Reflections from the Marriage Table: Our Experiences of Love in Marriage, Family, and Ministry
By Ron Clark and Lori A. Clark
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Ron Clark
Ron Clark is the New York Times bestselling author of The Essential 55, which has sold more than one million copies in twenty-five different languages. He has been named “American Teacher of the Year” by Disney and was Oprah Winfrey’s pick as her “Phenomenal Man.” He founded The Ron Clark Academy in Atlanta, Georgia, which more than 25,000 educators from around the world have visited to learn about the extraordinary ways that teachers and parents of RCA have helped children achieve great success. Clark has been featured on the Today show and CNN, and his experiences have been turned into the uplifting film, The Ron Clark Story, starring Matthew Perry.
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Reflections from the Marriage Table - Ron Clark
Reflections from the Marriage Table
Our Experiences of Love in Marriage, Family, and Ministry
Ron Clark and Lori Clark
9400.pngReflections from the Marriage Table
Our Experiences of Love in Marriage, Family, and Ministry
Copyright © 2016 Ron Clark and Lori Clark. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical publications or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Write: Permissions, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3, Eugene, OR 97401.
Wipf & Stock
An Imprint of Wipf and Stock Publishers
199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3
Eugene, OR 97401
www.wipfandstock.com
paperback isbn: 978-1-4982-9811-7
hardcover isbn: 978-1-4982-9813-1
ebook isbn: 978-1-4982-9812-4
Manufactured in the U.S.A. December 5, 2016
Table of Contents
Title Page
Acknowledgments
Introduction: Why Use a Table?
Chapter 1: Come to the Table
Chapter 2: What Do We Bring to Our Tables
Chapter 3: Table for Two
Chapter 4: Sharing at a Table for Two
Chapter 5: Filling the Table
Chapter 6: Stories and Ministry from the Table
Chapter 7: Adding a Leaf
Chapter 8: Do We Need a Bigger Table?
Conclusion
Bibliography
Acknowledgments
We would like to thank our family and friends who have walked with us through many decades of marriage and ministry. Over the years we have had couples mentor us in the hard questions we had for our family and as a couple. We have had couples model how to walk with Jesus, lead a church, and keep our home peaceful and safe. We have had adult children from ministry families offer us support and advice with our children and each other. We have had many, many others support us in ministry and bless our relationship.
We are very thankful for all of you.
Ron and Lori Clark
Agape Church of Christ
Portland, OR
Introduction
Why Use a Table?
Why did we choose a table for our metaphor of marriage? When we began working on this book we shared with couples the title and found that most thought it was not only an odd choice, but one that aptly described us, our marriage, and our families. As we discussed our plan for the book we found positive feedback not only with this metaphor, but with the hidden meanings that couples began to discover in their own marriage tables.
We realized that the most common metaphor for marriage was a bed, an institution, or sometimes a bond.
While these images have important value, we found that hospitality and sharing a meal together were missing from the daily routines of many families. We also know that all marriages can have a table no matter where the location. The table is ripe with memories, traditions, and symbols that every family can share and adopt to their own style.
We are writing this book for those who want to strengthen their marriage, begin a marriage with a positive direction, or reinforce what is happening already in thousands of homes across the globe. Since we are Christians, we have targeted those who are disciples of Jesus, who feel attracted to the principles Jesus taught over 2000 years ago, or who have a faith in God. As ministers we hope that those in ministry can find something to help as they seek peace and safety in their homes. Whether you are younger, older, are beginning your marriage, have been married decades, or are in a second or third marriage seeking to grow closer to your spouse, we hope that this book helps you in that desire.
At the end of each chapter are discussion questions for you to not only answer but also involve your partner. This book can be used for a small group discussion, a couples’ devotional, or a class curriculum. The questions are there to encourage you to reflect on what you are reading and grow with your partner.
There are terms that we use throughout this book. We understand that not everyone has the same understanding of marriage, faith, or some of the teachings of the Bible. We also know that there are words that can be politically charged and have negative connotations to some readers and yet be understood differently by others. We would like to explain some of these to help you as you read this work.
• Sacred—This is a Bible term that relates to something holy,
spiritual,
and/or in the presence of God. Its root meaning in the Bible was something that was not common but devoted to or given to God. It usually refers to something we treat with reverence, respect, honor, and tremendous spiritual value. We use this term to suggest that something is of ultimate value to our families.
• Shalom/peace—This is a Hebrew term that is more than peace, which many believe simply means an absence of conflict or just a quiet space. God’s idea of Shalom or peace was justice, righteousness, safety, rest, healing, and a place where others could be treated with honor, respect, and dignity. Sacred and Shalom are similar concepts as they offer the same peace to humans.
• Complement—Complement sounds similar to compliment, which suggests saying nice things to others,
but has a different meaning. Complement means to complete, partner, or mirror one another so that we can be united and build on each other’s strengths. We also believe that this best describes the relationship that works as a team.
• Submission—This term is not obedience
nor is it unquestioned support.
Submission is a willing choice to support another who is leading or involved in a mission. Submission says nothing about status, as in the Bible those of higher status submit to others who are not their leaders. Submission is a willing choice that someone makes. It is not forced. Submission also has the same meaning as respect. To submit to someone means to support, respect, and encourage another who is trying to get a job done. Submission is not possible with a corrupt, dishonorable, or evil person because to submit to someone of that character violates God’s plan for all humans, who are to be valued and treated with respect by all individuals. Submission cannot be forced, demanded, or a product of manipulation. Submission is an act of love that is met with love.
• Mutual submission—We use this term often throughout our discussions. Unfortunately we have dealt with many, many individuals who feel compelled to enforce that the Bible teaches others to submit to them. Overwhelmingly women and wives are the objects of these discussions. However, we not only believe that the Bible teachers mutual submission
where both respect, love, and support each other, but we believe that this concept is not taught enough in our churches, marriage groups, and to Christian leaders. Marriage involves both
individuals supporting, submitting, respecting, and serving each other.
• Spouse/Partner—We use these two terms interchangeably because we know that we are working with couples who are married, engaged, or dating. We feel strongly that being a team and complementing each other helps to develop a partnership, and we wish to emphasize that by using the term partner
often. This is not to suggest we do not support marriage, but encourages us to move past the spouse
term and see each other as partners in a team seeking to grow stronger and healthier.
As you work through this book, we hope that these terms help you to understand the direction and the questions at the end of each chapter. There may be many other terms that we missed or need to define, but we encourage you to contact us if you need more information, help, or have questions. Most importantly we hope you enjoy reading this and developing your own marriage tables with as much happiness as we have had.
1
Come to the Table
I will create a helper to complement the man . . . (Gen 2:18)
Lori Dayton Clark
I was born March 4, 1967 in Chillicothe, Missouri. My dad was a meat cutter (butcher) and my mother worked at home. I was the youngest of three girls. I was twenty years younger than my older sister, Linda, and thirteen years younger than my other sister, Pam. I was definitely the baby of our family!
I grew up in the same home where my dad was born and my parents married. There was much history in our house. I remember very little about living with my sisters. Linda married when I was ten months old and I became an aunt at age two. My middle sister, Pam, married when I turned six. I loved to stay with both of my sisters. In some ways I always felt special by having siblings whom I could spend time with at their homes!
My dad was the eleventh of twelve children. All of his older siblings would tease him and his younger brother suggesting that they were spoiled because they were the babies
of the family! Being the youngest myself, I understood. However, I truly loved hearing stories of how my grandparents always made room at their table for another plate if someone needed a meal. Their house was close to the railroad tracks and there would always be hobos
(as they called them) that would come to their door. Even if they had little to give, they always found plenty to share. My grandparents passed away years before I was born, and I wish I could have met them. However, the stories lived on through their children! My dad had four brothers; two were confirmed bachelors and built a house next door to the family home. I was very lucky to grow up with these two uncles who lived so close. In my younger years I thought they were only there to take care of my every desire. They loved to spoil me and would always have a treat for me. My older uncle, Glen, loved to cook, and it was delicious. He had been a cook in the army and knew how to make many different dishes. My other uncle, Ed, had a special way of popping popcorn that to this day our family misses! He used bacon grease and popped the corn on the stovetop. These men were gruff and rough around the edges, but they nurtured me. Glen was a bricklayer and Ed worked on the city road-construction crews. I would spend many days talking