Finding Passion: Colorado Veterans, #3

Chapter One

VALERIE

As I ride down the escalator toward baggage claim, my husband, Ron, comes into view…without our 11-year-old daughter. That’s weird. Is Thea in the bathroom? I smile as I look at Ron. He looks good. Really good. It’s obvious he’s been working out and he even has some color to his skin. That’s a little weird since it’s still cold in Colorado, but maybe he felt like putting in the effort for my homecoming. As soon as I reach the bottom, I rush toward him, allowing the excitement of our reunion to take over. The calls, videos chats and emails have been less frequent between us these last several months of my deployment so I wasn’t sure I’d experience this feeling like the other times. It all comes rushing back though as I bury my face in his neck and take in the familiar scent of his cologne and soap. Reuniting after a long absence always brings on the extended tight hugs accompanied by kisses that promise honeymoon-type sex when we get home and the nervous little butterflies in my stomach that make it feel like a brand-new relationship again. Those are the only good things about being apart for so long.

Where’s Thea? I’m dying to see her! I bounce on my toes a little. I mean, it’s been nine months since I’ve seen them. He steps away from me, and I realize that although he was hugging me, it wasn’t tight; in fact, it was barely noticeable. He stares at me like he’s not sure what to say, but doesn’t answer. This is such a bizarre response that I blurt, You’re scaring me. Where’s Thea? Still he’s silent. Answer me! There’s a strange expression on his face I’ve never seen before and I’m filled with dread. Surely, if something were wrong, he would’ve told me sooner. Is she okay? They’ve always come together to greet me when I come home from deployment. Did something happen and no one told me? He’s still not answering and I’m drowning in a pool of dread with every passing second.

Valerie, we need to talk. His unusual tone sends me further into crazy-town and I don’t do unhinged; I was a combat surgeon in the Navy for goodness sakes. I’m usually the calmest, most collected person in the room. That’s not the case right now.

Ron, what the hell is going on? Is Thea okay? You’re scaring me.

As if to calm a hysterical child, he grips my shoulders harder than usual, shakes me a little and says, Relax! She’s at home. You’ll see her soon. We have to talk and I thought it would be better if we did that without her here. Ron has never taken this tone with me and has never looked at me like he’s irritated by my mere presence.

Okay, so what do you want to talk to me about that she can’t hear?

Not here, Valerie. Let’s go get something to eat and we can talk then.

Are you kidding? Something’s obviously wrong and I’m freaked out now.

Calm down. I’ll explain at the restaurant. We can go somewhere close.

I search his eyes, hoping for an indication of what’s to come, but he’s closed down.

The drive to the restaurant is quiet. The only thing he manages to ask is about my flight from Virginia to Colorado, which was uneventful so I don’t have much to say in return.

Once we’re seated and have ordered our lunch, I say, Ron, you’re freaking me out. This isn’t like any other homecoming I’ve ever had and not at all what I had in mind. I don’t understand what’s going on, so if you could explain soon, that would be helpful. Although I’m freaked way the hell out, I’m also annoyed. He knows I’m upset and he’s taking his sweet time to explain. I don’t care about lunch at this point.

When he takes a sip of his water, I notice his hand shaking slightly. What would make him nervous like this? He clears his throat and leans back in his chair, like he’s trying to put even more distance between us.

Valerie, I’ve met someone.

All the air leaves my lungs and I sit momentarily stunned. Of all the things that he could have said, that’s not what I expected. I sit staring at him with my mouth hanging open, dumbfounded.

What? I manage to eventually ask.

I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did.

What? I wish I could say something profound or meaningful, but I’m so shocked I can’t get anything else out.

I’m leaving. Well, actually I’ve already moved out. I wanted to tell you myself before I had you served with divorce papers. I thought I owed you that.

Before he had me served with divorce papers? After every deployment, this happens on the pier during family reunions. Some poor schmuck gets served with divorce papers or has a spouse who covets drama and confesses to having a new love and makes a big scene. There have been times when it’s been so bad that the sailor has to be put on suicide watch for several days until coming to terms with the news. It’s part of the reason we all get so anxious pulling back into our home port. You never know what it’s going to be. I’ve always worried for my friends, but never saw that scenario playing out for myself. Other than a slight disconnect between us this time around, I thought we were strong.

You’re leaving?

Left, yes.

He’s being so matter of fact about this like I haven’t given him my body, my heart and my loyalty since the day we met 16 years ago. As if I’m some random woman he’s talking to in line at the grocery store. Anger bubbles up inside me.

"How did this, just happen?" I ask, trying to come out from under the shock and tamp down my rising anger at the same time.

What? Now he sounds stupid. Did he think I wouldn’t ask?

We’ve been married for 15 years, Ron. If you’re tearing our family apart and destroying me in the process, I think you owe me the goddamn courtesy of an explanation.

His eyebrows hit his hairline. Maybe he thought I’d say, ‘Okay, whatever you want, Ron,’ and leave it at that. I’m not capable of that response after this ambush.

I don’t understand why you want to know.

You know what, Ron? Fuck you! I yell, which is very unlike me considering I tend to be quiet and controlled, but this is crazy. Pushing away from the table I ball up my napkin and throw it down. Before he can react, I snatch his keys off the table and stalk toward the door. I can hear the thump of his footsteps behind me and him saying something to the waiter as I push the door open and stomp to the car.

Valerie! he yells.

I pop the trunk open, heft out my suitcase onto the ground, and slam the trunk shut as Ron catches up to me.

I spin on him and ask through clenched teeth, How did this happen? You need to tell me now.

He sighs. I didn’t mean for it to. When I came back here for my high school reunion last year, I saw her. We started talking on social media…it was innocent at first. But when I came back to visit my parents, we met for dinner and it went from there. He shrugs like it’s no big deal, like this is something that happens every day.

Did you move our family from Norfolk so you could be near her?

Yes. Absolutely no remorse.

So you started an affair with a high school friend and moved our family across the country so you could be near her? Why didn’t you leave me then? Why did you wait until I came home to tell me? What does Thea think of this? If you moved out, she obviously knows.

People in the parking lot are openly staring, probably because I’m being loud, but I don’t care. I can’t believe this is happening.

Thea likes Sheila. They get along great; they’ve really bonded. In fact, it’s going so well I think it would be better if she just sees you every other weekend until she gets used to you again. It’s what Thea wants too.

Every word out of his mouth since he started this conversation has been a physical blow, but hearing him say that my own daughter wants to live with her father and his mistress because they’ve bonded is what might kill me. Sheila gets to have the family I created because she—wait…Sheila? My heart hammers in my chest. Please, tell me I heard that name wrong.

Did you say Sheila? I say in a scary whisper. He nods and it’s a wonder I can say anything, but somehow, I find it in me to ask, getting louder with every word. Is this the same Sheila who broke your heart and left you for some ambulance-chasing lawyer before I met you? The same Sheila who threw you away like last year’s lunchmeat?

She’s changed and she understands how she hurt me. We were both young. People grow up.

I slap him so hard an instant handprint appears on his face. He stumbles back a step or two and touches the red mark, clearly shocked by my reaction. I lean in to him. "So let me get this straight. Sheila’s out of your life for years and now she’s welcomed back with open arms to an insta-family? MY FAMILY! I scream the last two words right up in his face. Sheila gave you up, and now she not only gets you back, but she gets my kid too? Are you fucking kidding me with this, Ron?"

A bald man in a suit breaks away from the crowd gathered near the doors and approaches us cautiously. I bet the group can hear every word we’ve said. I hope they have because I want everyone in town to know what a heartbreaking, sneaky, cheating, child-stealing bastard he is.

You need to calm down, Valerie.

You don’t get to tell me that. You took everything I love away from me and gave it to another woman. Do you have any idea how that feels? My whole body is vibrating with anger and hurt and I have no idea what to do with it all. "I get why you brought me to a public restaurant. You thought I wouldn’t react and you’d be able to return to Sheila unscathed. Well you thought wrong.

You’re ending our marriage. You’re trying to take my little girl! You know how many years I’ve wanted to be home with her, how many tears I’ve cried because I’ve missed so much with her. Now that I’m home full-time, you’re taking her away from me? I didn’t even get to be in on the decision-making process about how often she’ll see me. I’m her MOTHER! I yell, raising the level of drama another notch.

The gentleman in the suit asks cautiously, Is everything okay over here?

I hold up a finger to him to wait a second and turn back to Ron. I carried Thea for nine months. I struggled through 47 hours of labor to bring her into this world. I nursed her for the whole first year. Sheila hasn’t done shit!

He straightens his shoulders and puffs his chest up like he’s about to school me. She’s been there for Thea through this very difficult first year of middle school.

Are you kidding me?

It’s been a tough year for her. You’d know that if you were around.

Holy shit. He said that. He really said that. I charge after him and the guy in the suit grabs me and holds me back.

I yell, over top of whatever the suit-guy is saying, That’s bullshit! I’ll fight you tooth and nail for Thea. If you thought I’d go along with this because it’s what you already decided, then you’re crazy. You’ve grossly underestimated me.

Ron backs up a few steps and I jerk free from the suit-guy, grab the handle of my suitcase and march back toward the restaurant to grab a taxi.

Ron shouts at me, I’ve already spoken to the lawyer, and he says that Thea’s old enough to have a say. If that isn’t enough, I can get nasty and bring up the PTSD and your long absences. It’ll work in my favor, don’t doubt it.

I stop walking and turn back to him, trying to understand everything he’s said to me. Now, I realize because he knows me better than anyone, he has all the weapons he needs to annihilate me. He has blown up my whole world in the first real hour of freedom I thought I had. What can I say to that? I’ve got nothing right now so I stomp away, my mind jumping all over the place. I’ve come to the line of taxi drivers waiting by the curb when it dawns on me that I may not have a home to go to.

I let go of my suitcase and spin around to find Ron only a few steps behind me now, looking angry and a little afraid. Did he think I’d cry and beg him not to leave me? Did he think I’d just roll over and allow this to happen without a reaction?

Do I even still have a home to go to? I ask quietly. At this point I wouldn’t put it past him to move Sheila into our house. What the hell am I going to do? The shock is setting in and I’m not sure I can comprehend any more.

He throws his hands up like he’s exasperated. Yes, I’m not that big of an asshole. You can stay there until we sell the place, and then you’ll need to find something else.

I turn to the cab driver, who’s now standing by the taxi door closest to me, and say to him, Can I get a ride?

The driver nods and says, Of course, and takes my suitcase from me.

I look at Ron and tell him, I’m going home to see Thea. I’m done with this conversation.

Valerie, she’s not at your house. She’s at mine. You can see her this weekend. She’s not ready today; and frankly, I think you need to settle down before you do. It’s not her fault that we didn’t work out and I don’t want you taking it out on her.

Oh, no he didn’t! I lean in toward him and hiss, I thought you knew me better than anyone, but I was wrong. You must not know me at all if you think I’d put our daughter in the middle of this. You’re a dick! Do I still have a car at the house?

Of course.

I shake my head and slide into the taxi when I hear Ron call, Val—

I pause for a second, but when he opens his mouth to speak again I decide I don’t care what he has to say. Slamming the door in his face, I look straight ahead.

Where to, miss? the driver asks. I tell him my address and ride in silence the rest of the way.

Once I’m home, I lock the door and drop my suitcase to do a quick assessment and realize that yes, there is still furniture and enough wine in the house for me to consume. Never having lived in Colorado Springs before, I don’t have anyone local so I grab my cell phone and dial my best friend, Summer, who lives in Florida, and leave a message for her to call me. Next, I dial my other best friend, my brother Mike. We’ve been close since we were kids; and frankly, I need him most right now. On the third ring, he picks up and I spend the next half hour crying, drinking and hashing all this out with him. When we hang up, I know he’s well past furious and on to homicidal. Instead of calling my little brother, Thomas, or my parents next, I open another bottle of wine and get to work drowning the demons from today.

I thought being stationed on the USNS Comfort, the Naval hospital ship, in the middle of ocean for the last year was torture, but I was wrong. Being in the same town with my daughter and not being allowed to see her is worse. Learning that my marriage is over after my husband has left me for another woman is also pretty shitty. I drain another glass of wine and refill.

I should have known something was up. Thinking about it now I realize there were a couple of red flags during the course of this year, but because I’m loyal and dedicated to my family, this scenario never crossed my mind.

Them not returning to Norfolk for my homecoming should have been the last in a line of obvious clues, but Ron said he didn’t want to pull Thea out of school for a week since she was finally adjusted. Even though they’d never missed a homecoming on the pier before, I still didn’t question it. I was sad, but I also understood. Besides, I knew I wouldn’t have much time to spend with them there because I had a bunch of paperwork to do and hoops to jump through so that I could finish my naval career.

I’ve always been proud of my service, even planned to do a full 20 years, but after Thea was born my priorities changed. It was too hard to be away from her for months at a time. It seemed like I was missing her childhood. Ron pushed me to continue and get the 20 years since I’d made it through 17 of those already, but I knew I was missing out. I also knew I didn’t want to risk deployment to a combat zone if we ended up in another war. I’d already done two deployments at Camp Bastion hospital in Afghanistan and seen the worst injuries imaginable while operating on the most horrific traumas combat could produce. Some of those things will never leave the depths of my memory and I don’t need more to add to it.

It wasn’t like I was going to be jobless. I could be a surgeon anywhere—not just in the military—and the pay and benefits would be better. I promised Ron that when I got out we could move to Colorado to his hometown since he’d followed me wherever my career took us for all these years. So while I was deployed this last time, Ron sold our house in Norfolk and moved us to Colorado Springs. He argued that it would be easier for Thea to adjust to a new school if she went when all the other kids were transitioning to middle school too.

Realizing this was probably true I agreed. But because he did it while I was deployed I wouldn’t even know what my new house looks like if it weren’t for the week I came back here. Thea’s adjustment to school here was not what Ron thought it would be and the struggle was so bad that I took leave and flew home for a week in the fall. That’s the only time I’ve been in Colorado Springs, other than to visit my in-laws a few times over the years. Now I’m stuck here in a town I’m not familiar with while my husband and daughter build a life with another woman.

I finish off the bottle of wine and stare at the ceiling from my place on the couch, wondering how this happened to me. It doesn’t take long before I fall asleep with the tears still rolling down my cheeks.

The pounding on my door wakes me from a wine-induced, drunken sleep. I’d say hangover, but it’s possible I’m still drunk. The noise is too loud and makes my head hurt more. Stop with the banging already, I grumble as I peek through the peephole and find Mike on my doorstep. I fling the door open and throw myself into his arms. My legs feel the draft first since I’m only in a flimsy cotton nightgown and it’s still early spring in Colorado.

Val. It’s cold outside and you barely have clothes on. Let me get in the door. He releases me, lifts his duffel onto his shoulder and follows me inside. As soon as I lock the door behind him, he drops his bag and turns to me with outstretched arms so I can fold right into them.

How did you get here? I ask.

"I flew. Took the red-eye. There’s no way I