Snow: A Novel

Copyright © 2012 Kathryn Hewitt.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

ISBN: 978-1-4497-4945-3 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-4944-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-4943-9 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012907933

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Although inspired by actual events, this novel is a work of fiction. Any references to real events, businesses, organizations, and locales are intended only to give the fiction a sense of reality and authenticity. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. All characters are fictional, and any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author.

Scripture quotations except those noted below are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations on pages 22 and 96 are taken from the Holy Bible, New Kings James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. used by permission. All rights reserved

Scripture quotations on pages 167 and 233 are taken from the Holy Bible, English Standard version (ESV). Copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

WestBow Press rev. date: 5/18/2012

Contents

Prelude

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Acknowledgements

About the Author

For those who were there, and those who stayed, but mostly for my son, who’s life changed me.

Though your sins have stained you like the color red, you can become white as snow. Isaiah 1:18

Prelude

It was Saturday, May 14, and she was alone. As she stared out the window she was vaguely aware of the blossoms from the dogwood trees dancing in the breeze. The sky was just beginning to clear from the morning’s gray mist that had threatened to ruin the day’s events. The wind blew a blossom off the dogwood, and it fell heavily to the ground. Her heart felt just as heavy and with every breath she took her chest grew tighter.

There certainly was no reason for her loneliness. Between the tuxes and dresses, the photographers, flowers, and the never ending parade of smiling faces and congratulations she had yet to be alone for more than a minute. But in this moment her heart cried out for solitude.

Her mother, small in statute, but mighty in spirit, just left to answer the beckon call of the wedding coordinator. Alone with only her thoughts, the aroma of fresh brewed coffee filled the room, enticing her to drink just one more cup. She’d decided two cups ago that she wasn’t drinking anymore. With the Southern humidity sticking to her skin, that fourth cup would only aid in its quest to suck every ounce of moisture from her body.

Fanning herself with a program, she walked over to the leather couch, opposite of the window she had just been looking out. As she began her descent to the couch, she heard someone laughing down the hall. Catching herself in mid-sit, she rotated onto the floor. The last thing she needed was for someone to see her sitting there and congratulate her, again.

Under any other circumstance she probably wouldn’t have minded the company, but not then. Her brain was on overload, and she needed two minutes of quiet. Her wedding was bringing on emotions and memories best left forgotten.

To her left, a two-way mirror covered with a thick green curtain blocked her view from the scene playing out behind it, but her imagination could see him in there. That smile that brightens up a room spread across his face. He was probably shifting his weight from one foot to the other in an anxious dance wondering if she would even show up. She could almost hear him laughing; his contagious laugh that could be recognized from across a room.

The image behind the curtain burned into her thoughts. She closed her eyes and turned to look away, trying to erase the scene from her mind. Opening her eyes too soon, the mirror in the corner caught her attention and she couldn’t help but stare.

She didn’t recognize the person looking back at her, curled up on the floor, with her ivory wedding gown forming a perfect circle around her petite frame. It was a simple dress, full at the bottom with a semi-cathedral train, spaghetti straps, and a small amount of decorative ivory pearls and blue beading at the top. Her matching blue stone, pearl, and diamond necklace and earrings were in competition with the beading on her gown.

The girl in the mirror was beautiful today. She tilted her head trying to gain a better perspective in hope of relating herself to the image.

Who are you? Why are you sitting here? she thought.

She sat, head still cocked to the side, staring at the mirror when she heard her brother-in-law warming up on the piano. Suddenly the door to the Bridal room swung open and her mother, along with three of her bridesmaids, barged in.

Slightly startled as the door crashed into the wall, she rolled her eyes wondering if anyone knocked anymore. Groaning with frustration at her loss of solitude, she flopped back against the couch and crossed her arms.

Come on, Ruth, get up. You’ve got to get your veil on and finish your make-up. People will be arriving within the half hour! her mother stated, two stepping around her train.

Despite all the confusion and frustration that day had already unfolded, her mom was still excited and tried to hide the stress on her face. Reluctantly, Ruth stood so her mom could begin the task of placing her gown-length veil in her hair.

With Ruth’s head bent down, her mom pushed on the small, beaded comb. Determined to get the comb in her hair just right, she pushed with all the force a five foot woman could muster. Ruth groaned, again, as the teeth of the comb dug into her scalp.

Ruth, stop that groaning. You act like you were heading to a funeral, her mother exclaimed, pressing the comb even farther into her scalp.

There. That should do it. Stepping back, she cleared the way for Ruth to look into the mirror.

She wanted her hair up, but her fiancé, Bo, wanted it down, so she compromised, although wearing it up would have made it much easier for her veil. Ruth’s hair was pulled half up and the rest down in soft curls, or what was left of them.

The poor hairdresser had to re-curl her hair twice and use half a bottle of freezing hair spray on it before they left the salon. One step outside to get her debit card from the car and the Southern humidity flattened it right out. She left one curled piece draped slightly over her right eye. It was Bo’s only request and he so sweetly asked for it, she had to oblige. She stood looking at herself in the full-length mirror.

I shouldn’t be standing here, she thought. I’m not worth all this. I should be standing at the courthouse with cheap rings and fake flowers.

She closed her eyes and prayed.

Oh God, that you would find favor in me, a sinner.

A tear slipped down her cheek and fell into the bouquet of cream calla lilies encircling a single yellow rose. It was a rose that made her smile as she remembered her grandfather.

Grandpa passed away on Christmas day twelve years ago. Every Christmas morning since then, her mother, older sister, and she would go to the cemetery with three yellow roses to place on his grave. The rose in Ruth’s bouquet was just for him.

After her parents’ divorce when she was only six, her mom, sister, and she formed a bond that they had come to rely on. For so long, it was just the three of them. Although her mom had remarried shortly after the divorce and with the marriage acquired a son, it still mainly remained just the girls.

They did everything together. They went to dinner together, shopped together, cried with each other, and had some pretty tough knock-down, drag-outs with each other. But at the end of day it was still just the three of them.

Her Father remarried not long after the divorce, too. With the marriage came another sister. As the three young sisters grew into teenagers they felt a bond form between them that challenged them in many ways and on many levels but held them together; a bond so strong that they could call each other in the middle of the night when all things felt lost and confused. They walked through growing up in a divorced home, helping each other along the journey of a broken road.

Ruth. Are you okay? You look sad, said Leigh, her head cocked to the side.

Just the sight of her best friend gave her comfort and a sense of worthiness. It also snapped her back to reality. Suddenly nervous, Ruth turned herself away from the mirror, swinging her train behind her and out of her way.

I’m okay. Just nervous. Ruth paused and leaned in closer to whisper, I don’t think I can do this, Leigh. I don’t think I’ll be able to make myself walk down that aisle. What if we’re not supposed to be together? What if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life?

"Ruth, we all know what your biggest mistake was, and this is definitely not it!"

Ruth laughed, knowing she meant well and what she meant. Leigh had been there, too. Her best friend smiled and took her hands.

Ruth, look at me. Even though it was a mistake, God pulled through and made it a miracle, did He not? Ruth shrugged and nodded in agreement, tears welling in her eyes. Then what do you have to worry about? I don’t believe this is a mistake. I believe this is a miracle, created out of the mess of this world we live in. Remember what Tammy told you?

Ruth smiled remembering the words of a wise woman. If no other couple can make it, you two can, she told Ruth after church one day. Bo and she had been through so much themselves. They felt as if the whole world was against them getting married, but Ruth understood why. She knew it was because of her past.

On the surface it looked typical, but underneath held dark secrets that no one ever dreamed about. Only one person in her life knew what really happened. It was a secret she’d buried deep in the crevices of her heart with no intentions of ever telling anyone. But one night, in complete brokenness and desperation to be free, she let it all out to James.

James. He was the love of her life. He was her best friend, the one she called in the middle of the night when feelings of hopelessness overwhelmed her and she needed encouragement. He was the comfort she ran to when she felt deserted and alone. He’s the one who helped build up her self-esteem when someone else, so tragically, had torn it down, and taught her just how much God truly loved her. For a long time he picked up the pieces of her broken heart and placed them back together because she couldn’t do it herself.

She had been in love before, or as she liked to call it, puppy love. But this was different. He was the one. She knew it from the moment they met and felt it again three years later when they were reunited on her front porch.

Perfect, untainted James.

But then the truth came out. Not long after receiving a promise ring from him, they sat down and let it all out, believing it would be best to reveal all their darkest secrets before thinking about a wedding date.

Ruth wanted to tell him everything. She desperately needed him to validate her feelings of loneliness and failure. She was in dire need of freedom from the past, so she turned to him for release.

Things were never the same after that conversation. He grew cold and she grew distant. He couldn’t seem to live with her past, and she couldn’t live knowing how much it hurt him.

So, she decided the best thing to do was give it up, give him up. And on that graying afternoon nearly three years ago she lied, telling him she didn’t love him anymore. Though it grieved her to see the effect of her words on his face, she remained cold as ice. She had to do it, to stand hard as stone and say whatever needed to be said so he would walk away. He deserved better than what she could give him.

So she watched him climb into his truck, tears running down his face, and drive away. She didn’t let him see her cry after him. He never saw her slump to the ground, wishing the pavement would swallow her whole, heaving such heavy sobs that she thought she would die right there in that parking lot. As the rain began to fall, mixing with her tears, she hoped that he would find it in his heart to forgive her, one day.

I feel it in my heart. You two can walk through anything, Leigh continued, breaking up Ruth’s thoughts before they dragged her back down that road. A life of regret haunted her, laughing at her, calling her to come back and relive all the what if’s.

Ruth let go of Leigh’s hand and wiped the tears off her face. Leigh wrapped her arms around Ruth, as tight as her bridesmaid dress would allow and held on, mumbling about looking like a Smurf.

Ruth giggled in her friend’s ear and hugged her back. Leigh always knew how to make her laugh, even when she didn’t feel like it. Besides, she happened to like the tea-length, Smurf blue bridesmaid dresses!

Her mother and two sisters had been listening to their conversation and each dabbed at the tears filling their eyes. They knew what Leigh was talking about. They had all been there. Each had a role in the outcome of her life.

These four ladies helped Ruth live when she was dead. They cried for her when her tears were gone. They prayed when her hope was lost. They walked for her when her knees would no longer hold her up, and they carried her back from the pits of hell.

1

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 16:25

She stood at her vanity mirror and wished away the pimple beginning to rear its ugly head under the surface of her skin. She had such a clear complexion, she rarely got pimples. Irritated at the blimish on her olive skin, she dabbed a little Neutrogena Spot On and began applying concealer.

Ruth never wore much make-up; sometimes foundation, but always mascara. Her mother would fuss when she put it on her long, dark lashes, but she didn’t care. Wearing little make-up elsewhere justified the dramatic look of her lashes, and it made her feel better. So on went the mascara and a touch of cherry lip gloss, and she was ready to go. She slid on her running shoes, took a quick turn around in the mirror, then hurried out the door.

It was early September, and she was excited to be going to church. After all, it was Wednesday Nite Live. Her youth group would gather in the Youth Activity Center, otherwise known as the YAC room, to hang out, sing worship songs, and have a Bible study. All of the teenagers would be there, herself included. She loved being in fellowship with her friends. She found great comfort in being with other believers.

Ruth hadn’t long been a true believer. She was raised in the church, but what Southern child isn’t? In the South people belonged to a church. It defined a person to a social circle. Few church goers were true believers, and she, for years, had been among the majority, the pew warmers, so to speak. But just two years ago she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior and had taken on a new role in her life.

She prided herself in walking in faith and following the teachings of the Bible. She joined the Fellowship of Christian Athletes as soon as she entered high school and enjoyed talking with other believers in her school. She took a stance against common teenage behavior and shared her beliefs with as many people as she could. She was laughed at, challenged, and called names because of her beliefs, but she didn’t care.

Her passion, however, was teaching others to save themselves for marriage. She talked with her friends about not having sex until they got married and how much better they would feel emotionally and spiritually if they just waited. For this, she was laughed at the most. But it didn’t matter. She openly shared that she was a virgin and intended on staying one until she took a walk down the aisle.

So, this was why she enjoyed coming to church on Wednesday nights. She felt like this youth group was the only place she could be herself without the ridicule of other people. She was safe in a place where other people shared the same beliefs that she had.

Leigh had just called to say she wasn’t going to make it to church. Ruth was disappointed, since being with her best friend as much as possible was one of the main focuses in her fifteen-year-old life.

Leigh could always make her laugh no matter what the circumstances were. Her lively spirit brightened the atmosphere around her. People were drawn to her always perfect thick brown hair, her beautiful brown eyes, and a smile that could stop anyone in their tracks. Her slightly dingy, yet grounded personality always made Ruth light up. Leigh was full of wisdom beyond her years and was a solid rock in Ruth’s life.

They rarely saw each other during school, and their social lives were driving them in different directions, but something still held them together. Tonight, though, Ruth would have to go to church without her.

This particular night they were going to watch a video from the Back to School Retreat, which the youth group had gone on the weekend before. Over 85 youth and chaperones joined the fun for a weekend of interesting events at the White Oak Conference Center in Winnsboro, SC.

The retreat was exactly as it says: a retreat, an escape from their parents, their chores, peer pressure, and the daily grind. It was a time when teenagers could be teenagers without an adult breathing down their necks.

Excitement was evident as the vans made their way from small town Westbrook to Winnsboro. The sounds of old friends reconnecting and new friendships beginning filled the air, interrupted every so often with a sudden outburst of singing silly songs like Grin Again Gang or Put Your Hand in the Fan. Once they got to the conference center there were no cliques; it was just them, the youth group fellowshipping together as one body of believers, celebrating their beliefs and just plain having fun.

The theme of the retreat was the Olympics. Each year everyone looked forward to gathering into groups led by their Juniors and Seniors and creating their own countries based on what piece of cloth they were handed. These cloths became their headbands, armbands, flags, or whatever else the youth could make out of them. They were the symbol of the team’s country and ultimately the inspiration of their country name.

This past year Ruth’s citizenship was to the Grand Republic of Deeresokvia, proudly bearing the John Deere tractor on their nation’s flag. They competed against other countries such as United Toilets, the country of Smurfland, and the mighty nation of Care Bear Union. The fierce competitions between these countries lasted throughout the weekend.

Games of Ultimate Frisbee, water balloon tosses, relay races, sack races, and other Olympic style games were played with determination to claim the gold medal at the end of the weekend and be deemed the dominate country of the world!

Making her entrance into the YAC room, Ruth scanned the place and spotted her friend Jenny sitting on a love seat next to a couch crammed with Institute for Military Guidance cadets.

She sighed when she saw them there. Part of her wished they wouldn’t come at all, but it was a ministry, she was told; as if coming to church could change the life of one of them. If this place was the only way they would ever hear about Jesus, then she guessed it was worth it for them all to come.

But not all of them did come. The IMG bus would drive the ones wanting to go on Wednesdays and Sundays, but other than that they were on their own. Seeing as how they weren’t allowed cars on campus, the cadets had to make friends with those old enough to drive so they could escape their military life for a few hours of normality.

They were a nuisance to the girls, forever staring at them, undressing them with their eyes, but none presented a real threat. They were just boys going to an all-boy school with no hope of seeing a female figure unless they came to church. So here they were.

Three of the cadets on the couch Ruth ventured to call friends, but the fourth she didn’t know. Assuming he was new to IMG, she walked cautiously by them, saying hello to the cadets she knew, ignoring the one she didn’t.

She rarely got respect from any of the cadets, and she figured he’d be the same as the rest. So she walked past, trying not to get too close, but the clumsiness in her came out full force as she tripped over the new cadet’s shiny black shoe.

Ruth turned around quickly to apologize, but nothing came out as she looked at him. He certainly was good looking, like God had painted a beautiful picture and set it on His mantle for all His guests to see. If only for a split second, it made Ruth second-guess her decision to stay single.

Embarrassed by the thought, she turned a pretty shade of pink as she apologized quickly and walked away. But as she passed she couldn’t help but look back over at him. There was something about him that sparked her curiosity, and it wasn’t just because he was a great piece of eye candy. It made her intrigued, yet uneasy at the same time.

He sat on the couch, slumped against the back with his arms crossed in front of his chest. His short, beach blonde hair was brushed back in thick waves. He had olive skin, and his tan from the summer sun was still visible on his face. His eyes, the color of the ocean just as the sun begins to set, caught her stare and held it. Ruth couldn’t look away. He smiled a crooked grin and tilted his slightly scarred chin up at her in a casual acknowledgement.

Completely flustered and embarrassed that she had been staring, she turned away, scolding herself for being so silly. Whatever the reason for her intrigue of this new cadet, she tried to ignore it and sat beside Jenny with a thump. She covered her face with her hands and shook her head.

Jenny’s petite stature, shoulder-length blonde hair, and perky little nose that gave a slight nasal sound to her voice made everyone immediately like her. Ruth hardly ever saw Jenny without a smile. Even when she cried, her eyes always had the look of laughter in them.

Ruth, what is the matter? Jenny whispered in her ear.

See that new cadet sitting beside us? Ruth mumbled through her fingers.

Heck, yeah, I see him. He’s a looker.

Yes, well, after tripping over him, he caught me staring at him. I’m so embarrassed!

Jenny burst out laughing. Raising her head to tell Jenny to quiet down, Ruth looked just in time to see all four cadets on the couch looking at them. The new guy leaned forward, around everyone else, to get a better look.

Great, Jenny. Thanks for all the attention! she said, slamming the pictures down between them and sinking into the back of the loveseat, wishing it would swallow her.

After a few more seconds of Jenny’s irresistable laughter, she regained her composure and picked up the photos.

Ruth, these pictures are great! I wish I was photogenic.

Sitting up to look at them with her, Ruth began to regain her own composure. Her mother decided to try her hand at a little photography, so she grabbed the camera and Ruth, as the model, and began snapping away in their rock garden. Swinging on the wooden swing, sitting by the flower bed and reading on the deck; the pictures went on and on.

"Mom was holding the camera too close. I kept telling her they were going to come