Woman of Virtue: Applying Proverbs 31 to the Twenty-First-Century Woman

Copyright © 2014 Susan Reynolds Brackley.

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Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-5277-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-5278-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-5279-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014916872

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/25/2014

Contents

Preface ~

Acknowledgments ~

Dedication ~

About the Author ~

1 Virtue is Rare and Priceless

2 Virtue is Trustworthy and Frugal

3 Virtue is Loyal

4 Virtue is Industrious

5 Virtue is Prudent

6 Virtue is Disciplined and Orderly

7 Virtue is Precautious and Resourceful

8 Virtue is Self-disciplined

9 Virtue has Integrity

10 Virtue Humbly Serves

11 Virtue is Gracious

12 Virtue Prepares Ahead

13 Virtue Synchronizes Beauty and Modesty

14 Virtue Promotes Respect

15 Virtue has a Godly Work Ethic

16 Virtue has a Godly Work Ethic – Part II

17 Virtue has a Godly Work Ethic – Part III

18 Virtue has Longevity – Spring

19 Virtue has Longevity – Summer

20 Virtue has Longevity – Fall

21 Virtue has Longevity – Winter

22 Virtue is Benevolent

23 Virtue is Responsible

24 Virtue is Blessed

25 Virtue is Praiseworthy

26 The Fear of the Lord Produces Virtue

27 Virtue’s Commendation

Preface ~

Have you ever admired someone so much that you wished you could be a fly on the wall to see what they were like in their everyday lives at home? Proverbs 31 is a section of scripture where God invites us to pull back the curtains of this woman’s heart and home to see how a godly woman of virtue is designed to live.

Sadly, confusion concerning the biblical role of women abounds. The world and the feminist movement’s agenda have been wreaking havoc on the family for years. With their boasts of liberating women, we can actually see the bondage that has come as a result instead. It is obvious that along with the rise of feminism, there has also been a phenomenal increase in divorce, crime, single parenting, abortion, broken homes, sexually transmitted diseases, teenage pregnancy, sex outside of marriage, suicide, teenage rebellion, depression, immorality, drug abuse, and the list goes on. These statistics should not shock us, knowing that when people turn their back on God and His answers to life, the end result will not be right.

What should shock us is the fact that women who profess Christianity are not only being influenced by the world, but are actually turning from the truths of scripture and embracing feminism as their own preferred lifestyle. The world offers to liberate women from God’s design for them by offering a smorgasbord of options and supposed opportunities that feed the flesh, oppose God’s will, and worst of all, tempt women to doubt that His design and answers are indeed best for dealing with the difficulties and trials that they face. Even Christians accept the world’s cheap counterfeit as seemingly more palatable and satisfying than what God ordains. Some undiscerning believers even attribute these humanistic answers to life as being of God. As a result, we are seeing the same decadent statistics of the world within Christian homes, as well.

Why? How can this be? I believe that there are many reasons. But one that seems to be at the root of it all is the decline of the Christian’s understanding of God’s good design for women, marriage, and the family as revealed in His Word. There has been a steady decline in the deep study and exposition of scripture, both from church leadership and the individual Christian in the pew. Christians have neglected personal study and prayer within their own homes, which has produced an indifference towards God’s Word—therefore, there is a decrease in the clarity of divine truth.

One person dogmatically teaches one thing and another emphatically proclaims something else. Our world (and sadly, Christianity is not exempt) is beginning to echo Pilate’s cynical retort to Jesus’ claim on truth by asking, What is truth? (John 18:38). When you do not understand the teaching of God’s Word, you cannot be sure of God’s will for your life and family. When you are not sure of God’s will, you will be tempted to live in uncertainty, doing what is right in your own eyes instead of walking by faith. Resist the temptation to believe that God’s Word cannot be understood! He commands us to study and learn it (cf. 2 Tim. 2:15). God’s Word is to be a lamp to our feet and a light to our path! (cf. Psa. 119:105). Our flesh is prone to falter and sin. When we are faced with decisions and trials in our everyday lives, if we are not yielded to the Spirit through clarity of biblical truth, we will be apt to make decisions based on how we feel and on our own faulty views instead of following God’s will as revealed in scripture. This philosophy is no different than how the world lives. Christians are, in fact, commanded not to live according to their flesh:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil (Pro. 3:5-7).

Christian women need to saturate and renew their minds through the personal study of scripture, stay fervent in prayer, and be obedient to the Spirit’s leading in their lives lest they be deceived into thinking that humanism works. Humanism does not work. God’s answers work and His truths still apply to us right here and now in the twenty-first century. Moreover, merging Christianity with the humanism of the feminist movement does not work. The world and biblical truth diametrically oppose each other. After all, what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? (2 Cor. 6:14-16).

What a scrambled egg this worldly distortion of truth has become within the church. Instead of trying to hopelessly separate the shells from the beaten batter, why not start afresh—but this time with a new bowl and using only God’s ingredients? We need to be willing to follow God’s recipe for successful living and not only skim through it, but learn it, trust it, and strive to follow it. Don’t forget that God has given us His Word as a revelation of Himself and His will for us. He wants us to know His good design for women and has not kept it a secret. Remember that revelation means to expose and reveal. He wants us exposed to truth so that we can live a life pleasing to Him, as well as identify and avoid error.

May God see fit to use this book to encourage you on your quest to know His Word and yield your life to His good design for you.

Acknowledgments ~

Many years have gone into the making of this book. In fact I couldn’t have written it years ago because God had to work in my own life over time—teaching, humbling, maturing, and molding me. This book represents years of studying the Word of God and even now, continually gaining insight that only time and experience can give. I am especially thankful for all of the wisdom that I have gleaned from the Spirit through His Word, as well as other biblical authors and teachers through the years. They cannot fully comprehend how much their teaching has contributed to my own spiritual growth and understanding: Jonathan Edwards, Charles Spurgeon, J.C. Ryle, Richard Baxter, A.W. Pink, George Lawson, Thomas Watson, Martyn Lloyd Jones, John F. MacArthur, R.C. Sproul, Jerry Bridges, Philip Ryken, and many, many others.

For over twenty-five years, I have had the privilege of teaching God’s Word to women individually, as well as in groups at ladies’ bible studies, seminars, and women’s conferences. Through the years I have been asked hundreds of times to get these teachings in writing. I am thankful to all of you who have encouraged me to get this book into the hands of other women.

Leading the busy life that I do has made writing this book a huge (yet very pleasant) undertaking for me. I never could have pursued this endeavor without the encouragement, input, guidance, and loving support of my husband, Bob. I’m so blessed!

Special thanks go to Stephen and Patrick for surviving the many hours I was glued to the computer, typing. They truly encouraged me and made it easy for me to reach my goals and still keep my other priorities in place. I so appreciate the many cups of coffee that they brought me and for all of the support and encouragement that they were every day! Thank you, Patrick, for helping me with the cover pictures for this book.

Many thanks go to my dear and loyal friend, Lisa Pepin. She has helped make this a much better book than it ever could have been without her valuable and godly input. Thank you!

Thank you, Alyssa and Hannah, for always letting me share the details and progress of my book every day, all the while making me feel that you were truly interested. You are gems to me!

Thank you, Matthew, for encouraging me and Justin for helping me with my technical difficulties—you guys are great!

Thank YOU for purchasing and opening this book to read it. It is my prayer and heart’s desire that God will use this book to give hope, courage, answers, and insight that will increase your faith in His Word as you seek to live your life in obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Surely, All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work (2 Tim. 3:16-17).

Dedication ~

I affectionately dedicate this book to ~

My Lord ~

To Jesus be the glory because He alone is worthy. There is none holy like the LORD; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God (1 Sam. 2:2).

Robert ~

Thank you for being a godly stability in my world—truly God knew that I needed you. Through the years you have been an excellent husband, father, grandfather, provider, and Christian; your testimony humbles me. I love spending my life with you and feel exceptionally blessed to be your wife. I love you. My beloved is mine, and I am his (Son.2:16).

Mamma ~

The person who loved me first. Thank you for the love and many sacrifices you have made throughout my life. You have filled me with good memories of home that always make my heart glad and thankful. Thank you for staying home with us, spending quality time with us, and always making me know that I am loved. I love you.

Daddy ~

Thank you for working hard to love and support our family. Thank you for all of the crazy, fun things that you loved to do with us. I cherish the memories that I have with you. I miss you every single day and wish I could kiss that scar on your cheek one more time. I love you.

My Girls ~ Alyssa, Hannah, Ellen, Heather, Cindy, Ava, and Makayla ~

May you truly aspire to be women of virtue. May you never be content with less than God’s design for you and may you use everything that God has given you to honor Him, for He is worthy. I love each one of you with all my heart and am thankful every day that God has blessed me with you.

My Guys ~ Matthew, Justin, Stephen, Patrick, Matt, Anthony, Aidan, Jackson, Gavin, Logan, and Garrett ~

May God mold you into being the godly leaders that He has designed you to be. May you strive to pave the way and make it easy for the females in your lives to be godly women of virtue. My love for you is limitless and I pray for you every day.

About the Author ~

Susan Brackley was born into a loving family and raised in the beautiful state of Maine. She gave her life in faith to the Lord Jesus Christ in 1982. She has been married to her best friend, Bob, for just over thirty-one years. They have had seven children (Matthew, Justin, Alyssa, Hannah, Stephen, Anthony, and Patrick), one son-in-law (Matt), two daughters-in-law (Ellen and Heather), and nine grandchildren (Anthony, Aidan, Cindy, Ava, Makayla, Jackson, Gavin, Logan, and Garrett). Susan has joyfully dedicated her life through the years to being a devoted wife and helper to Bob and a full time stay-at-home and homeschool mother and grandmother. Susan has also committed her life to her ministries—teaching the Bible to women, counseling women, and speaking at women’s conferences for over twenty-five years. She has an unwavering passion to accurately teach God’s truths to women, as well as help them recognize and trust His answers for their everyday lives (cf. Tit. 2:3-5). You can learn more about her ministries on her website heartofaith.com.

1

Virtue is Rare and Priceless

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

Proverbs 31:10

When a jeweler wants to examine the authenticity of a precious gem, he uses a jeweler’s loupe. It is a small object that you’ve probably seen him take out of his pocket to look deep into a diamond or some other expensive gem. Using a jeweler’s loupe, he can see both perfections and flaws with a precision that the naked eye cannot detect. At first glance, two rubies may look alike to us. It is peering into the heart and center of it with a jeweler’s loupe that makes us able to see if there are flaws. Proverbs 31 is like a jeweler’s loupe for us to evaluate what God has designed for the heart and life of a truly virtuous woman. When we see a woman that fears the Lord and strives to live her life according to God’s standards of virtue, we can rest assured that we have found a priceless gem.

What is a virtuous woman? Times have changed. Is virtue today the same as it was years ago? Has God changed His definition of virtue over time? If He were to rewrite the Bible in our day and age, would Proverbs 31 have different prerequisites of virtue? Would this list really be different? If virtue was such a rare commodity back when the book of Proverbs was written, is there any hope of finding a virtuous woman in the twenty-first century? Is virtue still esteemed as being far above the worth of a precious ruby? Goodness! If virtuous women are so rare and precious, how do we know one when we see one? God describes her for us throughout Proverbs 31. God still wants us all to know what a virtuous, God-fearing, honest, modest, righteous, and hard-working woman is. His definition of virtue does not change with time nor does it expire. Virtue means being morally good. It means having a good and graceful attitude as we go about fulfilling our obligations. It was hard to find a godly virtuous woman back when Proverbs was written, and it is still rare in our day and age.

Why are gems so expensive? Why is so much value placed on them, and why do people risk their lives to mine, forage, and possess them? And when some rich person, perchance, can afford one, why does he lock it up in a secure place and lose sleep worrying about it? The answer is because they are rare. They hold worth because they are beautiful and valuable, and not many people can afford to have one. The virtue of the Proverbs 31 woman is not to be compared with the mere beauty of a gem, but rather its worth. Later we will learn that charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Prov. 31:30). There are women who are not blessed with physical beauty who are indeed virtuous. There are also women who are very pretty, but only outwardly. This verse tells us that a woman of virtue has more value, by far, than a precious gem—the ruby. The focus here isn’t to be on the ruby itself (or any gem for that matter), but rather the superior worth of a woman controlled by godly virtue.

Women were so misused and undervalued back in biblical times. I am glad that less of that mentality goes on today. God created men and women equal in light of personal worth. There is no difference when it comes to the soul of any person. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal. 3:28). Although we are of equal value to God, He has appointed different roles for us in this life. We have each been given distinct tasks that actually help the other gender. He has created us uniquely different to complement the different responsibilities and functions of the other. He has designed us to fulfill in each other what the other one lacks. We differ physically, and even mentally, to some degree. Men are physically stronger than women; women are the weaker vessel (cf. 1 Peter 3:7). Men have a masculine physique and women have a softer feminine form and makeup. God designed us in these unique ways. He purposefully made us different and determined that it was good. There’s been no mistake made.

When I say that we are different mentally, I don’t mean to say that either one is more intelligent than the other. Surely, there are many males and females with sound logic, as well as many ignorant and unlearned people of both genders. Yet, men and women don’t often think the same. The entire internal make up of a woman is uniquely feminine. Women have maternal instincts and men are intuitively paternal—right from conception. Sadly, our original feminine makeup can be perverted into the rugged individualism that the feminist movement pushes. Men, too, can degenerate by leaving their natural male characteristics and becoming effeminate or succumbing to role reversal, whereby he stays at home with the kids while mom goes out and takes on the role of family breadwinner. This trend has really skyrocketed in the last few years. Neither of these are God’s will or design.

God has set up different roles for us as males and females. The husband is to lead, provide for, love, secure, and protect the woman; the wife is to follow, respect, help, submit, love, and support the husband. Our internal differences complement the roles that God has providentially designed for each of us. I do realize that this teaching has been a burr in many a saddle through the years and, sadly, it still is today. Why? If you think about it, everyone knows that someone has to lead and, consequently, that someone has to follow. It is accepted and even appreciated on so many levels. We don’t seem to have a problem accepting the fact that we have one king, one ruler, or one president over a country or nation. We understand one coach over a sports team, one head manager over a business, one head elder over a church, one teacher over a class, and so on. There are vice presidents, governors, and congressmen and women who assist the president. There are coordinators who support the coach. There are assistant managers who obviously assist the manager. There are other elders who help lead the church. There are helpers and volunteers who support the teacher. So why is it so hard, or seemingly debasing, to accept the fact that God set up a similar order in our homes? I believe that it stems from the fact that both men and women sin and fall so far short of God’s original plan that we hinder ourselves from being able to see and experience—let alone enjoy—His perfect design for us.

So why is there such a battle between the sexes? Does anyone have an answer as to why we have this continual war between men and women and husbands and wives? Why are women so threatened with God’s specific design for them? Why are men not leading women and loving them as Christ loves the church? God’s Word has answers to this. Back at the fall of man that’s recorded in Genesis 3, God pronounced a curse on the serpent and proclaimed that he was to be cursed above all cattle and above every beast of the field. He had to slither upon his belly and eat dust all the days of his life. God also put enmity (taken from Vulgar Latin meaning "enemy"), or hostility, between the serpent and the woman and between his seed (posterity or descendants) and her seed. God also let us know that Jesus, from the woman’s seed, would have his heel bruised, signifying a comparatively insignificant blow compared to the total destruction that Satan would have, with his head fatally crushed by Jesus’ victory over him in defeating death. Thus God cursed the serpent (cf. Gen. 3:14-15).

The man’s curse, because of his sin of eating from the tree that God specifically told him not to eat from, was that the ground would be cursed from then on. Prior to the fall into sin, he had reaped wonderful results through his efforts at gardening and providing food for himself and his wife. With little effort, tending the garden provided him with only perfect enjoyment and perfect results. But since the fall, he would be up against problems and hardships, having to fight thorns, thistles, bad weather conditions, insects, and other pestilences. So here he is, our leader and provider, having to face hard work by the sweat of his brow. Also, man was now faced with death for the first time, for out of the dust of the ground was man created and to dust he would return (Gen. 3:19). Not only did sin bring physical death into existence, but even worse, it also brought about spiritual death. Spiritual death is eternal separation from God—spending eternity in hell devoid of God’s presence. This is to be destitute of any good, because only God is good. All goodness is derived from Him and proceeds from Him. Man’s sin separated him from the fellowship he once enjoyed with his Creator. This is the second death that Jesus came to save us from. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Rom. 6:23).

The curses for sin don’t end with the serpent and Adam. The woman, Eve, had a curse, too, which will answer our question as to why there is a battle between the sexes. To the woman he said, ‘I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you’ (Gen. 3:16). We already know that there is pain in childbirth; that is something that everyone can see the results of. However, the second half of that verse seems to be so misunderstood among Christians: Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. I have heard a few different guesses as to what this means. I once was taught that it meant that she would have sexual desire for her husband. We know that this isn’t true because we know that it is evidently written as a curse here. Sexual desire for her husband would not be a curse. Obviously, for a woman to be sexually desirous of her own husband isn’t a bad thing—in fact, is a very good thing.

The Hebrew word for desire (tesh-oo-kaw’) means a stretching out after, a longing, a desire. It is used again in Genesis 4 after Cain killed his brother Abel and God confronted him about it. Remember that Cain and Abel both offered God a sacrifice, but only Abel’s blood sacrifice was acceptable to God. Remember that Cain got angry because God would not accept his sacrifice and killed his brother, Abel. God pointed his sin out to him: The LORD said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it’ (Gen. 4:6-7). God was saying in essence, Cain, why are you angry? Why do you have an unhappy countenance? If you do what is right and good and submit to God’s plan, like Abel did, you will be accepted as well. Sin desires to control you, but you need to rule over your sin.

This verse in Genesis 4 uses the same word for desire as did Genesis 3:16. You can see from these two verses that desire refers to dominating over. Just as Cain’s sin desired to control him, so the woman’s curse was that she would desire to dominate over the man; hence, we have half of the reason for the battle of the sexes. This is something that is very evident all around us, including within our own sinful hearts.

Now, let us finish digesting the rest of this insightful verse to find out the other half. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you (Gen. 3:16). This tells us that just as woman would try to wear the pants and be the boss, man would dominate her and strive to keep her under his thumb. What a sad way to end the perfect relationship that they so flawlessly enjoyed prior to the fall. Did God’s plan fail? No. Mankind failed. God doesn’t fail, but we do. God’s original plan for Adam to lovingly lead and for Eve to follow in respectful submission is still right and good. God’s design for men and women still works when we yield to His Spirit and follow His will as He has set it up in His Word.

Our sin has made it impossible to live out His design without His divine intervention in our lives. For those who give their lives to Him and trust Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, He brings answers and power to mend what we have broken through sin. We are sinners who still fail God’s design for us, yet He still loves us and offers us hope and answers to life. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins (1 John 4:10). God has both initiated and made it possible to have fellowship with Him again through a relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. He has not only restored our broken fellowship with Him, but He has also given us answers for rectifying our broken relationships with each other. Husbands and wives can enjoy God’s original design for them when they prayerfully yield themselves to His Spirit and follow His ways. We have the answers for how to live a life pleasing to Him throughout His Word, though the best among us falls far short of perfection. (cf. 2 Peter 1:3)

Yes, women have been grossly misused in times past, and sadly, many still are. However, in America, we have more of the other extreme to deal with. We live in the era of the feminist movement, where women push to be the central focus and portrayed in a superior light above men. Sadly, this is to their own demise. Women desire to have dominion over men just like Genesis says they will. I don’t blame women for not wanting to be oppressed by men. It isn’t right to treat another person degradingly. Women have received a bad rap through the years, and it has been an appalling and often abusive scenario. However, the pendulum has begun to swing to the other extreme and has caused a myriad of other problems. Men and women are doing exactly what God said to Eve way back in Genesis. Women have a strong desire to dominate over men and won’t support, submit, respect, or follow like God created them to do. Men have the desire to use and oppress women without showing them love, godly leadership, or protection like God originally designed them to. Neither gender is content to follow God’s original design, so neither experiences His blessings that accompany that obedience. The truth is that we can all relate to sin, can’t we? I can. The battle of the sexes rages on (if you allow it), and without Jesus Christ and the power of His Spirit, none of us have any hope of overcoming it. But with Him all things are possible. There is HOPE for the least of us!

2

Virtue is Trustworthy and Frugal

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

Proverbs 31:11

When this woman’s husband goes to work each morning, he doesn’t need to be filled with concern that his wife is unable to care for his children, his household, his goods, or any other thing. One thing that is characteristic of this woman of virtue is that, if she is married, her husband can safely trust her. The Hebrew word for trust (baw-takh’) means to be confident, sure, secure. This woman has her husband’s back and is constantly out for his good. He may oversee the details of his household as a good leader will, yet he has no specific need to monitor her or be suspicious of her stewardship of their goods. This frees a man up so that he can go about the other responsibilities of his day with