My Journey Back from Pornography: Confessions of a Cave-Dweller
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About this ebook
The title of this book says it all: a carefully documented journey that took place over the course of forty years being horribly addicted to pornography. This book describes in detail the introduction to pornography, how it became first and foremost in every aspect of life, and the extent of the addiction. The single years were totally submerged in pornography, but the journey continued through time in the military, becoming engaged to be married, and producing a child. The goal in writing this account is to make this book available to every man and woman who may be experiencing the grip of pornography on their lives and that feel like life is slowly being choked out of them. It illustrates that there is an escape available through Jesus Christ and His written word. In today's society more than ever, people need to be educated about pornography, so that they can understand just what it can really do to a life, whether a person is young or old. In the darkest times of life, when a person feels like no one can hear them or cares about what they are going through, this book is a reminder that there is a God that hears and cares deeply, if a person just simply trusts in Him and lets Him work in their life.
David R. Jain
The author’s qualifications consist of personal experience being addicted to pornography. This journey began in childhood and continued through adulthood. With no continuing education, experience was the best teacher. The author lives in Ohio with his wife of twenty-five years and his furry, four-legged adopted daughter, Trixie.
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My Journey Back from Pornography - David R. Jain
Contents
Preface
1. One Look Won’t Hurt!
2. One Look did hurt!
3. Living in and Around Pornography
4. Becoming a Cave Dweller
5. How Dark a Cave Can Get
6. Marriage and Pornography
7. Intervention and Filling in My Cave
8. Daylight
9. Part II – Life Today
10. Statistics
11. My Wife’s Story
Author Biography
References
To George and Dave, Thank you!
Preface
This is a recorded journey that I had walked for 40 plus years horribly addicted to Pornography. This book describes in detail how I was introduced to it, how it became the very center of my world, and the extent of my addiction. My single years were totally immersed in pornography. I spent time in the military, became medically discharged, met my wife-to-be, and produced a child all while addicted to pornography. My goal in writing this account is to make this book available to every man and woman, to let them read how pornography grips and slowly chokes the life out of a person. I also would like to reassure the readers that there is an escape possible through Jesus Christ who gives us the strength to overcome. I believe that the world needs to know and understand what Pornography can really do to a life, young or old. Remember, that in the darkest hours of your life, when you feel that no one can hear or reach those inner most damaged parts of you, God is listening and is reaching if you just let Him.
Chapter One
One Look Won’t Hurt!
Neighbors
To begin my story, I would like to introduce my family to show everyone that we were a typical American family. My family consisted of my father, step mother, a brother, two sisters, and a dog. Our dog, Happy, was a brown and white beagle. He was around fifteen years old when he passed away. We were a typical family and did things that brothers and sisters do. Most of the time, those things would involve fights over who would ride shotgun, who got the window seat, and who got control of the TV. Happy had no interest in our shenanigans. We boys fought to keep our sisters out of our room so they did not mess with our stuff and my sisters would do the same with us. My father broke up a lot of fights between us kids that involved arguing, screaming, and other typical sibling stuff.
My father was a hardworking man and provided for our family. He liked to fish, build things, tend his garden, and be the in-house mechanic. In my innocent eyes, he was very knowledgeable in everything he did and could do no wrong. One event that clearly marked his life was the loss of his first wife. I was around three years old when she decided she was unable to endure life any longer. This occurred just after my brother, the youngest sibling, was born. I do not remember her, but I was told about her many years later. We were living in southern Ohio at the time of her death, and then we moved to south-central Ohio. My father needed time to recover from the shock and sorrow of losing his wife, so we kids stayed with relatives in southern Ohio for a period of time. When my father remarried, we kids moved from staying with relatives to living with our father and step-mother.
Like my father, my step-mother was a hard worker. She worked for one company for forty years before retiring. This was typical of the times unlike today when it is not uncharacteristic for someone to have many jobs in their lifetime. They were strict parents at times, but that is a parent’s job. Parents are there to try and lead us down the right path, so that we can become productive and respectful members of society. She cared for us as if we were her own. She stood by my father and endured every calamity that my siblings and I managed to get ourselves involved in.
My younger brother liked fishing, camping, and bike riding. He had an interest in cars when he got older and enjoyed watching my father work on the family car. He became quite good at rebuilding engines and doing basic mechanics. As the years passed, my brother and I grew further apart from each other and he never married. His lifestyle reflects the choices he made through his life. It is a life filled with uncertainty and hardships. God was a distant being that could be won over by monetary contributions or good works. No relationship was ever established between him and God, as far as I could tell. This was unfortunate, because his life could have been so different.
My sisters were typical. They enjoyed doing girl stuff and pestering us boys. Our parents would have to step in many times and realign us, telling us to apologize to each other, shake hands or hug, and promise to be good. My oldest sister would go on to have two failed marriages. She became medication dependent, unable to work, and reliant on welfare. She had two daughters who were as different as night and day. One was mentally unstable and unable to lead a stable life. The other daughter is very stable and has a heart the size of Texas. My other sister never was married, retired from the only job she ever had, and had one daughter. She still lives in the same apartment she moved into when she left home forty plus years ago.
To tell you a little about me when I was growing up, I enjoyed the outdoors and still do. I liked to fish, camp, and I was in the Boy Scouts. My father was the Scout master. I found out what it was like to tip a canoe and sell candy door to door, which was not my favorite pastime. I went to scouting jamborees and won merit badges. My friends and I would work on mini bikes, old scooters, and went hot rodding with an old riding mower on ice. Those were fun times in my life, but those memories began to distort and a second secret life began to emerge from within me. I would sink into this new life for over forty years.
I was about twelve years old when our neighbors came to the area, new to the neighborhood and the schools. One thing was for sure, my father made friends very quickly with the neighbors next door. He would visit them often and I remember him spending hours with them. I had no real clue why he spent so much time there, but I would eventually find out. Do not get me wrong, he did spend time with us, and we enjoyed occasions together as a family. We went on vacations, picnics, reunions, and we enjoyed ourselves. One particular day, we were invited to visit the neighbor’s house, and my whole family went over to visit. It was a large house compared to ours. We lived in a typical three bedroom ranch home. Our neighbor’s house was at least three stories tall with lots of rooms upstairs and a basement. There were lots of kids in the neighborhood and we all would walk to school together. This afforded the opportunity to make friends, or at least my definition of friends as understood in my ignorance. Our neighbors seemed very nice and friendly. I do not remember them having any other neighborhood kid’s visit their house, but my family visited a lot.
One particular visit, I remember asking for directions to their restroom. They had two restrooms, one upstairs and one downstairs. The neighbors give me directions to the one upstairs, so I meandered up the stairs. When I reached the top, I stopped suddenly in my tracks. There was a calendar on the wall with pictures of women with no clothing on down to their waist. It was a first for me to see the female anatomy displayed in this manner. What happened next could only be described as an eruption in my brain. It felt like it was being rewired and reformatted through excitement and curiosity. I found myself leafing through the calendar not realizing that my brain was taking pictures as I looked, and the images were being burned into my memory. A desire to see more began to boil inside of me with a vengeance. One thing about images, if they are partial pictures, we know there is more of that image to be seen. That was what was going through my mind at that time. I knew there was more than what the pictures were showing and I found myself wanting to visit more often. The calendar went over and over in my mind, no matter where I was at or what I was doing. I wanted to see them again and again. Every chance I had to visit, I went. Eventually, I began to frequent that upstairs bathroom every chance that I got so I could look at those top-less women again. I found out that I was not