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    Mind Marbles: 436 Remarks
    Mind Marbles: 436 Remarks
    Mind Marbles: 436 Remarks
    Ebook133 pages3 hours

    Mind Marbles: 436 Remarks

    By Stephen Doty

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    About this ebook

    This book is perfect for your next trip to a coffee shop, for your next airplane ride, or just to leave in your bathroom. It’s a feel-good companion, a box of chocolates for the mind! A follow-up to 365 Random Thoughts.

    This book has jokes & comics and remarks on language, philosophy, psychology, politics, economics, and more. It delivers the goods on every page and does not waste your time with preamble, clutter, and fluff!

    “Stimulating!
    Thought Provoking!”
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateJan 20, 2014
    ISBN9781491721483
    Mind Marbles: 436 Remarks
    Author

    Stephen Doty

    Stephen Doty has degrees in psychology and philosophy from Bucknell University and a degree in law from California Western School of Law. He practiced law for ten years in Las Vegas and now serves as an investor for a private foundation near Boston. He has published articles in Nevada Lawyer, Philosophy Today, Philosophy Now, and The Salem News.

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      Book preview

      Mind Marbles - Stephen Doty

      Copyright © 2014 Stephen Doty.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      iUniverse

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.iuniverse.com

      844-349-9409

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      ISBN: 978-1-4917-2147-6 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4917-2148-3 (e)

      iUniverse rev. date: 11/22/2021

      Contents

      1. Jokes (48)

      2. Miscellaneous (54)

      3. Philosophy (147)

      4. Psychology (93)

      5. Politics (56)

      6. Economics (34)

      7. Essay

      8. Comics (4)

      9. Afterword

      The ill and unfit choice of words wonderfully obstructs the understanding… For men believe that their reason governs words, but it is also true that words react on the understanding.

      -Francis Bacon

      Our whole philosophy is rectification of colloquial linguistic usage.

      The most dangerous untruths are truths slightly distorted.

      To grow wiser means to learn to know better and better the faults to which this instrument with which we feel and judge can be subject.

      -Georg Lichtenberg

      Ordinary language is not the last word: in principle it can everywhere be supplemented and improved upon and superseded. Only remember, it is the first word.

      -J.L. Austin

      Let the use of a word teach you its meaning.

      Pretensions are a mortgage which burdens a philosopher’s capacity to think.

      Say what you choose, so long as it does not prevent you from seeing the facts. (And when you see them, there is a good deal that you will not say.)

      -Ludwig Wittgenstein

      Ambiguities and false metaphors were surely not inherent in the nature of things, but arose from a poor choice of signs.

      -James Gleick

      Ever since I learned, as a teenager, that the Saturday Evening Post magazine was actually published on Wednesday mornings, I have been very skeptical about words.

      -Thomas Sowell

      professor.JPG

      Introduction

      You are clever. Of all things, you’ve picked a book sure to stimulate your thinking. Forget crossword puzzles, sudoku, and The New York Times list of bestsnoozers for a minute.

      When you think of a joke or an insight, do you jot it down so you won’t forget? I’ve gotten into that habit over the years and usually carry a notebook with me. Eminem keeps a box of random papers and calls it stacking ammo. This book consists of my ammo, in a sense. I hope you enjoy it and thank you for spending time with it now.

      By the time you read this sentence, if this book has not yet been banned by the Pope, then I’ll consider the advance copy I mailed the Vatican a complete waste of time. And I could’ve used the publicity!

      I want to thank Frank Wilson, who taught philosophy at Bucknell University for over twenty years. He read an early draft of this book and suggested some ways to improve it.

      I also want to thank Ms. Angelique Elser, who helped me with the difficult task of proofreading.

      This book is dedicated to J.L. Austin, Ludwig Wittgenstein, and George Orwell.

      teenager.JPG

      "Ashley, of course I wouldn’t go out

      with any guys in our class.

      But how dare they not ask me!"

      charity.JPG

      "Wait, I’ve been donating to their flood

      relief for the past three months!

      Now you want money for their drought?"

      1

      Jokes

      I heard the CEO of Waste Management was getting a divorce. She was probably sick of his garbage.

      Did you hear about the guy who was German-Irish? He’d take a drink and then try to take over the room.

      Headline of the future…

      Iran attacks Israel, France surrenders.

      Why do we say farmers had a bumper year, but not auto-parts makers?

      I’ve never seen a stellar argument for astrology.

      The starving artist might be a myth. I once met a sculptor who said he made six figures.

      Imagine if the athlete Paul Coffey, the actor Mr. T, and the politician Harvey Milk had formed a law firm. It would be Coffey, T & Milk.

      What did the cop say when he saw two kids in a hotel trying to steal the ice machine? Freeze!

      Headlines with cheesy double-entendres are overdone, e.g., Coffee Set to Percolate. (Barron’s 24 Jun 2013: M13) Denny’s Looks for Earnings Grand Slam. (USA Today 19 Feb 2013: 1B) Why not say they look for earnings to rise? Also, Milk Shakes Market. (Wall Street Journal 20 Feb 2013: C1) Too fun to stop, I guess. If the price of oranges falls, expect to read, Orange Futures Get Squeezed. What’s next?

      ■ If bulldozer orders increase, Caterpillar Picks Up Ground.

      ■ If airplane orders decline, Boeing Takes Nose Dive.

      ■ Hasbro Toys With New Product Line.

      ■ Toys R Us Rattles Market.

      ■ Procter & Gamble Pampers Shareholders.

      He’s the most interesting person in the world…

      ■ Customs agents detain him for lengthy questioning just because they find his vacations so interesting.

      ■ The IRS audits him every year just to hear the stories behind his deductions.

      ■ Psychiatrists pay him to lie on their sofa just to hear what a well-adjusted person says.

      ■ Pilots walk back to his seat to ask if they are clear for takeoff.

      What saying can you rely upon if your dog swallows your ring? "This too shall pass."

      I knew a girl who parlayed a love of history into a job… In the oldest profession.

      After driving safely through the entire state of Rhode Island, thank Providence.

      It was a typical Easter in Hollywood. Another supermodel had her eggs frozen.

      A bum longed to write a whodunit

      And said no publisher could shun it.

      A grisly tale, set down by the docks

      Written on a cardboard box.

      His publisher said, He’s dumb, like a fox!

      Pot won’t be legalized without a joint session of Congress.

      A man fell in love with a stripper

      And worked all week just to tip her.

      Then he found out she didn’t like men,

      And he never tipped her again.

      Rosie O’Donnell would be fit as a fiddle, if she didn’t look like a cello.

      As a culture, over the past fifty years, we’ve basically gone from watching The Dick Van Dyke Show to showing two dykes in a van with no dick.

      Was Elena Kagen appointed to the Supreme Court just so Janet Napolitano would have a bowling partner on Saturday night?

      It was just another day in San Francisco. A lesbian got her purse snatched, went to the police, looked at a line-up, and then fingered the wrong girl.

      Public relations is delicate. When the adult-film star opened her own clothing store, her publicist tore down the sign that said Grand Opening.

      Girls who wear tight leggings to the office skirt tradition.

      Laura Vanderkam suggests that those looking for work should ask three questions. What do I like to do with my time anyway? Can I get someone to pay me to do it? How do I meet such people? I wonder how many girls contacted an escort service after reading that.

      Small talk gone wrong…

      Girl: I play softball, you know.

      Guy: Really, wanna see a couple of foul balls?

      Imagine the first feminist athletes in the Olympics. They finally left the kitchen, dropped the mop, and got the chance to play sports at the highest level! But they chose curling and were handed a broom.

      Linda Blair may have lost her looks, but once she could turn heads.

      I admit I was born on second base and just assumed I’d hit a double. But I went to school with a kid who was born on third base, and he acted as if he’d hit a single, stole a base, and then advanced on a passed ball!

      Whenever I tell a tale of woe at a donut counter, I get no sympathy: Last night, I ordered the twin lobsters. But the butter was hard before the second tail. Silence.

      When I first

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