Fifty Shades of They: Insights That Bring Life to Your Relationships
By Ed Young
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About this ebook
You're only as great as your relationships. Show me your friends and I will show you your future. There is immeasurable growth and success to be found when you're surrounded with the right "they."
Do you have the right they in your life? Fifty Shades of They gives you fifty simple, yet profound insights that will help any relationship thrive, from friendships to business partnerships to marriages. Based on biblical standards and the teaching of Ed Young, this book is written for anyone who is looking to give new life to their relationships.
Ed Young
Ed Young is the founding and senior pastor of Fellowship Church, with multiple locations in Texas and online at FellowshipChurch.com. As a bestselling author, Ed has written fifteen books and is a frequent conference speaker who is passionate about providing resources for church leaders through CreativePastors.com and C3 Conference, as well as his own website, www.EdYoung.com.
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Fifty Shades of They - Ed Young
Author
PREFACE
I went to high school with a kid named Larry. I’d say we were friends; not close friends, but we hung out a good bit because we played a lot of sports together. After my junior year in high school, my family and I moved from Columbia, South Carolina, all the way to Houston, Texas—1,004 miles away. I pretty much lost contact with Larry until six years later. One night I got a phone call from one of my closest friends.
Ed,
he said, do you remember Larry?
I said, Yes, I remember him.
He said, Are you sitting down?
I said, Yes. Why?
He said, Ed, Larry just murdered someone.
I said, Are you kidding me? Larry?
That was the last thing I expected to hear on the other end of the phone that day. I knew Larry had been getting into some trouble after high school, but murder? What happens in someone’s life to take them from being the innocent kid you played basketball with to someone who has been convicted of murder?
Two weeks later I found myself sitting across from Larry at a picnic table in a state penitentiary prison yard. In the midst of our conversation I said, Larry, I just have to ask you; where did the wheels come off? Where did the problems begin?
And with tears streaming down his face he responded with four bone-chilling words I will never forget:
I had these friends . . .
I had these friends. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard that four-word phrase from people. From junior high school students to high school students, from high school students to college students; from those who are married to those who are single; those with kids and those without; business owners, professional athletes, stay-at-home mothers, and divorced fathers; whenever I talk with someone in the throes of a drug problem or an alcohol abuse situation or violence or anger or illicit behavior or whatever; whenever I ask them, Where did the wheels come off? When did everything start messing up?
They always start with, I had these friends . . .
So often we don’t realize the sheer force and influence relationships have in our lives. I would say, generally speaking, the majority of issues we face today all go back to one powerful question: Who are THEY?
For just a moment, take a panoramic look at the relationships in your life. They
are who you are hanging around, rubbing shoulders with, doing business with, and doing life with. The aspects that shades of color contribute to a work of art—the tiny details that greatly impact the final result—are what they
mean to your life and mine. It’s the undeniable power of they.
Maybe you recognize the fact that some people in your life are the wrong kind of they.
And, while you may not end up in the penitentiary like my friend Larry, you know they aren’t taking you where you need to go. Maybe as you take that panoramic view of those you’re closest to, you see some pretty good people. You’re pretty sure you’re surrounded by the right kind of they.
But how do we know for sure if we’re surrounded by the right they
? This book will unpack fifty simple, sushi-sized servings of truth and insight you can apply to your life to help you find, become, and grow with the right they.
In my 50-plus years of life, more than thirty years of marriage, more than twenty-five years of ministry, and twenty-eight years of parenting, I’ve seen all kinds of relationships. I’ve learned a lot about people. I’ve seen the relationships of young adults and married couples, families, business partners, and lifelong friends grow, thrive, and leave a lasting legacy. I’ve also seen the other end of the spectrum with heartbreak and wreckage. What is the difference? They. If you show me who they
are in your life, I can show you where your life will be in the future.
So, before you turn the page and begin to discover who the right they
are, what they have, and what they do, I’ve got to ask you, as you look at your life: Who are they
?
SHADE ONE:
WHAT IF HE’S RIGHT?
Years ago I was approached by a Hollywood producer to sit down with an adult film actor and discuss our difference in opinions on sexuality. It’s not every day you get to sit down and talk openly about the Bible with a porn star, so I thought about it, prayed about it, and obviously talked with my wife Lisa about it. And then, I called this producer and said, Let’s do it, and let’s host it here at Fellowship Church.
So, days later, the limousine pulled up, she got out along with her boyfriend/agent who also used to be a porn star, and we sat down, cameras rolling, to begin the discussion.
Her argument out of the gate was, I help marriages. I help spice up their sex life,
she said. I help give singles a sexual release. I like to live on the edge, and it’s not like I’m hurting anyone.
We talked for some time. I answered many of her questions about God and the Bible. Then, after a while I said, Think about sex as you would a Maserati. What if you gave me a Maserati? I would take excellent care of the car. I wouldn’t take it off-roading. I wouldn’t trash it or mess it up.
Then I said, You might not realize it, but you are taking this Maserati—sex—and going off-roading with it. You are taking the content (sex) out of the right context (marriage), and it’s only going to lead to chaos. I’ve counseled enough people and seen enough lives damaged and destroyed by pornography to know it’s not going to work for you.
I went on to say, Do you know why you are here? It’s not for a television show. You’re here because God has driven you here. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you, and if you truly want to live on the edge, if you want the best, if you want to discover how good God is, you have to give it all to Him.
She began to lean in and got teary-eyed. You could see the gears turning in her head. Obviously God had orchestrated our paths for a purpose greater than what that Hollywood producer had. And as she left the church that day she turned to her boyfriend and said, "What if he’s