Subtle Reminders

Copyright © 2016 by D.J. Pierson

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This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

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ISBN-13: 978-1523668342

ISBN-10: 1523668342

Cover by: Marisa-rose Shor of Cover Me, Darling

Edited by: Kim Young

Formatted by: Marisa-rose Shor of Cover Me, Darling and Allyson Gottlieb of Athena Interior Book Design

Also by D.J. Pierson

Forever Altered

Left Behind: Left Behind #1

Left Together: Left Behind #2

To my kids.

Thank you for the subtle reminders.

I’d be lost without the two of you.

Gambling away the prior week’s paycheck at the blackjack table in Atlantic City with my best friend was nothing new. Long before we were legally allowed, we had been sneaking in. Being half shot in the ass after spending a few hours in a strip club with a bunch of our buddies was also part of our normal routine. However, my best friend of over twenty years not enjoying himself at said strip club? Well, that shit was something I never expected to see. Looking back, I should’ve known. Not every guy who was about to be shackled for life wanted a strange, practically naked chick bouncing on his lap, especially when he had to go home to the one he would be with for the rest of his time on earth. Thankfully, that was only a few hours at the beginning of a bachelor party weekend. The main event, for which he’d owe me big, wasn’t until the next day.

Leaning back on the tall stool, I watched the tall blonde waitress drop off our drinks and walk away. She was shaking her ass more than necessary, but I still enjoyed the view. If Vince wanted to be a bitch and not look, it was his loss. Just because he was getting hitched didn’t mean he had to stop checking out the scenery. Good thing I was paying attention or I would’ve missed when she turned around and winked.

Please tell me I’ll be graciously rewarded for providing all of these services by having to walk down the aisle with someone as hot as her at this wedding you’re dragging me to next month, I said, bringing my attention back to the hand of cards I held. It was just the two of us with a few older men at the table. The other guys were out gallivanting. We had plans to meet back up in a little over an hour. Vince laughed, as if I was missing out on a joke. What?

Damn you, Sullivan. You’re costing me two hundred fucking dollars.

How?

Your stupidity.

I narrowed my eyes at him. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Lex bet me you’d never guess her maid of honor. I thought you’d definitely know and would tell me to fuck off when I asked you to be in the wedding. He motioned toward the dealer, who slid a card across the table. Vince picked it up, adding it to his hand.

"Poor bastard. You act like someone else would want to be your best man. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it. Vince had been my best friend since kindergarten. He didn’t even need to ask. There’d never been a time I wasn’t there when he needed me. Why the fuck would I care whom Lex wanted by her side? Are you going to tell me, dickhead? Is she ugly or something? Do I know her?"

You better hope I win this hand so I can pay Lex. He shook his head and guzzled his beer, then sighed. Didn’t you realize a sister is the most appropriate person for a girl to have as her maid of honor? No, I fucking didn’t. My oldest friend laughed at my shocked expression. Surprise, dumbass. You get to hang out with Brielle for an entire day. Don’t even think about backing out now. Lex will beat your ass if you bail on us.

Holy fuck! BC’s coming home? I asked, barely able to form the words. To my knowledge, she hadn’t returned to New Jersey in nearly seven years.

She’ll be here for two full weeks.

A flash of the prettiest brown eyes came to my mind. Despite the fact I hadn’t seen them in a long time, I could never forget them. Hell, I still dreamt of the way they used to stare back at me. Those beautiful brown things made me…well, me. BC was my world, plain and simple. I would’ve gone as far as betting anything I had that she felt the same way. However, she suddenly shattered my life by ending us. My only saving grace was I hadn’t seen her since that dreadful night, which helped…for the most part. My heart excitedly fluttered in my chest just by hearing her name. If I knew what was good for me, I’d squash that shit. The thought of what having to be near her would do to me should’ve been terrifying. I traveled that road before, barely coming out the other side.

A memory of how her soft skin felt under my fingertips came to mind. Damn it! The way her body always responded to mine. Son of a bitch! How much I loved her. How she was the only girl I ever wanted and would for the rest of my life. Motherfucker!

My heart beat faster as it grasped the reality of finally getting to see her again. I knew what it wanted, but it would never happen. It couldn’t. She told me to let her go. She didn’t want me anymore. I stayed away all this time because she asked me to.

No worries, Sully. You have Shannon. Plus, Brielle has been seeing some guy for over two years or some shit. It’s not like she’s your date or anything, Vince chimed in. Lex already said she won’t even make you dance with her.

Hearing she had been dating someone didn’t do a damn thing to stop the fluttering. Shannon meant nothing to me. She was just…convenient. BC will be here for two weeks? I questioned, hoping I’d heard him right.

Yup, he responded, concentrating on the game in front of us. The one I had forgotten.

Is the boyfriend coming? The wheels in my head spun faster, further mixing up the emotions. She told me to let her go, I repeated to myself. Of course, my dumb ass didn’t listen.

I’m pretty sure he’s only coming for the wedding and then leaving. Lex said something about it, but I wasn’t really listening. She’s pissed he won’t come earlier to spend time with the family. He’s too busy at work or something. If he doesn’t have time for us, why the hell should I worry about him?

Perfect. Oops, did I just say that out loud?

What’s perfect? He turned in my direction.

Uh, nothing. Would I be able to do it? Was it even possible? I didn’t know, but there was no way in hell I wasn’t going to try. It would be worth the risk. Two weeks was plenty of time. It had to be.

Sullivan, I have no idea what’s going on in that fucked up head of yours, but you have that crazy look again. The one where you’re about to do something really stupid and I should stop you. What’s going on?

I folded on the hand I was holding. My brain wasn’t capable of concentrating on the cards and those damn brown eyes at the same time. An involuntary smile formed on my face. You’ll see, my friend. You’ll see.

When the waitress came back and brushed her chest against my arm, I barely noticed. The only thing I focused on was devising the perfect plan to win back the only girl I had ever loved.

Okay, Mr. Harrison. You’re all done for today, I said, helping my favorite patient lift his head from the table. Shakily, he sat up and waited to get his bearings. He was also a tad drowsy since he tended to doze off during his treatments. The man was fifty-five and trying his damnedest to beat cancer, but having a lot to live for helped. Don’t stand until you’re ready. I don’t want you to fall.

You sound like my wife. He brushed off my warning, just as I knew he would. No one liked being reminded that they weren’t as young or healthy as they used to be, but Mr. Harrison was a very stubborn man by nature. It was probably one of the things I liked most about him. A few moments went by before he took a deep breath.

Better? I asked, holding out a paper cup. He liked to have a sip of water when he was finished.

He raised his head, smiled, and took a sip. Much. Thank you, Brielle. If I could only get Nancy to spoil me the way you do, I’d be set. We laughed because everyone knew she treated the man like gold. The way they loved each other was right out of a fairy-tale, Hollywood blockbuster, romance novel… Whatever you wanted to call it. It was pure, two-sided, and stood the test of time. If I hadn’t seen the two of them together, I wouldn’t believe that kind of thing still existed.

You’re welcome. Be careful she doesn’t hear you talk like that, though. She won’t cook for a week. Mrs. Harrison cared for her husband with everything she had, but could still hold a grudge with the best of them.

True. Using both hands, he pushed himself off the table. I looped my arm through his for support, and the gesture didn’t bother his persevering side in the least. He smiled proudly, leading me toward the waiting room. Good thing you’re always watching out for this old man.

Someone has to or you’d starve.

He was still chuckling when we reached the cozy lounge where his wife waited. Oh no! Please tell me you aren’t torturing Brielle with your jokes again, Mrs. Harrison pleaded. Dr. Collins, who was sitting in the chair next to her, looked at me, but I quickly glanced away.

Yes, he was, but I enjoy them, I told her kindly, covering for him.

She shook her head, embarrassed. How many times do I need to tell you, Carl?

I’m sure Brielle can handle it. She seems pretty tough. You have nothing to worry about, Dr. Collins remarked as he stood. He helped Mrs. Harrison to her feet, then glanced over her head to wink at me. Truth be told, he had a general idea of just how tough I could be. How are you feeling, Mr. Harrison?

How the hell do you think I feel? Do you see the beautiful brunette attached to my arm? he joked.

Carl! his wife scolded.

Dr. Collins laughed. I can see how that could make any man feel pretty damn good.

When the oncologist joined the practice three years ago, I thought I was going to have to find a new job because his presence made it hard to concentrate. We were used to the lone female and two much older male doctors. But when Aidan Collins moseyed in, flashing his baby blues, panties evaporated into thin air. His light hair was a perfect contrast to his olive-toned skin. His muscular build demanded complete attention whenever he was within a few yards. Then the guy smiled, practically ripping off the rest of my clothes. In my defense, it had been so long since my panties had seen any action, I thought the lace would disintegrate if touched. Perhaps I should’ve bought clothing made of more durable material.

Over the next seven months, I declined his numerous invites to grab coffee or a drink after work, to go to dinner, or to attend office functions together. The worst part was he totally called my bluff on not being interested in him or his sky-colored irises. Eventually, he wore me down, but only after I insisted no one at work find out. He agreed, and things have been the same for a little over two years. A few people from the office had made comments regarding the way Aidan would look at me or things he’d say, but I never let on to anything. I consistently responded with the same answer. The one I had been using for many years before meeting the dreamy doctor. The one that would always be true. My heart was back home in New Jersey. It was also the reason I’d never be able to go home to stay.

You two would make such an adorable couple, Mrs. Harrison said.

I’m pretty sure that would be against company policy, I teased.

You wouldn’t have to worry about company policy if you stayed home to raise the kids, she whispered, causing me to choke on the air in my lungs. Aidan bit his lip to hide an arrogant smirk. He was already married to his job and had no plans of divorcing it. That was why our relationship worked. Neither one of us wanted anything more than occasional companionship. He had his place. I had mine.

Speaking of home… Remember, I won’t be here for the next two weeks, so Laney will be doing a couple of your treatments. Don’t give her too much trouble. I’ll be hours away and won’t be able to come bail her out. I silently hoped all talk of kids and being a couple had vanished. "She’s almost as good as I am. I’ve taught her everything she knows, so you’ll be in good hands."

Laney had come to our group as a student. I took her under my wing and didn’t let her go. She had a sweetness about her that couldn’t be learned in any classroom, caring for her patients as if they were family. That was rare in today’s world, but necessary in our field. It didn’t take much convincing from me to get our office manager to bring her on after she graduated.

We remember, dear. When is the big day? Mrs. Harrison questioned.

Next Saturday. I can’t wait to see my little sister get married. I was also a tad envious. Not because she was getting married, but because she was getting a forever with her best friend. That was something taken away from me.

And you’re in the wedding, right?

Maid of honor.

That’s so exciting. It’s been many years since my sister’s wedding, but I remember wondering if she was as happy getting married as I was standing beside her. Over the last few months, I had repeatedly thought the same thing. Listening to her chat on the phone about this or that had been the highlight of many days. She was on a constant high over her upcoming nuptials, and she deserved every single second of it. Make sure you take lots of pictures. I’ll be looking forward to hearing all about it.

But you’ll be back for my last treatment, right? Appearing more worried than hopeful, Mr. Harrison lightly squeezed my arm.

I leaned into him, putting my hand over his. That’s something I wouldn’t miss for the world, I promised. He visibly relaxed.

All right. Let’s get you some lunch, Mrs. Harrison said. She reached her arm out to her husband and, after patting my hand, he went to her. Have a wonderful time, Brielle. Enjoy the time with your family. I can’t imagine how much they’ve missed you.

Thank you. I will. Have a great weekend, I replied, waiting until they were out the door to sigh. Since it was the lunch hour, the waiting room was empty.

They aren’t the only ones who will miss you, Aidan said softly. Did you really have to take a half-day today?

Yes. I still have packing to do, I told him as we headed toward my room to clean it up. If you want to go out for lunch, I know this little place up the street. I’ll be the only one there.

Hmm… I might have time for that. My next patient isn’t until two. Surprised, I turned to look at him. Aidan very rarely had time for anything in the middle of the day, let alone sex. See you in about twenty minutes. He winked, then disappeared down the hallway.

Laney popped out of her room, startling me. Did she hear what Aidan had said? If she did, her face gave nothing away. I can’t believe you’re finally taking a vacation. I expected you to come up with a reason to skip out on Alexa this week, run home for the wedding next Saturday, and teleport back here the second the reception ended.

I’d never do that to my sister. My body released the tension, assuming she heard nothing. She has stuff planned for every day I’ll be there.

I believe it. She hasn’t seen you in a long time. It had been five months since she and my parents had come to visit for Christmas.

She’s been pretty wrapped up in Vince and their new house. I doubt she noticed I was missing.

That’s a bunch of shit and you know it. She eyed me suspiciously. What I really want to know is how you feel about seeing Joe again. How long has it been?

Why the hell did I ever tell her about him? That’s what I get for having her over for a girls’ night involving alcohol.

Seven years or so. I shrugged, making it seem like no big deal. He’s definitely moved on by now, and so have I. Being around him won’t be a problem. As a matter of fact, when I was talking to Lex the other day, he and his girlfriend were there.

Sure you’ve moved on, Laney mumbled. When was the last time you went on a date? I couldn’t tell her I went out to dinner with Aidan two nights before. "And I mean a real date. One where the guy picked you up, took you someplace nice, then took you home and didn’t leave until the next morning. Or the following one." She crossed her arms, raised one eyebrow, and glared at me. It was hard not to react. Aidan never slept at my house, or vice versa. We never spent more than a few hours together, but she couldn’t know that.

Look who’s talking!

Brie, I live with my parents. There’s no way in hell I’m bringing anyone home for the night, but I have been out on plenty of dates. You’ve heard my stories. We’d actually spent several lunch hours down at the café, whispering about her latest fling. I only want you to be happy. You do so much for so many others, and I’m not just talking about your patients. You’re always there for your coworkers, the doctors, other hospital staff who come through here, and your friends. For once in your life, forget about all of us and have a blast. Get drunk. Laugh like you haven’t laughed in a long time. Let loose. You deserve it. Don’t let anything or anyone hold you back. No one is worth that. Her eyes showed nothing but love. I couldn’t tell if she was referring to Joey or if she really did know what was going on between Aidan and me.

Thanks, Laney. I definitely will. I hugged her, not wanting to slip. Hold down the fort while I’m gone, take good care of my patients, and don’t let the docs get out of line. I don’t want to come back to a mess.

I’m not making any promises. Mr. Harrison scares me.

I laughed, turning off the light in my room. He’s harmless. Call me if you need anything.

There you go. You’re supposed to be forgetting about us.

Who are you again? I called over my shoulder.

That’s better.

After collecting my things, I said goodbye to everyone and headed for my car. Due to the weather in Connecticut, I decided on living as close to work as possible. Not being able to drive in due to snow was never an option for me. Regardless of road conditions, my patients needed their treatments, as well as the familiarity of their Radiation Therapist. I went as far as making sure to get to know all the patients who came through our office, just in case one of the other girls couldn’t get in. Luckily, there was a townhouse for sale three miles up the road. It was at the top end of my price range, but I didn’t care. Knowing I’d be there for those who were counting on me was worth every penny.

Making all the lights, it took less than ten minutes to get home. It didn’t hurt there wasn’t nearly as much traffic leaving the hospital parking lot at that time of day. The first thing I did was put my work bag in the closet just inside the front door. A little anxiety ran through me at knowing I wouldn’t be going back to the office for over two weeks. The most I’d ever taken off in my five-plus years of being there were three days when I had the flu and didn’t want to risk getting anyone else sick. Once I reminded myself I was doing it for my baby sister, my nerves settled.

I quickly stripped out of my scrubs and left them on the floor of the laundry room. Yoga pants and a tank top were much more comfortable and easier to move around in. I cursed myself for not stopping to get something to eat. Since I was leaving the next morning, I skipped grocery shopping this week, meaning there wasn’t much in my refrigerator. As I closed the freezer door for the third time, my doorbell rang. Who the hell was that? Was Aidan serious about skipping out on his lunchtime ritual of paperwork and checking on patients? At only thirty-eight years old, he had the bedside manner of a much older doctor. Aidan Collins would do anything he possibly could to make his patients feel better, even if it was just a phone call to see how they were doing. His love for the people who trusted him to care for them was what changed my mind about dating him, even if it meant all he’d ever be able to give me was a very small piece of his huge heart. I wasn’t looking for anything more anyway, and I never would be.

The second time the bell chimed, I opened the door. My appetite for food disappeared when I saw him standing on my step, his tie hanging loosely around his neck over a light blue dress shirt. Since when do you make house calls? I asked.

Since my girl decided to leave town, he answered, pushing past me, kissing my cheek on his way by. I was stunned for a second because he never referred to me that way. When I snapped out of it, I closed the door and followed him into the kitchen. He put a white paper bag on the counter and turned toward me, stretching out his arms. I pressed my body into his and slid my hands up his chest to the top button of his shirt.

You’ll see me next week when you come down. I decided against mentioning how I had invited him to come with me for the entire fourteen days, but he refused. Multiple times. The best I could get him to agree to was spending a four-day weekend. We had never been away together, so I had no clue how it would go. He briefly met my parents and Lex back in December when he stopped by for about an hour on Christmas. Neither of my parents were big fans of him, so I hoped they’d get to know him like I did once he got away from the daily pressures he faced at the hospital. My mom was ninety-seven percent sure he was married with at least three kids. It wouldn’t help my cause to say he wasn’t the marrying type.

We could drive down together, he said, running his hands down my back to the top of my ass. We wouldn’t have to be apart at all. His hands moved up my sides, bringing my top with them. It was over my head before I knew it, so I quickened my pace with the buttons of his shirt, careful not to wrinkle it. After all, he had to go back to work. I brought food. Do you want to eat first, or go upstairs? He didn’t wait for an answer as he tugged me toward the stairs. If I had my way, we would’ve been naked in my kitchen, but Aidan wasn’t like that. Being as old-fashioned as he was wasn’t always a good thing.

When we reached the bedroom door, Aidan leaned down to cover my lips with his. He trailed his fingertips over my skin, leaving goosebumps in their place. I twitched as a chill ran through my body. He grinned, knowing what he had done. He unbuckled his belt and undid his pants, dropping them to the floor. Afraid he’d change his mind and run back to the office at any moment, I pulled back the comforter on my bed and climbed in. As I lay down, Aidan crawled up my body, eyes glued to mine the whole way. He leaned in to kiss me, but stopped before our lips touched.

Do you really have to go for so long? He was being weird. We didn’t discuss feelings or worry about when we’d see each other again. We certainly didn’t care about where one was going without the other. The kind of relationship we had wasn’t like that. We each did what we wanted when we wanted to do it, getting together when and if it was convenient for both of us. Confusion swept through me as I tried to grasp his sudden interest in my impending absence.

"No, I don’t have to go, but I want to," I admitted. Without realizing it, I had been looking forward to getting away for an extended period of time. I wanted to hang out with my sister, sleep in my childhood room, and be spoiled by my parents. My hands made their way up his arms to tangle together behind his neck.

Okay, fine, he said, resigned.

Give me something to miss while I’m gone.

He smiled. Yes, ma’am.

Words ceased as my bedroom became heated. The rest of our clothing was removed and scattered on the floor. Breathing got heavier. Desire grew. Hands and lips were desperately taking in what they could, as if they were memorizing every detail. It felt like it was the last time we’d ever be together. As I tried to draw his body into mine, he caught himself.

Condom, he groaned.

For a split second, I almost told him to forget about the damn thing. Almost. I had only done that twice with one other person. The first time, we were eighteen and it was about three months after I had started taking birth control. Joey and I had walked into my house just as my parents were putting on their coats.

Where are you headed? I asked.

We decided to catch a movie, my mom said. Do you two mind hanging out here for the rest of the night? Alexa’s upstairs, and I’d feel much better if she wasn’t home alone. My sister was fifteen and more than capable of fending for herself.

I don’t mind, but is it okay if we run out for a few minutes? We didn’t eat dinner yet and we’re starving.

Here. Dad reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Order a pizza. Have it delivered. Your mother won’t enjoy herself if she’s worrying about her girls.

Thanks, but you don’t have to… My dad was always handing out money. Within reason, the man gave us everything we wanted. We’d always been fortunate that way.

Don’t be ridiculous, Brielle. Take the money. He would actually get insulted if I didn’t.

Joey reached over me, took the bills he was holding out, and headed for the kitchen. Thanks, Mr. Watson, he called.

You’re welcome. Keep my girls safe, will you, Sullivan?

No problem. Needless to say, the moment my parents’ car left the driveway, Joey’s hands were all over me. Upstairs, he demanded.

On our way by my sister’s room, I knocked on the ajar door and peered in. Mom and Dad just left, so I’m going to order a pizza in a few minutes. I’ll be… I pointed at my room next to hers as Joey came to stand beside me.

Hey, Lex, he said, grabbing my hand and kissing the side of my face. We don’t have all day. He kept his voice low, but I was positive she heard. My sister rolled her eyes, turned up the volume on her TV, and nodded. That was her way of letting me know she knew what we were going to do and would give me a signal if my parents came back. She had always been good to me, and I returned the favor plenty of times.

Once we were behind the privacy of my door, we melted into each other. When we were getting lost in those moments, sometimes it was hard to distinguish where I ended and Joey began. What was going on with us was rare and we both knew it. Our friends talked about their sexual experiences as if they were a good time and nothing more. A quick, fun way to relieve the built-up teenage hormones with as many people as possible. With us, however, it was the beginning of a lifelong relationship we’d value for many years to come. We’d be able to tell our grandkids how perfect it was. Joey and I never told anyone what happened between us. Some of the kids we hung out with were convinced we hadn’t done it, but neither of us would acknowledge their questions or comments. I knew the guys persistently busted Joey’s balls, but he never caved. His older brother, Jack, and his best friend, Vince, constantly told me how much shit he took. Guys would offer to break me in, and girls would offer to do for him what they assumed I wasn’t. He didn’t care what they thought, but that didn’t mean he didn’t throw a punch or two when someone would get out of hand. Junior year, he got suspended for roughing up some guy and pinning him against the lockers. My dad was so proud of him for defending me, he let me cut school the days Joey was out so I could keep him company.

Suddenly, he dropped his head on my chest. Oh shit.

What’s wrong?

I don’t have a fucking condom with me. We were at school the entire day for a spring sports fundraising event and were not expecting the opportunity.

It’s fine. This is why I went on the pill, remember?

You went on the pill so I could stop worrying about a rubber breaking.

I’m not saying we’ll never use one again. I’m saying that, for right now, it’s okay. The way he looked at me was absolutely adorable. He was begging me to allow him to continue, asking me to guarantee he wouldn’t knock me up. That was our only concern because neither of us had ever been with anyone else. I promise, I said quietly, running my hand through his hair.

I highly doubt this is what your dad had in mind when he asked me to keep his girls safe, he mumbled.

I laughed. Do you really want to talk about my dad?

No. I want to lose myself in you and forget about every other damn thing in the world.

So do it, I encouraged, sensing the internal struggle going on his head. Joey…, I breathed out. He was convinced, never being able to resist when I said his name that way. He slowly slipped in, ruining me for any other guy. I loved him long before then, but that night was when my heart became Joey Sullivan’s personal property, and I never wanted it back.

Later on, after we finished pizza with Lex and snuggled on the couch to watch a movie, we had a conversation that confirmed the same thing had happened to him.

BC? he began.

Hmm? I responded, settling in.

What we did earlier… That was the best thing we’ve ever done, but can we make sure it doesn’t happen again anytime soon? He was sitting behind me, cradling me in his arms, so I needed to shift to see him. An uncontrollable fear consumed me. I never wanted him to regret anything we did. Knowing me as well as he did, he took the hand resting on my hip and held my face. Don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say. It really was amazing and I’ll never forget how special it was to share with you.

But…? I blinked away tears as he gently kissed my lips.

But I want to save that for when we’re in a better place. I don’t want to do it so many times that it doesn’t mean as much when we’re older. You’re it for me, Brielle Watson, and we have a lifetime of moments ahead of us that will be more important than a random Saturday night in a room at your parents’ house. Don’t you ever forget it.

I’m okay with that. Just do me one small favor?

What’s that?

From now on, keep a condom in your wallet, in your Jeep, wherever you need it to be so we always have one.

He squeezed me tighter and chuckled. Done.

I love you, I whispered, a smile spreading across my face.

I love you, too, BC. No matter what, I’ll always love you.

Why the hell was I thinking about Joey Sullivan when Aidan was sitting on the edge of my bed? Why was I thinking about him at all? It had to be because of Laney’s comments before I left the office. I shook it off and watched as Aidan took the foil packet out of his pocket and let the pants fall to the floor again. He rolled it on and rejoined me in bed.

"Christ, Brielle. If you’re going to be this ready for me, I insist you go out of town more often." I didn’t know what he was talking about until he entered me entirely too easily. Oh, my god! Did I get turned on thinking about Joey?! No. Yes? No, definitely no. Maybe? I couldn’t have. What if I did? And, if it were true, what the hell was going to happen when I saw him?

Unable to stop myself from freaking out, Aidan finished long before I had a chance to. That was going to make shit even harder to deal with. After dressing quicker than we undressed, we ran downstairs to eat the lunch he had brought over. Halfway through his sandwich, Aidan stood up, wrapped the rest of it, and put it in the bag.

I’ll have to eat this later. I have to get back.

I glanced at the clock to see he still had an hour until his first patient of the afternoon, but it wasn’t worth the argument. Are you coming back later? Should I make something for dinner?

Sorry. Roger caught me on my way out of the office and invited me to dinner with him and his wife. He kissed my cheek. I’ll call you when I can. He didn’t wait for me to respond before running out my front door. We weren’t going to see each other for a week and he didn’t even say goodbye or tell me to have a good time. Nothing. No one understood our weird relationship better than I did, but he went from basically asking me not to go to I’ll call you when I can. For the first time in over two years, I was irritated with Aidan Collins. The tricky thing was getting myself to believe it had nothing to do with thinking about Joey.

The longer I sat at my kitchen table, the madder I got. It was totally uncharacteristic of me, but I couldn’t make the anger subside. Before I could talk myself out of it, I picked up the phone and called my mom at work.

Barbara speaking.

Hey, Mom. It’s me.

Brielle Catherine Watson, you’d better not be calling to tell me you aren’t coming home this weekend. Her tone quickly went from sincere to irate mother.

I laughed. No. That’s not why I’m calling.

Oh, good. She relaxed. Are you ready for the long drive tomorrow? Your father checked the weather this morning. He said you shouldn’t run into any trouble.

Actually, I was wondering if it would be okay if I came home tonight.

You don’t need to ask permission to come home, Brielle. Not now, not ever.

I know traffic will get pretty heavy by the time I get to Jersey. I don’t want to get there too late and make you wait up for me.

Do you honestly think I’ll be able to sleep tonight? My baby is coming home for the first time in way too long. Daddy and I haven’t slept all week. Get your ass home.

Hearing the happiness in her voice made me tear up. I’m going to leave in about an hour. There are a few things I need to do around here first. Like change the sheets on my bed and get rid of the dirty condom in my bathroom trash.

Okay! Please be careful.

I will.

I can’t wait to see you.

Same here, Mom. How did I know my mom would say exactly what I needed to hear? Was that the only reason I felt so excited about getting to New Jersey earlier than I was supposed to?

Since finding out BC was coming home, my courage decreased a little more every day. At first, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I’d be able to convince her to stay. As time wore on, though, memories of the pain she left me with reemerged. For almost seven years, thinking about the girl who broke me tended to be something I generally avoided, but knowing I’d see her again changed that. If there were even the smallest chance of getting her back, nothing would stop me from taking it. Deep down, my gut begged me to let it go, but my heart had to try. After all, it belonged to her.

The most frustrating part of our breakup? I had no idea why it happened. Other than an occasional bickering, we never fought. There were no major problems. As far as I knew, we were both on the same page with where our lives were headed. But when September rolled around and BC went back to college for her junior year, everything changed.

It had been a rough week, but that was typical. Whenever my girl was home for any length of time and then had to leave again, I had to readjust to missing her all over. It seemed like it got easier because every time she left meant we were closer to the point she’d be returning for good. In my head, I’d gone over the last few days BC was home more than I cared to admit. Something kept telling me I missed some small detail which would explain everything.

The night before BC headed back, we went to my cousin’s end of summer party. Suddenly, BC felt sick and wanted to leave. Thinking she just felt tired, perhaps being a little down about us being separated, I took her home. BC suggested I return to the party, but I refused. Leaving her was never an option. As soon as we entered her room, we climbed into bed.

When we woke in the morning, her eyes were swollen and red. Even though she repeatedly told me it was only because she hated leaving, I was worried.

The first few days after she left were definitely different than previous years. Usually, we spoke on the phone for hours, but now our calls lasted no more than five minutes or so. She gave a bunch of excuses to hang up, and rarely replied to texts. I should’ve dropped everything and gone to her because something was clearly off.

By the time the week ended, I was beyond pissed at her for ignoring me and making me miss her even more. She had blown me off again that morning. To distract me, my brother came over after work. After we consumed half a case of beer, I decided it was time to call BC and force her to tell me what was wrong. Jack tried to prevent me from picking up the phone because I was drunk and acting a tad irrational, but I didn’t listen.

H-hello? BC answered groggily after four rings.

What the fuck took you so long to answer? I snapped, looking at the clock. It was after two in the morning.

I was sleeping, she told me. Despite the fact I pulled her from a deep sleep, the sound of her voice was off. I knew it, but the anger raging through my body prevented me from caring.

You said you were going to call me back. I guess sleeping is more important than talking to me?

Joe, you’re being an asshole! Give me the phone, my brother said, yanking my arm. I shoved him back onto the couch and went outside.

I’m sick of this shit, B. Tell me what the hell is going on with you.

I-I can’t.

You can’t?! I laughed without humor. You can’t what?

Joey, I’m so tired, my eyes won’t stay open. Can we talk about this tomorrow?

No! Knock it the fuck off and tell me! I’ve had enough! Silence. I checked the screen on the phone to make sure the call was still connected. Brielle!

Joey…

Don’t pull that shit! She always distracted me by saying my name that way and I’d give in, but I wouldn’t let it happen this time. I sat on the step and rested my arm on my knee. After a deep breath, I calmed down, desperation replacing the anger. I’m drowning over here, BC. Please, just talk to me.

I’m sorry, she whispered.

For what, baby? She gasped. "If you tell me what’s going on, I can fix it. I only want