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    A Time to Talk and a Time to Listen: A Practical Guide to Communication in the Home
    A Time to Talk and a Time to Listen: A Practical Guide to Communication in the Home
    A Time to Talk and a Time to Listen: A Practical Guide to Communication in the Home
    Ebook105 pages1 hour

    A Time to Talk and a Time to Listen: A Practical Guide to Communication in the Home

    By Tinuola M. Agbabiaka

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    About this ebook

    Communication is the most important facet in any relationship, and the lack of it is also unarguably the major challenge that exists among people in this society. In A Time to Talk and a Time to Listen, author and relationship counsellor Tinuola M. Agbabiaka presents practical advice on ways to achieve more effective communication within relationships.

    This guide provides a thorough understanding of what communication is and discusses the different ways people communicate. It serves as a handbook for facilitating clear and effective communication among couples, their children, in-laws, relatives, neighbours, and friends, and in turn helps achieve healthier relationships among all concerned.

    Filled with practical tips to help families grow closer, A Time to Talk and a Time to Listen helps ensure relationships are nurtured the right way by speaking, listening, and understanding one another clearly and effectively.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateApr 12, 2012
    ISBN9781475905175
    A Time to Talk and a Time to Listen: A Practical Guide to Communication in the Home
    Author

    Tinuola M. Agbabiaka

    Tinuola Agbabiaka is a trained relationship and marriage counsellor. She is currently the lead resource person and public face for the NGO Practical Christian Living Initiative, whose core purpose is to facilitate the perfecting of relationships. Agbabiaka and her husband, Oriyomi, have three children; they currently live in Nigeria.

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      Book preview

      A Time to Talk and a Time to Listen - Tinuola M. Agbabiaka

      Copyright © 2011 by Tinuola M. Agbabiaka

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      iUniverse

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.iuniverse.com

      1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      ISBN: 978-1-4759-0516-8 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4759-0518-2 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4759-0517-5 (e)

      iUniverse rev. date: 03/29/2012

      Contents

      DEDICATION

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      Introduction

      Chapter One

      Chapter Two

      Chapter Three

      Chapter Four

      Chapter Five

      Chapter Six

      Chapter Seven

      Chapter Eight

      Chapter Nine

      Chapter Ten

      Afterword

      DEDICATION

      To my soul mate – Oriyomi; whose unreserved, undying love and support means everything to me.

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY

      Introduction

      Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you’re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life. Brian Tracy

      Communication is the number one important thing in any relationship and the lack of it is also unarguably the major challenge that exists among people in the society. In modern society, communication has been seriously eroded, there is now such a constant barrage of information from different sources such as the television, mobile phones, texts, personal computers and mobile hand-held devices that makes communication in the home almost impossible.

      All this intrusion from external sources has caused major disconnects within families and in relationships and has invariably led to misunderstanding what the other party in the home or in a relationship is saying. It is the inability to understand the other person that causes misunderstanding and creates strife between two people.

      Communication must be received for it to be effective. Very often, women lament bitterly on how they could no longer understand their spouses and the men also fall into this dilemma. For communication to exist between two people, they must both be willing to work at it.

      It is usually one party that closes the communication lines which often leads to frustration for the other if repeated attempts to reopen communication lines are rebuffed.

      The first step, however, is to understand what communication is and the different ways one is able to communicate; next is to understand each other’s language. If I speak German, for instance, and the person I need to communicate with neither speaks nor understands German, communication with words cannot take place. I will need to use other forms to pass across my message.

      Everyone has a preferred way of communication. Therefore, it is important to learn the way the person we desire to communicate with communicates. This will definitely help in connecting with the person and passing across the message.

      According to Dr. Gary Coleman in his book, The Five Love Languages, he narrowed the different ways of communicating love to one’s spouse down to five languages. Therefore, the main task for every couple is to study each other and learn the most convenient and appropriate language for each other. Individuals are born differently and react to situations differently. While some people may not necessarily mind loud voices, there are individuals who automatically turn off if they perceive that voices are being raised.

      As a marriage counsellor, the prevalent issue in most marriages I have counselled is the lack of or misconceived communication. This and many more communication issues have prompted me to write this book. As you read on, you will learn how to communicate with your spouse, children, relatives, in-laws, friends etc. These issues transcend tribe, culture or race. They affect everyone, but hopefully after reading this book you will be able to connect better.

      Chapter One

      What Is Communication?

      The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship. - Deborah Tannen

      Communication is simply put, an exchange between two people. It is a lot more than speaking or hearing. It must be given and received for it to be complete. There are various forms of communication; however the key thing is that communication must be given and accepted for it to be effective.

      While many of us feel communication is all about spoken words, statistics show it constitutes only about 7% of communicating. A look, glance or gesture, which constitutes body language, also communicates. Sometimes, words are not necessary. The rest consists of facial expression, tone of voice, body language, perception etc.

      Communication can either be deliberate or not deliberate. It differs from culture to culture. What means one thing in one culture may mean something else in another culture.

      Everyone has the ability to communicate in one form or the other. Communication is not limited to speech alone. We use a lot of our body parts to communicate. We can communicate with our mouth, hands, eyes, body language etc. There are basically two types of communication –spoken and unspoken. Communication must be constantly present in a relationship for it to survive. It is the only way of keeping up with each other as part of a family or team. As individuals, we change daily as those we interact with also do. Words that we hear and those places that we go influence and change our attitude and perception towards life. Therefore, communication between couples is essential to ensure that the two parties are on the same page, growing together and are not living separate lives.

      VERBAL – SPOKEN WORDS

      "By words we learn thoughts, and by thoughts we learn life."- Jean Baptiste Girard

      Spoken words constitute verbal communication. It involves speech and is vast. In every long-term relationship, verbal communication must be present in order not to be frustrated. Even in inter-racial and inter-tribal relationships, there must be a common language for both parties to converse in to ensure the survival of the union. Every country has its own language with various tribes and religions that also have their local language and/or dialect.

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