Igbo Idioms

© 2011 by Mark Uzomba Onyekwere. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 10/06/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4634-3615-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-3614-8 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011912610

Printed in the United States of America

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Contents

Introduction

1.   One with rashes does not cut his fingernails.

2.   The young shall grow.

3.   If the penis does not die young, it will enjoy the bearded meat.

4.   No matter how lean one gets, it does not affect the size of the private parts.

5.   The anus looks like what one could blow air into for musical sound but there is no place to rest the lips.

6.   The sheep says that it does not waste time or miss the opportunity to get pregnant because there are many festivities that demand the meat of the ram.

7.   One has to know the size of his scrotal sac before he takes medicine against over grown scrotal sac.

8.   The only time an unmarried woman owns up that she made love is when she is heavy with pregnancy.

9.   The anus says that if it knew that the vagina would be noisy with its frequent rough visitors, it could not have agreed to be a neighbor.

10.   No security can prevent stroke—

the attack of the spirits.

11.   One laughs with his concubine even

if his teeth are rotten.

12.   An old person may not try to run but not when a goat carries his snuffbox.

13.   The cow will always be bigger than the goat no matter how lean it gets.

14.   The vagina may be dry but it will have enough moisture to wet the penis.

15.   The heart is like a bag everybody has his.

16.   If your excrement is not pointed it may mean that you have running stomach.

17.   The male dog raises a leg as it urinates to show that it has no over—grown scrotal sac.

18.   One that is hit by a vehicle has his ears to blame.

19.   Everything in a cow is useful.

20.   If you ask a woman for a favor (sex) and you ask and ask again, she may say yes and grant you your request.

21.   If every man fears a big and highly placed woman, who then will make love to her?

22.   If a child eats what is making him to keep awake, he will sleep.

23.   If you are curing a sick man and his penis is always standing, he should be left to enjoy in the land of the spirits.

24.   Cough is a sickness and also food.

25.   If you hold the lizard by the tail, you have

little or nothing.

26.   Madness does not mean Strength.

27.   If the back of a woman vibrates, it means that it is touched often.

28.   One with a good healthy penis does not fully understand the plight of one with a

malfunctioning penis.

29.   A rogue has always tacky hands.

30.   If the bad spirits are not afraid, why do they only go in the night?

31.   Bed bud said to her young ones that what is hot will cool down.

32.   If the penis does not do anything to an old woman, it will cause her stomach ache.

33.   Do not be like the male-goat that made

love to its mother.

34.   When the moon shines, people long to go on walk.

35.   What you don’t know is older that yourself.

36.   If you give your little child to an old lady to hold for you and she says that her tooth is bad, did you give her your baby to eat?

37.   The aggressiveness of the ram will not stop the owner from taking it to the market.

38.   The Obi or Eze eats everything but he should not travel with a talker.

39.   You may be giving all to a woman but she gives all and more to the one she loves.

40.   It is the woman who knows the father of her child.

41.   People open up with greetings.

42.   If a young person washes his hands well, he will eat with the elders.

43.   It is how a man is that makes his in laws to ask him to pound ‘fufu’.

44.   A good product sells itself.

45.   The sickness of enlarged scrotal sac says that it should be welcomed by anybody that it attacks because it discriminates a lot.

46.   You do not sell your bad product

to your neighbor.

47.   If you are generous to a ‘salad woman’, she will bring some more to you another time.

48.   A wise person uses his wealth to protect his life.

49.   You may pinch somebody’s snuff and get off with it but you may not be so lucky if you pinch his wife.

50.   There is nothing that will not rest after a fight or hard work.

51.   The breasts first point straight before they point downwards.

52.   If you sell your dog and buy a monkey, you still have a squatting animal.

53.   A head cutter does not feel comfortable if somebody is touching the neck of his child.

54.   A mother does not train her son by making

love to him.

55.   The real poor have little or no choice.

56.   The beetle that is not edible has the advantage of living long and there is good chance that it will not die out. This great advantage is enjoyed by the vulture because both humans and animals don’t hunt it for food. The vulture feeds on carcass and it does not have many rivals.

57.   Azuntu, a mad man told his wife to make the sign of the cross at his back while he signs himself in front because he does not know from which direction Jesus Christ would come.

58.   The Flashing of the vagina does not

set any house on fire.

59.   Mr. Express said that if it is not because of getting babies, what will one be looking for in the smelly buttocks of another person?

60.   No one can contain the intestine of a sheep in the palms of his hands.

61.   The seller of smelly Ogiri knows a one eyed fly.

62.   The dog says that it follows a person with large stomach because he may stool or vomit.

63.   The vulture is happy with his wife’s pregnancy, if the baby comes out alive, it has a baby and placenta, if the baby is dead it will have both the placenta and the dead baby to eat.

64.   If you continue to wash and wash the clothes of old people, you may wash off excrement.

65.   Nobody tells his people to get set with first aid because he is going to fall from a great height.

66.   If you are going to the toilet, you have to have enough cleaning materials because at times one may not finish the business at a go.

67.   A bad spirit that wants to kill a man will

ask him for vagina.

68.   If you tell a blind man to catch the music,

he raises his hands up.

69.   A deaf that goes to church goes on sightseeing.

70.   The agama lizard fell from an Iroko tree, and said that if nobody praises it, it will praise itself.

71.   If a cyclist is dragging his bicycle and he starts to look at the pedal, he is about to mount it.

72.   The male goat says that it has large scrotal sac so that it will have enough sperms for all its wives who do welcome him for few seconds. The male goat is an ugly, short, strongly built unique animal with an enlarged scrotal sac. It is very aggressive and uncompromising when Another male is near or on its territory. It is normal that the strongest male fathers nearly all the young ones no matter how many the goats are. This nerving animal has a very strong smell, which attracts female goats. Its meat is a delicacy in Igbo land.

73.   A flint gun that did not fire brought back gun powder to the owner.

74.   One who runs into a war does not understand that it could mean death.

75.   We may not because of death avoid wars.

76.   You look for tall people when you want to hang the roof of a mud house.

77.   You learn much about the ground from the rabbit.

78.   The leg of palm oil sucking cockroach must be strong.

79.   The crab that escapes from a trap may not have all its appendages intact.

80.   If you continue to count the impurities in water, you may not be able to drink it.

81.   Surprise may surprise the most powerful.

82.   Fast and quick actions may avoid future obstacles.

83.   Steak, ribs, beef, and milk are all from the cow.

84.   Truth is life.

85.   The vehicle mechanic dress does not make it easy for us to identify mad people.

86.   People go from scratching to gassing

87.   Every lizard lies on its stomach so nobody knows which one has stomach ache.

88.   The bitter kola does not taste as good as it sounds in the mouth.

89.   One who has been bitten by a poisonous snake fears the head of a lizard.

90.   The hare says that it will run as far as God has land to avoid being hunted down.

91.   The wood pecker boasted that it would peck down an Iroko tree if her mother died. When it happened, it had a boil under its beak.

92.   Do not kiss a child with pretence.

93.   A criminal could be anybody.

94.   The knowledge about a leaf could make the difference between medicine men.

95.   You will not hold up a baby’s toy forever.

96.   You will not laugh wildly when you have a roasted hen in the mouth.

97.   If you believe that you have the devils luck, put your hand in the mouth of a cobra.

98.   It is odd to carry an elephant on the head and at the same time search for an ant with the toe.

99.   If you are taking a bath and a mad man takes your clothes and you run after him who is then madder?

100.   A heady fly may be buried with the dead.

101.   If you plant yam on your knee and you

attach the stem to your goatee, have

you given it adequate protection?

102.   There is always a good angle on every bad event.

103.   Tell the truth in time and avoid the back log of shame when it eventually surfaces and comes to light.

104.   The house fly says that it is hated and that people want to kill it anywhere and whenever they see it because they are jealous that it can go on any type of delicious food any time and also kiss the lips of beautiful ladies without problem.

105.   It is a mixed bag of feelings if you are suspected when you know that you are clean.

106.   One should not use the same trick often.

107.   If a group of people urinate together in a container, much foam is formed.

108.   When the sound of the drum changes, the dancing changes too.

109.   God knows it all.

110.   Do not be like the penis that vomits what it has in its mouth when it goes to eat.

111.   If a child crawls to you and pinches you hard, you crawl and pinch him hard too.

112.   The right hand washes the left hand and the left washes the right.

113.   If you get a small young python and feed it till it gets big, you could be its next meal.

114.   If you set your trap and the prey escapes,

you got to reset it.

115.   When the wind blows, we see the anus of the fowl.

116.   If a dog gets mad, it could bite the owner.

117.   You do not test or unset a lion’s trap

with your head.

118.   Do not underrate or look down on anybody.

119.   If a woman has no child, she should have good and attractive body and good character.

120.   If a woman marries again after divorce she will know which one is a better husband.

121.   Be careful about how you treat children because they do remember quite a lot.

122.   If you advice the ears and they do not listen, when the head is cut off, the ears follow.

123.   A woman who trains her children and is crowned a chief of Cocoyam (Kwaa Ede) has pride of place in Igbo land.

124.   You do not remind some one that has just lost his mother to cry.

125.   If you kill your good voodoo priest (native doctor) you have many evil spirits on your back.

126.   Nothing can harm you if God loves you.

Introduction

If a young man talks in parables, using idioms or adages it means that there is an elder near him. The Igbos use idioms in speech like the Europeans use butter on bread. Any normal Igbo is supposed to understand what is said meant or implied when maxim, proverb or an adage is used. This is why we say that if you have to explain your proverb, it means that the bride price paid on behalf of the mothers of your listeners was useless. One could explain them to children but not to adults. It is expected that men and women should understand and not have any problem to figure out what is said or implied.

There were no formal schools before the colonial era as we know it today. The elders taught the young with all types of talks, including adages, idioms parables, maxims and proverbs. Any child that figured what was said faster than the others was regarded as intelligent because that child recognized a blinked eye. When the elders spoke the children listened and used their heads to figure out and get all that was meant. The children had the chance to ask questions and the elders answered and explained what was not fully understood. The topics covered all aspects of life that children needed to know.

Idioms aid us to explain and bring home the things we are talking about better to our listeners. Issues that are explained with proverbs are difficult to forget.

I have to thank my grandmother Dada Ihuoma Igbeaku Onyekwere the first of my grandfather’s 65 wives who used to wake me up early with the first crowing of the cock. With my chewing stick in the mouth I would go to sit between the legs of my grandfather, His Royal Highness Njoku Onyekwere, Chief, Eze Nfunala 1 of Ahiara MBE as he judged diverse cases with his aids. I salute my grandfather for giving me the chance to be there, it was a special privilege.

Late M.A. Onyekwere my father helped to educate many of our people. As the head master of St. Theresa’s school Old Umuahia, he worked hard and raised it to standard six from standard four he then headed St. Joseph’s school Ihitte in Etiti and also raised it from 4 to 6. He raised St. Theresa’s school Ikenazizi Obowu from Standard 4 to 6 and it was from St. Patrick’s school Umezala Owerri that he left for England for further studies in 1950 and before he left, his school was raised from standard 4 to 6. He was the chairman of all the headmasters in the old Owerri province. I salute M.A. ‘Natural’.

I could not have written this book without the encouragement from friends who enjoy much when I talk with idioms.

Jesse Chukwu Onyekwere my son gave me good inspiration. Thank you Jesse—boy.

1. One with rashes does not cut his fingernails.

Ude was a good car mechanic who was respected by his customers. Unfortunately, Ude had a problem—he loved drinking and gambling. As long as business was good there was no urgent problem but with time, his drinking habit started to hamper his efficiency so less money was earned. His drinking and gambling took the pride of place as he gambled with his shoes, watch, clothes, car and finally his tools. This meant that he could no longer earn money for his living. He had bills to pay but with the selling of his tools, he became helpless as he could no longer help himself.

If you have rashes and you have your finger nails, you could at least scratch yourself. You remove your house when you remove the prop that holds it. You do not do away with what you need. A soccer player does not do away with his soccer boots.

In the 1990’s Eintract Football Club of Frankfurt Germany had a world class team. A coach was brought and he could not work with the star players in the team. Yeboa and Gedino were sold off and Jay Jay Okocha was also to go but the supporters of the club said no. Relegation was the result and ever since then this Eintract has been changing from division one to two or from two to one. The management with the coach sold their best tools and ever since then this club is not what to write home about.

The oil boom in Nigeria did more harm than good. Before this oil boom, which I call oil doom, Nigeria was leading the world in the production of palm oil and palm kernel. She was the first in ground nut production in the world third in the production of cacao, and she was among the first ten in millet soya beans rubber and maize cultivation. The oil boom made money cheap and easy to get. Many farmers sold off their lands, bought brief cases and went to the cities to become business men and confidence men. At first it appeared as if they would all do well, because money then was easy to earn but as the boom waned, it became the survival of the fittest. Many of them did not learn study or acquire business knowledge before they dabbled into it. The result is that many became bankrupt. The sad issue is that they are no longer used to dirtying their hands on the land. The in thing is three piece suit or large Nigerian dress called Agbada. For life to go on, most of them joined the notorious 419 fraud groups of trick stars that rip off money from people. Now the law is catching up with them.

If they had stayed with their farming, they could not have come into the mess that they are now in. They have no lands to go back to so they are now like people with rashes that cut their finger nails.

2. The young shall grow.

I was in the hospital when my son was delivered. I washed him in the presence of an experienced nurse who was in charge. Jesse was small and strong with the weight of 2.80 pounds. He is now 12 years old and has grown much everywhere he is doing well in school nimble and agile in sports. He is all muscles, has little or no fat and tall for his age. At times I find it difficult to answer some of his many questions. I have seen my son grow. For sure, the young shall grow.

When my people make this statement, it often implies that people should not be unfair to young people because they could grow to be shorter, taller than they are. It could also mean stronger more intelligent, richer or more powerful than they are. This proverb warns adults dealing with young people to be fair. When we left our homes in Africa for Europe and America we left our younger brothers and sisters at home. Some of us went back home after some years to see that those younger people have grown in diverse ways. Some are in the government, business or in politics. It is clear that they did not remain stagnant or static, they grew.

It is a statement of encouragement for any business or venture, at the beginning or start it is young and if it is well managed it will grow. Often we do not give enough respect and honour to those that merit them, there is a noble and great personality who ruled West Germany for 16 years as chancellor. During his reign, he fought very hard to unite West and East Germany. It was a miracle of our time but many do not think about it or think the implications through.

During his last days in office, he worked with a young intelligent lady in C.D.U. party. Many who were not smart enough under rated his capabilities and that was their undoing. He was the tallest tree in the political jungle of Europe his foresight was one of his trump cards. Chancellor Kohl who stands for all that is noble and lofty in life saw in Mrs. Angela Merkel a go ahead personality of drive, a future leader with grace. For the first time ever, Germany is led by an intelligent lady. Chancellor Kohl, I respect you. Chancellor Angela Merkel, congratulations and good luck.

I remember when Mrs. Clinton came to Berlin to launch her book, a news caster said that there would be peace in the world if Mrs. Angela Merkel becomes Chancellor of Germany and Mrs. Clinton becomes the president of the United States of America but the latter did not come true. For sure the young shall grow.

3. If the penis does not die young, it will enjoy the bearded meat.

In the developing world—say in Nigeria there was little or no sex education till Aids and HIV hit the third world. It is not long ago. In the rural areas the elders sit around calabash of palm wine in the evenings and children gather near them to listen to words of wisdom from people who have been around for a while. When the alcohol in the palm wine starts to work, the elders could feel a bit free to talk about any issue. We don’t have winter and the temperature is never below 23 degrees centigrade so the children often do not wear clothes at home. One of the elders could start to give hint on sex, glancing at the children.

If a young boy does not die young, he will enjoy the bearded meat. This means that the young boy will grow up to adulthood and then will enjoy sex. The sex organs of both male and female grow hairs on maturity and that of the latter looks like a mouth with beards.

This adage could also mean that it is gracious to get to adulthood—which is a period in life when young people have their full strength and could overcome many obstacles in life. It is a time when one is no longer a dependent. Every child loves to be an adult. One is one’s own person. This idiom makes it clear to the younger people that lovemaking is for adults and not for children. In those days, for one to grow hairs on the private parts of the body, one must be an adult. It was so then because there was not much nutritious food for the children. In Europe, USA and Canada, the problem is overweight because of much normal food and fast food. The children in those countries hit maturity early.

We all know that children are interested in sex but words of the elders are words of wisdom. So they should wait till they are adults. This idiom encourages children to behave well so that they may grow into adulthood age with grace and enjoy all the respect that people of ripe age are given in our society.

This adage points to the fact that old people are respected not only because they are our parents but also they are our resource fellows, the custodians of our history and culture. In the past there were no written records, the old people acted as our living and mobile libraries. We keep our treasures very close to us and that is why we do not have old people’s homes, our respected elders spend their last days with people that they love so that they may have glorious exit.

4. No matter how lean one gets, it does not affect the size of the private parts.

War is bad but the human being is the worst animal in God’s zoo, he will fight from time to time. I lived through the Biafra war and for the first time in my life I knew what real malnutrition in infants and adults was. People were all bones but it never affected the size of their parts. Kwashiorkor was devastating but to my surprise the private parts of the affected remained the same.

Last year, I visited Njoku in his village in Amuzi Imo State of Nigeria. The economic situation has not been good for some time, so I never expected a lavish reception from him. He brought the normal kola nut which is the first and most important thing one gives to a visitor in Igbo land. He then gave me sweet palm wine and his wife quickly prepared Ugba a local salad from the seed of oil bean tree. After about twenty minutes, I was served with pounded yam and Egusi soup. After the delicious food, he brought dried meat with pepper this made me to ask Njoku why he was giving me so much in this lean and hungry period. He answered with an adage that no matter how lean one gets, it does not affect the size of the private part.

It was clear that the time was bad but he was still in the position to make me comfortable with such a welcome. I never expected all that he offered me because of the economic crunch, but he showed me that his generosity to visitors was not hampered by the bad time.

5. The anus looks like what one could blow air into for musical sound but there is no place to rest the lips.

Obi is a happy talker in my village and I visited him with two friends just to have a happy hour. He offered us kola nut which was passed round according to our culture, he gave it to me because my home is nearest to his. I gave the nut to Egbe who could not say any proverb or maxim to grace the situation. In Igbo land some people could take it as a letdown and it shows that Egbe is not a seasoned person. The host cut in with the adage: That the anus looks like what one could blow air into for musical sound but there is no good place to rest the lips.

Egbe is a handsome man who dresses well at first sight you may think that he is coy intelligent and washed with all waters as the Germans say. He does not know much about his culture and for us he is a let-down.

Ada is a paragon of beauty and men miss heart beats when they look at her. Suitors come for her from all over Igbo land but up till now, she is single. It is our custom that parents send fact finding missions to get details about the life and history of the person to be married. Ada has lived an unquiet life going from one flower to another (one man to another). An elderly person made the situation clear by stating the above idiom.

One of the richest countries of Africa is Nigeria it has oil, gold, gas, zinc, coal, iron ore and many others. The land is fertile and people are hard working. So many years of bad government has messed up this beautiful giant of Africa. A report by the Central Intelligence Agency for her citizens wishing to visit Nigeria paints what Uzochukwu Nwokwu calls a mild picture of the situation on the ground. According to him, the report, highlights about twenty potential and actual sources of danger to the average citizen of the US to Nigeria, including civil unrest across the nation; religious restiveness; interethnic conflicts; armed militancy in the Niger Delta; massive killings of the populace within the subsisting democratic experiment and unstable government, Others are prevalence of the advance fee fraud a.k.a. 419; bad roads and bad road net work; unsafe modes of transportation, including air and land; absence of law and order; presence in the country of groups and individuals linked to international terrorism as well as religious tension particularly in the north. Also cited are links to the dreaded al-Queda Movement; al-Quedas threat to overthrow the nations civilian administration, general strikes and periodic ban on free movement associated with the monthly environmental sanitation exercise in Lagos State in 15 years leading to a massive influx of her 130 million population across West African sub-region, a development it was sure would destabilize the area.

Many hoped that Nigeria would lead Africa but now her youths escape any way they can to other parts of the world. One of the few success stories is that of Mr. Stephen Kechi the former Anderlecht soccer star who led Nigeria to win the African Cup of Nations. He comes from the wrong part of Nigeria the south east so he went to Togo as the national soccer coach and his team did qualify for the world cup in Gremany in 2006. Nigeria did not qualify to play in Germany. Many people remember how well Captain Kechi led the Nigerian soccer team through the 1984 world cup competition in the USA. In the late 1980s’ he lead his team that beat Angola national squad by 2 goals to 1 in a very difficult match. A Nigerian striker died on the pitch in that game, it was Siasia who was the first to realize that Okwaraji had passed on he raised his two hands up and raised alarm calling for help. May the soul of Okwaraji rest in peace Amen. Keshi was attacked by armed robbers who shot and wounded his brother and made away with his S class Mercedes car. That is the usual way of appreciation by some Nigerians. Nigeria has all it takes to lead Africa but one may not be able to start anything there.

6. The sheep says that it does not waste time or miss the opportunity to get pregnant because there are many festivities that demand the meat of the ram.

You make hay while the sun shines. In nature a ram may father the young ones of more than two hundred sheep. This is why farmers may have