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    Dear Sparkle: Cat-to-Cat Advice from the world's foremost feline columnist
    Dear Sparkle: Cat-to-Cat Advice from the world's foremost feline columnist
    Dear Sparkle: Cat-to-Cat Advice from the world's foremost feline columnist
    Ebook216 pages1 hour

    Dear Sparkle: Cat-to-Cat Advice from the world's foremost feline columnist

    By the Cat Sparkle

    3/5

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    About this ebook

    Sage advice straight from the mouth of the world’s most pointed puss!

    --My human is moving in with her boyfriend, so we’ll have to leave our apartment and my perfect birdwatching perch. I need to know how to get rid of him!
    --Our ?pet sitter? smells weird. Is there any way to make her less stinky?
    --My humans like to sleep when it’s obviously the best time to play! Have any ideas for how to wake them up?

    Face it, felines, your humans can’t help you untangle your problems--especially when they’re usually the ones driving you crazy! Never fear, the world’s foremost feline authority Sparkle the Cat is here to solve all of your kitty conundrums. Sparkle can relate to you and your furry friends and offers insight laced with tough love.

    With 70 Q&As, ?Sparkle Says? sidebars, and full-color photos throughout, this guide is definitely NOT your usual human-written cat book.

    Whether you’re a confused kitty who doesn’t understand why you’re supposed to stay off the couch, a cat who’s furious because the new puppy ate your catnip stash, or a freaked-out feral who wants to return to the wild, Sparkle has the wise--and often hilarious--answers for your woes.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSimon & Schuster
    Release dateJul 18, 2010
    ISBN9781440507359
    Dear Sparkle: Cat-to-Cat Advice from the world's foremost feline columnist
    Author

    the Cat Sparkle

    An Adams Media author.

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    Reviews for Dear Sparkle

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    • 5/5
      Can I say I loved this book?? As a cat lover I found this book to be very funny and informative. If you are a human that has cats, you will see the humor in each one of these letters to Sparkle and of course the answers from Sparkle. And only a cat lover can relate to the issues written in this book and can recognize the behaviors because chances are you have dealt with these very same issues. This is basically an owners manual with laugh out loud answers. A must for all cat owners, whether you have one cat or a houseful.
    • 5/5
      Sparkle writes her book in an informative but humorous way, so even though it is geared toward kitties, we humans can learn alot from Sparkle the Cat, she dispenses answers to the most pressing of questions in a no nonsense way, that is laugh out loud funny, but will give kitties hope that if they take Sparkle's advice their humans just might be trainable.Sparkle breaks the book down into six different categories such as Games Kitties Play, Strange Invasions, Cat vs. Human, Epi-curious, Litter Box Letters, and Mixed Mailbag for those letters that just didn't fit into any cat-e- gory. There are also "Sparkle Says" tidbits peppered throughout the book, that is full of kitty wisdom. A few of my favorite "Sparkle Says," are "There are no bad cats, just poorly trained humans," her advice to kitties while being destructive is to always take time to stop and sniff the catnip. With such sage advice as that its easy to see why this is Sparkle's second book! I found this book to be addictive reading, once I started reading I kept thinking just one more letter, but couldn't put it down. While this book is filled with lots of humor there is also loads of useful information, its almost like an owners manual for cats! I think any cat owner would love this book, and it would make a beautiful Christmas gift. The pictures alone makes it a great gift, and the useful information along with the laughs it will bring the reader are just like icing on the cake! Pick this book up for the cat lovers in your life, I know they will agree it's purr-fect!

    Book preview

    Dear Sparkle - the Cat Sparkle

    Dear

    Sparkle

    CAT-TO-CAT

    advice from

    the world's

    foremost

    FELINE

    columnist

    Sparkle the Cat

    Copyright © 2010 by Janiss Garza, FitCat Enterprises, Inc.

    Photos © 2010 by Janiss Garza, FitCat Enterprises, Inc.

    All rights reserved.

    This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any

    form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are

    made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

    Published by

    Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

    57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

    www.adamsmedia.com

    ISBN 10: 1-4405-0379-6

    ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0379-5

    eISBN 10: 1-4405-0735-X

    eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0735-9

    Printed in the United States of America.

    10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

    Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

    is available from the publisher.

    This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

      — From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the

    American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

    Grunge picture border © istockphoto / kirstypargeter

    Letter paper, © istockphoto / spxChrome

    Letter paper, © istockphoto / sx70

    Letter paper, © istockphoto / dowiliukas

    Letter paper, © istockphoto / thumb

    Letter paper, © istockphoto / chictype

    Letter paper, © istockphoto / thumb

    This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.

    For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

    To homeless cats everywhere: may you find humans who understand you sufficiently so that you never have to write me for advice.

    Contents

    Introduction

    Games Kitties Play

    Strange Invasions

    Cat vs. Human

    Epi-curious

    Litter Box Letters

    Mixed Mailbag

    illustration

    Introduction

    A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it.

    — Jerome K. Jerome

    If you're a human reading this book, don't say I didn't warn you; what you are about to read is no-holds-barred advice meant for cats only. I didn't write this for you, although I will say that much of this book was written because of you. We cats are bright creatures, and if you share your home with one, you can undoubtedly count the many ways in which she's out-witted you. But even cats aren't infallible, and when they are stumped about a problem, they do the smart thing; they go to an expert for advice. Unfortunately, most souls who call themselves cat experts have one huge problem — they are not cats.

    You humans, read this if you dare, but don't expect to like a lot of what I have to say.

    A human cat expert will always try to solve the issue in a way that works from a human perspective, which is quite different from that of a cat's. If a cat wants to find the answer to a troubling issue, he is far better off getting advice from an authentic cat expert, i.e., another cat. For seven years, cats have been asking me for help because they know that, as a fellow feline, I'm not going to cater to some human whim, but instead offer solutions that put them first — right where they should be. The advice column on my website, www.sparklecat.com, has consistently been one of its most popular sections since its debut in September 2003.

    But my favorite kudos have come from fellow cats. Lilly, a cat owned by book blogger Sharon Somers, put my advice to the test. Just the other day, I knocked over my human's tea cup when she would not feed us right away. At first there was a bit of shouting, but we got our food soon after! Another great nod came from Quasi, a fellow cat author, who wrote The World Is Your Litter Box. He called me the Dear Abby of the feline world. I know enough about human advice columnists to realize that you can't get higher praise than that!

    All this brings me to this book, in which I address all possible kitty conundrums! I wish I could say that cats' problems have decreased since I began my column. But, no. Whenever I think I've seen every food or litter box issue ever created, a new one comes along to surprise me. But I don't mind. It keeps me on my toes (which is how I walk normally anyhow). In addition to advice, I have also sprinkled some Sparkle Says tips throughout the book — these are extra tidbits of information that cats will enjoy.

    A cat is never at anyone's service. The same does not apply to my advice, however, and I hope it serves my fellow cats well. You humans, read it if you dare, but don't expect to like a lot of what I have to say. If you keep an open mind, however, who knows? You just may learn something. I hear you guys are teachable when you want to be.

    Sparkle

    Los Angeles, California

    Games Kitties Play

    We cats can make a toy out of just about any inanimate (or animate) object. Twist-ties, pens, antique porcelain, crickets — everything's fair game. There's nothing more joyful than galloping through a dark house at three A.M.! Unfortunately, not every species has such a well-developed play instinct. Humans, for example — their sense of play is almost as dull as their sense of smell. So it's no surprise that many cats write me, complaining that they're not being allowed their full measure of fun. Such letters always sadden me. Kitties thrive on play, and a lack of recreation can lead us to act out. But then, some humans consider many of our amusements inappropriate to begin with. So you can see why this topic alone keeps me very busy doling out advice.

    Boredom Busting

    Dear Sparkle,

    My human must be a member of the inhumane society! She gets up, dumps food in a dish, and then leaves for the day — and sometimes most of the evening too! The long days are the worst, because when she gets back, she's usually in a foul mood. Meanwhile, I'm alone with nothing to do and no toys, so I have to make up games from scratch. Unfortunately, my human hates my games, even though she isn't even around when I'm playing. For a while I was racing up the curtains — it's a great combo of muscle building and cardio, as you know. But when my human saw all the claw marks in the curtains, she started screaming, Bad kitty! Then I thought it might be fun to dig the plants out of their pots. She has them all over the house, so I figured this would keep me busy for a long time. She hated that too. I'm at my wit's end. Is there a way I can make my human stop blowing up at my attempts to entertain myself? Or better yet, just stay home and play with me herself?

    Signed,

    illustrationillustration

    It's not your job to make your human happy.

    Dear Loco,

    As much as you would like your human to change her schedule so that it revolves around you (which, of course, is every kitty's dream), it's not going to happen. If your human was smart (few are), she would find ways to keep you entertained while she is out doing unpleasant things that make her come home grouchy. She could put bird feeders outside a window where you could perch and watch. Or fill your home with cat toys that suit your personality. Since you like climbing curtains and digging in pots, I would recommend a cat tree at least five feet tall and a wooden box with holes in it, so you could reach in and grab the toys and treats inside. But if your human is too clueless to bring home some toys, try some fun activities that won't make her as mad as your curtain climbing game. Maybe bat some pens under the couch and play with them until they're totally out of reach. Or perhaps you could play hockey in the bathtub with the cap from a shampoo bottle. Could you race around the house without breaking anything that your human treasures too highly? You'll know what works and what doesn't by your human's reaction when she finally comes home. While it's not your job to make your human happy (and never let her tell you any differently), it's always best to keep some semblance of peace in your home.

    Mayhem After Midnight

    Dear Sparkle,

    My humans' schedule stinks! They always sleep during the best time to play, which is around three A.M. I do my best to wake them up — I pounce on them, run through the house, knock things off their nightstand, you know, the usual — but it never works. They just get mad and yell at me. I don't understand why they

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