The Snowball Effect: How to Build Positive Momentum in Your Life

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© 2014 Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Names and identifying information of people in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals. Because the author is unaware of the unique circumstances of the reader, the author hereby disclaims any responsibility for the consequences of actions taken as a result of reading this book.

Published by AuthorHouse 01/02/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-4054-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-4053-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013922186

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Cover design by Karen Salmansohn

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction

PART ONE

How to Avoid

the Negative Snowball Effect

Chapter  1.  Letting Go of Resentment

Chapter  2.  Obliterating Harsh Self-Judgments

Chapter  3.  Stopping Explosive Reactions

PART TWO

It Is Time to Build Positive Momentum!

Chapter  4.  Pushing Past the Fear to Move Forward

Chapter  5.  Living with Vision

Chapter  6.  It All Begins with One Small Step

PART THREE

The Gratitude Cure

Chapter  7.  Finding the Silver Lining

Chapter  8.  Cherishing You

Chapter  9.  Waking Up to the Magic that Surrounds You

Conclusion

References

To everyone who aspires to grow

rather than just go through life.

Acknowledgments

I would like to start by thanking my clients for allowing me to accompany them on their wellness journey. I truly admire your strength and courage. Knowing each one of you has made me a better person.

I wish to express my gratitude to all the people in my blogging community, who have taught me so much. Your support has meant a great deal to me. You all are amazing!

I would like to thank the entire team at AuthorHouse for all of their help on this project.

My sincerest appreciation goes out to Lia Summers, Jenn Williamson, Shawn Buckon, Caroline Jones, Grier Crosby, Krissi Wood, Suzanne Johnson, Kris Inderlied, Chantel Ray Finch, Susan Blaisdell, Phyllis Saunders, Jenae Spencer, Suzanne Fall, Brigette Clifford, Laura Johnson, and Jennifer Dye for taking the time to read early drafts of this book and for providing me with encouragement, support, and such helpful feedback.

I would like to extend my profound gratitude to Karen Salmansohn for all of her wonderful coaching and for helping me bring my vision into fruition.

I wish to thank Todd Lohenry and the folks at The Primm Company for all of their marketing and social media expertise.

I would like to express my deep affection to Cindy Schwalb, Andrea DiGeronimo, and Vanessa Smith for their support, friendship, and feedback on this project.

I would like to thank Jason Cowan for sharing his story with me. Jason, you are an inspiration.

I would like to thank Jane Warden and Dan Briddell for helping me change my momentum at a time in my life when I was clearly heading downhill. You have taught me so much and have been a big part of my personal snowball effect.

With heartfelt appreciation, I would like to thank my three brothers, my sisters-in-law, and my mother-in-law for all of their love and support.

I would like to thank my parents, Tom and Ann Barton, for providing me with feedback on early drafts of this book, and most of all for loving me unconditionally, believing in me, and teaching me how to build positive momentum in my life. I now pass on many of the lessons you have taught me. You both are my rock and my inspiration. Thank you with all my heart.

I would like to thank my two precious children, Keri and Mitchell. You both have been, oh, so patient with me throughout this entire project. I want you both to know how proud I am of you and how much I love you. You both are such a blessing. I thank God each and every day for you.

Finally, I wish to express my deep love, affection, and gratitude to my husband, Mitch. This book would not have been possible without your love and support. I think it is safe to say that we are proof that difficult times can make people and relationships stronger. Thank you for growing with me through the challenging times. You are a wonderful husband and an amazing father. Thank you.

Introduction

All great masters are chiefly distinguished by the power of adding a second, a third, and perhaps a fourth step in a continuous line. Many a man has taken the first step. With every additional step you enhance immensely the value of your first.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is my belief that when we find something that has really worked for us, and we have seen it help hundreds of other people, we have an obligation to share it. That is the reason why I chose to write the book The Snowball Effect: How to Build Positive Momentum in Your Life. The principles in this book have at one time or another changed the momentum in my life. At times when I could have easily gotten caught up in a quick downward spiral, these principles helped me to snowball in a different direction—a much healthier positive direction. Whether you are currently engaged in an upward spiral, are sabotaging yourself in a downward spiral, or are in no spiral at all, these principles will help you. Once they are mastered, the principles in this book will have you experiencing much more peace and happiness in your life. The mission for this book is to improve your overall well-being and empower you to have a higher quality of life.

The Snow Came Down

My clients who were scheduled to come in at 12:30 and 2:15 for their weekly psychotherapy sessions canceled. The snow was forecasted to start sometime that afternoon, and I suppose my clients were worried about the roads. I was too. We don’t get very much snow where I live, on the East Coast. People aren’t used to driving in it, and sometimes the whole city will close down before the first flurry. That day I was scheduled to be in session until 6:00 p.m., but my late-afternoon clients were more than happy to come in earlier and fill my vacant appointment slots.

As I finished up with my last session of the day, the snow began to fall—and within minutes of the first flurry, it was already sticking to the road. What was usually a twenty-minute commute turned out to be a sixty-minute trek home. By the time I reached my house, everything was white. It was beautiful, really. My husband, Mitch, was home with our two children, who were ecstatic about the first, and most likely only, snowfall of the year. Actually, my husband, who really is a big kid when it comes to playing in the winter weather, was probably the most excited of all.

As I pulled into the driveway, the snow was coming down fast and hard, and my husband and my two winter warriors were running around in the yard with our golden retriever, Daisy. My son, Mitchell, looked up at me with a great big smile. His cheeks were rosy, and his face was full of excitement. I heard my daughter, Keri, yell, Let’s make a snowman, as she bent down and grabbed some fresh snow, burying it in her gloves. Bending down again, she gathered more snow to add to what was starting to resemble a snowball. She packed it with her hands before finally placing it down on the white landscape.

She then began the long process of rolling. Around and around she rolled her small ball of snow. For several moments, I watched her work. She rolled and rolled, and the ball didn’t seem to be getting any bigger—the snow did not seem to be taking hold. And then I noticed it was growing. It was gaining momentum, every roll adding new snow. Slowly and then more quickly, the snowball was turning into something of great strength and power.

As I watched this snowball in the making, I thought about life and how so many things begin small and then build into something so much bigger—moving slowly at first and then rapidly picking up speed and momentum. I thought about the team that scores a goal early in the game and the positive momentum that builds into the second, third, and final quarters. I thought about the child who finally finds someone who believes in him, causing him to believe in himself… and how things take off from there. I thought of all the seemingly little things that build into so much more. I thought about resentment—the way it builds—and I thought about gratitude and the way it builds. As I was watching my family play in the snow, the snowball effect began to take shape in my mind. I knew that it was something that I wanted to build.

Instant Happy

We have become an instant society. We no longer have to go to the library to do our research—we can get the information we need as soon as we type it into Google. We do not have to wait for days or sometimes even weeks to receive a letter from a loved one who is far away. Technology has made it possible for us to connect with them immediately. We have become a society that demands instant gratification, and when it comes to fixing our lives, it is no different. We want to be happier people, and we want it now!

Many self-improvement books out there today tell us that if we read the book, we will be instantly successful, instantly happy, or instantly rich. All that we have to do is one, two, three, or even ten things, and our lives will be wonderful immediately. You know the approach: the ten ways, the five keys, the three secrets, most of which usually prove to be beneficial in many ways. Most of the time, we grab these books because we want to feel better instantly. Over the years, I have been educated, motivated, and inspired by books structured this way, but if we really think about it, we realize that instant happiness is temporary. We are not going to be happy all of the time. We are going to encounter setbacks and experience loss—because these things are part of the human condition. Life is full of valleys and peaks; it ebbs and flows. We will experience times of great happiness, but we will also experience challenges that will test our human spirit.

While we may think we are on a quest for constant bliss, what most of us really want is peace, contentment, and an overall sense of well-being. We want to be able to enjoy life without experiencing chronic anger, fear, and pain, and we want to be able to bounce back from life’s challenges without becoming immobilized. We may kid ourselves and think that we want life to be pain free, but it is through our challenging times that we grow and stretch ourselves in magnificent ways. Surviving our trials is part of what eventually leads to our joy. We cannot have one without the other.

People often turn to addictions and other self-sabotaging behaviors in a search for instant relief to numb their pain and provide themselves with immediate happiness. Unfortunately, this type of instant happiness comes at a huge price—long-term misery. Many methods that serve as immediate painkillers lead to long-term destruction, causing life to snowball in a negative way. To avoid such a destructive path, we may have to sacrifice instant happiness in order to build something much better, something that lasts.

Positive growth is a building-block process. One small block builds on another small block, and then another, until eventually you see a bigger picture emerge: tremendous growth. Yes, just as a snowball picks up its pace, moving from slow to fast, gaining in momentum, so too does positive growth build positive momentum in our lives. Once this snowball gets going, life’s challenges and obstacles are no match for this mighty boulder’s positive energy.

Friction and resistance may stall us temporarily, but stop us… not a chance. We have gained so much positive momentum that even in the face of adversity, we can do great things. We now recognize our strength, our worth, and our comeback power.

The Snowball Effect

The snowball effect is a figurative term for a process in which something starts off being relatively insignificant and grows into something much larger. A snowball requires a lot of attention and hard work up front, along with initial success to jump-start its natural momentum. Then the entity grows at a swift pace to where it is large, powerful, and close to unstoppable.

In referring to the snowball effect, there are two different types of snowballs: the positive spiral snowball and the destructive downhill boulder. What these two powerhouses have in common is that they both spin around and around, showing little progress in the beginning, and then they pick up speed and momentum, which transforms them into something large and undeniable.

The destructive downhill boulder is a snowball that has been gaining negative momentum.