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    Between the Stripes: Zany Zebra Zingers
    Between the Stripes: Zany Zebra Zingers
    Between the Stripes: Zany Zebra Zingers
    Ebook239 pages1 hour

    Between the Stripes: Zany Zebra Zingers

    By Dr. John Laurie

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    About this ebook

    This book is over eleven hundred statements about sports officials which are designed by the author to create ten seconds of laughter and possibly twenty seconds of thought. It is a great read for the sports fan and sports officials.
    Hopefully it will bring a smile when you read it as well as a smile when you see sports officials during a game follow suit with many of the examples provided you in this book Zany Zebra Zingers. You dont need to have a background in sports to enjoy this book.
    One of the authors concerns is that the reader may take too seriously some of the quotations. It takes a good sense of humor to be a successful official and, if all of us could learn to laugh at ourselves or each other once in a while, we would enjoy the game more as well as appreciate in new ways the role that each of us play in a sporting contest.
    Robert Frost once commented on his famous poem Stopping By A Woods On A Snowy Evening, Dont take the poem too farjust enjoy the thought. I would like to respectfully offer his advice reminding all of my readers to have fun with my comments not taking any impressions of criticism or perceived sarcasm too far. Just enjoy the thought!
    This collection of Zany Zebra Zingers has taken over thirty-five years to assemble. Additional Between The Stripes books on such topics of Leadership, Communication, Pregames, Supervisors and Observers, Good Officials and Bad Officials are being prepared for publication.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse
    Release dateJul 3, 2012
    ISBN9781477212790
    Between the Stripes: Zany Zebra Zingers
    Author

    Dr. John Laurie

    John Laurie, Ph.D. has been an educator for 40 years. He has been recognized as an innovative high school principal in Topeka, Kansas; Springfield, Missouri; Shawnee Mission, Kansas, and Blue Valley, Overland Park, Kansas. He was also an Associate Professor at Emporia State University, Emporia, Kansas and Baker University, Baldwin, Kansas. He is presently retired. He was honored as “Missouri High School Principal of the Year” and received the “Alumni Fellow Award from the College of Education” from Kansas State University. Laurie received his B.S. and Ph.D. degrees from Kansas State University and his Masters Degree from the University of Colorado. He developed a block schedule for high schools that is used in over 4000 schools (The Hillcrest Plan), as well as many of our department of Defense Schools worldwide. He has presented on this topic in 37 states and in Panama, Japan, Belgium, Australia and Germany. His officiating career spans over 40 years. He has officiated Kansas state high school football and basketball championships at every level. Laurie officiated small college football and basketball for over 20 years. He was a referee in the Big 8 Conference for 13 years, 11 years in the Big XII Conference and Replay Official for the Big XII Conference for three years. He was also president of both Big 8 and Big XII Football Associations. Laurie officiated as a referee at numerous conference championships as well as the following Bowl games: Rose Bowl (2), Sugar Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, Peach Bowl (2), Coca-Cola Bowl (Japan), Sun Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Aloha Bowl and Mobile Bowl. He is also the author of the following books: MANAGING THE GAME, WHY I DON’T BOO OFFICIALS, BETWEEN THE STRIPES: ZANY ZEBRA ZINGERS and BETWEEN THE STRIPES: A LEADER’S PLAYBOOK FOR EARNING YOUR STRIPES PART I and PART II.

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      Book preview

      Between the Stripes - Dr. John Laurie

      © 2012 by John Laurie. All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

      Published by AuthorHouse 06/27/2012

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-1266-0 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-1278-3 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-1279-0 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2012909780

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Contents

      INTRODUCTION

      DEDICATION

      AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY

      WITTY BULLETS

      END NOTE.

      INTRODUCTION

      A lot of time and thought was given to writing of the humorous side of officiating. The author has assembled for other publications various serious statements regarding officials and officiating, but this book is devoted simply to having fun with the humor related to sports officiating.

      Many of these quotations have been written, of course, with a tongue and cheek approach to humor in order to demonstrate the humorous aspect of officiating. The author was a Referee in the Big 8 and Big XII Conference for twenty-four years, and takes very seriously this most difficult task having nothing but the upmost respect for officials at any level of sport.

      It is the author’s most sincere hope that this book will bring both laughter and a smile when you read what happens in BETWEEN THE STRIPES….. ZANY ZEBRA ZINGERS.

      When you think about sports officials you either BOO them or LAUGH at them. Since the author has written a book about the former, WHY I DON’T BOO OFFICIALS, this one is simply devoted to sports officiating humor.

      The best sports officials and frankly the most effective business leaders that the author has encountered throughout his career, have all shared one very special quality…. HUMOR!

      When things during a football game are out of control, or as boring as watching as paint dry, the timing of having a good sense of humor can ease the pain, bring a crew closer to resolving a serious issue, or simply bring a relaxing smile to all involved.

      Every sporting event would be much more enjoyable for the player, coach, fan and official if they would all learn to laugh once in a while at themselves, and not take everything that happens in the game too seriously.

      You don’t need to have a background in sports or sport officiating to enjoy this book. One of the author’s concerns is that the reader may take too seriously some of the quotations and take note cards to the game, or simply confront an official directly over the lighter side of having fun with sports officials.

      It takes a good sense of humor to be a successful official and if all of us could learn to laugh at ourselves or each other once in a while, we would all enjoy the game more and appreciate in new ways the role that each of us play in a sporting contest.

      This book will hopefully bring a smile when you read it as well as a smile when you see sports officials during a game follow suit to many of the examples provided for you in this book…. BETWEEN THE STRIPES…. ZANY ZEBRA ZINGERS.

      DEDICATION

      This book is dedicated to officials in all sports at all levels. Until you have put on a shirt and blown a whistle you will not understand how difficult it is to not only interpret what an athlete is doing or trying to do, but then to also interpret what the rule says and how it applies to what you just observed in a split second. No replay, no slow motion, no chance to huddle and make a decision…. Was it a foul? Was the player in or out of bounds? Did he cross the goal line? Was the ball in the cylinder? Was there contact? Was it a block or a charge? Was his knee down before the fumble? Was the passer’s arm moving forward? Was there an advantage? etc.

      I am not concerned about officials understanding the humor I have addressed in this book about officiating, but I remain somewhat concerned that the non-official may take too seriously some of my comments, innuendos and statements directed towards officials having a bad day.

      As mentioned in the introduction, the author officiated for over 40 years of high school and college football and basketball and has the deepest respect for all officials. I would also like to recognize Keith Finlayson, for work with his technical services and suggestions. I would like to personally thank Steve Thomas, Creative Design Art Director, Camp David, Overland Park, Kansas for the cover design of this book. I would also like to acknowledge Ron Murphy, Carrollton, Texas, a fellow official (who was on our the Rose Bowl Crew in 1994) for sharing some of his officiating cartoons for this book.

      A very special thank you to my wife Connie for her continuous support and suggestions for this book. During the long spells of trying to put things together, her smile and sometime out loud laughter when reading some of these quotations encouraged me to keep going with this project!

      IF AN OFFICIAL BENDS, HE IS FUNNY. IF HE BREAKS, HE ISN’T FUNNY.

      44195.jpg

      IF WITHIN YOUR CREW YOU ARE THE GOLD FILLING IN A MOUTH OF DECAY, YOU NEED TO BE EXTRACTED AND THE CREW NEEDS FALSE TEETH.

      44199.jpg

      A ROOKIE OFFICIAL IS NOT YOUNG ENOUGH TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

      A BOWL OFFICIAL IS, IN MOST CASES, 2% LUCK, 48% SKILL AND 50% ENVY OF OTHER OFFICIALS.

      44203.jpg

      YOUNG OFFICIALS HAVE ASPIRATIONS THAT NEVER COME TO PASS WHILE OLD OFFICIALS REMINISCE ABOUT WHAT NEVER HAPPENED.

      CARTOON%20page%202.jpg

      TRYING TO BLOW YOUR WHISTLE AND NOT HAVING THE AIR TO DO SO IS A MUTE SENSE OF PANIC.

      44331.jpg

      JUST AS A FOOTBALL GAME IS DIVIDED INTO TWO HALVES, SOME DIFFICULT GAMES ARE LIKE HALF WONDERFUL YOGURT AND HALF CRAP. THE CREW’S JOB IS TO KEEP THE SPOON IN THE YOGURT.

      44336.jpg

      IF STUPIDITY WAS PAINFUL, THERE WOULD BE SEVERAL CREWS WITH INJURIES.

      FOOTBALL OFFICIATING CAN BE COMPARED TO A PARADE. YOU ARE EITHER PART OF IT OR WATCHING. GOOD OFFICIALS PARTICIPATE AND PLAY AN ACTIVE PART; POOR OFFICIALS SHOULD BUY A TICKET AND SIMPLY WATCH.

      44340.jpg

      EXPECTING FANS AT A FOOTBALL GAME TO TREAT YOU AS A GOOD HUMAN BEING IS LIKE EXPECTING RALPHIE, THE COLORADO BUFFALO, NOT TO CHARGE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A VEGETARIAN.

      THE REFEREE WHO USES THE SAME PREGAME OVER AND OVER IS LIKE BEING MARRIED TO A NYMPHOMANIAC. IT IS GREAT FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS.

      44344.jpg

      WHEN A MISTAKE THAT HAS NOT BEEN DETECTED IS MADE IN A GAME BEFORE THE BALL IS NEXT SNAPPED, IT IS A LOT LIKE A CAMEL. YOU CAN DO ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT BACK UP.

      YOU ARE READY TO RETIRE WHEN YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES.

      44348.jpg

      EVERY GENERATION OF OFFICIALS BELIEVE THEY ARE BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS GENERATION, AND THE PRESENT GENERATION IS POSITIVE THAT THEY ARE BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS GENERATION.

      FRUITCAKE OFFICIALS AND SEASONAL FRUITCAKES SHARE A COMMONALITY—EVERYONE LIKES

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