Tae Kwon Do Man on Building Self Confidence

© 2004 MASTER RORY KYLE

All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 12/11/04

ISBN: 1-4184-8261-7 (e)

ISBN: 1-4184-3071-4 (sc)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

Contents

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Conclusion

A Word From Tae Kwon Do Man

About The Author

Dedicated in loving memory to my father, Mr. John A. Kyle, a fellow martial artist who first introduced me to Tae Kwon Do and who diligently supported me throughout my entire career.

I love you and miss you.

Preface

I decided to create the character of Tae Kwon Do Man for two primary reasons. First, I wanted to bring a little humor and levity to the subject of the martial arts. Over the many years as both a student and as an instructor, all too often I found that the people I talked with had the idea that most martial artists were stoic, sullen, and stern-faced individuals who went out looking for reasons to fight. They believed that because the training required such a high level of discipline in order to be successful, a martial artist did not know how to relax, have fun, and laugh. In my experience, I discovered just the opposite. I have had the pleasure of meeting and working out with many wonderful light-hearted and good natured people. They were very personable, quite easy to get to know, and did not take themselves too seriously, other than when it came to focusing on their martial arts training. They enjoyed social gatherings as much as anyone else, often helping to liven up the party because of their outgoing personalities. Through their training, they had developed the self confidence to be able to walk over to people whom they didn’t know and to strike up conversations with them – interested in listening, just as much as expressing their own thoughts and ideas. They genuinely enjoyed the prospects of making new friends.

However, in spite of all of this, today, I believe that many non-martial artists still cling to these old outdated beliefs. As I meet new people and the conversation swings over to the invariable topic of my background in the martial arts, unfortunately, I still sense at least a mild change in their attitude toward me. Perhaps some martial artists subscribe to the mightier than thou mentality. In fact, I’m sure there are some who do. But I’m not one of them. And I don’t find that I run into such egotists very often. In my opinion, as a whole, they are a dying breed. Unlike perhaps in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s, they are much more the exception than they are the rule in today’s world. Regrettably, no matter how talented such individuals are, I believe that they have missed out on the true meaning and spirit of Tae Kwon Do. True to the old adage of one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch, these few have spoiled the public’s perspective for the rest of us. And, unfortunately, in today’s fast paced world, most people just don’t have or won’t take the time to sufficiently research and investigate a self defense school. Given the opportunity, I think they would discover that the philosophies of the good schools match up very well with their own ideas and views.

The second reason for creating this character is twofold. First, to hopefully help dispel any myths that only athletic people can become successful martial artists. And second, that martial arts training creates and promotes negative aggressive behavior.

All too often, especially from adults, I have heard that self defense training is just too physically demanding. Most of the time, however, I’ve learned these same people have never even taken a class. It’s more a perception on their part instead of reality. Little do they know just how uncoordinated and gangly most of us were in the very beginning. I believe that often they just have too high an aversion to taking any type of risk. They are so afraid of looking silly that it prevents them from trying something that they would probably really enjoy, if given a fair chance.

I have a story about one of my favorite students that I always use whenever I’m talking to people who don’t believe they have the required athleticism to begin taking Tae Kwon Do lessons. I would like to briefly share it with you, too. Her name is Mary. She was already 65 years old when she first started taking classes with me. For a Mother’s Day gift, her two daughters, who were already students of mine, enrolled her in my school. Naturally she was at first apprehensive, but all I asked of her was that she come to class regularly and to do her best during each class. If anyone had an excuse that martial arts training was too tough an undertaking, it would have been her. But she didn’t. Instead, she trusted me and took me at my word. Mary trained with me for the next seven plus years, earning her first degree black belt along the way. She would still be training today except she wanted to spend more time with her grandchildren. It had nothing to do with being physically unable to continue her training. To this day, I am still in contact with her.

So, when I use to hear about adults who believed that they are either too old or too uncoordinated or too whatever, I always shared Mary’s story with them. For some of them, it helped. Hearing her story changed their perspective and many of them subsequently enrolled in my school. While for others it made no difference at all. They had convinced themselves that self defense training was not for them and weren’t going to change their minds no matter what I told them. They were just too prideful, stubborn, or scared to even try a class. And that’s too bad. They missed out on a wonderful experience – and the health benefits would have helped them tremendously.

And I feel no different today. As I meet new people and we talk about the martial arts, I still tell my Mary story and stand by my opinion that they should at the very least investigate the prospects of taking self defense.

For those people who believe that Tae Kwon Do teaches overly aggressive or arrogant behavior, I have always tried to show them that under a good martial arts program, that isn’t the case. Yes, the students are learning how to protect themselves, which also includes learning ways to fight back, but from a self defense point of view – in a situation where someone else is the aggressor and trying to do them bodily harm. My training, and therefore, what I taught my students, was not to be the initiator, but rather to use their martial arts only as a last resort. While I still had my school, I constantly invited people to come and watch my classes. It didn’t matter whether they were looking to train themselves or, in the case of parents, to have me training their children. I wanted them to see, first hand, that the right martial arts environment would provide many significant benefits for the student, without teaching violent behavior.

Now since I’m no longer teaching, I have high expectations for my Tae Kwon Do Man character. I hope that he can help me continue to change some of the misconceptions that many people still harbor about learning self defense. I hope that he will bring a new awareness to people and will both influence and educate a much wider, far reaching audience than I could have ever influenced during my years as an instructor. One of his main focuses is to show that a person taking Tae Kwon Do classes can get several significant benefits through this training. I know, however, trying to overcome the current misconceptions, will be an uphill battle. But, since Tae Kwon Do Man’s philosophy is to help develop better people, thereby enriching society, it is a battle well worth fighting.

I sincerely hope that you enjoy the following story. Although it is a fictionalized account, I have based it on my experiences over the years and on feedback that I received from actual students or from parents of actual students.

And now, on to the story of how Tae Kwon Do can help build self confidence ……….

Chapter One

Joey, at the age of twelve, was small for his age, but he had been so for as long as he could remember. He had always been quiet and more likely to watch television or play video games than spending time playing with other kids. Not having many friends, he was getting tired of trying to find ways to entertain himself. He needed to get out more to meet and make new friends, but that would require him to take the initiative. No one seemed to be seeking out his friendship.

It wasn’t always this way. Earlier in his life, Joey had been a normal, fun-loving child. He seemed to thrive on playing outdoors and had a fair share of other little friends. His parents were careful to keep a watchful eye on him to ensure that he didn’t get too curious or rambunctious. All of this changed two years ago. The other kids suddenly started going through growing sprees, while Joey didn’t. They also began to play sports, but Joey preferred riding his bicycle instead. As a result, he began to avoid them. He became more withdrawn, finding less and less in common with the other kids, whose usual conversation centered around how much taller and heavier they were getting. He felt left out of these conversations and decided to stay away.

Recently, however, he had given some thought to trying the team thing. Basketball did not really interest him. As for baseball, he wasn’t comfortable either throwing or catching the ball. And the few times that he had tried using a bat to hit the baseball had been horrible. He seemed to be all thumbs. There was just no sense in him attempting to play football either. The kids that he saw playing football were much bigger and more aggressive than him. Occasionally, he saw a smaller kid in one of the neighborhood fields playing football, but those kids made up for lack of size by being quick enough to avoid getting tackled by the big kids.

That didn’t leave many other options. He just couldn’t see himself learning how to play tennis or golf. Although these were individual sports, which meant that he wouldn’t have to worry about being blamed by teammates for losing the game, he just knew that he would never get the knack of using a tennis racket or swinging a golf club.

Joey’s parents, Kathy and Richard Bergman, were also concerned with their child. His father was a certified public accountant with Hoppe, Traff, & Associates. He specialized in real estate taxes. He had been with HTA for the past eight years. Joey’s mother was a registered nurse. She worked for Lewisville Memorial Hospital and had just celebrated her twelfth year anniversary with the hospital.

To his parents, Joey was growing up too quickly. It wouldn’t be long before he became a teenager and the normal hormonal changes that accompany those teenage years. They wanted him to have other kids to share experiences with. Those friendships would help to develop Joey’s character and attitude as he continued through his teens toward adulthood. They tried to urge him to go out and interact with the other neighborhood kids and get some exercise. After all, playing with the other kids would help teach him valuable interpersonal skills and make him more mentally tough, while exercise and fresh air would do him a world of good and help him develop physically. Anything to get him away from being glued in front of the television or his PlayStation 2 gaming system. However, despite all of their efforts, Joey seemed happier and more content to do things alone.

School wasn’t helping much either. Some of the other kids found ways to pick on him and most of the others just simply ignored him altogether. Kevin Jones fit into that first group. Kevin enjoyed bullying the smaller kids. He was big for his age, not too bright, but had a mean streak. He actually seemed to revel tormenting other children. Everyone tried to stay out of his path and to avoid any contact with him. Once he set his sights on someone, the misery was just beginning. He was relentless.

No one could understand Kevin’s rage. He certainly didn’t get this way as a result of having abusive parents. His parents, Peggy and Stan Jones were both quite pleasant. Joey’s parents often got together with the Jones down at the weekly church bingo night or at one another’s house to play cards. Joey liked Mr. and Mrs. Jones. He couldn’t understand how these nice people could have such a terrible son.

Kevin’s outlook on life came as an accident. Early on in his childhood he discovered that he could get his way by intimidating the other kids. He didn’t seem to be able to make friends by being nice, so he resorted to becoming a bully. And it had worked for him. Now, at the age of twelve, he was accustomed to this approach and saw no reason to change.

Unfortunately for Joey, Kevin had placed him on his routine harassment list. In fact to Joey, Kevin had put him at the top of this list. It happened shortly after the beginning of the school year when Joey made the mistake of bumping into Kevin in the hallway. It had been an innocent mistake, but Kevin’s arm load of books and papers went sprawling across the floor.. Joey had just been daydreaming and simply wasn’t paying attention where he was headed. However, Kevin hadn’t viewed this as a mere accident. Since several of the other kids had seen it happen, he felt that he had to save face and show everyone that it was unwise to mess with Kevin Jones. So, he had made it a point to seek Joey out regularly and remind him of his past folly.

When Joey awoke this morning, he thought that today was going to be just another school day. As he did every day, he would head over to Alex Robinson’s house and the two of them would walk to school together. Alex was Joey’s best friend. They had been best friends since the first grade. Although Alex was bigger, more athletic, and much more outgoing than Joey, he still enjoyed riding his bicycle, which the boys managed to do regularly together. He also liked playing video games. And, although Joey usually beat him, Alex never got mad or tried to get even by coaxing Joey into playing basketball or some other sporting activity with him, knowing full well that he could easily defeat Joey in any such endeavor. Instead, he would sit back, laugh, and cheer Joey on. Alex had such a good hearted laugh and good natured way of making Joey feel good.

Alex lived only a few blocks away. Alex’s parents, like Joey’s, both worked, so, outside of making their own breakfasts, the boys had much of the responsibility to get themselves ready for school each morning. Both boys reveled in the fact that their parents trusted them so much and weren’t constantly checking on them. It made them feel almost like grownups instead of only twelve year olds. Both sets of parents headed off to work shortly after the boys left for school.

Walking up the steps leading to the small front porch, Joey lightly knocked on the door. Mrs. Robinson opened the door. His mother, Sally, was the office manager for Wilhelm’s Insurance Company. She had run the office for the past five years and loved her job. While Alex’s father, Jack, was a chemical engineer with Alliance Corporation. He had worked there for the past ten years and currently was the plant’s production manager.

Hello Joey. How are you today?

I’m doing fine, Mrs. Robinson.

Turning from the door, she called out, Alex. Joey’s here.

And, as Joey started to enter, he heard foot steps running toward him – the sound of toenails clicking on the tile floor. Even before seeing her, Joey knew it was Chelsey, the Robinson’s blonde cocker spaniel. She greeted him every morning. As Joey bent down to pet her, she did her normal ritual. At first, Chelsey sat down, allowing him to pet her head, while vigorously wagging her tail. She then proceeded to lie down and roll over onto her back. Joey began to rub her stomach and gently talk to her. As usual, she was making soft panting sounds, enjoying the belly rub. This routine always ended with a big smile on Joey’s face.

Hey Joey. Alex said while coming down the stairs. Are you ready for another exciting day at Marshall Middle School?

Yeah, I guess so. Joey replied.

Alex, don’t forget your lunch. Mrs. Robinson called from the kitchen. I’m heading off to work now. You boys have a good day.

Once out on the sidewalk, the boys headed off toward school. Although Joey really liked Alex’s parents, he always felt better when it was just the two of them alone. As they started walking, they began small talking the usual elementary age kid stuff. Eventually, the topic turned to video games and who was better than whom. Joey usually dominated these conversations, since he had the bragging rights when they last played against one another, but also on being the most successful when playing against the computer. Of course, the big reason for this was that Joey played the video games whenever he had free time, while Alex usually only played videos when he came to visit Joey.

As they approached Marshall Middle School, Alex noticed Shela Benson at the entrance of the school. She was standing in a small group with some other girls. Although she was neither the prettiest nor the most popular girl, Shela was definitely very good looking. And Alex knew that Joey was totally infatuated with her. He was even more quiet and nervous whenever he was around her, spending most of the time staring down at his feet and mumbling whenever she spoke to him.

With a little smile on his face, Alex decided not to say anything to Joey. For some reason, over the last few blocks, Joey had been walking backwards while they were talking and hadn’t yet seen Shela. To keep him distracted, Alex continued talking and pointing out various things as they got nearer and nearer to the entrance. Suddenly he switched his attention and motioned toward the school. Joey spun around to follow Alex’s gesture. He completed his turn just in time to put on the brakes and stop from running directly into Shela.

Immediately, Joey started turning red. Here was the girl of his dreams standing directly in front of him and he had had no time to gather his courage and to think of what to say to her.

Hello Alex. Shela said.

Hey Shela. Alex replied. How are things going?

OK, I guess. She stated as she turned to face Joey. Hello Joey.

Uh….um…Hi…uh….Shela. Joey managed to stutter, still continuing to flush.

So, what have you and Alex been talking about?

Wh…what do you mean?

Well, Alex has this sly smile on his face. And your face is cherry red. Shela said while still looking directly at Joey.

Nothing really….Um……just ……just guy stuff. Joey said while dropping his eyes down to his feet. It’s…uh…nice to see you. You look very….um…nice today.

Why thank you Joey. That is such a sweet thing to say. Shela replied, a big smile spreading across her face. Joey glanced up in time to only catch a small glimpse of it. But even a glimpse was enough for him. You take care, Joey. I’ll see you later. Bye.

With that, she and the other girls turned and walked through the entrance. And Joey went right back to staring down at his feet. Unbelievable even to Alex, Joey was growing even redder after Shela walked away. Playfully, Alex nudged him, opened the door, and began walking into the building. Still flushed, Joey followed behind, suddenly feeling even more self conscious.

Unfortunately for Joey, things were about to get even worse. As if not already feeling awkward, just inside the building, he ran smack dab into Kevin Jones. And in Kevin’s usual subtle way, which meant to talk as loud as possible to achieve the highest level of embarrassment, he began asking Joey why he was so red. Now everyone who knew much about Kevin Jones knew that any questions that he asked were always rhetorical. He wasn’t interested in getting a reply, but preferred to give the answers to his questions himself. So, he proceeded to give answers as to why Joey was so red. After dismissing reasons such as it being too hot outside to be flushed, too cold outside to have rosy cheeks, or that it couldn’t be from Joey physically exerting himself, Kevin continued his tirade. Could it be that Joey was sick? No. Well then, it must be that Joey was just talking to Shela Benson. To which Kevin burst out laughing, escorting Joey all the way down to his locker, while taunting him about having a crush on Shela.

Joey just kept his head down as he walked down the hallway. He just knew that everyone was staring at him. He suffered from a mixture of embarrassment and rage. But he also knew that he was powerless to stop Kevin. His only hope was for his tormentor to grow weary of hassling him and find someone else more deserving of his undivided attention. He understood that most of the kids that he’d passed by in the hallway were also afraid of Kevin Jones and knew exactly what he was feeling, but that did little to console him.

Thankfully, the early warning bell sounded and everybody turned their attention to getting to class on time. Joey quickly opened his locker, grabbed a couple of books, and headed toward his first class.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. By the end of it, Joey had all but forgotten about his morning run in with Kevin. Tonight he didn’t have any homework, which helped improve his spirits tremendously. Humiliation from Kevin Jones had been replaced with pleasant thoughts of a relaxing evening in front of his PlayStation 2. With any luck, he’d be able to conquer the current level and finally advance onto that elusive next level. He couldn’t imagine a better way to cheer himself up.

Outside on the front steps, Alex was waiting for him. Long ago, he had discovered that no matter how bad he felt, Alex could make him laugh and get past his troubles. Seeing the big grin on Alex’s face was already doing the trick.

Hey Joey, my boy.

Hi Alex.

I hope that you’re not sweating about Kevin Jones. If you put him in a room with ten other people, he wouldn’t add anything to the total group’s IQ. He’s just an immature fool. A big immature fool, I grant you, but a fool nonetheless. You know why he picks on other kids? Because that’s the only way for him to get any attention and to feel good about himself.

Yeah, I know. I just wish I hadn’t been the one he used to make himself feel better today.

Don’t worry about him, Joey. Hardly anybody likes him. He’s just a big dumb country boy. Alex retorted. Did you hear him this morning? He was acting like a five year old. I could barely control myself as he taunted you. Not because it was you, but because of what he was saying to you. I truly believe that English is a second language for Kevin. But at the same time, it’s the only language that he knows.

He did sound kinda like a retard ranting and raving at me, replied Joey, briefly smiling as he thought about Kevin jumping up and down this morning. As usual, once again, Alex had found a way to brighten things up.

Seeing the improvement in Joey’s attitude and feeling a bit mischievous, Alex decided to lightly prod Joey. Hey old buddy. Do you remember who you were talking to before Kevin showed up today? I’d put up with Kevin’s crap all day if it meant that I could spend some time talking with Shela Benson. How about you?

Now Joey was beaming and feeling almost euphoric remembering seeing Shela. Yeah, Shela is the prettiest girl in school. She’s …uh….she’s….

Playfully, Alex punched Joey lightly on the shoulder. Relax Joey. I know you’ve got the hots for Shela. And you’re right, she is good looking.

During the rest of the trip home, the boys chatted about several other topics, including what their mothers would be fixing for dinner that evening.

The school Halloween dance was only two weeks away. As he had done for the past few years, Joey didn’t intend on going. Each year, both his parents and Alex tried to convince him to go. They reminded him that he didn’t have to stay long, but that once he got there, he’d be glad. After all, everyone would be in costume and just hanging out and having fun. And a little dancing along with lots of good food couldn’t be all bad, could it?

However, so far, he had been able to resist these arguments and managed to stay home. He expected this year to be no different.

Joey just didn’t feel comfortable interacting with the other kids. He didn’t really have anything in common with them, which meant that he would be struggling to carry on any type of conversation. If he wasn’t out on the dance floor, the only thing left to do was talking to one another. Typically, those not dancing just stood around in small groups talking. He’d be the fifth wheel. Not that the other kids would be scrambling to include him in their conversations anyway. Who could feel good in that kind of environment?

Also, Joey didn’t really know how to dance. The thought of trying to fake it out where everybody could see him was even scarier. Having on a costume wouldn’t change that. He knew that it wasn’t hard to figure out who was in what costume. A mask just wasn’t enough. And besides who would want to dance with him? Or for that matter, who did he want to dance with?

The answer to the last question was simple. The only girl that he would be interested in dancing with was Shela. However, as he envisioned himself out on the dance floor with her, suddenly up walks Kevin Jones. Promptly Kevin pulls off his mask and begins poking fun at how funny he danced. And with his typical boisterous manner, the taunting and teasing gets louder and louder. Soon the other kids start joining in until everyone is laughing at him. There he is stuck out in the middle of the gym. Where can he go? What can he do? Like a fish in a fish bowl, there’s no place to hide, so he has to just stand there and suffer. No…..no…..no. He just wasn’t going to humiliate himself.

However, unbeknown to Joey, Alex had a plan for this year’s school party. Joey didn’t know it yet, but he was going this year. Next year they would be teenagers and the year after that, they’d be in high school. If Joey didn’t get over his shyness soon, he may never. Alex thought that high school would be tough enough to cope with, but would be brutal to anyone who was too shy to stand up for himself.

Alex thought that he knew just about everything about Joey. Most of these things were unknown by the other kids. But Joey was himself around Alex. He could be funny. He could be witty. Alex had seen these things and many other good qualities in his best friend.

Joey appeared totally comfortable and relaxed when they were together by themselves…. And what an imagination. Joey had a vivid imagination. Alex constantly saw just how bright and sharp Joey’s mind was. Alex just enjoyed being around him. He just hadn’t yet found out how to bring out the real Joey when they were around other kids. However, this year’s school Halloween dance was just the ticket. Alex would not take no for an answer. Now, all Alex had to do was to figure out what costume each of them would wear.

This year, Halloween fell on a Saturday. The school dance was scheduled for Friday night. A double bonus this year. Food, drink, and other goodies on Friday. And trick or treating on Saturday. What more could a kid ask for?

On the Saturday before the dance, Joey invited Alex over to hang out. Currently, the boys were in Joey’s room playing Criminal Investigators, the newest and hottest video game on the market, at least according to ten, eleven, and twelve year old boys across the country. The object of this game was to solve crimes based on discovering cleverly disguised clues. Part of the charm was that while investigating the clues, there were several people out to stop the investigation and thwart solving the crime. There was an extensive array of bad guys and bad gals just waiting for the careless investigator to let down his guard. To carelessly open the wrong door or enter the wrong room, resulted in a variety of villainous attacks. Some of these attacks were clever and sneaky, such as trip wires and infrared sensors, while other attacks were full head on assaults, usually involving gun fights. Regardless of the attack, none of them were healthy for the unsuspecting investigator who blindly blundered from clue to clue.

Criminal Investigators had several different levels. As one might expect, each progressive level required more skill and expertise from the players. The clues were harder to uncover. The villainous criminals had better weapons and methods of mischief, and were more difficult to defeat.

Although this was relatively new to the market, and therefore, Joey didn’t have a lot of experience playing it, he had already managed to beat levels one and two. But, he had his hands full trying to navigate through level three. Alex, however, was still struggling to finish the first level. When it came to video games, Joey was once again proving himself to be the more proficient. His skills far excelled those of Alex. He was usually in the zone and didn’t always seem very tuned in to Alex’s plight. He did, however, try to give Alex some pointers whenever he took note of Alex stumbling along from clue to clue. But he couldn’t hide the little smirk on his face whenever Alex unwontedly walked into an ambush. Alex, of course, took note of all of this. He suspected that Joey’s reaction was probably more subconscious than anything. In the world of video games, Joey felt comfortable, knowing he could shine and would generally come out on top. It was actually nice to see him relaxed and feeling confident. Alex wasn’t about to ruin these little victories for Joey. Besides, it wasn’t as if Alex wasn’t