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    A Tale of a Tub
    A Tale of a Tub
    A Tale of a Tub
    Ebook126 pages1 hour

    A Tale of a Tub

    By Ben Jonson

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    Benjamin Jonson (1572-1637) was a Renaissance dramatist, poet and actor, known best for his satirical plays and lyric poems. His career began in 1597 when he held a fixed engagement in the "Admiral's Men", and although he was unsuccessful as an actor, his literary talent was apparent and he began writing original plays for the troupe. Jonson had a knack for absurdity and hypocrisy, a trait that made him immensely popular in the 17th century Renaissance period. However, his reputation diminished somewhat in the Romantic era, when he began to be unfairly compared to Shakespeare. "A Tale of a Tub" was the last of Jonson's plays to be staged during his lifetime. It is set on Valentine's Day, when the young Audrey Turfe is being chased by four different suitors. Audrey's father, the constable, is drawn into the disorder that ensues as each suitor attempts to sabotage the others' chances.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDigireads.com Publishing
    Release dateJan 1, 2011
    ISBN9781420941890
    A Tale of a Tub
    Author

    Ben Jonson

    Benjamin Jonson (c. 11 June 1572 – c. 16 August 1637 was an English playwright and poet. Jonson's artistry exerted a lasting influence upon English poetry and stage comedy. He popularised the comedy of humours; he is best known for the satirical plays Every Man in His Humour (1598), Volpone, or The Fox (c. 1606), The Alchemist (1610) and Bartholomew Fair (1614) and for his lyric and epigrammatic poetry. He is generally regarded as the second most important English dramatist, after William Shakespeare.

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      Book preview

      A Tale of a Tub - Ben Jonson

      A TALE OF A TUB

      A COMEDY

      BY BEN JOHNSON

      Catul.—Inficeto est inficetior rure.

      A Digireads.com Book

      Digireads.com Publishing

      Print ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-4080-0

      Ebook ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-4189-0

      This edition copyright © 2012

      Please visit www.digireads.com

      CONTENTS

      THE PERSONS THAT ACT

      PROLOGUE

      ACT I. Scene i.

      ACT I, Scene ii.

      ACT I, Scene iii.

      ACT I, Scene iv.

      ACT I, Scene v.

      ACT I, Scene vi.

      ACT I, Scene vii.

      ACT II, Scene i.

      ACT II, Scene ii.

      ACT II, Scene iii.

      ACT II, Scene iv.

      ACT II, Scene v.

      ACT II, Scene vi.

      ACT III, Scene i.

      ACT III, Scene ii.

      ACT III, Scene iii.

      ACT III, Scene iv.

      ACT III, Scene v.

      ACT III, Scene vi.

      ACT III, Scene vii.

      ACT III, Scene viii.

      ACT III, Scene ix.

      ACT IV, Scene i.

      ACT IV, Scene ii.

      ACT IV, Scene iii.

      ACT IV, Scene iv.

      ACT IV, Scene v.

      ACT IV, Scene vi.

      ACT V, Scene i.

      ACT V, Scene ii.

      ACT V, Scene iii.

      ACT V, Scene iv.

      ACT V, Scene v.

      ACT V, Scene vi.

      ACT V, Scene vii.

      ACT V, Scene viii.

      ACT V, Scene ix.

      ACT V, Scene x.

      EPILOGUE.

      THE PERSONS THAT ACT

      Cham Hugh, Vicar of Pancras, and Captain Thums

      Squire Tub, Of Totten Court, or Squire Tripoly

      Basket-Hilts, His Man, and Governor

      Justice Preamble, Of Marylebone, alias Bramble

      Miles Metaphor, His Clerk

      Lady Tub, Of Totten, the Squire's Mother

      Pol-Marten, Her usher

      Dido Wisp, Her Woman

      Tobias Turf, High Constable of Kentish Town

      Dame Sibil Turf, His Wife

      Mistress Audrey Turf, Their Daughter, the Bride

      John Clay, Of Kilborn, Tile-maker, the appointed Bride Groom

      In-and-in Medlay, Of Islington, cooper and Headborough

      Rasi. Clench, Of Hampstead, Farrier, and petty Constable

      To-Pan, Tinker, or Metal-man of Belsize, Thirdborough

      D'ogenes Scriben, Of Chalcot, the great writer

      Ball Puppy, The high Constable's Man

      Father Rosin, The Minstrel, and his two Boys

      Joan, Joyce, Madge, Parnel, Grisel, Kate, Maids of the Bride

      Black Jack, The Lady Tub's Butler

      Two Grooms

      The Scene

      Finsbury-Hundred

      PROLOGUE

      No State-affairs, nor any politic Club,

      Pretend we in our tale, here, of a tub:

      But acts of clowns and constables, to day

      Stuff out the scenes of our ridiculous play.

      A cooper's wit, or some such busy spark,

      Illumining the high constable, and his clerk.

      And all the neighbourhood, from old records,

      Of antic proverbs, drawn from Whitsun-lords.

      And their authorities, at wakes and ales,

      With country precedents, and old wives' tales;

      We bring you now, to show what different things

      The cotes of clowns, are from the courts of kings.

      A TALE OF A TUB

      ACT I. Scene i.

      Totten Court. Before Lady Tub's house.

      [Enter Sir Hugh]

      HUGH. Now o' my faith, old Bishop Valentine,

      You ha' brought us nipping weather: February

      Doth cut and shear; your day, and diocese

      Are very cold. All your parishioners,

      As well your laics, as your choristers,

      Had need to keep to their warm feather-beds,

      If they be sped of loves: this is no season,

      To seek new mates in; though Sir Hugh of Pancrace,

      Be hither come to Totten, on intelligence,

      To the young Lord o' the manor, Squire Tripoly,

      On such an errand as a mistress is.

      What, Squire! I say? Tub, I should call him too:

      Sir Peter Tub was his Father, a saltpeter-man;

      Who left his Mother, Lady Tub of Totten

      Court, here, to revel, and keep open House in;

      With the young Squire her son, and's governor Basket

      Hilts, both by sword and dagger: Domine,

      Armiger Tub, Squire Tripoly, Expergiscere.

      I dare not call aloud, lest he should hear me;

      And think I conjur'd up the spirit, her son,

      In priests'-lack-Latin: oh she is jealous

      Of all mankind for him.

      SQUIRE TUB. [At the window] Chanon, is't you?

      HUGH. The Vicar of Pancrace, Squire Tub! wa'hoh!

      SQUIRE TUB. I come, I stoop unto the call; Sir Hugh!

      [He comes down in his night-gown.]

      HUGH. He knows my lure is from his love: fair Audrey,

      The high Constables daughter of Kentish-Town, here, Master Tobias Turf.

      SQUIRE TUB. What news of him?

      HUGH. He has waked me,

      An hour before I would, sir. And my duty,

      To the young worship of Totten-Court, Squire Tripoly;

      Who hath my heart, as I have his: your mistress

      Is to be made away from you, this morning,

      Saint Valentine's day: there are a knot of clowns,

      The Council of Finsbury, so they are y-styled,

      Met at her Fathers; all the wise o' the hundred;

      Old Rasi' Clench of Hampstead, petty Constable;

      In-and-In Medlay, cooper of Islington,

      And Headborough; with loud To-Pan, the tinker,

      Or metal-man of Belsize, the Thirdborough:

      And D'ogenes Scriben, the great writer of Chalcot.

      SQUIRE TUB. And why all these?

      HUGH. Sir, to conclude in council,

      A husband, or a mate for Mistress Audrey;

      Whom they have named, and pricked down, Clay of Kilborn,

      A tough young fellow, and a tile-maker.

      SQUIRE TUB. And what must he do?

      HUGH. Cover her, they say:

      And keep her warm, sir: Mistress Audrey Turf

      Last night did draw him for her Valentine;

      Which chance, it hath so taken her father and mother,

      (Because themselves drew so, on Valentine's Eve

      Was thirty year) as they will have her married

      To day by any means; they have sent a messenger

      To Kilborn, post, for Clay; which when I knew,

      I posted with the like to worshipful Tripoly,

      The Squire of Totten: and my advice to cross it.

      SQUIRE TUB. What is't, Sir Hugh?

      HUGH. Where is your governor Hilts?

      Basket must do it.

      SQUIRE TUB. Basket shall be called:

      Hilts, can you see to rise?

      HILTS. Cham not blind, sir,

      With too much light.

      SQUIRE TUB. Open your tother eye,

      And view if it be day.

      HILTS. Che can spy that

      At's little a hole as another, through a millstone.

      SQUIRE TUB. He will ha' the last word, though he talk bilke for't.

      HUGH. Bilke? what's that?

      SQUIRE TUB. Why, nothing, a word signifying

      Nothing; and borrowed here to express nothing.

      HUGH. A fine device!

      SQUIRE TUB. Yes, till we hear a finer.

      What's your device now, Chanon Hugh?

      HUGH. In private.

      Lend it your ear; I will not trust the air with it;

      Or scarce my shirt; my cassock shall not know it;

      If I thought it did, I'll burn it.

      SQUIRE TUB. That's the way,

      You ha' thought to get a new one, Hugh: Is't worth it?

      Let's hear it first.

      [They whisper.]

      HUGH. Then hearken, and receive it.

      This 'tis, Sir, do you relish it?

      SQUIRE TUB. If Hilts

      Be close enough to carry it; there's all.

      [Hilts enters, and walks by, making himself ready]

      HILTS. It i' no Sand? nor buttermilk? If't be,

      Ich' am no zieve, or watering pot, to draw

      Knots i' your 'casions. If you trust me, zo:

      If not, perform it your zelves. 'Cham no man's wife,

      But resolute Hilts: you'll vind me i' the buttery.

      SQUIRE TUB. A testy clown: but a tender clown, as wool:

      And melting as the weather in a thaw:

      He'll weep you,

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