Getting Unhooked: Learning to Detach From Reactivity in Parenting

Getting ‘hooked’ by reactivity in parenting and old habits is inevitable; what we do with those emotions is optional

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We all know what it feels like to get hooked by something in life. It happens every day. Little things and big things — a look, a thought, an experience — grab us viscerally. A tear in our jacket, a tone of voice, a failing grade, an unexpected rainstorm. The hook is a burning, restless urge that craves relief because we feel attacked, disappointed, uncertain, or confused.

Getting hooked, we easily lose track of our best intentions. A meticulous sleep plan collapses as a visceral sensation takes hold, and we leap into reaction. We finally go downstairs to spend a moment with our spouse and then hear a child tiptoe down the stairwell, for the third night in a row. Without