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    Einstein at the Beer Garden
    Einstein at the Beer Garden
    Einstein at the Beer Garden
    Ebook139 pages57 minutes

    Einstein at the Beer Garden

    By Jeffry Weiss

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    About this ebook

    Albert Einstein is the purveyor of a beer garden in Germany.  Those who stop by include George Bush, Jack the Ripper, the Pope, Jackie Mason, The Three stooges, Sherlock Holmes, Oscar Wilde, Joan Rivers, Jesus, the Marx Brothers, H. G. Wells, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and others.  Every word spoken is a direct quote from those people.  It took three years of research to bring their wisdom and wit to the fore. 

     

    Act I is brimming with comedy and sarcasm as the characters play upon each other eccentricities.  In Act II the true meaning of the gathering becomes evident.  Einstein has placed people together like a chess master to challenge their views, beliefs and faith, forcing the recalcitrant, the merciless and the irreconcilable to view another way of thinking and acting. 

     

    At the end of Act II the guests file out, expressing their new understanding.

     

    In Act III, Einstein is cleaning up and closing the pub.  There he expresses his personal beliefs and explains his scientific discoveries in layman's terms as he turns off light after light until the pub is dark.

     

     

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJeffry Weiss
    Release dateJan 30, 2016
    ISBN9781518667367
    Einstein at the Beer Garden
    Author

    Jeffry Weiss

    BIOGRAPHY Mr. Weiss attended Central High School, at the time recognized as the top High School academically in the U.S.  He then attended Drexel University where he gained a BS in History, Temple University where he earned an MA in Economics and the University of Pennsylvania where he received an MA in International Affairs.  Those studies provided him with unique insights in the realm of foreign policy, military capabilities, détente, and trade. He has been a writer for forty plus years and has penned hundreds of articles on social, political, and economic issues.  He has written position papers for the Carter and Clinton Administrations and his work on social issues has received recognition directly from the office of the President of México.  He speaks regularly with Noam Chomsky on political, economic, cultural, and military issues. Mr. Weiss writes political, military, economic and scientific thrillers.  There are now twelve books in the Paul Decker series.  All his stories come right off the front pages of the major magazines and newspapers but none of his plots has ever found their way into novel before.  His characters are ones readers can relate to: flawed, not superheroes.  His stories do not require a leap of faith or use deus ex machina. Finally, he has written a stage play, “Einstein at the Guten Zeiten (good times) Beer Garden, and an urban horror novel: “The Art of Theft”, a modern day version of “The Picture of Dorian Grey” by Oscar Wilde.

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      Book preview

      Einstein at the Beer Garden - Jeffry Weiss

      OTHER BOOKS BY JEFFRY WEISS

      POLITICAL THRILLER SERIES; PAUL DECKER ASSIGNMENTS

      1) The Go Code Protocol

      2) Web War One

      3) The Patriot Betrayal

      4) The Cern Revelation

      5) The Euro Option

      6) The Eugenics Solution

      7) Code 6 North of the DMZ

      8) We the People

      9) The Neanderthal Regression

      10) To Live and Die in Juarez

      11) The Mouth of Allah

      12) Changing Of the Tides

      13) Year of the Crocodile

      14) The Order

      15) The Death Zone

      16) The Kremlin Insider

      SCREENPLAYS

      From The Depth

      The Auto Auction

      DIET / NUTRITION

      Why We Eat...And Why We Keep Eating

      The Perfect Day

      The Caffeine Diet

      Turning Off the Hunger Gene

      Warning

      Living a Alzheimer Free Life

      SCI-FI

      A Dystopian Tale

      Message from Ceti-Alpha-6

      REMAKES OF OLD CLASSICS

      A Story Of Revenge (based on The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas)

      Faust 2000 A.D. (based on Faust by Goethe)

      The Art of Theft (based on The Portrait of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde)

      POLITICAL SATIRE

      The Wizards of Oz

      SOLVING THE KENNEDY ASSASSINATION

      Who Bought the Bullets

      STAGE PLAY

      Einstein at the Guten Zieten Beer Garden

      ACTS I, II AND III AT: THE GUTEN ZEITEN (GOOD TIMES) BEER GARDEN, HAMBURG, GERMANY

      The Participants (in order of appearance)

      Albert Einstein: proprietor

      Jesus: a busboy

      Joan Rivers: a waitress

      George W. Bush

      The Marx Brothers (3)

      Dick Cheney

      Adolf Hitler

      Mahatma Gandhi

      Jack the Ripper

      Sherlock Holmes

      H.G. Wells

      The Three Stooges (3)

      The Pope

      Jackie Mason

      Linda Blair

      Zsa Zsa Gabor

      Don Rickles

      Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1)

      Sigmund Freud

      Oscar Wilde

      Victoria’s Secret Model

      Jackie Chiles (the black attorney)

      ACT I

      The Guten Zeiten Beer Garden. Mid-afternoon. It's quiet; between lunch and dinner.

      A working class establishment. There are a dozen tables; just a few are taken, many are still littered with empty beer mugs, dirty plates, soiled table tops. The front door is left of stage (with a noisy bell set off by anyone entering), and a set of swinging doors, center rear, leading into the kitchen. The late day sun filters in through windows high up on the walls.

      Music is playing: Beethoven's fifth piano concerto.

      ALBERT EINSTEIN, (in his 50s) with his shock of white hair, is wearing a server's apron. He is clearing off a table of beer mugs, grabbing four with one hand and wiping off the table top with a dirty towel.

      Einstein is swaying in rhythm to the music as he works; almost as if he is not aware of it himself.

      There is a knock on the door. The music stops. Einstein sets down the mugs, wipes his hands on his dirty apron, and opens the door. JESUS (25)smiles blissfully.

      JESUS

      Ask and it will be given to thee;

      seek and ye shall find; knock and

      the door will be opened for you.

      EINSTEIN

      (handing Jesus his apron)

      Do we have to go through the same

      ritual every day?

      JESUS

      We must be consistent. God does not

      play dice with the universe.

      EINSTEIN

      Wasn't it me who said that?

      JESUS

      Where do you think you got it from?

      EINSTEIN

      Well, the dinner crowd will be coming

      in soon, so let's get the good dishes

      and glasses cleaned and stacked, and

      put the white tablecloths out.

      Jesus is wearing a long robe that covers his feet. It looks as though he is gliding across the floor in defiance of the laws of motion as he goes into the kitchen through the swinging doors.

      JOAN RIVERS (35-40) enters; she tries to sneak by Einstein.

      EINSTEIN

      (handing her an apron)

      You're late again. Go check on

      table twelve. I haven't had a

      chance to wait on them.

      Joan starts walking away. Her big butt is jiggling.

      EINSTEIN

      Say, Joan, it looks like you're

      gaining a little weight. Maybe you

      should consider some exercise.

      That's the second law of physics

      you know: bodies in motion tend to

      stay in motion.

      JOAN

      I don't exercise. If God had wanted me

      to bend over, he would have put

      diamonds on the floor.

      JESUS

      (peeks out from the

      kitchen)

      I never said that! I said, he who

      doesn't bend down can't cast the

      first stone.

      (slips back into the

      kitchen)

      Joan uses the distraction to break away and start working.

      GEORGE W. BUSH, 60, is sitting at a nearby table. He motions Einstein to come over.

      Einstein mouths, Can't you see I'm busy? but with an expanse of air he complies.

      GEORGE W. BUSH

      (a confused look on

      his face)

      How do you say that again?

      EINSTEIN

      Nuclear.

      GEORGE W. BUSH

      Nu-looki-ear?

      EINSTEIN

      New clear er.

      GEORGE W. BUSH

      Nuckl-er

      EINSTEIN

      (frustrated, gives up;

      walks away, talking to

      himself)

      Only two things are infinite, the

      universe and human stupidity, and

      I'm not sure about the former.

      The Marx Brothers

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