Daniel's Choice

Completion

PROLOGUE

Sign of the Rose

God was very important to Clemence Brooks. In her teen years, she had invited Him into her heart and asked Him to help and guide her in life and in all things.

On May 27, 1980, Clemence turned 18 years old. On that day, she spoke a simple prayer to Him: she asked that He would direct the man she was destined to marry to present her with a single, red rose, complete with thorns – not two, not a dozen, not thorn-less – simply one, single, red rose.

She asked God to make the sign of that rose a promise between God and herself that she had found her future husband.

She believed in the request with all her heart and she trusted He would take care of it. She vowed that when the time came, she would work diligently to honor the promise to the very best of her ability.

…

Chapter 1 – The Request

Hey, Beth! Need a hand unloading the car? Or is Andy helping you? Clemence Brooks called as she got out of her beat up old Datsun. She had just arrived at the home of her sister, Beth, and brother-in-law, Andrew Marlow.

Clem and Beth looked very much alike. Although Clem stood an inch or two taller than Beth, they both shared thick, dark hair, square jaws, high cheek bones, and full lips. But where Beth’s eyes were a lovely hazel with flecks of green, Clem’s eyes were a striking blue-gray with dark edges surrounding the irises. Beth’s dark hair was cut short to frame her face; Clem’s hair, heavy with waves, flowed several inches past her shoulders when she wore it down. Her preference, however, was to pull the mass away from her face into a loose tail at the back of her head, where tendrils escaped naturally, but didn’t overwhelm her view.

Thanks! Beth answered, But this is the last one. Come on inside! Andy is working late today. Clem’s two young nieces, Katy and Anna, meandered up to her upon exiting their Mother’s station wagon. They were all wrapped up in coats and hats, like material snowmen. Clem smothered a giggle, but greeted them cheerfully with great big hugs.

Mama promised us hot chocolate! Katy, at nine, offered Clem seriously.

Yeah, Auntie Clem! Anna, at five, chimed in. We were very good girls at the store!

Clem hugged them both again. You’re always very good girls! Let’s go help your Mama.

Clem followed Beth inside the modest, three bedroom, ranch-style house Beth and Andy worked hard to maintain for their loving, close-knit family. Katy began successfully removing her snow-wear while Beth helped a giggling Anna out of the smothering layers of warmth. Clem began putting groceries away.

Yeah, Beth laughed. I promised the girls hot chocolate. This is the coldest February day I can ever remember here! Brrr! OK, my Sweeties, you can go play. I’ll let you know when the cocoa is hot!

Beth and Clem settled into an easy chore routine. Where the hand of one sister left off, the other took over. Despite the several years between them, they held a special bond. Clem spent much of her off-work time helping Beth any way she could.

Beth finally plopped into a chair, listening tiredly, but delightedly to the ongoing chatter and giggling of Katy and Anna in the other room. The two adult sisters chatted comfortably.

Oh! Beth sighed suddenly, Hot chocolate!

No problem! I’ll put the water on. You just relax. Your next round will be coming soon enough. Clemence knew her days as a teller at a bank downtown were way less stressful than taking care of a busy home with two active children. She had watched Beth gracefully handle her duties as a stay-at-home-mother and housewife for several years now, ever since Andy had been honorably discharged from the Army and they had moved back to California.

Clem often wondered if she, herself, would ever get married or have children. At times, such a possibility seemed so far away. After all, one had to date to get to know someone well enough to make such a commitment, and there was still no one on Clem’s radar that inspired such interest. She sometimes wondered if the agreement she made with God on her 18th birthday – that the man she was destined to marry would give her one, single, red rose – was simply a one-sided arrangement in her own head. But it was easy to remember the sincerity in which she had made that agreement, and her faith re-bloomed; yes, God would reveal her future husband to her at the right time, and that man would give her The Rose.

Clem had already fallen in love once when she was in her early teens. She had known it could never be a marriage match, but feelings were feelings. She was still working to put those emotions of love aside. The man, Gregory, had been her Dad’s full-time, live-in nurse for several years. Gregory was now happily married to a very nice woman, Alicia, and although Clem missed him in her life, she was truly happy for him. Gregory had been present for her during very difficult times. He was a man in whom she could confide safely, despite the age difference. She would always love him.

At 20 years old, Clemence still lived at the home she grew up in, helping the current live-in nurse with the ongoing care of her Dad and managing a few of his household needs. She loved her job as a teller; it brought her into daily contact with people she could help. But in the name of professionalism, maintaining a reasonable distance from her customers was easy. She enjoyed her co-workers and even considered a couple of the women casual friends. Beth, however, was her best friend and always had been. If Clem withheld anything from Beth, it was because Clem felt the need to protect her. She suspected Beth did the same.

After the hot chocolate was cleared away and Clem’s two young nieces had returned to their play, Beth indicated that Clem should sit down again. Before Andrew gets home, I want to run something by you. Andy’s service buddy, Daniel Shepherd, will be coming for a visit in a couple weeks and Andy is not going to be able to get the week off to hang out with him. Katy will be in school and I’m sure Daniel would be bored silly if he had to spend his time here with just Anna and me all day. What a week of vacation that would be for a confirmed bachelor! Daniel seems too ambitious to endure a whole week with us, but Andy insists that he stay here. Anyway, Beth drawled out, we were wondering if you would be able to rearrange your work schedule to show him around that week. You know, just take him places he wants to go and keep him company during the day. We’re looking forward to hanging out with him weekends and evenings, but during the long days, her voice trailed off, it would sure be a help.

When is he coming?

Andy said he is planning to be here on Sunday, February 20th, and Andy will pick him up at the airport about noon. I’ll spruce up the spare room for him by then.

Clem looked at the calendar and began mentally calculating the possibilities. Well, Monday is a holiday. Yeah, I think I could swing it. I’ll have to check with my boss to make sure there are no conflicts, but sure, I can bore him too!

Beth laughed. Silly goose! You’re not boring!

You’re entirely prejudiced, Sweet Beth! Clem laughed back.

Well, that’s great! A big relief! Andy will be very grateful, too. Thanks, Clem!

Is this the guy Andy talks about sometimes? The ‘supremely sharp SOB’? Beth laughed and nodded yes. The one that’s a ‘crusty old confirmed bachelor’? Beth was still nodding. Yeah, OK. What else do you know about him?

Beth told Clem that Daniel was a successful financial management consultant. He would be visiting from Denver, Colorado, en-route to San Francisco for a short assignment. Beth attempted to put on a man’s voice, ‘I’ve decided to spend the week prior to my assignment visiting you, Old Buddy. I want to see your beautiful wife and your growing family.’ Clem and Beth had giggled. Andy very much admires Daniel. Obviously, you remember Andy talking about how sharp Dan is, but he also says he’s the kind of guy that always achieves what he sets out to accomplish – and no target is too great or too small!

Sounds like a pretty serious and dedicated man to me. Clem observed.

As Clem drove home after her visit with Beth, she reviewed her personal observations about Daniel in all she had heard. She pictured herself simply acting in the capacity of chauffeur, driving him around and pointing out anything of interest they passed. If he was as successful and determined at his work as Andy implied, Clem would likely play the role of a simple servant, a passing peon, not an equal companion. That suited Clem fine.

Although Clem was generally on the lookout for a potential life partner, she was in no hurry; the right one would show up and she would know it when the time came. The thought passed fleetingly through her mind that Daniel, as a crusty old confirmed bachelor certainly didn’t sound like a man who would be looking for a relationship. Such a badge certainly implied she needn’t worry about him taking an interest in her; it would be a waste of time to consider it a possibility – or a threat. In addition, she understood that Andy’s friend was 28 or 29 years old, and he had too many life goals to be distracted from his plans, let alone interested in taking on a relationship that would encourage the burden of a lifetime partner.

Clem pictured Gregory. Her heart still swelled when she thought of him – beautiful, strong, honorable, and loving Gregory. Clem had known it was hopeless. The age difference alone should have been protection enough to prevent her from developing feelings for him. Still, loving Gregory had blurred into a way of life.

Although she considered herself somewhat over the first love of her life, she knew deep down, she would likely never stop loving him. Despite the four long years since he had married and moved on, despite working hard to overcome a heart broken hopelessly, love was love. Hers was real, and she simply couldn’t stop loving him because he was no longer a free man. But she was not inclined to jealousy; she could even love the beautiful wife he took, because Clem knew Alicia made him happy. She knew that wouldn’t make sense to most people, but that was simply who she was inside.

Perhaps she would move on more effectively when the man came along who was clean, honest, hard-working, gentle, and who loved and respected her in return. It would require a special man indeed to overcome the high standards Gregory, and other life situations, had naturally planted within her. The man would have to be deeply trustworthy and strong. Perhaps that kind of man could succeed at forever sealing Gregory out of her heart. When that man showed up, she knew a single, red rose, complete with thorns, would also show up in her life and she would commit herself to that man one-hundred percent. Nevertheless, she also knew she couldn’t allow herself to be unnecessarily vulnerable again. She was a woman now, so controlling her feelings should be easier, right?

Chapter 2 – Introductions

Clem was playing tea party in Beth’s living room with Katy and Anna when Andrew came home that Sunday. A tall, brown-eyed, clean-shaven, slender man with very short blond hair stepped through the door behind him. Daniel Shepherd stood 2 or 3 inches taller than Andrew.

Katy and Anna suddenly quieted when they saw the tall man with their dad.

Beth, you remember Daniel.

Of course! Beth reached out her hand. It’s been way too long, Daniel! We’re so glad you decided to come for a visit.

Andrew turned to point Daniel in the direction of Clem and the girls. These are our two little princesses, Katy and Anna, holding court with Princess Clemence Brooks, Beth’s sister.

Daniel’s eyes locked with Clem’s. She was grateful when he turned away to address her nieces. Turning to Katy, he squatted on his ankles to look into her eyes as she sat on her little chair. So, you’re Katy, right? The little girl’s eyes grew large and her smile increased. She nodded her head, Yes, I’m Katy. Are you Uncle Daniel? My Daddy likes to talk about you!

Daniel chuckled, Yeah, I’m Uncle Daniel. He pulled a stuffed orange kitten, about 5 inches around, out of his pocket and showed it to her. Do you like kittens? You’re not too old for stuffed toys, are you?

Her eyes were saucers. Katy looked to her mom for guidance and Beth nodded. "I love kitties! And I’m not that old!" Daniel laughed, handing the stuffed toy to her. Anna jumped off her chair and began moving closer, unwilling to be left out if gifts were being offered.

What do you say? Beth asked Katy gently.

Thank you, Uncle Daniel! Katy said cheerfully, hugging her new kitten, as Daniel returned to full height.

Anna walked up to Daniel and stared straight up at him. I’m Anna, Uncle Daniel, she spoke very softly. Daniel reached down his hands in the invitation to pick her up. She raised her arms trustingly and he lifted her up against him.

Hello, Anna. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stuffed Dalmatian, the same size as the kitten. Do you like puppies?

Oh, yes! she breathed softly, watching in anticipation as he brought the tiny dog up to kiss her on her cheek. I love him! she said eagerly, looking to her mom. Again, Beth nodded approval. Anna grabbed the little black and white dog and hugged it hard. Thank you, Uncle Daniel!

You’re welcome, he said, setting her down gently, again returning to full height.

Katy and Anna raced from the room, already in a hearty discussion over names for their new friends.

Daniel chuckled as he watched them go. Half turning to Andrew and Beth, he commented, Very sweet girls! Then his eyes were on Clem. So, this is Princess Clemence Brooks.

Clem laughed. Oh, no! I’m no princess. She extended her fingers to meet his, and as their hands met in greeting, she continued, I’m just plain old Clemence Brooks.

His eyes never wavered as he continued shaking her hand. He chuckled again. Not plain and certainly not old. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Brooks!

Clemence could feel the blush singe her face. It’s nice to meet you, as well, Mr. Shepherd, the most intelligent and determined SOB Andy knows!

Ohhhh! I didn’t realize such a reputation would precede me! Daniel stopped shaking her hand, but continued holding it firmly as he turned to look at Andy. What other tales have you been telling out of school, Old Buddy?

Andy just laughed. Daniel’s eyes returned to hers. Don’t believe everything you hear, he smiled and winked, then slowly released her hand.

Clemence didn’t know what to make of Daniel Shepherd. He was too charming, not what she had pictured at all! So she just laughed in an attempt to hide a sudden anxiousness she hadn’t expected.

Beth broke the spell, What would you like to drink, Daniel?

The visit officially started.

As the day progressed, there was a steady flow of bantering, laughter, and easy conversation. Clem tried to remain in the background, running errands for Beth if someone needed something and listening to the flow of conversation as she tried to glean what she could for herself about this fair-haired stranger with whom she would spend the next week. More than once, she found Daniel watching her. There was no attempt to conceal it at all. Why would you consider me such a fascinating subject? She wondered.

Occasionally, he tried to pull her into the conversation, but she always found a way to avoid getting too involved. This was her time to gather facts about him if she could!

What she discovered, though, was more about herself than him. She grew more and more uncomfortable as she felt his eyes constantly upon her. Those watchful brown eyes created a strange sensation within her that she found difficult to ignore – or explain. What could this intelligent, worldly, sophisticated man possibly think he saw? Why did his attentive eyes make her feel so agitated?

That first evening, Daniel wanted to take everyone out to dinner at the finest restaurant Andrew could recommend. Clem offered to babysit her nieces so the three of them could enjoy dinner without young voices.

Daniel would have none of it. No, Miss Brooks. I definitely want you to come, too. He turned to Andrew. Bring the kids along! Katy and Anna are lovely children. They’ll be fine!

But Andrew put his foot down nicely. No need, Daniel. He turned to Beth. Why don’t you give Julie a call and see if she can come watch the girls this evening? He turned back to Daniel. Let them play with their new toys tonight. We can take them with us on other outings.

Beth, excited by the opportunity for a nice adult-dinner out, went purposefully to make the call. As the three remaining adults listened, Daniel was silently pleased when it was clear the unknown Julie would certainly be able to watch Katy and Anna for the evening. The arrangements were completed.

Dinner was a new experience for Clem. She had never dined in a restaurant as fancy – or expensive – as the one chosen. When Daniel ordered their best brandy all around, Clem was embarrassed to have to say, Oh, none for me please.

A glass of wine then? What’s your pleasure? White or Red? Or are you a beer connoisseur?

Clem laughed, still shaking her head. Please, no. Nothing like that for me. She looked at the waiter. Could I just have a glass of grapefruit juice?

Clem was mortified when Andrew leaned across the table and whispered conspiratorially, Sorry, Daniel. Didn’t I mention it? Clemence is still wet behind the ears. She still has a few months to go before she’s legal!

Non-violent Clem could have gladly slugged her brother-in-law in that moment!

Daniel looked at Clem, surprising her when he attempted to save her from embarrassment from her brother-in-law’s teasing. That’s alright, Miss Brooks. The date of your birth is certainly not your fault. So grapefruit juice it is!

Clemence was grateful for Daniel’s sensitivity, and she tried to push aside the mortification she felt at the implication she was still a gawky, inexperienced teenager instead of a mature woman of twenty! Still, she gave Andy a childish look that spoke volumes.

Ouuuu! Andy feigned fear. If looks could kill, Old Buddy, I think I’d be dead on the floor right now!

Clemence looked away from the table, attempting to let the matter drop.

After that, Daniel made every effort throughout the evening to help her feel more comfortable with the entire situation. While Andrew flirted blatantly with Beth, Daniel was careful to make sure Clem didn’t feel left out, but he respectfully avoided the flirting.

Clem was fascinated the most, however, in watching the cumulative effects of the alcohol consumption on Andrew as compared to Daniel. Beth enjoyed one small glass of the brandy, but Daniel and Andrew kept pace with each other repeatedly. Andrew became loud and somewhat obnoxious, while Daniel showed no change in demeanor at all. When it came time for the drive home, Andrew wisely handed the keys to Beth. I think you or Clem should drive, Honey. I could probably do it, but it wouldn’t be the wisest choice. Both his voice and his steps were somewhat wobbly. Clearly, he was not entirely himself.

Beth held the keys out to Clem, You drive, Sweetie. That one glass was certainly more than what I’m used to. You’re the only one who didn’t indulge.

Clem reached out to take the keys, but before she claimed them, Daniel reached out smoothly and took the keys in his hand. It’s not a problem. I’ll drive us back to your place.

Yeah, Andrew said, that’s fine. You’ve always been an expert at holding your liquor. It was settled. No one questioned Daniel’s capability to drive, despite the amount of alcohol he had absorbed. Clemence, aware of the confidence and stability Daniel demonstrated as he drove them home safely, attributed his ability to handle liquor well as a valuable strength.

After they returned from their lovely dinner out, Clem had her first true glimpse of Daniel’s sudden and unexpected interest in her. Clem and Beth had relieved Julie of her duties and were returning to the living room after checking on the sleeping Katy and Anna. Andrew and Daniel had stepped onto the front porch to share the Grand Marnier Daniel had produced from his belongings in the guest room.

Clem, preparing to return home for the night, was standing with Beth behind the front door, open several inches, while she buttoned her coat. The murmur of the two men’s voices was a comforting sound on the cool night air.

However, both Beth and Clem were startled when Daniel’s voice growled seriously under the dim porch light, I can see you’re really building up something special here with Beth and those two sweet kids of yours. I’m a bit envious. Why is it you never mentioned how sweet or attractive Beth’s sister is?

Clem’s eyes flew to Beth’s, open wide with astonishment.

Andrew’s voice contained a smile, Clem? He chuckled. She’s just a kid!

Daniel’s voice came back calm and serious, You’re blind, my friend. Clem is much more than just a kid. There’s something about her. I think it will prove very interesting to get to know her better, to find out what’s underneath that quiet, but friendly, demeanor.

Andrew laughed again, his voice slurring off and on. I’ve known Clem too many years as just a kid. Yeah, I guess she’s special in some ways, but she’s just Beth’s sister to me. I’ve got Beth. I guess I just don’t see anyone else that way anymore. I’m truly an old married man now to your confirmed bachelorhood. He paused. Besides, Daniel, you’ve never seemed interested in romantic pursuits before. Believe me! Andrew’s voice grew boisterous, Women live for love and romance!

Clem and Beth stared at each other, listening closely, waiting in the pregnant silence to see what Daniel’s response would be. That silence seemed to drag on and on.

Then Daniel’s voice delivered an intriguing melody to their ears. Well, Dan drawled, I’ve worked very hard for a long time now. Perhaps it’s time for me to play a little, to embrace this opportunity to start learning about love and romance. His voice lowered as he whispered to Andrew, After all, how hard can love and romance be?

Men’s enthusiastic laughter sweetened the darkness.

Clem’s breath caught and her stomach lurched in nervous agitation. She didn’t want to hear any more. Swiftly and silently she dragged Beth from the living room into the kitchen. Wide-eyed and trying to hold back hysterical laughter, she turned to Beth, Did you hear all that? Did they really just have that conversation?

Beth’s laughter sparkled in the room, and she whispered, I did! They did! Well, what do you know! Maybe Daniel’s not made of work and stone after all! Suddenly, Beth turned serious. Beth was the only person in the world to whom Clem had confessed about how she felt about Gregory.

What do you think, Clem? Could you become interested in Daniel? I couldn’t bear it if he played games with you and you got hurt again. So, if this is going to make you uncomfortable, I’ll tell Andrew you have to work after all, and they’ll need to make different arrangements for Daniel’s days.

Clem’s mind dashed, desperate for an answer. Was she ready for a potentially real relationship after all? I don’t know, Beth. Maybe we misunderstood. Thinking a girl is nice looking doesn’t mean a thing – especially when that girl is me – and he knows nothing about me! As far as getting hurt, I’ve been hurting for a long, long time. Even if this ends up bad, maybe it will prove a good distraction. After all, if men can be so offhand about love and romance, a woman should be able to, too, right?

Better be careful, Clemence. We didn’t misunderstand that he might be interested. He could actually be ripe for the picking – finally!

"He’s just interested in getting to know me better. Obviously, he perceives me, or at least love and romance, as challenges to be overcome – and easy ones at that! Once he knows me, he likely won’t be interested any more. That man is unlikely to waste too much time pursuing any challenge that’s too easy. After all, can’t you tell what a fascinating creature, what a catch I am, with all those non-existent men beating a path to my doorstep?" They both burst into girlish laughter and Clem began to feel her balance returning.

There you are! Andrew roared boisterously as he entered the kitchen, winking at Clem. Daniel followed closely behind. We wondered where you ladies went!

Clem felt Daniel looking at her boldly again; she could feel his eyes running the length of her and she felt the blood rush to her face. Looking down quickly and trying to cover up her embarrassment, she blurted out cheerfully, Yup! Here we are! But it’s late and it’s time for me to head home! She hugged Beth quickly and rushed past the two men. She could feel everyone following her as she hurried toward the front door.

Daniel’s voice cut through the air smoothly, like the ancient brandies he seemed to have enjoyed so much over the course of the evening, capturing her insides, and rolling her emotions into a ball of confusion, "It’s not that late… He paused. But yes, I guess you’ll need good rest tonight so you have plenty of energy for our adventures tomorrow." He sounded so nice, so charming. He sounded like he was actually looking forward to spending time with her. Somehow remembering her manners, she stopped with her hand on the front door knob and forced an appearance of calm dignity.

Turning back to the three pairs of eyes, she looked directly at Daniel. "I’m sorry. Suddenly, I’m not feeling entirely myself and I must have appeared awfully rude. We do have a big day ahead tomorrow. You wanted to get moving about seven o’clock, right?"

That will be fine. I’d like to take you out to breakfast, Miss Brooks. But if you’re not feeling well, perhaps I should drive you home?

Drive me home? She shook her head and laughed, grateful for the opportunity to lighten things up.

Your eyes are remarkable! He thought, as he watched them dance with delightful amusement. Amazing what you notice when you stop working long enough to pay attention and play a bit, Daniel thought.

Clem continued, "Thank you, but I’m sure I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m supposed to cart you around, not the other way around!" From the corner of her eye, she could see both Beth and Andrew struggling against laughter. Sure that her embarrassment was seeping through again, she tried her best to appear normal as she looked back at Daniel. I guess he could be considered a good looking man, she thought. Breakfast will be fine. As if I’ll be able to eat. She reached out her hand, amazed at how steady it appeared. It’s been nice meeting you, Mr. Shepherd, she drew his name out, grinning up at him.

Daniel nodded his agreement as he took her hand. Hers was cool in comparison to his. Meeting you has proven a great pleasure for me, too, Miss Brooks. I look forward to tomorrow.

She nodded as he continued holding her hand. Finally pulling away, she threw hasty goodnights to Andrew and Beth, turning back just long enough to say, You’ll have to call me Clemence or Clem! I don’t know who ‘Miss Brooks’ is and I just couldn’t stand a whole week of it! Deal?

He laughed. It’s a deal, Clemence, and I’m just Daniel or Dan. She smiled, nodded, and disappeared onto the front porch, closing the door quickly behind her. She leaned back against the door momentarily, drinking deeply of the cool night air.

What had just happened? Why had it thrown her so off balance? He was too damn charming! She suddenly realized that in truth, no man had ever indicated an interest in her as an adult, and she hadn’t a clue how to respond to this unexpected turn of events.

Chapter 3 – New Perspectives

The days flew by in a swirl of fancy restaurants, long walks along the bike path by the river and other foothill trails, foot-paddle boats at Lake Folsom, a trip to the zoo, an amusement park with bumper cars and a house of mirrors, and even a movie. The first few days were full of light conversation and laughter, picture-taking, and the pull of an easy friendship.

Daniel had turned his charm directly on her. He never failed to open her door, pull out her chair, or to offer his hand to help her climb across a rock, or up or down a steep incline. The more time they spent together, the more interesting he seemed. She found his company delightful and fascinating.

In comparison to her, Daniel seemed worldly and experienced. She feared he would find her truly boring if she spoke too much about her own simple life and experiences. It was easy to encourage him to talk about himself and his stories of adventure. She came to rely on his willingness to do so in order to cover up her own lack of experience and adventure. She was certain he wouldn’t want to hear too much about her childish high school days, her job as a teller, taking care of her Dad’s household, or her interest in a myriad of other subjects.

All she truly had to offer was the depth of her thoughts and opinions on more serious topics. She had learned over the years that not many people were interested in such discussions. Most people only wanted light, meaningless, playful conversation. If she resorted to sharing deeper thoughts with him, she suspected it would ultimately squash any growing interest he had in her. But after only a few days of constant companionship and light banter, she was hungry for his deeper thoughts about things, yet uncertain she wanted to risk the potential of a deeper friendship – or losing their tentative friendship – by giving in to that appetite.

Gradually, she began asking him more personal questions about his professional goals, his feelings about his exploits in military service, and what it was about consulting work that appealed to him so deeply.

She perceived many things from his answers. His working motto appeared to be: Get in, do whatever it takes as quickly as possible, and get the job done; then get out and find the next mess to clean up. He was billed out to company after company where he analyzed, and then helped resolve, their business and financial problems. It became obvious he loved finances and troubleshooting, because it was work that came easy for him; it left him feeling confident and well-sought out by clients. He rarely had to face the same people or the same company for more than a few weeks or a few months at a time. He could always keep moving under the protection of the main company for whom he worked. He admitted he’d worked hard to build up a reputation as one of the best and youngest consultants in the business. Clients knew of him and requested him by name, because he helped them overcome complicated problems in the shortest amount of time. His boss considered him an excellent asset, because clients loved his business sense, and there was never any problem placing him with another client. This appeared to be where he took the greatest pride. He clearly loved being in demand and upheld a reputation as one of the best problem solvers in the business.

He had many goals he planned to accomplish and he stated emphatically, Whatever target I set, big or small, without a doubt, I will accomplish it. Nothing stands in the way of my goals. Long ago, I earned the reputation for getting around any obstacle in my path. In fact, the harder the path, the more determined I become to crush it. It’s a rare case for me to give up.

A damper occurred when Clem attempted to engage him to share on a deeper level, particularly about where each had come from. She detected a definite withdrawal of spirit when topics led away from his work and goals and dreams. It was more than a challenge to draw him into a conversation which called him to talk about his past on a deeper, more personal level; it seemed to be the one area he avoided.

Enjoying a picnic lunch near a lake, she ventured to ask, Out of everything in your life, what’s most important to you?

Hmmmm. The most important thing? His voice trailed off in thought. Well, I’d have to say that remaining ahead in life by being the best at whatever I do is the most important thing to me. The next important part of my life is my friend, Joseph Palmer. That answer was totally unexpected, but delightful to Clem. She had been wondering if there was anyone in his life that he seriously cared about.

The fact is, he gazed up at the sky, I don’t have many friends. I’m too much of a workaholic, I guess. Of course, there’s Andy; but my friend, Joe, who I’ve known since middle school, has become like a brother to me. He’s always been there for me and he’s a man I would trust with my life. He shook his head thoughtfully. I can’t say that about too many people and I can’t count on too many people besides Joe.

When he asked her about her interests, she tried to summarize them quickly, feeling inadequate next to his ambition and accomplishments. She listed out writing, reading, drawing, studying plants and gardening, helping other people, long walks in any kind of natural settings, meteorology, and sunsets. I think camping and hiking would be fun, based on a few of our adventures this week. I guess there are too many fascinating subjects to name. I’m not into sitting in front of the television or partying, I’m not overly interested in fancy things, and I’m no heavy duty sports fan either. I’m not interested in pursuing dangerous activities. I’m good with numbers, but what I truly value is family. For example, my sister and her family, as you probably noticed, are very important to me. So are sincere friendships, even if I don’t have many of them myself. Those I have, I treasure. I figure I’m pretty simple and boring in comparison to you and your life, she added. But I’m quite content with my quiet life.

He reached over and tweaked her nose playfully. Don’t be silly! You’re not boring. You’re just different. What’s the most important thing in life for you?

Could she answer him honestly? It was a crossroad of sorts. She could either hide her true nature or try to reveal herself honestly. She decided to answer with openness – and if she appeared childish or corny to him, it was better for them both to find out early on. No relationship, if that is what they were starting, could be successfully built on hiding the real person inside.

God, she answered firmly. God and love are the most important things to me. She waited and watched. What would his reaction be? He stopped sipping from his beer and looked her straight in the eye. He said nothing. Either he was shocked into silence, or he was waiting for her to continue. Boldly, she decided to keep going. This was a moment of truth. Either a true potential friendship would be revealed, or simply another acquaintance would be confirmed.

Not breaking their eye contact, she continued, "Since God is Love, love and making the best of relationships are also the most important things in the world to me."

Was there a mocking look in his eye? Did he think she was going to start preaching to him? I get good practice making the best of relationships! she laughed. "My Dad, Adam, hasn’t always been the easiest person, but he is my Dad, and I love him. My Mother loved him very much, despite a lot of hardship. My Dad and I aren’t exceptionally close, but as I get older, I know he loves me, too. As long as he’s with us, I’m going to try as hard as I can to accept him as he is, because that is how I want to be treated. It seems important for me to remember to show love to others, regardless of what I get back from them. It’s a hard lesson, and I’m not always the best at it, but I’ll keep working on it, probably for the rest of my life. But that’s what I find the most important for me to be successful at. That’s my equivalent to your consulting goals."

He was silent, seeming to digest her words. That was an unexpected answer. He paused, deep in thought. Then he offered, So whereas I base my life on professional interactions, you base your life entirely on love and personal relationships.

Clem was shocked. Not only was he listening, but he was working to piece together the broad differences and similarities! That was an intriguing start.

Quite fascinating. Then he prompted, Go on.

Really? She thought, hesitating. Then she decided that since he asked for more, she would continue. OK. My experiences with love so far have pretty much been limited to my family. Therefore, my family is the most important interest I have. She waited again. As difficult and uncompromising as some members can be at times – and we are certainly far from perfect – they are still my family. So I try hard to love and accept them. Beth and I lost our Mother when I was quite young. She looked away, avoiding the look boring into her. But in the brief time I had my Mother, I saw so much love in her that I have always wanted to capture it for myself somehow. My Mother showed me the truth of unconditional love, even if I’m still far from accomplishing it myself.

It was here she watched him mentally depart. The eye contact dropped. He suddenly made a rough, scoffing sound, unlike any she had heard from him before. Apparently, he must have experienced something quite different in his life.

He took a long drink from his beer, draining it. Anger seemed to overcome him and he rose quickly from their picnic blanket. He raised the empty beer can over his shoulder, as if it was a baseball he was about to violently pitch, but he caught himself, glancing at Clem quickly, and simply dropping the empty can off to the side of their quilt.

As he stood with fists clenched at his sides, staring up to the heavens, she could only guess about the challenges clearly warring inside him. He seemed a different person suddenly. It was as though he simply couldn’t understand that kind of love and he was holding back a rage he didn’t want her to witness.

It was her turn to wait. He reached down into the cooler and pulled out another beer, opening it and drinking heavily.

Still standing, he finally spoke. That’s really good that you can love your family, your parents, bitterness filled his voice as he continued, "especially your mother." He paused for another swig.

Clem’s heart cried out for him. It was obvious he had pain from his past as well.

"I’ve never had the luxury of, or understood, that kind of attachment. I can see you and Beth are close, but I don’t have that closeness with anyone in my blood family. It’s been my experience that one can only count upon oneself. That is where security lies." He looked at her and gave her a hard smile, as if challenging her to continue on such a path. Somehow, she could hear the words he left unspoken: everyone else will let you down.

But perhaps, he continued, his eyes looking deeply into hers, there’s something to be said for affection, even love, between good friends.

She finally looked away from the intensity of his gaze, turning her eyes to the clouds scudding by so easily, so unaffected by all the emotions and chaos of the earth below. She thought about what he said and then cleared her throat.

Love between friends can be awesome, but only if it is true friendship. That is, trustworthy, sincere, and equally-yoked; a mutual relationship. I’ve had experiences with some who have claimed love, but it wasn’t love at all. There are too many people who use others selfishly, play deceptive games, and betray trusts. But of course, those aren’t true friendships.

Her eyes found his and held steady. When trust remains unbroken, friendship ties can certainly become as strong, if not stronger, than blood ties. Gregory was that kind of friend for me, she noted silently. Perhaps even more-so, because that type of relationship is chosen, not obligation-based. She let the silence float, giving him a chance to speak if he wanted. When he didn’t, she added, I’m certainly blessed; my sister is my best friend. Even when trust is somehow broken in friendships that have formed so true, there’s always the choice of forgiveness. I believe I could forgive Beth anything.

Daniel stared up at the sky, deep in thought. He finally whispered, Those thoughts are quite profound. But if Beth did something that hurt you more deeply than you can imagine, he challenged, do you actually think you could forgive her? Really?

At first, Clemence didn’t know what to say. I simply can’t imagine Beth ever doing something that would hurt me at all, let alone deep enough that I couldn’t forgive her.

You are truly blessed then, He said bitterly. "I hope you never have to experience that kind of betrayal; that you never have to experience a test like that, because when that kind of test occurs in your life, forgiveness certainly doesn’t feel like an option! When you’ve had that kind of experience, his voice was harsh, then see if you can say those words and really believe them!"

He shook his head and looked off into the distance, then drank deeply from his beer.

Clemence thought back to a time in her life when she had experienced a betrayal so horrendous, that she, too, still hadn’t been able to forgive. She tried hard not to think of those times, tried hard to forget – just as he seemed to be determined to forget something. Suddenly, she understood his perspective better.

You know what, Daniel?

He looked at her, expecting an argument despite the change in her voice.

You are absolutely right. She looked away. "I have experienced a situation that, if I’m very honest and allow myself to think about it, I still have not forgiven. I’m not sure I will ever be able to forgive either." A tear slipped silently down her cheek, but there was no other sign of distress.

Daniel’s whole demeanor changed. He relaxed a little and he sat down beside her again, watching the play of emotions crossing her face. What a horrendous issue to have in common, but clearly, she did understand the dilemma of forgiveness. He reached out and gently touched the trail of wet upon her cheek. It was those emotions, and the experiences clearly behind them, with which he could identify.

I’m sorry, Clemence. I didn’t mean to cause you to go back to face demons of your own. I’m sorry. He paused. It just seems to me that there are things that can happen in our lives that are unforgivable.

She nodded, looking back at him. Then her nodding became the shaking of a no. "That can’t be the only answer. I’ve also seen the opposite of that. My Mother seemed to do it. Somehow, for me to accomplish my goals, no matter how long it takes, that’s what I have to figure out! How to forgive even the unforgivable."

He just stared at her.

Jesus did it, she murmured simply. He forgave the unforgivable.

Daniel thrust himself up off the blanket again. "You and I are not Jesus!" he spit out rather harshly. He walked a few feet away to stare out over the lake.

She said no more. The conversation had revealed unexpected issues for both of them. She could hardly understand what she had just uncovered; how would he understand? He had apparently only seen one side of the unforgivable; she had seen both sides. Yet that couldn’t be taught to someone. A person had to figure out how to overcome certain things on their own.

She stood up and went over to him, touching his arm lightly. I’m sorry, Daniel. I didn’t mean to stir up such deep issues. Can you forgive me?

He looked down at her sharply. Suddenly his face softened. He reached out and pushed her wandering hair out of her eyes. "Of course. You are totally forgivable! You have done nothing so bad that you can’t be forgiven. I’m sorry for acting like such a jerk. You did touch on a sore topic for me, but it’ll be just fine."

Dan turned to her and gave her a friendly hug. It felt like they had somehow surpassed a test of friendship – and they’d survived. Let’s clean this picnic up and walk, Daniel suggested as he let her go. And let’s talk about something else…

They walked in silence though. It gave both of them a chance to mingle their newly awakened thoughts with the sound of birdsong and the breeze tickling the leaves in the trees. When they began chatting again, both of them consciously worked to avoid any serious topics for the rest of the day.

Chapter 4 – The Value of Risk

Friday afternoon of Dan’s vacation found them hiking along the river. The air was fresh and cool upon their faces and they’d been walking in silence for quite a distance.

Suddenly, Dan stopped. He turned to her as if to speak, but then turned away again and watched the flowing water in silence. Clem followed his lead, enjoying the feel and sound of the natural world all around them, and honoring the intuition that he was struggling with something he wanted to say. She waited.

Dan’s words were earnest when he began speaking. It was clear he’d been trying to figure out how to begin. I really like you, Clemence. He glanced at her quickly and looked away. This vacation has been full of surprises for me and I’ve enjoyed it more than I ever imagined I possibly could. In the short time we’ve spent together, I think I’ve grown closer to you than any person in my life with the exception of my friend, Joe Palmer. You have given me so much to think about; stuff that has never even crossed my mind to consider. Even Joe and I haven’t talked about many of the things we’ve discussed. He paused. Joe and I accept each other as we are, just like you mentioned the other day. My friendship with him is the closest thing I’ve ever come to that unconditional love you talked about. He hesitated. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I feel you and I have a special friendship growing between us. But I can tell what that means to you and how important real friendship is. He paused again.

So, is there a problem? Clem asked softly. Isn’t it OK for us to be friends?

He touched her arm. Let’s sit here and eat lunch.

After settling on their boulders, she waited for him to continue, busying herself with pulling out their sandwiches.

Dan watched the river wander by. No, it’s not a problem that we’re friends…I don’t think. Well, frankly, I’m afraid. He shook his head, whispering to himself, I can hardly believe I’m admitting that to you! But you don’t appear to be judging me. He looked at her and held her gaze. I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint you. I’ve got a lot inside me that may never be resolved; I would never want you to be hurt by that. I’m a loner, that’s a fact. I’ve always been a loner, even with Joe in my life. I doubt that will ever change. I know I can count on Joe, but Joe knows and accepts me without needing more than I can give. He has no expectations of me being anything but what I am. I just can’t imagine ever being able to seriously count on anyone else. I’m terrified of the expectation of being counted on by someone else, or worse, on counting on them, and finding out I should have known better…

They finished their meal in silence.

Then she offered, "Based on our talk the other day, and not even knowing the details, I understand there are reasons why you feel that way, why you feel you can count only on yourself. Maybe that will never change. But what if it could?"

She stopped, not wanting to overwhelm him with the words swirling in her. She touched his arm lightly and looked him in the eye. "How can a person who chooses to count only on himself experience real love or true friendship? You trusted Joe and you’ve felt unconditional love through that trust, right?"

Daniel nodded, listening intently.

Love is meant to be given away. If there’s no one to give it away to, no one to take care of, to share it with, it’s useless, dead. Love is like the invisible miracle that causes the seed to germinate, the plant to form, and eventually, the flower to bloom. A person focused solely on self – for whatever reasons – will only find self. Self alone is a lifeless, un-germinated seed. It may be able to remain dormant in the ground, but what good is it? Until it sprouts and shares hardship and mercy, caring and understanding, tolerance and even acceptance, how can it grow and thrive? She tried to slow down, pausing to make sure he was still with her.

"Daniel, isn’t it just as possible that I would disappoint you? Loving another person, even as just a good friend, always involves that risk. If Joe did something that disappointed you, you wouldn’t simply throw that friendship away. You’d love him anyway, wouldn’t you? Even through your work, risk is part of everyday life. Risk, in anything, can lead to pain and disappointment. I’d be willing to bet you wouldn’t let that stop you in your work." Clem paused again.

But risk in work is business. There is no personal risk involved in it. Daniel countered.

Isn’t there? Clemence responded. "If you disappointed or failed your client in some way, wouldn’t that affect your reputation? That’s a personal risk. Risk is part of life. If something like that happened to you, who would you have to sincerely care about you, not the business, to help support you along the way, to add meaning to your efforts to keep trying after a mistake? It’s certainly true that risk can lead to pain and disappointment, but what life remains untouched by either? Certainly not yours or mine! Without taking the risk on specially chosen others to support