Enjoy the Sunset

PREFACE

The nicest thing about getting old is you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

GEORGE BURNS, AMERICAN COMEDIAN

This is a book dedicated to those who know they are growing old, those who think they are already old, and those who feel oldness has already blurred their colorful vista of life and has registered into their creaky bones, regardless of their ages.

The number of these kinds of people are in millions in Asia alone. According to Food Facts Asia, a publication of the Asian Food Information Center, the number of senior citizens (60 years old and above) would increase by 314%, from 207 million in year 2000 to 857 million by 2050.¹ East Asia countries are beginning to worry about their graying societies. In Japan, more and more of its people are hitting the age of 100! In China the proportion of people 65 and over will probably double in the next 25 years from 8% (of the population) to 16% in 2030, according to the UN projections.² The Philippines is estimated to contribute between 10 to 15 million to the worldwide statistics.

Growing old is unstoppable, this is despite the billion-dollar attempt of cosmetologists worldwide to make people forever looking young, if possible. Medical sciences, too, have made leapfrog discoveries to preserve the suppleness of muscles, the flexibility of human bones and the tone of skins. Still such heroic attempts to prolong life, and evade ageing are effective only to a certain extent. Yet growing old is a commutable sentence, according to Gail Sheehy. She simply means that there is no fixed number at which we stop being middle-aged and are sentenced to being old.³

Ecclesiastes 12:2–5 (LB) describes quite baldly (no pun intended) the state of ageing as it warns the heedless, God-evading youth. It says The light of the sun and moon and stars is dim to your old eyes, and there is no silver lining left among the clouds. Your limbs will tremble with age, and your strong legs will grow weak. Your teeth will be too few to do their work, and you will be blind, too. And when your teeth are gone, keep your lips tightly closed when you eat! Even the chirping of birds will wake you up. But you yourself will be deaf and tuneless, with a quavering voice. You will be afraid of heights and falling, white-haired and withered, dragging along without any sexual desire.

What is described above is the physical degeneration, expected, unavoidable and most likely repulsive and painful to us who are already at the threshold of ageing and, unimaginable to those who think they are still young. But surely, ageing can be made graceful and gracious despite the wrinkles, the tremors and the toothlessness. In fact, this has been shown by numerous examples.

A good number of people have made history in their senior years and their efforts benefited whole societies. Think of Moses and the Ten Commandments. He crafted God’s command when he was well into his 80s. The Ten Commandments has become the legal foundation of all democratic institutions in the world today. Think of Golda Meir, the mother of modern Israel. At 71 years old, she became Israel’s Prime Minister (1969–1974) and ably led her country through the famous Six-Day War against their Arab neighbors. Think of our own Dr. Jovito R. Salonga. His series of legislation while in government are landmarks in our jurisprudence.⁴ Equally in his 80s, and though already retired from politics, he exemplifies what it means to be a true statesman and nationalist. Presently he is still in the forefront of pursuing justice and righteousness in our government.

But even if we are no Moses, Meir or Salonga—public figures who loom large in the world’s screen—it is still possible to age well. As columnist Ramon J. Farolan wrote, Growing old is a function of time, but growing old gracefully is more of a state of mind which brings out the best in every man.⁵

Just how do we do that? Well, there are no magic formulas. Just intuition, obedience to God, careful observation and sensitive living of a life that definitely does not stay stationary. We are sandwiched between two great boundary events: birth and death. And it is up to us to be attentive to the vast essentials given us, ponder over on their meanings and find our presence in them.

In this book, let us with joyful hearts and hopeful disposition hold hands and travel together in this great adventure of ageing well, in full grip of the promises of God. He is the Lord of the young and the old, and of those who are in between, the Almighty One of yesterday, today and forever.

Evelyn Miranda-Feliciano

20 July 2005

1

"Araykupo!

I’m Growing Old!"

"It is for us old people to build our lives,

lives that are worthwhile, interesting and

worthy of respect, and so to arouse fresh

hope in the young, that they can look

forward to a happy old age. It is for us to

show that it is possible in old age to live a

life that is different from our working life,

but quite as useful and satisfying."⁶

PAUL TOURNIER

"We do not feel the passing of years,

but we sense the impressions of old age."⁷

IBANAG PROVERB

I remember when I was newly married, market vendors would call me "Ne or Ineng (generic titles for young girls), although I was already 25 years old then. After the babies came, a cloud of doubt crept into their voices, Miss? Mrs.? Then, I became a Ma’am which later changed into Inay. And in the last few years, some people have begun saying, Lola, dito po kayo umupo" (Grandma, here, have a seat).

Filipinos, and most Asian cultures, on the whole, respect and value their elderly citizens. Ideally, wisdom, spirituality, self-control and richness of experience are attributed to the old. They are to be treated with deference, generosity, understanding and much care by their societies. However, in today’s modern world, it seems this is no longer so. A number of common Filipino expressions alone show that we are guilty of ageism. This is the attitude that discriminates against the old, indirectly broadcasting the message that younger is better. These are some slights against the elderly:

Ang kulit-kulit mo, para kang matanda! (You’re a super pest, you’re like an old person!)

Matanda ka na yata. Bakit ka sobrang malilimutin? (You must be getting old. Why are you so forgetful?)

Ba’t arroz caldo ang hapunan natin? Matanda na ba tayo? (Why chicken porridge for supper? Are we already old?)

Ay kalbo, matanda! (Oh, he’s bald, he’s old!)

Matanda na ’yan kasi, balat-sibuyas! (He’s old already that’s why he’s oversensitive)

Listening to these and many more thoughtless remarks belie society’s supposedly respectful attitude towards the elderly that diminishes them in no uncertain terms. Although some of us elderly could take the slights with a grain of salt and walk away unaffected, there are others who flare up which only provides further evidence that the particular dig is true. Yet, there are those who simply wilt inside and pity themselves, accepting the remarks as their due. They begin to either dread or hate the ripening years of their life.

WHY DO WE BECOME OLD?

Why do we become old? What makes us grow old? These are not inane questions. The earlier we understand ageing, the more open we become to accept it, and the readier we’re able to neutralize and fend some of its negative effects on us.

The earlier we understand ageing, the more open we become to accept it.

With the knowledge, we’re also given the opportunity to develop capacities to make our latter years perhaps even more satisfying than our early, younger years—and, make it more meaningful, both to ourselves and to others. In this way, ageing would not be something to be dreaded and avoided. Armed with basic information, we also learn to sidestep the temptation of resorting to all kinds of anti-ageing devices that make some older men and women look hilariously laughable. Hindi bagay sa edad (It’s not becoming for his or her age), we would say of an older person acting like a teenager or looking like a sex kitten. Or we might recite a line of a proverb, "Nagmumurang kamatis" (Trying to be a fresh tomato), when we want to joke about an older person’s putting on thick make-up or being overdressed. Though of course, it’s their life and their money, nevertheless, we live in a world that despite its liberal outlook still has some expectations of us—the elderly.

Growing old is the product of time, and there’s nothing much that we can do about it. But it is the feeling, not only of becoming old, but of oldness itself that haunts not a few people. It’s somewhat a cliché, says Russel T. Hitt, 83, long-time editor of Eternity magazine before his retirement, "to observe that some people are old at 40 and others feel young at 90. We are wholistic beings. If our minds and hearts are stimulated, even our bodies seem to be affected. Shalom—a sense of well-being—affects us when we walk in fellowship with the living God and His Son, Jesus Christ."⁸

How true, but for the moment, we want to understand the changes that happen with the onset of old age.

LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR, CLEARLY

Physically, our bodies run down as we get older, although some bodies decline sooner and more quickly than others. When disease strikes, some bodies can quickly recover, but others