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    Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World
    Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World
    Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World
    Ebook245 pages3 hours

    Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World

    By Kathy Koch and Jill Savage

    2.5/5

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    About this ebook

    If you feel like you’re losing your teen to technology, you’re not alone.

    Screen time is rapidly replacing family time, and for teens especially, it is hardwiring the way they connect with their world. 

    In Screens and Teens, Dr. Kathy helps you make sense of all this and empowers you to respond. She:

    • Exposes the lies that technology can teach your teen
    • Guides you in countering those lies with biblical truths and helpful practices
    • Shares success stories of families who have cut back on technology and prioritized each other


    Kathy’s research, experience, and relatability all come together for an inspiring book, sure to help you be closer with your kids.

    "Dr. Kathy continues to inform and inspire me with Screens and Teens. I feel better equipped to parent my kids in our constantly changing world because of her wisdom. Dr. Kathy’s expertise makes her my "go-to" person when I have questions about technology and the way it affects our family. Whether you have kids or not, this book will make you more aware of the tech-driven world we live in and encourage you to make bold, smart choices." -Kirk Cameron, Actor/Producer

    Grab a pen and get ready to underline, circle, and write "That’s so us!" in the margins. Be equipped to keep your family connected.

    BONUS: Every book includes an access code to stream or download a powerful 9-session video series (valued at $20) for FREE! In these videos, Dr. Kathy presents eye-opening insights to help you connect with your teen in a whole new way. Designed to be watched prior to reading each chapter, they will help you to engage the book on a deeper level.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMoody Publishers
    Release dateFeb 18, 2015
    ISBN9780802492944
    Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World

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      Book preview

      Screens and Teens - Kathy Koch

      Praise for Screens and Teens

      Dr. Kathy continues to inform and inspire me with Screens and Teens. I feel better equipped to parent my kids in our constantly changing world because of her wisdom. Dr. Kathy’s expertise makes her my go-to person when I have questions about technology and the way it affects our family. Whether you have kids or not, this book will make you more aware of the tech-driven world we live in and encourage you to make bold, smart choices.

      —KIRK CAMERON, actor and producer

      As a dad trying to make sense of parenting in this brave new world, I read everything that Kathy Koch writes. Practical, thoughtful, hopeful, and enjoyable, she is a wise guide. And I found Screens and Teens to be her best book yet. Parenting today means understanding what technology and media do to us and to our kids, and knowing what to do in light of the challenges. This book offers both.

      —JOHN STONESTREET, speaker and fellow, the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview, and senior content advisor, Summit Ministries

      Technology has changed our world big time. Although tempted, even if I could, I wouldn’t turn back the hands of time. For instance, I’m glad I have a cellphone. I’m glad I have access to the Internet. For the most part, I’m glad for Facebook and Twitter. But not everything that goes with this digital revolution is a good thing. How many people in your church are checking emails during the Sunday sermon? Ever see a family at a restaurant, all gazing at their phones with not a single word being spoken? Screens and Teens, helps us navigate this brave new world by helping us see the bigger picture—especially how ultimately media impacts character and spiritual maturity.

      —BOB WALISZEWSKI, director, Plugged In, and author of Plugged-In Parenting: How to Raise Media-Savvy Kids with Love, Not War

      Talking on a phone for hours isn’t anything new for a teenager, but having a phone on 24/7 is. What’s a parent to do in the face of this relentless fascination with screens? Enter Dr. Kathy. She has the uncanny ability to be an advocate for teens and parents alike. She will help you better understand your tech-savvy teen and show you how to meet your child’s deepest needs (no phone required).

      —ARLENE PELLICANE, coauthor, Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World

      In a world of ever-changing technology and cultural values, parents need wise voices, well-researched advice, and practical help as guardrails for their growing children. Kathy Koch, Celebrate Kids, and Hearts at Home are motivated, care about the children of this world, and walk alongside parents in helping guide them.

      —PAM FARREL, author of 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make and 10 Questions Kids Ask about Sex

      As Dr. Kathy Koch says in this important book, our kids don’t think much about technology. It’s their way of life, and using it is as natural as breathing. That doesn’t mean they don’t need help navigating this area of life. They do—just like all others—in a way that is healthy vs unhealthy. I must admit as a parent of a fifteen- and a twelve-year-old, I have been intimidated by not knowing how to do that. Now with this book I finally have an excellent tool that will make all the difference for me and my family.

      —SHAUNTI FELDHAHN, social researcher and bestselling author of For Women Only and For Parents Only

      Screens and Teens offers sound, sensible, and balanced advice for moms and dads swimming in the cyber seas of online concern. Deftly researched and written in an easy-to-digest manner, it’s a wonderful what-to-do-and-consider reading application for parents everywhere.

      —JULIE BARNHILL, speaker and author

      From smartphones to computers to tablets to TVs, it seems like everything we do in life involves a screen. In Screens and Teens, Dr. Kathy Koch leaves readers with a strategy for success. Very quickly, she draws us in to the power of screens and the effect they have on our lives. And she’s quick to point out that it’s not just kids. Parents get sucked into screen time just as easily. Koch’s presentation is quite balanced. She never errs on the side of condemning technology but instead is careful to present technology as a magnifier—it simply makes some mistakes easier to make. If you have a teen who’s struggling with phone issues or simply wants to be proactive, this is the book to read.

      © 2015 by

      KATHY KOCH

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

      All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

      Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

      Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2000, 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

      Edited by Annette LaPlaca

      Interior design: Ragont Design

      Cover design: Tobias Design, Inc.

      Cover image: Christopher Tobias / Tobias’ Outerwear for Books

      Author Photo: Wayne Stratton Photography

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Koch, Kathy.

      Screens and teens : connecting with our kids in a wireless world / Kathy Koch.

            pages cm

      Includes bibliographical references.

      ISBN 978-0-8024-1269-0 (paperback)

      1. Internet and children. 2. Social media. 3. Interpersonal relations in adolescence. 4. Self-actualization (Psychology) in adolescence. 5.Social media--Religious aspects. I. Title.

      HQ799.2.I5K63 2015

      004.67’8083--dc23

                                                                   2014042103

      All websites and phone numbers listed herein are accurate at the time of publication, but may change in the future or cease to exist. The listing of website references and resources does not imply publisher endorsement of the site’s entire contents. Groups and organizations are listed for informational purposes, and listing does not imply publisher endorsement of their activities.

      We hope you enjoy this book from Moody Publishers. Our goal is to provide high-quality, thought-provoking books and products that connect truth to your real needs and challenges. For more information on other books and products written and produced from a biblical perspective, go to www.moodypublishers.com or write to:

      Moody Publishers

      820 N. LaSalle Boulevard

      Chicago, IL 60610

      1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

      Printed in the United States of America

      To my brother, Dave, his wife, Debbie, and their three children, Betsy, Katie, and Andy, who pursue life, purpose, and fun with and without screens and have mastered the art of conversation.

      Our connections run deep and wide, and I’m extremely grateful.

      Foreword by Jill Savage

      1. Technology and Our Deepest Human Needs

      2. Truths about Today’s Teens

      3. Less and More

      4. Lie #1: I Am the Center of My Own Universe

      5. Lie #2: I Deserve to Be Happy All the Time

      6. Lie #3: I Must Have Choices

      7. Lie #4: I Am My Own Authority

      8. Lie #5: Information Is All I Need So I Don’t Need Teachers

      9. The Ultimate Connectivity

      Discussion Guide

      Notes

      Acknowledgments

      About Celebrate Kids, Inc.

      Less than twenty-four hours after we dropped him off at college our son began asking to come home. This wasn’t what he thought it would look like. It was too hard. There were topics being taught that he didn’t want to learn. I want to come home, he texted every single day during the first week of school.

      We listened, encouraged, spoke wisdom, and ultimately said, You need to stay at least one semester. This was so hard! There were times my husband and I wanted to cave in and when we questioned if we were doing the right thing.

      After a week, Mark and I made a call to the dean of students. He thanked us for the phone call, reassured us they could help from their end, and encouraged us that our no was exactly what our son needed. Then he said these words: I’m finding that this generation of kids does not know how to persevere. We talked about how today’s teens are accustomed to quick wins in front of a video game screen. They fix problems with one click to cut and another click to paste. Thanks to the Internet, information can be found at young people’s fingertips without much effort to research, dig, and come to conclusions on their own. When fixes aren’t so quick and easy, their first impulse is to give up.

      Our ever-changing technology has, without a doubt, made our lives easier in many ways. But technology has also made some aspects of parenting harder and is affecting the minds, bodies, and souls of our kids in ways we desperately need to understand.

      Should we box up our computers and cellphones and return to encyclopedias and landlines? That’s not the answer. Technology will only move forward, and we have to move forward with it. We do, however, have to change the way we interact with our kids. We have to give them opportunities to persevere. We have to teach them how to think. We have to help fill the gaps technology is creating, believing wholeheartedly that parents can make a difference. Technology may be here to stay, but so are parents; both play a major role in our teens’ lives.

      If you don’t know where to start with tackling technology, Dr. Kathy Koch will give you the direction you need. At our Hearts at Home conferences, her workshops were standing room only. She has dedicated her life to understanding kids and helping their parents do the same. Screens and Teens will give you hope—and hope is the fuel that keeps parents going.

      You can connect with your teens in a wireless world.

      JILL SAVAGE

      Speaker and author of 12 books, including No More Perfect Moms

      A downloadable video series (9 sessions corresponding to the 9 chapters of the book) is available at no charge for those who have purchased the book, Screens and Teens. Find this video series at ScreensAndTeens.com, use password RECONNECT.

      1

      Most teens today have seen electric typewriters only in the movies (old movies or retro movies set in old times), and they may never have seen a manual typewriter. But I’m old enough to remember my family’s first typewriters, manual and electric. That big, heavy, gray-and-white piece of technology was a sleek and shiny gift. I loved the changes it brought! Fast typing, with just a light tap on the keys. Tapping a return key instead of lugging across a heavy carriage. Adjusting to that piece of technology was, oh, so worth it!

      We’ve come a long way, haven’t we? Now we carry tiny computers in our pockets and purses. We add and delete and access a world of information with just a click or two. The changes—from electric typewriters to today’s slim and efficient technological tools—have been continuous. It’s the speed of changes that takes my breath away! Change happens now faster than it ever has before.

      Is the speed of change influencing our kids? Could that be one of the reasons they’re quickly dissatisfied with doing things the same old way? Is this why they want to line up at a store at midnight when a new game, movie, or device hits the market? Is it why they insist we get them the latest and greatest phone or other device even though theirs works just fine?

      Our world changes, almost daily, with the changes in technology. And that’s innocent, right? It seems as innocent as leaving behind Wite-out to correct typing errors in favor of the laptop’s delete key! But are those changes having an impact on our children’s behavior and beliefs—and on our own? Yes! In both negative and positive ways, technology with its rapid-fire advances is definitely shaping the personality and character and life path of young people.

      Teens have always experienced peer pressure, but keeping up has reached intense levels of pressure for today’s teens, who definitely feel a sense of urgency, as if they’re going to be left out unless they have the best, the newest, the fastest, and the easiest. There’s pressure to be the happiest, the most beautiful, the most talented. Do you hear any of these sentiments or see any of these attitudes in your home?

      My picture got more ‘likes’ last night than anybody else’s. I knew it would.

      I’m not being rude. I’m multitasking, and I’m good at it.

      They can’t expect me to use that. It’s so slow! I’ve got to buy what Alicia has.

      That is way too hard. Is there an app to make it easier?

      My parents are making such a big deal out of everything! All I’m doing is texting!

      This stuff they’re making us read is so ridiculous! That book is so old!

      If you haven’t heard statements like these in your home yet, give it a minute. You probably will! These attitudes surface repeatedly in our technology-driven world. Listen and watch to see who your teens’ Joneses may be—those other teens they want so much to keep up with—and consider how much pressure your kids are putting on themselves. While you’re at it, pay attention to the pressure influencing you, too.

      Our kids live in a world of screens. They have

      • Digital/Smart Devices

      • Internet/World Wide Web

      • Social Networking

      • Games, and

      • TV/Movies/Radio/Streaming Services

      This book isn’t really about technology. But it is about how technology influences the beliefs and behaviors of teens and how parents can connect with their children to influence them positively. Parents and teens are both affected by the influences of our screen-saturated lives, but young people experience the effects with ferocious intensity.

      I see the signs of screen-world stress in myself—and I’m middle-aged. Perhaps I notice it most in my own impatience (Why did that light just turn red?!) or in my desire to win every game of solitaire I play (I admit it!). I can get annoyed if I forget to program my DVR. I’m grateful for all the music I can choose from—though sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the numerous choices that I choose nothing at all. I depend on the convenience of the Internet for research, but I also feel frustrated because there’s so much information there.

      Screens are part of our lives, and they’re here to stay. But we long for deep connection with the teens we love. And that means making sure we give our relationships their rightful priority and connect face-to-face.

      Being honest and recognizing how technology influences you can improve your relationship with your teens. You can talk about what you have in common rather than being frustrated by differences.

      One expert in the effects of media and technology on culture says, technology is fast, cheap, effective, and cool. That’s the good part. The bad part is that it’s fast, cheap, effective, and cool.¹ We all know that digital technology itself isn’t the problem. Technologies and how we use them can be wonderfully life-giving. They are both tools and toys—tools we need and toys we enjoy. But the content and use of technology can cause problems when they begin to encroach on our development in five core areas of need that both parents and teens share.

      TECHNOLOGY AND OUR FIVE CORE NEEDS 

      My interest in technology took a big leap when my staff and I met with Scott Degraffenreid, a social network analyst and statistician. Scott came to help us understand how young people were being affected by our digital culture and its rapid-fire changes. Scott became a trusted friend and a mentor for me in this area of digital influences.

      As a staff we began to apply Scott’s information about the culture of technology to what we knew about young people’s core needs of security, identity, belonging, purpose, and competence. Suddenly, the behaviors and problems we’d been recently observing in teens began to make sense.

      God created every single person with deep core needs of security, identity, belonging, purpose, and competence. For more than twenty-five years, I’ve been teaching about these God-given needs and how, ideally, we meet them in healthy ways. There have always been problems when people try to meet these five core needs in unhealthy or counterfeit ways. I began to see that teens were turning to technology and the digital culture to meet their deep core needs—and technology is a definite counterfeit that doesn’t work to meet those needs.

      We can start by getting better acquainted with the five core needs. You will find them familiar because you have them yourself!

      Security

      Security is our first core need, and it’s defined by the question Who can I trust? We’re healthiest when we meet our need for security in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit,² in trustworthy people, and in ourselves as we learn to be right and do right even when the burden is heavy. Security is rooted in

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