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    A Klutz's Confessions
    A Klutz's Confessions
    A Klutz's Confessions
    Ebook69 pages1 hour

    A Klutz's Confessions

    By Barbara J. Waldern

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    About this ebook

    This is a humorous auto-biographical account of some of my own klutzy behavior. Beginning just after April Fool's Day this year, I pledged to write a few confessions giving accounts of daily hang-ups to make you giggle and see the humor in day-to-day anxieties and frustrations. Together, let's chuckle at our own silliness and feel better.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBarbara J. Waldern
    Release dateDec 6, 2014
    ISBN9781311845023
    A Klutz's Confessions
    Author

    Barbara J. Waldern

    Born in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada and a graduate of Burnaby Central Senior High School and Simon Fraser University, having studied English lit, French, Spanish, applied linguistics, social policy and anthropology.Has been an ESL instructor, a public service employee, and finally an education researcher before going to teach English in South Korea in 2007. There I taught English to children, university students and working adults. I am also an editor and have recently established a small business called Edwise Editor & Educ. Consultant, Edwise Editor and Education Consultant (#708-1155 West Pender Street, Vancouver, BC, V6E2P4, Tel: 604-638-329, Fax: 604-605-700, edwise2008@gmail.com, www.edwise2008.com). Just prior to this event, I took editing courses. Always been involved in community and anti-imperialist activism, I have been an advocate and network coordinator for teachers working abroad and locally and I sing in a political action choir. Likes: languages, films, music, art, nature, walking and general physical recreation. Dedicated to writing fiction and other categories of nonfiction since 2008 after many years of writing and presenting academic papers. Find copies of some stuff published since 2013 can be found in the special collections of the Simon Fraser University Library.

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      Book preview

      A Klutz's Confessions - Barbara J. Waldern

      Introduction

      1. Dressing Dummy

      2. Kitchen Counter Clumsiness

      3. Caution! Cashier ahead!

      4. Daydreamer

      5. Taxing Taxi Riding

      6. On the Bus

      7. Emerging

      8. Working out the Work-outs

      9. Dining table conversation

      10. Shoe Store Guy, Shoo-shoo!

      11. Laundromat Blues

      12. Nervous Nelly

      13. Lunch with the Boss

      14. Horror at the Hair Salon

      15.Jawb Interview

      16. Changing for a Swim

      IT’S A WRAP!

      Introduction: Confessions of a Klutz

      It was a big decision to do this, confess how klutzy I actually am. Why am I doing this? I suppose I think confession leads to awareness, which can cause self-purging and thereby alters behavior. I suppose it is one step on the long road of self-discovery. I guess there might be humour in it, and at least I can use the material to entertain others. I have reached a crossroads in my personal growth and realize it is time to admit just how klutzy I am.

      Come on, now. I am sure I am not the only one. Admit what a klutz you are, too. How often have you aimed for efficiency but actually found one of the more awkward methods out of a desire to hurry or just plain laziness? How often have you let your passion to do something get in the way of sense as you reached for something when your hands were already full, felt compelled to rush so as not to look clumsy but only end up giving a pretty good demonstration of klutzy action in motion, or found yourself in a predicament fumbling around in the dark or trying to answer the phone or doorbell when you were tied up with something like getting dressed or sitting on the toilet, or striven to do the impossible by reaching farther than you knew you could manage or carry one more item that you knew would be possible? I can only hope that there are lots of klutzes out there with a deep down desire to come out.

      All right. That is not fair. It is not fair to shift the focus onto the reader. This is my diary and these are my confessions. I just wanted to point out that, in all likelihood, many of you carry around secrets like what I am about to confess. Finally, I want to unload this burden and bring these dark goings-on into the light. It seems healthy to do so. Maybe it can help the reader, though I know I must help myself first.

      Of course, there are witnesses. It is hard to acknowledge it, but it must be true. Unfortunately, not all my klutziness happens when I am alone, though I wish it would. No, I am sure there are observers already in the know because they have seen me at my most undignified awkward moments, like at a check-out counter, or finding a seat on a bus, or getting out of a vehicle, or juggling an armful of items at a doorway. Come to think of it, I am sure I have seen klutzes being klutzy, or I would have had I not had to concentrate hard so as to avoid committing further klutzy acts myself.

      In truth, I have probably already shared enough. It is not so much others I should inform as myself. Regarding my klutziness, they probably have enough evidence to go by, while I have not wanted to recognize this grave fault. Maybe there is a chance at mending my ways and finding more dignity, not to mention physical coordination. Yes, I must confess for my own good.

      I plan to document my own klutziness by describing them in written form here. I pledge to describe at least 111 accounts of my own klutzy behavior in daily life. Why 111? It seems like a good number and I have heard it fosters good karma. Can I come up with 111 accounts? Please! Do not flatter me to suggest not. I am sure I can do it and I plan to try by writing them all down and getting them out in the open.

      1.Dressing Dummy

      After carrying out my Saturday morning routine, I decided to get dressed and, sure enough, the first klutzy action of the day occurred. It was a clothing accident.

      I had gotten up as usual and washed and moisturized my face, returned to straighten out my bedding and tidy up dishes left in the sink the night before, then put some water on to boil for coffee. Next, I turned on the computer and brought up the silly games I like to play first thing in the day. This is what I do to begin the day slowly and ease into it. I like to wash, putter around and sip coffee while playing simple games so as to have my mind clear and relaxed. There is no motivation or need to hurry on days when I have no pressing morning appointments or duties. Water ready and coffee subsequently made, I sat tinkering with the games in my pyjamas sipping coffee for around an hour. When I had to make a trip to the bathroom, I realized it was time to put on some day clothes. I wanted to slip on sweat pants and a t-shirt.

      That’s when it happened. An incident occurred that contradicted the rhythm I had established and put a wrinkle into the smoothness of my routine.

      It was my fault. Typically, I want to do some mundane task too quickly, and, in the interest of efficiency, end up finding the most inefficient way to do something and experiencing, yet again, a moment of sublime klutziness. I even know full well how things are going to end up when I seek an unconventional method of solving minute hum-drum logistical problems of daily life.

      Striving for efficiency and in a hurry for no reason as usual, I did not want to remove my knit slippers before removing the pants of my nightwear. I therefore chose to try to slip a pant leg neatly over the slipper. It worked for one foot. The slipper

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