Broken Spirit: ( the Road of Healing Back to the Complete Soul)

2013 by DENEE JACOBS-TAYLOR. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/16/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-7801-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-7800-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-7802-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013912902

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CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

PREFACE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

F irst and foremost, giving the honor to our LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ, in which we would not exist, thus my writing would not be possible, then I would like to acknowledge and dedicate this book to the sweet and loving memory of my mother, Anna, whose strength, courage, warm and tender kindness has encouraged me through my life just as she has done for so many others, who has had the privilege to know her during this lifetime.

Anna lived her life as an extremely vibrant women who was dedicated to her family, her career, her friends, her colleagues and associates, but most of all, as a Christian and to her GOD. Anna taught me to always believe in GOD and with that you will always have the faith and believe in myself, that I could accomplish anything I wish to do. Even though Anna is now at rest and awaiting the return of the LORD in that great day, which is to come sooner than we all know, she has left us a great legacy, inspired by strong determination, love, compassion and an undying WILL to strive for a life more abundant. To my father, Clifton, as well as my grandparents, who instilled in me an inner strength and a Will to go after and to work diligently for all that I cherished and longed to have in this life and I want to thank him for believing in me, that I could always be capable of accomplishing, what ever I put my mind to.

I also wish to express my profound thanks and appreciation to my publisher, for believing in me endeavors and assisting in making a dream and a hope, a reality. To my two daughters, Caressa and Jenniefer, their two daughters, Najia and Eliana and to the memory of my grandmothers, my eldest great-aunt Josephine Mickens Canty and to the rest of my family, my dear friends, my close colleagues, my professors; Dr. Lawrence T. Force PH.D, Chairman of the Social and Behavioral Sciences Department and to Dr. Shelley Love, Professor of Business, Human Resources and Women’s Studies, both of Mount Saint Mary College Newburgh, NY.

I cannot close this acknowledgement without giving eternal gratitude on behalf of my mother and of myself, to the team of warm and caring medical professionals. The Any-Time Home Care Agency, Dr. Rajan Gulati M.D., Dr. Bonnie V. Seecharan M.D., and their staff, as well as, Dr. Stanley Giudici M.D. his well caring and warm staff, Giulia, Cal, Desiree, Paula and all other staff. Dr. Alexander Gapay M.D. as well as their staff, and Dr. Gonzales and his staff. My providers in the field, Miriam Nicoll, LCSW-BCD and Debra Moskowitz, LCSW-R CWC all provided many years of untiring care to me and to my family and to my mother. And Last but not least, to my church family and to my extended family of the Fraternal Order of Masons and Order of Eastern Stars. Also to the precious and priceless gift of friendships which allowed me at this stage of my life to regain and reconnect with those of whom were important to me and whom have all had a positive and eternal impact upon my life. These are the moments and the treasures that has continued to inspire and encouraged me from childhood, and to which I dedicate this book.

PREFACE

T he spirit: The vital essence of man, considered divine in origin, the part of a human being characterized by personality and self-consciousness; the mind. (Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus of the English Language, New Revised Edition, Copyright 2005).

For all who believe that no matter what occurs in life, the plan is set. The timing of the length of life is indeed uncertain. The failures, the heartbreaks, the sorrows, the laughter, the tears, the happiest of times, the saddest of times, are all Intricate parts of that complex plan, they are the paths of life. Some voluntary, some not so voluntary. However, the path one takes, chosen or not chosen, while traveling through this world, even though one may take a wrong turn at times, falling into deep holes, stumbling over rocks, molehills, climbing high mountains and other obstacles, there are wounds sustained. Some of these wounds, one cannot see. Nevertheless the wound is real, the pain of the wound is also just as real. It can only be felt, it is there and it will not be ignored. It penetrates the soul, it disrupts the carefully placed balance of the mind, it injures faith, it causes the heart to bleed, it creates a hole in the places within us that we never knew were there. Then finally it causes the rip to the spirit causing it to break. Spirit, the very essence and core of the human condition the center to whom an individual really is. There is always a chance as long as you have breathe to take another path. By taking this path, it can lead directly back to all that one could be, should be and can be, if one wants it and believe that it can happen, the heart, soul and spirit can be healed. It is at this point that one realizes that they Will Be.

Desire Chase was born into the average Christian African American family with Native American, Cherokee, background on both sides of her family and it is believed by some family members that there is a Hebrew Lineage. Desiree was also the eldest of her parent’s children, which became a challenge to her later in her life. Little did she know that as she approached young adulthood and her mid-life adulthood that this challenge would become much stronger and the test of her lifetime. Desiree come to learn that when we place too much faith in those around us, whom you think you know well due to their agreeable and soothing behaviorisms and use of words that are soothing to the ears, that you should never let your guard down to the point that it breaks your spirit. And once the spirit is broken, it is difficult to mend and heal, except coming from the help and encouragement of those she didn’t know, and that she never would have thought because she took it for granted, could help her heal as much as they did. "I looked upon the waters, and knew I was afraid so I would not enter…

Then I remembered my Faith, and despite my fears I stepped into the waters and, I did not sink."

Denee J. Taylor

CHAPTER ONE

D esiree Chase was born during the early Winter months in the middle of the 50’s decade. The very day that Desiree was born was exciting to everyone, to say the least. John Chase goes into the street and tells his friends that Ruby Chase, his new wife is about to have the baby and hails a cab. Clarence and Gloria Walker, Ruby’s parents are all coming out to the cab to get in and they all did. After closing the doors to the cab, the cabdriver noticed that someone very important was missing, the mother who was about to deliver. In that light moment John opens the cab door to tell ruby to come, there was not time to loose.

The day that Desiree was taken home from the hospital, she demonstrated to all around her and to the entire world just how powerful and developed a new born baby’s set of lungs could possibly be. It was at that point that her great-aunt assumed that she was holding a future great soprano in her arms. Coming home to a couple of very proud parents, beholding their very first child, a set of very proud, Christian and humble grandparents, future Godparents and a host of long time friends and neighbors, they all agreed without a doubt that she was a wonderful sight to behold. Someone who did not know any better would think that Desiree was the first baby to ever come home to the thriving and warm community of a Manhattan County Hospital, New York.

These were the times and the years where an entire community took care of each other. These were the times whereas people would not even think or consider the thought of locking their doors or windows or even their cars. These were the years whereas a grocer would not think twice about feeding a family of a father who may be out of work and not ask for a dime on the bill. These were the years where the children were safe to walk the streets and play without parents having the fear of a child being taken or lost without a trace. These were the early to mid-fifties and for many of the Black American families, sometimes referred to as Negroes and other times referred to as coloreds, a different time, a different place, different people, different thoughts, different mind-sets, different priorities, a different era, a different world, President Dwight David Eisenhower was in the White House.

Some say that it was a better time, a better world. Some say that this was a time that the bond and strength of the family unit was the very core and foundation of American society. Some say that the church family and the never-ending, devoted practices of our religious faiths and traditions are what held our families as well as our society together. Then, there are those that say that these were not the best of times, but the worse of times. The opportunities for advancement in the labor force for minorities were grim and discouraging. Some lived with the memories of the loss of loved ones to polio disease and spinal meningitis. Others lived with the memories of the loss of loved ones to the evil of the streets. The evil of the experimentations of a notorious drug called Heroin which claimed so many innocent lives, young and old. The paths of destruction that it left of those who saw no other alternative to escape the harshness of daily living with the formation of the era of the American Gangsters of the fifties. Notwithstanding, however one viewed their places in life during this time, it was for certain that the world of John and Ruby Chase was perfect in their eyesight, because their baby girl Desiree Chase was born into the world.

John and Ruby Chase were both very young at this time. They had tied the knot of matrimony barely 6 months prior to Desiree’s birth, with the assistance of John’s mother Cora Lee along with the blessings of Ruby’s parents, Clarence and Gloria Walker. John was born in the heart of Manhattan, Ruby was a child of the southland, born in North Carolina where here parents lived until she was 2 years of age.

John and Ruby met while students in junior high school. Ruby’s family worshipped at Garden of Gethsemane Baptist Church. John’s family worshipped at Shiloh Baptist Church which was further downtown. Clarence Walker made his living and supported his family as a carpenter, and worked out of a unionized factory located in the Bronx, near the Major Deegan highway (better known as 87 South), which leads to the east side of Harlem, when crossing the bridge. While his wife Gloria contributed to the family approximately three to four days per week as a domestic worker. Cora Lee Chase spent many years working in the jewelry district of Manhattan, New York. Her specialty were the Pearls, all types of pearls, cultured and uncultured. John’s father, John Chase Sr. spent most of his time over the road after his retirement from the military after serving in World War 11. John barely saw his father thus not having as close of a relationship with him as he would have liked. He often times spoke of his father and wondered quite often if he was just like him, or was he the exact opposite of his father. Since John’s mother and father separated when John was approximately 9 years old, Cora Lee Chase would choose not to speak much about her estranged husband. Cora Lee’s mother, Clara Washington, known to all in the community and to the church as Mother Clara, helped Cora Lee to raise both John and his younger sister Loretta.

Six months have passed and for the passed months, there was much talk about Desiree’s christening. Ruby wanted all to go well for her first child’s day of, giving the baby back to GOD as the older folks would so often call it. Now this was not all very easy for Ruby, simply because she had promised her first child to her childhood friend, Michelle. Ruby and Michelle were as tight as two peas in a pod. Michelle was one year older than Ruby and they had a very close circle of friends. Even though they were all close, it was Michelle who was to be the Godmother of Ruby’s first child. Ruby also had another very good friend named Charles Etta, whom had two daughters and one of them, she gave to Ruby as her goddaughter, and her name was Lorene. As the two girls would grow up through the years, Desiree and Lorene would become extremely close as a matter of fact, Lorene had designated herself as Desiree’s protector in school, if she should ever need one. Ruby had a handful of friends, but her and Michelle would prove to be very close. Charles Etta’s cousin Amelia Lawson and her husband William, who lived just down the street, was another of Ruby’s very good friends. Amelia and William had a total of seven Children as the years went by.

What made this such a difficult task for Ruby was because her mother Gloria also had a best friend. Sarah and her husband Scott Charles were both very close for years to Clarence and Gloria. Therefore out of respect for her mother, Ruby had also promised Desiree to Sarah and Scott Charles. How fortunate can a child be, sometimes it is difficult to find one suitable Godparent, Desiree will have two. It was decided that the services will be held at the Garden of Gethsemane Baptist Church. Rev. McLeay was the pastor and a well known pillar of a figure in the Manhattan community at this time.

Deacon Armstrong was the chairman of the Deacon board of the church. Now it was usually procedure in the church to have a meeting with the parents and the Godparents when a child is to be christened, just as it was customary for a perspective bride and groom to have a counseling session with the pastor and the Deacon Board Chairman.

One day while Gloria Walker was at home, she received a phone call from one of the sisters of the church congregation. Sis. Smith was very well known to all to be the busy body and the know it all in the neighborhood. Did you get a call from Dead. Armstrong yet, Sis. Walker?, Sis. Smith said. Gloria Walker replied in a very impatient tone, No, I haven’t, why? Oh… nothin, maybe I shouldn’t say anythin. Mrs. Walker became very agitated at this point and asked Sis. Smith for the reason for her phone call and what did she mean. Sis. Smith became very vague and suggested that maybe she should call Rev. McCLeay about the christening of your little granddaughter. I don’t want to start any problems and any he say, she say. Said Sis. Smith to Sis. Walker. She further stated, Don’t say anythin came from my mouth Sis. Walker, ha ha ha. Gloria Walker took a couple of deep breathes, then said to Sis. Smith, Well, if ya not goin to be more clear in what you are talkin about, I’ll just hang up my phone, goodbye Sis. Smith. With that being said, Gloria hung up the phone, quite abruptly.

Later that afternoon, there was a knock at the door, it was Deac. Armstrong. Mrs. Walker invited him in, he entered and took a seat in the living room. As he took his seat, he said to Gloria that he did not intend to stay long, or to take up a great deal of her time. He just stopped by discuss some concerns that he and the pastor had about the little one’s christening. The little one meaning, Desiree. What seems to be the concern? Asked Gloria. Well… I am not one to spread idol gossip or rumors, but some of the members of the congregation have brought some concerns to the attention of the board and as the chairman, I need to address them. Please understand me Sis. Walker, I am only acting on behalf of the pastor and of the congregation. Stated Deac. Armstrong. Gloria took a seat in her favorite chair across from Deac. Armstrong. She took a few moments with her hands folded, pressing against her chest while she twiddled her thumbs then she replied in a low but stern voice, "What exactly are you talking about? Speak plainly.

That is the only thing that I understand, Deac. Armstrong. Well Deac. Armstrong says, with a stutter, Well Sis. Walker, I understand that your daughter little Sis. Ruby, may have given birth to her baby a little early in her marriage. Please understand… I am not sitting in judgment, but the church as you well know can’t really put up with certain behaviors of our young persons and we must discourage certain things that are not acceptable in the sight of the Lord. Gloria now sitting with a stern facial expression looking at Deac. Armstrong asked him, Who else are you speaking for besides yourself and the Lord? As you put it. Are you speaking for the Pastor of the Church? Are you speaking for the Missionary board? Are you speaking for the Choir? Are you speaking for the Mother board? Are you speaking for the Deacon board? Who all are you speaking for, Deac. Armstrong? Well Sis. Walker, I did not mean to upset you, but I have a job that I must do. Well Deac. Armstrong Gloria says, You have not answered any of my questions. Since you have a job to do, I think that you should start by answering the questions of a member in good standing of your congregation. A member who has been and whose family has been members of this church for years. Yes, yes I know Sis. Walker. I know that you have always been a good and faithful servant to the LORD. Says Deac. Armstrong. Please understand, this is very hard for me to come and talk to you about. Gloria taking another moment looks at Deac. Armstrong, Now Deac. you and I have known each other for years, right?"

Not giving him time to answer, Gloria continues, Yeah right. Now let’s cut all of this out and get right down to it. My daughter gets married one month and within 9 months, she has a baby, is that your concern? Or as you put it, that is the concern of certain members of your congregation? I am sure that some of the members of the church understands how all that works or do they need it explained to them? Deac. Armstrong sits silently. Gloria then says, "Or do you need it explained to you? Now, let us talk more plainly. First of all, please try and explain to me what on GOD’s green earth could a baby, a cherub, an angel, belonging to the LORD, what could she have possibly done to receive this kind of treatment from church members? All those people who call themselves Christians. Do we need to call Pastor McCleary to get this all cleared up? Or maybe you and I can clear all this up right now and then you can go back to the congregation and explain to them that the best Christians are the ones that practice minding their own business, you know the old saying, 6 months to mind my own business, 6 months for you to mind yours, sounds like that’s a full time job ta me! Don’t sound dat way ta you? Gloria at this point was on a roll and definetely was indeed on a mission. She continues…

Another sign of good Christians are the ones that do not throw stones and live in glass houses. Deac. Armstrong says to Gloria, What do you mean, Sis. Walker? Gloria replies, Well Deac. you know, when a member of the Deacon Board has a certain kind of friendship with the church organist, and that same church organist happens to be married to another Deacon on the same board. Or when a member of the congregation, who is a relative of a Deacon on the same board, happens to make arrangements for that relative’s daughter to be sent away suddenly and come back to the same church… not expecting anymore. What do you think Deac? I can tell you some more if you like? At this point, Deacon Armstrong stood up and excused himself. When he reached the front door, he says to Gloria, I will see you in church on Sunday Morning."

CHAPTER TWO

M ichelle took a trip to 125th street to buy Desiree’s christening outfit. When she arrived at the baby department, she was so overwhelmed at the beautiful white, long and lacey outfits at Blumstein’s Department Store that she could not decide, therefore she bought two of them.

When she arrived home, she showed both of them to Ruby. Ruby wanted to know what were they going to do with 2 christening outfits. Therefore, Michelle very softly suggested that Desiree should wear one outfit for the services then change into the other outfit for the reception afterwards. Since this was a day for Godparents and babies, Ruby decided that she didn’t stand a chance so she went along with the program. Sarah knew that Michelle would be shopping for the baby on today so she decided to stop by to take a look at the christening fashion. Of course also to her suprise there two outfits. So the question was raised once more by the elder future Godmother as to why there are two outfits. Now at this point, Michelle began to display not such a friendly attitude and made the inquiry, in a very professional but cold manner, why there was such a big deal that she had bought her Goddaughter two very beautiful long white dresses. She wanted her to have them and this was