The Husband Book: A Guy's Guide to Marriage
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About this ebook
Harry Harrison
HARRY HARRISON (1925-2012) was the Hugo Award-nominated, Nebula Award-winning and New York Times bestselling author of the Stainless Steel Rat, Deathworld, and West of Eden series, as well as Make Room! Make Room! which was turned into the cult classic movie, Soylent Green starring Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson. In 2009 Harrison was awarded the Damon Knight SF Grand Master Award by the Science Fiction Writers of America.
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The Husband Book - Harry Harrison
INTRODUCTION
A s every husband knows, a wife is the most puzzling, baffling, engaging, mysterious, complex, wonderful creation God put on this earth. It’s an established fact that men who are married tend to live longer . . . though they lose more sleep, spend more money, and work longer hours than their single brothers.
A wife can make you feel like the most special person on earth and then minutes later have you groping in the medicine cabinet for pain killers. A wife can be your best friend, your lover, your true companion, your biggest fan, or she can be a creature rising from the depths of PMS to scorch the earth like no nuclear bomb ever could.
That’s the trick to being a husband. It starts with finding a woman to marry you. She’ll tell you she loves you. Then she’ll leave it up to you to figure out everything else.
D on’t talk about your
old girlfriends.
It would be best not to invite them to the wedding either.
D on’t assume when you are married things will stay the same as when you were dating. Things change from the moment you say,
I do.
A gree from the beginning to never lie to each other.
D on’t expect lifelong bliss, free from problems, quarrels, or issues.
You’re guaranteed to be disappointed.
Realize from the beginning love is a decision.
D on’t be surprised when the woman who wants satin lingerie in her twenties wants cotton flannel p.j.’s in her forties.
Remember no matter how much you love her, a wife cannot be your complete source of happiness or sorrow. Or else you will have nothing but sorrow.
Keep in mind the two greatest obstacles to your happiness will be romance and finance.
D on’t think that just because you’re married you have to do everything together. In fact, it’s important that you don’t do everything together.
Remember you’re going to spend the next fifty or so years in conversation with her, interrupted by life.
D on’t make the mistake of picking out your first apartment without her. In fact, don’t make the mistake of making any major decisions without her.
D on’t ever come between her and her hairdresser.
Unless she comes home after spending two hundred dollars and looks no different.
S tart praying from your first night of marriage together. As a couple.
S how her respect at all times. Even when you’re furious with her.
S hower often.
L et her find a scented candle burning when she gets up in the morning. It sets the tone for the day.
F or some reason, she’ll think the pair of shoes that are the most uncomfortable look the best on her.
Help her work through this.
D on’t fantasize about other women.
This