Human Wholeness: A Spirituality of Relationship
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About this ebook
Mark G. Boyer
Mark G. Boyer, a well-known spiritual master, has been writing books on biblical, liturgical, and devotional spirituality for over fifty years. He has authored seventy previous books, including two books of history and one novel. His work prompts the reader to recognize the divine in everyday life. This is his thirtieth Wipf and Stock title.
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Human Wholeness - Mark G. Boyer
Human Wholeness
A Spirituality of Relationship
Mark G. Boyer and Matthew S. Ver Miller
9593.pngHuman Wholeness
A Spirituality of Relationship
Copyright © 2015 Mark G. Boyer and Matthew S. Ver Miller. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical publications or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Write: Permissions, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3, Eugene, OR 97401.
Wipf & Stock
An Imprint of Wipf and Stock Publishers
199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3
Eugene, OR 97401
www.wipfandstock.com
ISBN 13: 978-1-4982-2036-1
EISBN 13: 978-1-4982-2037-8
Manufactured in the U.S.A.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Preface
Introduction
Chapter 1: Human Wholeness
Chapter 2: Friendship
Chapter 3: Transcendence through Relationship
Chapter 4: The Dialectic of Enrichment and Diminishment in Relationship
Chapter 5: Jesus
Bibliography
Dedicated to all those
whose relationships with each of us
enabled us to write this book,
especially Janna Ver Miller
and Jazer, Josiah, and Trevor Ver Miller.
The Master was an advocate both of learning and of Wisdom.
Learning,
he said when asked, is gotten by reading books or listening to lectures.
And Wisdom?
By reading the book that is you.
He added as an afterthought: Not an easy task at all, for every minute of the day brings a new edition of the book!
—Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
Preface
What began many years ago as mentor-mentee sessions between me, Mark G. Boyer, and Matthew S. Ver Miller, became a special relationship because the mentee, Ver Miller, decided that he wanted more than the mentor, I, was giving. Ver Miller once told me, You’re not going to get away.
The mentor taught the mentee how to reflect on the events of his life and learn not only his own truth, but to learn how to learn from what he experienced, that is, in the words of the epigraph above, to read the book that is he. The mentee turned the process around and began to assist the mentor in an exchange that, ultimately, led us to write this volume. By reading our words, you also share in our friendship which continues in the process of always becoming more than we who form it.
In Christian understanding, each person is created in the image and likeness of God. Thus, when two people enter into a friendship, each brings the image of God to the other so God is encountered in and through the other. In Hinduism this godself is called the atman, which once uncovered reveals the Brahmin, true self. Through its practices, Buddhism seeks nirvana, a person’s true self in union with all that exists. The goal of Taoism is human wholeness through harmony or balance. In Judaism, a person finds wholeness by keeping covenant. In other words, all world religions have the goal of achieving human wholeness through relationships.
Our hope is that the reader will be assisted in seeing how the relationships he or she has are not mere human interactions, but occasions for also experiencing God in each other. The transcendent aspect of relationship has enabled us to discover God in each other and many other friends in our lives. We desire to share the wholeness we have experienced through the seven dimensions of human relating or connecting to each other. Through reflections and discussions about each dimension, we have discovered the freedom to become who we are in each other’s presence and receive back the gift we offer to each other in total freedom. In other words, we have discovered, and continue to discover, our true selves by giving them away to each other.
Because we are Christians, we use Jesus as our model for human relating. Christianity claims that he was one hundred percent God and one hundred percent human. If such is the case, then he best illustrates how God meets God in human relating. Christianity names this as transcendence, which will be explored in these pages. We hope this book will serve to spark the reader’s own reflections and make him or her more aware of the transcendent dimension of human relationships.
In addition to each other, many others have contributed to our understanding of friendship. In fact, every person we have befriended or who has befriended us has contributed to the writing of this book. Outstanding contributors include Jeremy Graddy, Thomas Pesek, and Janna Ver Miller. All are deep thinkers; none hesitated to share through dialogue his or her journey of growth in human wholeness and relationship with God.
There is more to human wholeness that we write about here. We cannot know what that more is because we are always in the process of becoming who we are. This work is a bookmark on our lifetime journey of relating that leads to human wholeness. We hope this serves as an empowering framework to foster continual increase in the experience of transcendence in interpersonal relationships and communion with the Divine.We hope it will assist you with your next step on your lifetime journey.
Mark G. Boyer
Matthew S. Ver Miller
Introduction
This book presumes the experience of friendship. A friend is a person who is attached to another person by affection or esteem. A friend is a favored companion on the journey of life.
Most people would not dispute the fact that they have a variety of friends, who, on an imaginary scale, probably range from mere acquaintance to close friend, that is, from a superficial connection to one that shares relationship intimacy in the form of a very close association, familiarity, bond, belonging, and knowing. Relationship intimacy in friendships can consist of emotional, social, intellectual, recreational, nonsexual physical, experiential, and spiritual dimensions with someone of the same sex or the opposite sex.
A friendship may be defined by the environment in which it is formed. The work environment may define the friend. A national party affiliation may define the friend. Travel companion may define the friend. A friendship may transcend environment and grow over time. A long and warm association developed over years may define a close friend. Each individual psychologically creates categories of friends, and these may be similar or different from others’ categories.
Friendship as an experience of God and as a path to God is not a new idea. After his conversion from Judaism to Christianity, Paul writes about having entered into such a deep friendship with Jesus that it was no longer he who lived, but it was Christ who lived in him. By quoting a hymn, Paul illustrates that everything was created in and through Christ, the only Son of God (cf. Col 1:15–20). Thus, everything is connected to God, and friendship gives us a glimpse of this connectivity.
Christian mystics often write about the connectedness that exists among all things that have their origin in God. Christian mystics believe God meets God in human relating. One way to experience such connectivity is friendship. Hildegard of Bingen writes that the Holy Spirit penetrates everything in the heavens, on the earth, and under the earth. She refers to this as penetrated with connectedness
or penetrated with relatedness.
Meister Eckert, another famous mystic, argues that relation is the essence of everything that exists. Thomas