Wicked: Welcome to My Private Little Hell

ABOUT ME

Life experience is the key, and I have had plenty of that. I have experienced loss, including the loss of my home, family, language, culture, and even my own self. I have witnessed prejudice and charity. I have endured heartbreaking failure and savoured the delicious taste of success. As a mental illness sufferer, I had hit bottom when my own body and mind betrayed me. I have experienced the sweet agony of birth, where I have come close to death after delivering my first daughter.

With my children, I had grown wings and touched the stars. My daughters are my life. They are two bright flames that light my path and keep the darkness at bay. They continue to be a source of great joy, never-ending worries and frustration, growing pride, and satisfaction. But above all, they are a bottomless fountain of laughter and love.

Each day is an adventure, a new lesson, and an experience that moulds and defines me as an artist and as a human being.

I am a mother first and foremost, and my two rays of sunshine are my life, my everything. They are the reason I breathe, and the only two beings who can always put a smile on my face.

I am also an artist - actor, stunt performer, writer, director, presenter, as well as a mentor. I have been lucky and privileged enough to be able to work in the media and entertainment industry. Along the way, I have been fortunate to work alongside many amazing professionals, such as David Ritchie, John Noble, Darren Nesbitt, Gosia Dobrowolska, Dasha Blaha, Georgie Parker, as well as Kevin Spacey and Frank Langella in the 2006 Superman movie. They all shared their skill, talent, knowledge, and wisdom with me. I only hope to be able to do the same.

BIOG

Zuzi Fort

Zuzi studied at the University of Western Sydney – Nepean (Theatre) and at the University of Technology – Sydney (BA Communication – directing and scriptwriting). She also attended the Filmmakers College of Arts & Sciences and The Australian Playhouse Studio where she trained in voice, movement, physical theatre, experimental and street theatre. Since graduation from UTS Zuzi worked as an actor, director, scriptwriter, playwright, coach, drama teacher, reporter, editor, TV host as well as, a stunt performer.

In the past, Zuzi worked as a reporter & a host for various live events as well as FACES IN A CROWD & STREET NOISE for SPN Television, Presenter for the Speakers’ Club YouTube Channel and a radio host for Mind for Life.

Zuzi’s teaching experience includes working for Powerhouse Youth Theatre, PAC Station, Art Umbrella, the Q Theatre, the Australian Institute of Performing Arts, The Speech and Drama School at MLC and GATEWAYS Gifted and Talented program. Finally, Zuzi has been involved with community theatre and has been working closely with refugees and kids at risk to help them express their experience and discover their voice through self-devised theatre, various workshops and public speaking.

Zuzi is also a published author but has written primarily for the theatre and had her plays produced professionally in prestigious Sydney theatre venues. Since having her daughters, Zuzi has been focusing on writing for children, trying to instil the love of performing and reading in her daughters and other children. She is working on a collection of stories for primary-aged children as well as a poetry book and various other projects.

Acting, however, remains Zuzi’s passion. Career highlights include performing Moliere at the Belvoir, playing opposite David Ritchie in Place with the Pigs, playing Tiger Lily in Peter Pan at Capitol Theatre, acting in plays by Sartre and Kohout and many others. Also performing stunts on the Superman movie, False Witness, All Saints, Packed to the Rafters, Gladiators and Home and Away. Working as Lara Croft and Wonderwoman and in Terminator 2 – 3D and High Noon Stunt Shows for the Universal Studios. However, Zuzi’s greatest achievements are her daughters, Kira and Kisha.

To find out more or to contact Zuzi, visit her website www.zuzifort.com

18 April 1988

Hi there, diary. My name is Mary. I just turned fourteen, and you are one of my presents. You’re my first diary, so bear with me, OK!

I suppose introductions are in order. My full name is Mary Snizek, and it’s my birthday today. I’m 158 centimetres tall and weigh 62 kilograms. My eyes are hazel and my hair, dark.

Mum says I have little stars shining in my eyes, but dad says I have little impish devils there, so I’m confused.

I like everything interesting, and, let’s face it, almost anything can be interesting. However, my great love is the theatre and books. I want to become an actress as well as a writer, and maybe even a director – the lot! I adore going to the theatre, going to the movies, reading books, and listening to music.

As for my other loves and hobbies, I love dogs and all other animals, but dogs are the coolest. I like children too and cooking and anything to do with food in general. I think food is God’s gift to humanity. I also enjoy sports, such as swimming, tennis, martial arts, and horse riding. And I like watching TV for which my whole family nags me.

Now about my acting, I actually attend a drama school twice a week, and I’ve already performed publicly on a number of occasions. It was so great. As for my writing, I write a fair bit. I have to, otherwise, I’d explode with all my ideas. And believe me, it wouldn’t be a pretty picture.

Now, my family – there is Mum and Dad and two pets: my doggy, Aranka, and my brother, Paul. Paul is ten years older than me, but I don’t hold it against him. Actually it’s kind of groovy. We love each other heaps, and I wouldn’t give him up for anything. He’s a professional tennis player and a really good one, but the communists confiscated his passport and so he cannot play at foreign tournaments and he’s stagnating. He’s very unhappy, and that makes me mad.

The only argument we’ve ever had was about my eating. Paul teases me about eating like a pig, saying I will eventually end up looking like one. I cannot help it! All the women are quite big in our family, and I am not fat, really I’m not!

OK. Mum – Mum is a successful reporter, journalist, director, and also producer. She’s the best in the country – honest! She even received the highest award anyone in her field can receive, and everyone knows her – not necessarily a good thing. Mum’s pretty hip; we can talk about everything, and she really understands me. Through her I’ve met some really interesting people: actors, writers, directors, inventors, scientists, and so on. The only downside to Mum’s fame is that kids often abuse me, and even teachers treat me differently; they try so hard not to be nice so no one could accuse them of playing favourites. So I don’t have many friends, but that’s OK too because Mum is my best friend.

Then there’s Dad. Sometimes I wish he weren’t there. That’s awful, I know. Well, we get on sometimes and have only a few things in common, like our love of skiing. So we get on only on the slopes.

Mum and Dad don’t get on at all. I mean there are no fights or anything, but they are nervous when they’re together, and I don’t like it when Dad touches Mum. I think she doesn’t like it either.

Finally, my big big love – Aranka, my dog. She’s a Miniature Schnauzer, but she acts like the giant one; she’s not afraid of anything, except the vacuum cleaner. She’s really sweet, and I adore her!

I guess that’s all for now. I’ll acquaint you with the rest of my family in stages. So here’s to a long friendship, I hope you’ll be able to stand me. Good Night.

19 April 1988

God, I hate school! Hate it! I try to avoid it as much as possible, but it’s a struggle.

By the way, I had a fight, or mini-fight, with Paul. He told me I was obese and should do something about it. He even suggested using a whip on me to get me off my bum. He said he’d force me to run around the block till I lose all the flab, which I have apparently acquired. I told him I liked being fat. I don’t, actually, but I wanted to spite him. And anyway, I really am not fat. I’m curvaceous. And I cannot stand dieting. I always give up after a day. So now I eat as much as I want to, when I want to, and what I want to, and I am happy. I have even set a few records: for example, sitting in front of the TV set one whole day and eating practically nonstop. I had one ice block after another and went through fourteen of them. Naturally I had the occasional break during, which I consumed a coconut bar. Oh what a day!

20 April 1988

On a sadder note today – it’s about grandma. She was so great – you know kind, intelligent, understanding, patient, full of stories, and a real lady to top it off and now . . . About a year ago, she had a stroke offsetting a quick development of the Alzheimer’s diseases, for which there is no cure. She lost all her beautiful memories, forgot how to write and read, and even how to walk. She is just a shell, a poor imitation of her old self. She fights to get better, but there really is no hope.

It’s only now that I realise how much I really love her and how much I miss her. Occasionally we get short glimpses of her old self, but mostly she’s like a baby or a very young child, a sweet if a little impatient kid. She deserves a better end. Life’s not fair.

I try to teach her how to read and write again, and I have succeeded in teaching her how to walk. But it will never be like it was. And she so loved reading; she introduced me to books. By reading to me, she nurtured a love of books in me, and now I have to read to her because words on a page don’t make sense to her.

She had two other strokes since her first one, and now she’s in a comma in a hospital, perhaps never to wake again. It is for the better, she hated what she had become; in her bright moments, she begged us just to finish her off. She wanted her dignity back. But, knowing this is no consolation, I will still miss her.

I only hope Grandpa will be able to cope. I couldn’t bear to watch him suffer. But he will. They’ve been married for over fifty-six years; they survived the two wars, a concentration camp, the communist takeover, the witch-hunt trials, and the occupation by the Russians (or as we are learning at school – the amazing liberation by the Soviet Army in 1968), and they brought three children into this world – all of it together. Grandpa simply must go on; he cannot give up. He is my God! I will never get married unless I can find someone like him. Unfortunately I am looking at a rather solitary existence; he is one of a kind, unique! He’s kind and gentle yet strong; he’s tactful, intelligent, wise, caring, tolerant, generous, and most of all loving and so very, very human. He listens to me, treats me like a grownup, and he always wants to learn new things. I don’t even want to contemplate the day he leaves me. I want him to be proud of me, to see me succeed.

Though I fear the future, everyone says I look like granny; they say I am the spitting image of her. That is a real compliment; however, does it mean I have to end like her? We have similar personalities; that’s why we always clashed, but does that mean that one day I too will wish I were never born, that one day I will feel like a terrible burden.

21 April 1988

Grandpa says that no dream ever comes true completely in its entirety, so one must have a huge dream because if say only a half of it comes true, you end up with a huge half rather than a minuscule half if you have a timid little dream. Isn’t that so true? So I have a gigantic dream! I know I cannot sit and wait for it to happen, grandpa taught me that. But if you really want something and you work for it, you do everything you can, you try every avenue, then you will get it.

That is why I want to be an actress, a great actress and a great writer and a great director. All three!

I would like to help people find themselves (right after I find myself), to help them cope with life, to accept it as it comes. And I want to entertain them. I believe actors are doctors of the human soul and guardians of the human spirit. And entertaining people is one of the greatest gifts any human being can give to another. Theatre gets people together, makes them forget their troubles or to face them, and to solve the problem causing them. Theatre is sharing.

I have this strange need – this fire is burning inside me. (No need to call the firefighters!) I want to perform. I want the whole world to know me, but I want to deserve it, to earn it. Is that crazy? I don’t know if I’ll make it.

On a more depressing note, Paul has been teasing me again. It’s my problem; he should leave me alone. I look at myself, and it’s not so bad. I think that he’s angry for some other reason and is taking it out on me. I know there is something fishy going on. Mum hasn’t been given any work for awhile, and Paul is having problems in the army; he’s been drafted for a two-year service. I wish we could go back to the way things were.

By the way, Paul has a new girlfriend. I guess nothing serious. He is a bit of a womaniser. He does ask for my opinion, even though he doesn’t admit it publicly. If I don’t like his girlfriend, he usually dumps her. Yeah, more power to the sisters! Anyhow, I should be meeting his new love interest soon, will keep you posted.

22 April 1988

I hate Paul teasing me. It was quite funny but not any more. Today he measured the time I spent not eating, saying it came to only twenty-five minutes.

Comments, useful hints, smirks and jibes… Watch out, pig is about. Mountaintop is coming this way! Wide base approaching! I hear it all. Pretend not to care. Laugh along. I curse my curves. Womanhood, who needs it? Not me… Skinny is the way to go,

Paul made me so mad! I’ll show him.

23 April 1988

Today really sucked. The kids were picking on me again, calling me a blinker, a wining freak and a twitching machine. So, maddening. See, I have this twitch. My eyes keep twitching. Some days it’s worse, like today! I’ve had it since I was six. No one