re honest, however, this video is a perfect analogy of our lives before our Heavenly Father. While we often think we have it together, our position before a perfect Lord is more like this little boy than we know or are willing to admit.

We stand (or hobble) before the Almighty Creator of the universe—a mere speck in the grand scheme of things. Yet he welcomes us with open arms and tells us he loves us. When we actually come to realize that, it’s an attitude changer. I suspect it’s a change we all need.

To add to the enormity of the video’s impact, I read that there is a procedure to loosen tendons in the legs of people with this condition. Unfortunately, it’s not available to most people because it’s considered elective surgery. Precious few opt for something that expensive.

That fact makes those situations seem even sadder. It reminds me of those who have never opted for salvation in Christ. It, too, is very expensive. In that case, however, he’s already paid the price.

I suggest, as we head into the New Year, we forgo the resolutions. Instead of adopting New Year’s resolutions, let’s adopt a new attitude. Let’s adopt the attitude that we’re God’s children attempting to hobble our way in his direction. My guess is a lot of things will change in our lives if we do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

January 8, 2016

Time to Dive In

Sometimes I ease into the New Year. This year I dove in head first (or would that be feet first?). For starters, I stayed up late to see in the New Year. That’s not my style. I’m usually in bed well before ten o’clock pm. I’m not sure why, but I got home around three am and was still wide-awake. I amazed myself.

I guess there’s something to be said for diving right in--especially into a new year. For most of us, moving from one calendar year to the next isn’t that big of a splash. It’s merely a one (or sometimes two) digit change in the date we write on our checks (do any of you still write checks?). Y2K was the big exception to that, of course, but we shouldn’t see anything like that for a while.

So diving right in isn’t a big deal unless you somehow got out of the pool. The holidays can do that to us. If you took any time off over the holidays, you need to get back in. The question is whether you’ll wade in or jump in.

Normally, I like to begin by sticking in my big toe to test the waters--then my foot, my ankle, and slowly whatever body parts I can muster after that. In other words, I’m usually in no hurry. But this year is different.

I will turn sixty-six in a few days (no presents, please). That means, even if I live to be one hundred, my life is fully two-thirds over. As my Mother used to say, No time for dilly-dallying. There’s no time to waste--time to get on with it!

I’m not much on New Year’s Resolutions, but this might be a good time in my life to adopt one of those (as long as it’s well chosen and doable). It should also go along with my new theme of diving right in. So here goes.

I recently heard someone use the phrase, Err on the side of yes. That really struck me, because I don’t think I’d ever heard it put that way before. I think that’s going to be my new resolution. It’s positive, aggressive, and daring (and totally unlike me).

I’ve already begun doing things I’ve never done before--a new book, a second one in the oven (a book, not a kid), blogs, e-newsletters, webinars, and Apple workshops (just to name a few). It’s all very stimulating and, I hope, rewarding.

One of my favorite verses comes to mind where God says, See, I am doing a new thing! (Isaiah 43:19) Since we’re made in his image, maybe we should do new things too. I invite you to join me this year. Let’s err on the side of yes.

January 15, 2016

Sweat the Small Stuff

I happened to glance over my last two e-letters to you and noticed I hadn’t changed the dates. The first two of 2016 still sported the year 2015. And I thought I was doing so well. I had written a few paper checks without making that error (and that’s where I usually have my problem).

I blame it on the computer age. Computers make things so easy. That includes making mistakes. A couple of months ago, I created a template for this e-letter. All of the standard stuff stays the same (publication title, subtitles, photos, etc.). I do that for a lot of things (church bulletins and sermon outlines to name a couple). I suspect a lot of you do some of this as well.

When one operates with templates, however, it’s easy to overlook something that generally doesn’t have to be changed (like the year). As you may have noticed, I fixed that little oversight and am now firmly ensconced in the year 2016. Hopefully, I’ll remember a little earlier when 2017 rolls around. However, I must admit, it’s a slim hope.

Interestingly enough, some of you (like me) probably didn’t notice. Others, undoubtedly, had it jump out at you like a red dot on a white sheet. Sooner or later, we all would have noticed it. If you were like me, once you spotted the error, it would have bothered you until it was fixed. These little things can be really annoying.

A few years ago, I was on a business trip to Disney World (yes, REALLY). I took a tour called, Back Stage Disney. I don’t have time to go into the details, but it was a real eye opener. The single, most impressive thing that stands out in my mind after all these years is this. Their attention to detail is impeccable. That’s what makes Disney so successful.

As I view life, it becomes more and more apparent to me that many of us have a chronic lack in this area. We simply don’t pay attention to the details of our lives. Sometimes, it’s just that we don’t care. We’re willing to slough off a lot of things or take short cuts that lead to shoddy living.

I know we like to live by the philosophy of don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m no different. But I think, maybe, we’ve gone a little too far with that. It could be we’ll be a tad happier with the big stuff if we first get the little things in order.

January 22, 2016

The Devil and the PC Police

In case you hadn’t noticed, political correctness has run amok. We are surrounded by people who are afraid to say the wrong thing lest they be accused of some malady or phobia. It’s a lousy way to live. We used to call that walking on eggshells.

If you believe there’s a devil (Satan), you just might believe he’s the author of political correctness. It’s like getting your hands handcuffed behind your back. It renders you helpless (at least that’s how it feels).

I believe there’s another way to live. We don’t have to be ignorant about it, but we don’t have to be politically correct either. Since we’re not meant to live in fear (see 2 Timothy 1:7), we need to plot our own course away from all that PC.

There’s an old story about a Sunday School teacher who wanted to find out what his class thought of their congregational worship. Some of the class members had some humorous things to say about it. Others were more serious.

One young lady, relatively new to the congregation, said something unexpected and beautiful. She said, It’s like walking into the heart of God.

I’m not exactly sure why she phrased it that way, but it speaks volumes to me. Why do we walk the line of someone else’s choosing when we could be walking into the heart of God? Furthermore, it doesn’t have to be limited to corporate worship. It can be an everyday, all the time thing.

The PC Police aren’t the only obstacle we face in this world, but they’ve become a symbol of all the battles we seem to fight. It’s tough enough to toe the line of moral decency without worrying whether there’s a new meaning to a word you’ve been using all your life.

I don’t mean to complain...on second thought, yes I do. We surrender when we wimpily comply with all that horse pucky. The next time you’re tempted to do that, turn around and begin walking into the heart of God. Don’t be intimidated. His truth will set you free!

January 29, 2016

Snow Blind

Thirty-six inches. That’s how much snow fell on my neighborhood last week. That has happened before, but never in one snow event (as they like to call it these days). They all told us it was coming. We prepared for the worst--and we got it.

I don’t mind telling you, I’m still sore. Being sixty-six and having to shovel three feet of snow just doesn’t mix. It’s not something I look forward to doing again for a long while. If I wanted this much snow, I could have remained in Pennsylvania where I was born.

Aside from all my complaining, I have to say there were some enjoyable takeaways from our notable accumulation of the white stuff. For one, we took the time to spend with our neighbors. We couldn’t get out of the hood, so we made the best of it and had a Chili Party. Some folks have hurricane parties, so why not?

When the weather turns cold, we don’t usually see our neighbors very often. When we do, it’s a quick wave as we pass in our cars. For the past several days, however, we were all out shoveling our driveways. We would stop from time to time and speak to one another. Imagine that.

We not only spoke, we laughed. We met new people. I even got into a few snowball battles with the local kids. I’m not sure who won, but I’m no longer known as the crotchety old man down the street. I suppose that’s a win-win.

I’m sure we hear it all the time now. We just don’t take the time to be neighborly anymore. It’s a modern day malady. We’re all too busy, too mobile, and maybe just a tad too bored. If there’s nothing going on, what do we do? We jump in the car and head out.

Maybe the next time we’re bored, we ought to organize an impromptu block party. We don’t need any snow for that. In fact, it would be fun just to know we didn’t have to go back out and shovel again.

February 5, 2016

SAGging Principles

You may have heard about the stink over the upcoming Oscar Awards later this month. Many people are incensed over the fact that the nominee list has only one minority on it. Frankly, that does seem rather strange (especially for Hollywood). But my guess is, those sorts of things are going to happen once in a blue moon.

In stark contrast, the SAG (Screen Actors’ Guild) Awards were handed out last week. In that arena, many people of color were not only nominated, but they won almost without exception. As the statuettes