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    How Hot is Your Tea: 150+ Empowering Ideas to Heal and Grow from Emotional Abuse: Hot Tea, #1
    How Hot is Your Tea: 150+ Empowering Ideas to Heal and Grow from Emotional Abuse: Hot Tea, #1
    How Hot is Your Tea: 150+ Empowering Ideas to Heal and Grow from Emotional Abuse: Hot Tea, #1
    Ebook138 pages1 hour

    How Hot is Your Tea: 150+ Empowering Ideas to Heal and Grow from Emotional Abuse: Hot Tea, #1

    By TeaLeaf Blossoms

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    About this ebook

    Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “A woman is like a tea bag — you never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”

    Emotional abuse is one of the most insidious and elusive forms of abuse in domestic relationships that cuts through all colors, genders, sexual orientations, socioeconomic classes.

    Emotional abuse does not leave a physical mark. When seen through an isolated incident, the abuse can seem trivial and nonsensical.

    Worse, emotional abuse typically happens one-to-one behind closed doors.

    So the signs are difficult to spot for the abused and the friends and families of both the abused and the abuser.

    This book is about spotting those signs and applying the five strengths of the TLB Method to combat the most common forms of emotional abuse.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTeaLeaf Blossoms
    Release dateNov 10, 2017
    ISBN9781386531654
    How Hot is Your Tea: 150+ Empowering Ideas to Heal and Grow from Emotional Abuse: Hot Tea, #1
    Author

    TeaLeaf Blossoms

    TeaLeaf Blossoms (or TLB), although tremendously appreciative of hot tea, loves cold water infusion of tea leaves. The delicate flavors of each tea bag add to the overall delight of a hot summer day spent under the shade, sipping on cold herbal teas. How Hot is Your Tea is TeaLeaf’s first book. The latest TLB work can be found at Patreon: http://patreon.com/tealeafblossoms

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      Book preview

      How Hot is Your Tea - TeaLeaf Blossoms

      Preface

      Emotional abuse is one of the most insidious and elusive forms of abuse in domestic relationships that cuts through all colors, genders, sexual orientations, socioeconomic classes. Emotional abuse does not leave a physical mark. When seen through an isolated incident, the abuse can seem trivial and nonsensical. Worse, emotional abuse typically happens one-to-one behind closed doors. So the signs are difficult to spot for the abused and the friends and families of both the abused and the abuser.

      When seen through the scope of a timeline, though, patterns of emotional abuse will emerge. Emotional abusers tend to reinforce negative emotions and self-perceptions that already exist within us. The constant repetition of negativity can lead victims to believe in their abusers’ skewed perspectives and to want to modify their behavior to be worthy enough for their abusers’ love.

      This book serves to help spot major indicators of emotional abuse. The reader may see any combination of indicators. The more indicators that check out, the more severe and pervasive the emotional abuse has spread and the more difficult it is for either or both parties to heal due to the entrenched nature of the ongoing abuse.

      This book also equips the reader with strategies to employ to put out the immediate fire, become aware of one’s own feelings and desires, and slowly rebuild self-esteem and self-confidence.

      Due to the AnyFace Anywhere universal nature of this form and all forms of domestic violence, the author has chosen to write under a fictitious name: TeaLeaf Blossoms.

      Eleanor Roosevelt once said, A woman is like a tea bag — you never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

      TeaLeaf Blossoms is a female who has been in hot water. How Hot is Your Tea is her first book on a subject matter under the umbrella of domestic violence.

      Introduction

      Emotional abuse can be devastating to one’s self-esteem and self-confidence, leaving indelible psychological scars that can take years to heal and many more years to reprogram from the sheer inertia of habit and survival living in the abuser’s realm. The dormant wounds one carries can resurface at any point in time, even years later, especially during times of stress and rebound.

      Unlike physical abuse that occurs in sporadic outbursts with visible signs of harm to the naked eye, emotional abuse accumulates little by little over a period of time and is much more difficult to see with the naked eye and often precludes physical abuse.

      Both people locked into an emotionally abusive relationship may be unaware of the abuse. Their relationship dynamic was established little by little where the abuser seeks power at the cost of the victim’s sense of worth.

      Emotional abuse is a pattern of harm that can rear its head in various ways, including threats, constant criticism, intimidation, shaming and denial. The key word is pattern—the abuse is repeatedly serving to establish one’s superiority over another.

      Abuse is about power over someone else. Healthy relationships are about power with someone, where equals share power and do not feel they need to experience power at the cost of someone else’s self-esteem. The victim of abuse perpetuates the power dynamics of their unhealthy relationships when the victim denies the abuse to themselves and minimizes the abuse, thinking that all relationships have their kinks and emotional abuse just happens to be one of them. Rationalizations may appear in other forms, such as excusing the abuser’s actions because the abuser is simply stressed.

      No one can give you permission to feel bad about yourself except you. However, if the pattern is systemic and not easily identified then the victim of the abuse internalizes the abuser’s expectations and little by little gives up their own sense of power and in turn adjusts to the other person’s expectations to keep the peace and save the relationship at great personal cost to oneself.

      Thus, it becomes easy for the victim to feel hurt, angry, scared, depressed, worthless, powerless, heartbroken, anxious. Long-term abuse can result in post-traumatic stress disorder, where every little thing the victim does caters to the abuser’s criticisms and can reinforce the victim’s abuse. The victim ends up losing his/her/their sense of self.

      No matter how abuse stacks up, both people lose. The abuser does not develop the opportunity to cope with stressors in a way that excludes dehumanizing and disempowering the victim. The victim does not develop the opportunity to live in an empowering and fulfilling home or workspace. Both people lack skills to build a healthy relationship dynamic that propels them both to grow and move forward.

      The good thing about emotional abuse is that it takes only one person to step away and stop repeating the pattern for the abuse to stop. However, that one person must take continued steps toward intervention to stop falling back into old habits and patterns of thinking, accommodating and doing. That one person has to be vigilant and adamant about standing up for what he/she/they believe in. That one person often has to be the victim who awakens to his/her/their own power.

      This book is about providing different ways for this one person to step into that power, to reclaim what was his/hers/theirs to begin with. Something that has always been there, hidden and latent.

      Time for the TeaLeaf to blossom.

      Six Sections

      This book is divided into six primary sections that appear in the following order:

      Belittlement - humiliation, disparagement, trivialization, put-downs

      Patronization - infantilization, chastisement

      Disregard - denial, evasion, avoidance

      Narcissism - egocentrism, self-absorption

      Isolation - alienation, withdrawal, negligence

      Threats - outrage, self-victimization, verbal offense

      The above sections illuminate frequently employed techniques emotional abusers use to inflict harm on their victims. Although each section has multiple chapters elaborating upon the section topic, bear in mind that some aspects of a chapter topic may overlap from one section into another.

      Five Strengths

      Each section in this book has about 5 to 6 short chapters that are broken down into five different strengths of tea: light, medium, medium-strong, strong and extra-strong. These chapters are comprised of self-discovery exercises that delve into different layers of the emotional abuse so that you can regain a solid sense of self-worth.

      Strength exploration is up to you. The more you put into the exploration the more you get out of it. Light strengths are designed to put out the immediate fire. Medium strengths are designed to acknowledge your own feelings. Medium-Strong strengths allow you to tune into the change you wish to see. Strong strengths are to validate and build your own sense of self for the

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