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    Boristopia
    Boristopia
    Boristopia
    Ebook67 pages28 minutes

    Boristopia

    By Tom Black

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    About this ebook

    Boris Johnson is, perhaps, the most well-known 'character' among British politicians today. Once seen as a jovial buffoon with no future in high office, he sought the Mayoralty of London and, through his campaign and then his time in office, became a national figure talked about as a future PM. Widely recognised as one of the canniest minds in politics, Boris has made the most out of every opportunity – and every challenge – that has come his way.

    So, what if his rise had been different?

    In Boristopia, Tom Black begins the story with the thwarting of Boris' Mayoral ambitions. But rather than being a permanent blow, Boris soon finds that remaining in Parliament has its own advantages. His career path thus altered, he finds himself in cabinet during the Coalition, trading blows with Lib Dems and, eventually, squaring up to David Cameron himself. What follows is a rip-roaring ride on the back of power, the media, and uncontrollable blonde hair. As Boris faces off against Euroscepticism, Scottish nationalism, and parliamentary democracy itself, readers will wonder quite how far Britain will let its PMs go if they can crack a good joke.

    Also features an 'alternate ending', for fans of the absurd.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSea Lion Press
    Release dateOct 15, 2018
    ISBN9781540138613
    Boristopia

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      Book preview

      Boristopia - Tom Black

      Boristopia

      Tom Black

      This is a work of fiction. While a sense of realism has been sought, all characterisations were developed with the primary aim of telling a compelling story.

      All rights reserved.

      2 May 2008

      No single candidate received more than half of the total first preference votes cast in the election.

      Anthony Mayer had a rather appropriate surname, thought Boris Johnson as he stood patiently on the platform in City Hall. The returning officer continued.

      …therefore, the two candidates who received the highest number of such votes remain in the contest. They are Ken Livingstone and Boris Johnson. I will now announce the total number of eligible second preference votes…

      Boris, along with everyone else on the platform, knew what was coming. Of course he did. They’d all been quietly informed a few minutes ago in a small meeting room down the corridor. Most people had looked surprised - Paddick especially - but only that oaf McKenzie had seen fit to look visibly angry that he’d lost. Boris had smiled, composed himself after what felt like a donkey-punch to the stomach, and shaken a grinning Ken by the hand.

      …Boris Johnson: sixty-eight thousand, five hundred and fifty two.

      There was a flutter of gasps among the press pack. Boris understood why. He’d known it was over when he heard that figure, even before his brain had actually done the maths. 

      …a total of one million, seventy-three thousand, nine hundred and eighty-one votes.

      1,005,429 in the first round was bloody good going, Boris told himself. He’d become the first British politician to win over a million personal votes. The only one, if you only counted first preferences, as Ken had only got nine hundred and thirty thousand or so in the first round. But throughout the campaign, his people had been warning him he wasn’t doing enough to win second preferences. Some of the Sloane Rangers whose dads had got them jobs at the top of Back Boris expected his cycling would guarantee at least half of the Green vote, but even his attempts to actually gain such support had been damp squibs. He refused to tack to the right on immigration or Europe, so UKIP and the BNP - the latter of whom had done disconcertingly well - were more closed to him than he expected. Now, staring down the barrel of a pathetic number of second preferences, he had to admit that his rudeness to Paddick in the Newsnight debate had been an error.

      …Ken Livingstone: two hundred and three thousand, six hundred and forty-one.

      Boris furrowed his brow ever so slightly. How had the red bastard done it? It had all looked too good to be true back in 2007. ‘Bottler Brown’, ‘the election that wasn’t’, the hoohah with Northern Rock at the beginning of this year… Boris sighed. It was probably that u-turn on dropping the 10p tax that did it. When the Labour Party had threatened to tear itself apart - not just Frank Field and (of course) Ken, but cabinet members like Purnell started openly warning against the move - the measure, introduced in the ‘07 budget, was quietly axed, taking with it a major Tory ace.

      …a total of one million, one hundred and thirty-five thousand, eight hundred and fifty votes.

      And there we had it. The last remaining hopeful Tories must by now have buried their faces in their sofas. Boris gave a dutiful nod towards Ken and tried not to think back to those barnstorming debates and Ken’s repeated use of that godawful ‘fighting for London’ phrase. Credit to the man, he’d never once cited his admirable performance after 7/7 as political capital, but his supporters hadn’t shied away from it, especially not on the breakfast programmes in the week leading up to the election. Boris HQ had been up in arms when Irritable Jowell Syndrome came out and made that shameless assault on his character, asking if Britons could really picture Mr Johnson pulling London together after an event like the seventh of July. Paul Merton being asked on the street outside the Comedy Store if he’d vote for him had backfired – you might as well ask if I’d vote for Brian Blessed

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