Love Laws: The Rules of Love & Relationships in the 21st Century
By Chris Marvel
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About this ebook
In Love Laws Chris distills years of experience and research into the laws and rules Millennials face in their dating life.
This book will navigate you to love whether you are dating, engaged to your future spouse, or just jumped the broom in marriage. These laws sustained in a court of love so that you can have the freedom of peace, love and joy with the one you adore.
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Love Laws - Chris Marvel
emotions.
Introduction
How are you getting from LAX Chris? Did you schedule a driver or Uber?
my wife asked me.
I had just landed in Los Angeles to do a television interview with a client of mine who is a professional athlete. I had been advising him through family and financial challenges professional athletes may go through when he summoned me to Los Angeles the night before.
My client picked me up from the airport in his luxury truck and we drove through the dark LA freeway on our way to his home. I arrived and was shown where I would be sleeping for the night. I unpacked the necessities for a hot shower after the four-hour flight from Cleveland. Wow, these towels are fluffy and huge. After showering, the only person I wanted to speak to was my wife. She knew how much this trip meant to me in my young career as a relationship coach. No one would understand my jokes, laughter, how the turbulence on the plane made me feel queasy, or how this NFL player just came to my door looking like a G.I. Joe action figure as he changed shirts.
The next morning, I reviewed my notes before putting on my suit. My barber and friend, DJ, made my hair look amazing, and my wife had put the finest crease in my pants. I was ready to do my first national television interview. My client and I arrived to a small boutique hotel in Los Angeles where the film crew awaited us. They connected our microphones, positioned us for the camera, and reviewed the program with us. In no time at all, we were set and ready to record.
After my portion of the television interview was finished, I had a chance to reflect. I just recorded television for a worldwide audience.
I texted my wife, Jazmine. We had been married two and a half years and were best friends. We shared stories, wins, and failures, and had just birthed a new child. She was the only person on my mind. I knew she was on pins and needles waiting to hear how it went. She was and still is my biggest cheerleader and supporter. She knew before we were engaged that I wanted to be a coach, writer, and speaker and she’d sacrificed a lot to make that moment in particular, a reality. I had to hear her voice!
What Is Love, Mr. Relationship Coach Extraordinaire?
Love is the unfiltered emotional attachment to another soul and spirit, in hopes of bonding together with God. We choose to love someone because they are an emotional love well we can’t stop drawing from. They may provide appreciation, affirmation, gentleness, patience, encouragement, intimacy, physical pleasure, and/or communication. We desire love because it builds us from the inside. Love can never be earned. It was never created to be worked for but given freely. You don’t have to hurt yourself, stretching for something grace meant to give you with ease.
So Who Is This Book For Anyway?
This book is about navigating through the nuisances of love’s pathway. It’s for the dreamer of love, the pusher of romance, and the seller of hope. It’s for anyone who can’t connect with the love connect.
This book is for someone who feels they have been given a life sentence of relationship misery, and for those who feel they have found the one.
It is indeed for the people about to jump the broom, then jet to their honeymoon. This book is for my lovers, newlyweds, and veteran married couples. We can all learn more about the power of love and something great is in store for your love. Words have power, and the words in this book will provide you with tools to build the relationship you desire.
Why I Chose To Write This Book
One of most compelling reasons I chose to write this book is because of the true friendship and partnership my wife and I have. Although we’ve always had great chemistry, our genuine and authentic relationship has been cultivated and practiced over time. We’ve studied one another and learned how to be great partners to each other. Our love is unique, but there are some key laws and minor rules we abide by that I’ve laid out in this book.
Another reason I wrote Love Laws is because after years of coaching sessions filled with people struggling with communication, connecting, and intimacy, I realized that people are in dire need of information and insight to have better and healthier relationships. Countless times I have witnessed people give up on love because of another failed relationship or engagement. My aim is to provide a practical guide to shift those sentiments.
As a former police officer, I must warn you to follow the love laws in this book. The rules are clear and will keep your heart safe from harm. Not following these rules will put you in danger of miscommunication, wasted time, heartbreak, torn trust, and fishy financial relations. Here are your love laws.
Law #1
Chase Love, Not Lust
Love Gives, Lust Takes
Sex is a beautiful thing. It is one of the most sought after pleasures in the history of mankind. According to a 2012 Huffington Post article, 506 million users have searched ‘sex,’ 185 million searched ‘love,’ and 25 million searched ‘marriage’.¹
That means that 64% of Google users are more interested in sex than love. Here is what will knock your socks off: 96% of Google users are more interested in sex than marriage! What must be addressed in our modern society is not why these numbers are true. The question and answer must include how these statistics pertain to our everyday relationships.
Married sex is more satisfying than casual sex. There is nothing casual about sex when you are not married. The emotions, memories, commitments, intertwining of souls, and the expectations are more than casual.
Trying to figure out if sex is considered casual becomes convoluted when you are not married, but in a serious committed relationship (i.e. long term, or engaged), the decision to involve yourself in such a connection, indicates a yearning for a deeper-rooted and more immersed experience. When you meet someone who intrigues you, you appreciate God for the grace of a potential or realized mate, and have no desire to offend Him; however, the dopamine which produces feelings of euphoria increases your sexual urges as time passes, and makes it more desirable to express your love physically.
Have you ever been in a situation with your mate and temptation filled the house like a raging fire? You’re stuck between, I can’t do this
and come closer,
passion never being more bona fide than in this very moment. A choice has to be made. Is it important for you to wait until you became husband and wife before you have sex or should you try it before you buy it?
A study conducted at Brigham Young University showed the following statistics:
Couples who waited until marriage to have sex had the following advantages over those who did not:
• 22% higher relationship stability
• 20% higher relationship satisfaction
• 15% better sex (higher sexual quality of therelationship
)
• 12% better communication²
Stability, satisfaction, better sex, better communication—those all sound like compelling reasons to wait to have sex!
We will struggle with the dating life if we look at our bodies and feelings like a public park and nota private garden.
If Sex Comes First...Then Falling In LoveCan Be Painful
I recall being sexually active at an early age. This was one of the most impressionable periods of my life. I knew what love was in a general sense, but I was clueless about sex. Being exposed to life and its fruits early truly shaped my outlook of the world. I lost my virginity in the backseat of a Dodge Neon at fifteen years old to a friend. We were both virgins and had no clue what we were doing. It was awkward being newbies and immature, and did I mention, in the back of a Dodge Neon?
This had a profound effect on my interaction with women as I grew older. My promiscuous nature, coupled with popularity, placed me in serial sexual relationships that altered my experience and perception of sex.
In my boyhood, my only goal was to make sure that the women I had sex with didn’t hate me afterwards. I made sure to be upfront about the expectations. I would say things like, This is not going to be a serious relationship. We are only here and will only meet for sexual needs.
No one at that time said, No Chris, I want a ring and my bills paid.
We were young, and when you are young you tend to be ignorant of how your future is affected by your present emotional and physical decisions.
As we get older, however, our desires and relational requirements tend to shift. We want more commitment, time, resources, affection, and love. Although maturity and spiritual awakening tend to streamline the desires of many adults, still, there are people who use their bottom to get to the top of the love food chain.
But inevitably, when you use your body to gain love, sex becomes a main course and not a side dish. When we allow it, people will reduce their interactions with us from a full-course-meal relationship to a Netix and Chill connection.
You have soul ties with the people you sleep with and even when you are no longer in bed