Finding Joy in Adversity: The Alzheimer's Challenge

© Copyright 2005 Carl Bock.

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Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

DEDICATED

INTRODUCTION

1 SEARCHING, THROUGH WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING

2 CHIP WEEKS STORY-CBMU—302

3 CONTEMPLATION TIME

4 OPENING ANOTHER DOOR

5 DISCOVERING EMOTIONS

6 A LESSON IN DOUBT

7 HAPPY NOTES

8 FAITH / BELIEVING AND RESULTS

9 THE WET CELL APPLIANCE AND MASSAGE

10 ACCEPTING A COMMITMENT

11 TIMES OF TRIAL

12 SEARCHING 1984-1990

13 A LESSON IN PATIENCE

14 FOOD FOR NOURISHMENT AND THOUGHT

15 DRESS-SEABEE INGENUITY?

16 LABOR JOYS-MUSIC JOYS

17 TRIALS, TEN YEARS LATER

18 STUMBLING BLOCKS-STEPPING STONES

19 ACROSS THE STONES

20 THE FINISHED POEM

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

My sincere thanks go to Dr. William McGarey, MD, Dr. Donald Taylor, MD; The Hospice of Arizona nurses, John, Elaine, Sandra and especially Charlene Sargent (who was with me at the time Helen decided to leave us); To Audrey, the facilitator, and all the members of the Glendale Alzheimer’s Support Group; And all the family members, friends and neighbors that were all saying, Carl, you have to record your care-giving experiences. You must write a book! So, here it is, The Book, with my thanks, appreciation and love to all of you. There is some one else I cannot leave out. Barbara’s encouragement came a little later but it came strong and most insistent. A special thanks to you Barb!

A talented young lady named Wendy Eades of 7631 Yellow Lilly Drive #403, Manassas, VA, 20109, provided the graphics design for this book’s cover. This young lady calls me Uncle Carl

Thanks, Wendy!

DEDICATED

To Michael Nielsen and Charles Marvin; may you be first and always, the joy to others that you were to your moth-

INTRODUCTION

This narrative is given with the intention of sharing thoughts of intuition, inspiration and a new spiritual awareness that brought joy out of adversity. The many years beginning in 1984 and ending in1999 were spent in caring for an Alzheimer’s patient at home. During this time I was subjected to a multitude of daily trials that threatened the meaning of patience, persistence, fidelity, faith and even that eternal virtue called love. However, sticking with each and all of these virtues, I was able to survive the onslaught of doubts and fears to find a joy even in the last day of this experience in adversity. The groundwork for the necessary inspiration and dedication to accomplish the task was laid several years before.

I had started, early on in my life, seeking for what I called understanding. This was my search to find explanations for what life was really all about; where the meaning was, who I was and how I fit into life and in particular, how I was to fit into other people’s lives. As I looked back over these years, I came to realize I had been a questioner for almost all of my life.

My Viet Nam experience in 1968-69 opened a new door to my search for answers, answers that would bring me closer to an understanding. This new door led to a serious review of the works and physic readings of Edgar Cayce. The information I found there began to answer a lot of questions that was to ease my mind. The study of physic and spiritual material gave me a new insight into the meanings of the scriptures and the teachings of Jesus.

Fifteen years of this study and analysis was to prepare me for the next sixteen to twenty years facing the adversity of Alzheimer’s disease. It was in the understanding and application of the virtues discovered through the search for spiritual truths that provided me with the strength, both physical and mental, to carry me through those years. That spirit allowed me to honor a promise I made on my wedding day and a commitment I made with God and myself on a memorable day in 1985. Throughout all the bad days, sad days and more of the good days of this experience, I was able to lessen the adversity by looking for the joys presented in all aspects of life. I accepted the task of caregiver for my wife of thirty-two years as she faced the terrible ordeal of resisting this thing known as Alzheimer’s disease. We chose to do it all at home if at all possible—which it was. This new task of care giving was not the most comfortable assignment I ever undertook in my lifetime, but it did turn out to be the most rewarding experience I have had the occasion to experience.

The words and thoughts found in this narrative is not intended to be a How To book or a Book of Instructions. It is a compilation of the many lesser experiences I was to encounter throughout the many years of care giving. The many very moving spiritual experiences I was to encounter were the result of consciously opening myself up to such input and assistance from Spirit. The acceptance and application of this spiritual information was to regularly guide me to an awareness of the need for a calming, loving and caring attitude toward my wife and her newly encountered dilemma. The resulting peace and joy found in the use and application of this guiding informa-

tion is what inspired the title of this narrative. It would be misleading if I didn’t say there was times of anger, doubt, fear, and defeatism. We tried to meet those negative occasions with a positive attitude and were successful in using the power of good to defeat the negative.

In the beginning of this Alzheimer’s experience, we were to be confronted with a great deal of negativity, fear and bewilderment. Neither of us had ever heard of such a disease. We were continually bombarded with negative thoughts creating fear and anxieties as we went through the testing phases in route to a diagnosis. The vast majority of media and other published information relating to Alzheimer’s disease seemed so horrendous, hopeless and negative. It appeared to me that we had enough problems to face within our home without being bombarded with all the negativism and the fears this torrent of information generated. I found myself searching for something more positive and hopeful. I was encouraged to attend support group meetings that addressed this disease. I attended two such meetings and found only more anger, self pity, hopelessness and remorse. I never returned. My decision then was to accept the situation we found ourselves in and make the best we could of it. Sixteen years is a long time to work at shedding such a negative and hurting attitude. The reward for having achieved at least a good portion of success has been beyond my description.

I mentioned above that I stopped attending support group meetings. Really I just took a twelve year layoff. After my wife, Helen, passed away I started attending these meetings again. My primary objective was to bring into these meetings a feeling of acceptance, comfort and joy. Much of the joy I have received from my experience is still coming to me through these meetings. The sharing of my experiences seems to be helping others to meet the same negatives that I once faced.

This is the story. This is how I experienced a case of Alzheimer’s disease; both the bad and the good; from the fear to the joy.

1

SEARCHING, THROUGH WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING

Get wisdom, get understanding; and turn not aside from the words of my mouth.

Do not forsake her (wisdom), and she will preserve you; love her, and she will save you.

Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom; and with all your substance get understanding.

(Proverbs 4:7-9) (Lamsa’s Translation)

Beginnings do not always begin at beginnings. Some times they begin at a turning point. An important turning point in my life showed up during a one—year tour of duty in Viet Nam with a Navy Seabee Battalion with headquarters at Cam Rahn Bay. I had been, for the prior thirty—eight years of my life, at different levels or stages of effort, seeking this allusive thing called wisdom and an understanding of life and its meaning.

The beginning of this turn for me came with a letter from home. My wife Helen, who was in Phoenix, Arizona at the time, was telling of an interesting and intrigu-

ing book she was reading. She was fascinated by it and was going to send it to me as soon as she finished. The book she spoke of was Edgar Cayce, the Sleeping Profit by Jess Stearn. A strange chilling sensation went up my spine when I read her words because I had just recently bought the same book at our little Base Exchange and was reading my way through that book of intriguing stories. The coincidence of Helen and I (unknowing) reading the same book at the same time, each on the other side of the world from the other, was only one of the strange aspects of this happening.

For instance; As the Battalion Master Chief (Senior Enlisted Officer) I was often asked questions about our national purpose in Viet Nam. One of the common questions was, Why can’t the military forces in country accomplish the stated objectives of peace, unity etc.? There were also questions concerning drugs, poor discipline, uncaring, etc. among the U.S. Forces. These questions would create a lot of serious discussion but seldom real understandable or unified decisions or answers.

I occasionally recorded thoughts in a notebook for future reference. I did this one night when I woke up with a thought that bordered on an answer to the men’s question, Why aren’t we succeeding in the Viet Nam mission? My entry was; You must start with yourself. If you do not possess a thing, you cannot give it away to another person or to another nation. This note stimulated a lot of deep thinking for me at the time. It was shortly after this note writing episode that I purchased the Jess Stearn book from the Exchange. When I got to page seven of that book, I read these words, "The thing is to start with yourself. Unless you can bring about within yourself that which you would have in the nation or in any particular land, don’t

offer it to others." This quotation was in reply to a question asked of Edgar Cayce in the 1940s (WW II), What can be done by the American people to bring about a lasting peace? I found it quite strange that I would have picked up on a thought that was so much like and in line with the thoughts that came through this strange man, Edgar Cayce.

This book episode and the questions coming from the men of the Battalion became the first seriously thoughtful tug on the steering wheel of my life. Things began to happen. Things began to turn. My seeking found me moving in a new direction.

Another important episode happened while there at Cam Rahn Bay, Viet Nam that laid the ground work to a new way of thinking for me. It stimulated a new and different depth of philosophical and spiritual thinking. I credit this experience for providing me the required strengths, faith, knowledge and understanding that sustained me for about twenty years of caring for a victim of Alzheimer’s disease.

Understanding: I mentioned that I gained some of that attribute through my experience but I must qualify that a little better. A true and total understanding never fully developed. However, I did master the quality of acceptance.

The real spiritual turn; The story as I recorded it in my notebook a short time after it happened…

2

CHIP WEEKS STORY-CBMU—302

More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of.

(Alfred Lord Tennyson)

"It was a sunny day in South Viet Nam that I was standing on a gravely road running beside a construction project that we were involved in. Construction Battalion Maintenance Unit 302 had headquarters on the Southern part of the entrance to Cam Rahn Bay. One of our projects was at the stage of pouring concrete footings and pilasters upon which to erect a pre—fabricated metal building that was to eventually act as a small boat dry docking facility for the Swift Boats used by the Navy to patrol coastal and river waters of Southern Viet Nam. This was in the latter months of 1968.

As the assistant to the Operations Officer, Lt. Brian Swede Laursen, I was on the site to observe the concrete placement operation. The crane in service was set up beside the road where I stood and was being used

to transfer the concrete from the ready—mix trucks to be dumped into the awaiting forms. The span from the crane site to the area of the pilaster forms was near the limit of capability for the crane we had available so the boom was extended to it’s maximum. The young crane operator, Equipment Operator Third Class, Frank Chip Weeks, was swinging the third bucket of concrete into place over the forms when the weight and leverage factors caused the crane to begin tipping over. Even though precautions had been made to prevent such an occurrence, the precautions proved to be too little. I and others watched helplessly as the crane toppled onto its side with Chip falling out of the open door and being pinned under the cab. Much ado was going on as to how to get Chip out from under the crane. No equipment capable of lifting the crane was immediately available. Use of a cutting torch was ruled out because of danger to Chip. Ideas were being suggested faster than they could be implemented. The soil at the area was dry and sandy and could be easily dug into, so that was the decision. Men taking turns with hands and digging tools got the task underway. A slow process. The number of Officers and men around the site kept growing and of course so did the talk of speculating,—condemnation of efforts and methods of actions being taken. A lot of negativity was being expressed.

I concluded I was no longer needed at the immediate site so I walked off slowly, alone, down the road beside the construction site. My mind was going about 90 miles per hour while I was walking about 1 mile per hour. I was mentally fighting for answers to all the whys and what—ifs of the situation. After about fifty yards down the road a Voice spoke from behind me with a very clear, Carl, nobody’s praying. That got my attention. Especially after I turned around and found no one there. I shook my head to clear my thinking and started walking on down the road. After five or six more steps, the Voice returned. This time more forceful but the same message, Carl, nobody’s praying! Again, I looked around but found no one. Across the ditch beside the road was a boulder. I crossed the ditch, sat down on the boulder and prayed.

I had never really considered myself a serious praying man. In fact, I did not consider myself as being very religious at all. I had in the past had my differences with a couple Navy Chaplains and also with some civilian Church organizations. I however was not a disbeliever. With the Voice impetus, I prayed. I do not remember what my prayer was specifically. When the prayer time came to an end I returned to the accident site.

I got back just in time to witness one of our corpsmen coming out of the hole beneath the crane’s cab. He was crawling on his back, using his