Common to Uncommon: The Belief to Fulfil Your True Destiny

FOREWORD

With a title as inspiring as Common to Uncommon, Andrew Ong challenges readers to face up to what could be their best and not compromise for the comfortable and convenient. Major may have been his rank when he opted for early retirement from the military, but major is exactly what he wanted out of his life. And yours.

As we all know, there are three types of people: the few who make things happen; the minority who watch things happen and the majority who are unaware things happen. This effort is presented to persuade you to make things happen in your life and thus impact others as well. You need not remain ordinary as long as you have a desire to be extra-ordinary. Take charge.

This book is peppered with Andrew Ong’s own experience and salted with great quotations and true-life illustrations. He turns the spotlight on how purpose and passion always lead to success. A book commended for both beginners to get going and veterans to mentor others for shared success and satisfaction. The chapters on Forgiveness alone are worth the price of purchase.

Andrew Goh, Ph.D.

Platform Speaker and Motivational Specialist

Honorary Editor, IMPACT Magazine

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I am indebted to the following people:

I count myself fortunate to have met my publisher Chin Kar, who painstakingly explored and worked with me on crafting and positioning the book to inspire and impel readers in Singapore and beyond – to have the faith and courage to believe that they can fulfil their true destiny. I am also honoured to have Dr Andrew Goh, who despite his hectic speaking schedule, took time to review the book and pen the foreword.

I thank:

Michael Chua, my church buddy, whose urgings to write the forgiveness chapters in the church magazine gave impetus and balance to the project.

Colin, a friend of the family, who took meticulous care from retirement in Perth, Australia, to dissect the manuscript to improve clarity.

Michael Leong, whose enthusiasm to provide additional research material for my book inspired me to re-look and make changes. He is my true cheerleader.

The trusted core team members of The FamLife Ministry in Church of Christ, The King, Singapore, whose inputs I truly treasure. Each of them graciously screened the final manuscripts.

These close friends humbled me and they became my wing men and I am indebted to them.

I am awe-struck by the characters cited for the outstanding manner they lived their lives and which had already inspired millions. With present day technology and social media, I know their lives and the manner they morphed from Common to Uncommon will inspire many more readers and I hope readers will help inspire others too.

I thank my late parents, especially my mother, whose simple urgings early in my life set the tone for me to pattern my pursuits after people who could make me better. My father who was easily misunderstood but who I held in awe will forever be treasured for the wit and wisdom he shared over many nights and over countless mugs of beer. With moderation, he tempered my wild views and opinions.

My three children, Eleanor, Oliver and Ugenie whose achievements and indulgences in life’s pure and simple joys helped me to be at peace with myself that my wife and I had done our best for them and that our lives’ dedication had borne fruit. I feel nothing but pride, comfort and joy for what they have achieved or yet to achieve as I know they have been equipped with skills and attitudes that will put them in good stead. Despite all their faults and shortcomings, I know they will make correct choices and skilfully sail into the open seas and make most of life’s journeys for themselves. Long after I leave this planet, I believe this book will continue to serve them well.

I thank most deeply my wife, Irene, for her long-suffering patience and unconditional love which allowed me the space to dream the dream of a time gone by as I attempt to make sense of my journey through the wilderness from which, fortunately, I have emerged considerably unscathed.

In particular, I am grateful for her tolerance and love whilst I languished in bodily, emotional and spiritual pain after the hand grenade attack I suffered. Her patience and wisdom gave me the latitude to contemplate and to forgive the perpetrators after I was able to see that forgiveness sets a prisoner free and that the prisoner was me.

I am grateful I was led into the Promised Land after less than two months instead of forty years as did the Israelites of The Old Testament. As I moved from Common to Uncommon, I came out of a massive heart attack with only two stents inserted to clear my arteries. I survived that massive heart attack and am able to hit the keys of my laptop to write this book. In fact, it was that heart attack that gave me the wake up call to seriously do the things yet to be done and putting my innermost thoughts in writing was one of them.

I had almost died before; once in 1979 after being the unsuspecting patient of an unlikely drug allergy. The church pastors had completed preparing me to meet my Creator. That was number one. I survived the grenade attack in number two. Number three was when I suffered the heart attack. And while awaiting feedback from the publisher after completing the final revised manuscripts, I suffered a second heart attack and had the third stent inserted. I am grateful that on both occasions when I suffered the heart attacks, I was not alone. My long-time friend, Piak, was at the first and my daughter, Eleanor, was at the second. They called and directed the ambulance to my house and their quick actions saved me.

Multitudes in less daunting situations have been taken away, but I have been spared four times. Am I better than them? Am I more deserving of the grace shown me? I do not think so.

I am living on borrowed time. Having the distinct privilege to know that, unworthy and unqualified as I am, I have been given the chance to live again, I am conscious of what I need to do. As I contemplate my life, I know we can all be empowered to leave a common life and live the most uncommon life we can.

Connecting the dots and counting the incredible blessings, my life has consistently defied logic. I am grateful that the contemplations have given birth to this book, a gift to all parents and all adults of the 21st Century. I believe this project will go on to inspire hundreds of thousands if not millions around the world that it is not only perfectly possible to go from Common to Uncommon; it is also our birth right to do so.

This has been a wonderful journey of clarity and re-discovery for me and I know your sense of wonder for endless possibilities will be enkindled as you journey with me.

Andrew James Ong

PROLOGUE

In my one-to-many and one-to-one coaching sessions, I have met countless participants who have asked me to write this book. They came from backgrounds as diverse as accountancy and the arts, from barristers to bus drivers, professors and physicians, retirees and real estate agents, students and senators, policemen and prisoners, fishermen and financial planners, ex-drug addicts and ex-drug traffickers, masons and managers, business owners and employees, leaders and followers, the list goes on.

Distinct and different as they were from one another, each had a common denominator. Each had benefitted from practising what I taught. To some, it was removing a blind spot, while to others it was helping them to fly when they were lame. For some, it was a small tilt to the axes of their lives while, for others, the tilt spurred them to become prime movers and some moved mountains.

From the streets of Singapore to the cobblestones of Copenhagen in Scandinavia, from the deep dirt trenches of the command post in the Battalion Headquarters of my army days to the creature comforts of the beautiful beaches of Boracay, from the days of staring at the walls of my dingy home where my family received monthly government alms to the pleasant ambience of the tastefully furnished home where I now sit, from Mexico to Malaysia, India to Indonesia, Norway to the Netherlands, Cambodia to China, USA to UAE, the urgings for me to collate the theories and practical aspects into book form remained the same and they persisted through the years.

I am grateful those students did not give up on me. Their voices persisted and spoke to me unceasingly in my many quiet moments and they became the ever present thorn in my side, reminding me of the task I had left undone.

Practising the theories they learnt, many found new passions and many more re-kindled theirs. Some found their true calling and some deepened their purpose in life. Many brought their businesses to record-breaking performances and even more founded new businesses.

Adults who never learnt to swim in entire lifetimes for fear of water suddenly mustered enough courage and succeeded in learning swimming in just 20 minutes. Rookies who sold nothing for months in the real estate, land-banking, wellness or insurance industries suddenly awoke and started to do justice to their professions.

In retirement, some learnt to play musical instruments while others picked up a foreign language. Many mended fences with friends and family members whom they had broken fellowship with for a long time and many more raised the level of their already good wholesome relationships.

You would not be wrong if you say they were self-made successes. I say I taught them how to move from Common to Uncommon. All of them discovered that, no matter where they came from or what they had achieved or failed to achieve, they can cease to be Common and start being Uncommon.

Within each chapter, we shall unlock the mysteries surrounding the forces that inspire dreams and aspirations. Because, until we know what those forces are, we are unable to harness them to work in our favour. This is not some supernatural force in the universe that requires special powers to harness. The force is within each of us. Once it is revealed to you, you can be empowered.

Common to Uncommon is the celebration of a life-long work of art and science helping thousands. It is a step-by-step tool for the student aspiring to master geography or music in school as well as for the senator seeking re-election. For the retiree attempting to master the guitar to the volunteer bringing hope and dignity to countless millions in the dilapidated streets of Calcutta, this book will fuel your passion and help sustain your purpose. It is designed for the athlete to run faster and longer as well as for the sales person who wants to cross the finishing line as Top Salesperson of the Year.

To the physically challenged and the adventurer starting an expedition, this is also an excellent tool to help them navigate the darkest moments in their journeys through the valley of the shadow of death and they can emerge victorious. In whatever field of human endeavour and with whatever physical limitations, the application is simple to follow.

I have always submitted that, if there is only one skill that I ought to equip my children for life, it would be the set of skills mentioned here. Common to Uncommon is a respectable collection of my encounters with the human race. Many play the game of life not knowing when the start or end points are and they take no heed of the need to take stock of their progress. Taking stock of where we are and learning from our experiences, we can end the game with a respectable score line, indeed with the best score line possible.

With an inappropriate mindset before they even start to play and not knowing where they are in a game, many had already lost the game long before it commenced. While some know they are in the game, many play not to lose which effectively means playing not to win. Until this awareness dawns on us that we can play to win, we would be forever doomed to a life of mediocrity.

Let us journey together to establish that it is not only our responsibility to start winning, but our birth right to do so. If you are going to have any significance, you must stop being common and start to be uncommon. Once you decide what significance means to you, you can start making conscious choices and decide the direction you want to have significance. You can then decide the speed you want to steer your life to have that significance more profoundly and positively affect those around you, beginning with your loved ones and moving on to your community, your social circle, your school, your organisation, your work place and indeed your country.

The concepts are not rocket science. As long as you are committed to improving your lot and to begin practising what is prescribed, you can begin your step-by-step journey to move from nothingness to mediocrity, from mediocrity to excellence and from excellence to greatness, from Common to Uncommon.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is a beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realise it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfil it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is life, fight for it!

MOTHER TERESA

Life is life; fight for it!

1          YOU WERE ONCE A CHAMPION

All successful people have goals. No one can get anywhere unless he knows where he wants to go and what he wants to be and what he needs to do to get there.

NORMAN VINCENT PEALE

Why win? The fact that I need to address this question means obviously there are many who do not see the need to win. They have resigned themselves to a life of mediocrity, flowing with the crowd. They are contented being a spectator instead of being on the playing field, competing, falling and getting up, failing and succeeding, losing, winning, losing and winning again. They prefer to look at the falling snow through their windows instead of putting on their skis to have fun. They have settled into their comfort zones, satisfied to remain forever Common because being Uncommon is not for them.

With defeatist introspection, they have examined what winning entails and they see no way of attaining it. Over time, they reinforce that belief and the experiences in their lives play out the loser’s pattern repeatedly.

BEING UNCOMMON

Being Uncommon is about looking at what we have, making the most of it, seeking new challenges and conquering them. It is about re-discovering the champion in us. Not everybody is geared to winning. Some want to win but are not prepared to make the changes to bring them victory, not prepared to pay the price of winning.

Accepting the status quo is to remain common. There is nothing wrong about being common. It just means that they accept what life throws at them and they see no need to challenge themselves to be better this year than the year before, to be better this month than the month before. Winning requires them to change too many aspects of their lives and change is risky, painful and uncertain. These people believe they are destined to forever be second best.

I know of no better way to refute this thinking than Marianne Williamson’s masterful statement:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

You deserve the best life has to offer. Your Creator did not create junk. If we entertain the idea that we are junk, we blaspheme our Creator. Nothing that was ever created was a mistake. We, all of us men and women, were created in His image, and in His likeness. We were created for His pleasure. Yes, and before the foundation of the world was even laid, we were already majestically programmed to reflect the greatness and goodness of our Creator! But the design was not just for you or me, but for all men and for all women. Yes, all includes every single human being.

I hope you are at peace with God, whoever you conceive Him to be, as Max Ehrmann wrote in his Desiderata poem, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

While examples and precepts from the Holy Bible, the Koran and the Buddhist Dharma are cited, I write this book for all faiths. And to the hilt I will defend your right to believe as you wish and I will honour your reverence however you express it. This book is for all who share the common concern and have the vigorous desire about his or her own progress and indeed the progress of humanity. It is neither the colour of your skin nor the practice of your religion which may have become a form of religiosity. It may even have become a mechanical exercise of outward practices that allow or disallow you; that empower or limit you to make the next move.

I trust you do not hide beneath the cloak of your faith or the lack of it and give yourself the excuse not to take action. Irrespective of your faith, deep down inside you, you know it is within you to take concrete action and move onto a higher plane, to better yourself.

Throughout this journey you will be led into the lives of ordinary people who have suffered and endured extreme difficulties and who have every reason to stay defeated. They had been dealt one bad hand after another in the game of life. No one would have blamed them had they chosen to remain where life had left them. There were enough justifications for them to accept their lot and just cope with it.

Yet in the midst of all that misery and hopelessness, they decided not to accept the status quo. Boldly they faced their difficulties and took the bull by its horns and turned their world around. When we read about their lives and the manner they overcame those odds, we are challenged. We are encouraged as we witnessed yet again the power of the human spirit to want to be the best it can be despite the odds and to shine beyond the doom and gloom.

AIM FOR BETTER OUTCOMES

In our quiet contemplation, we know we too can start to desire for a better outcome for ourselves. It starts to give us that additional ounce of courage to weather another storm, to push harder, run faster, climb higher, to re-discover the champion in us. It is what those ordinary people do, letting the light in their lives shine, that they have unconsciously given us all the permission to do the same.

And when we shine, we begin living in harmony with our purpose, as champions. It is our right and our responsibility to live life to its fullest, at its best. Do you consciously shrink, act weak and cowardly so that others may feel secure in your timidity? Do you deprecate yourself ceaselessly? Has your life been lived and shrouded in false modesty so that it makes others comfortable? Secure? Is that what you want to do for the rest of your life? Do you still want to remain a spectator? If you insist, be a different spectator, be the uncommon spectator.

At the seventh national special sports-meet held in Kunming, China in May 2007, an 11-year old spectator was watching the games every day and seeing the disabled players struggling in the matches deeply moved her. She determined to join the special swimming club.

Shortly thereafter, this 11-year old began training professionally in the swimming club. She never grouched in training although she was confronted with many difficulties at the beginning because she had lost both her legs eight years earlier when she was three. Having no legs, she could not balance herself. So the coach devised a special training regime to help her balance her shoulders. Soon after, she was able to swim and she started to clock about 2,000 meters a day.

I couldn’t ensure she becomes a world champion; promising swimmer as she is. Our wish is for her to have a positive attitude to life, said her coach.

Eight years earlier, Qian Hong Yan’s life had changed in an instant. The bright and active girl’s future was full of promise until she was struck and pulled under the front wheels of a large delivery truck. Doctors in her native Yunnan province were able to save her life but not her legs.

Returning to her poor rural village, Hong Yan’s prospects were bleak. With no further treatment available, the young girl pushed herself along on the ground using home-made paddles. To protect her lower body, her family cut open a worn basketball and placed her inside. In her village she became known as the Basketball Girl.

Even with her personal strength, rural Yunnan is a difficult place for a young girl with disabilities. Her family turned to Beijing and the China Rehabilitation Research Center (CRRC) where she commenced an intensive course of physical conditioning to prepare her for the exertions of walking on artificial legs.

True to her spirit, Hong Yan thrived in rehabilitation and discovered a love for swimming during aquatic therapy. After months of rehabilitation Hong Yan was successfully fitted with new prosthetic legs. She was then able to walk with the use of crutches, and has returned to home and school in the Yunnan province. Her love of swimming continues, and she trains competitively, hoping to participate in the Paralympics some day.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Is there anything you are doing with your life to be the best you can be? What is your handicap? Or are you wasting away? Just like Hong Yan, you can triumph over your circumstances and be the best you can be.

You can choose to accept your fate that you are handicapped and give yourself countless excuses to under-perform or you can choose to flip your life and turn it around and decide that you deserve better, that you deserve the best. Instead of remaining forever a spectator and wondering about what she did not have, Hong Yan made the choice to join the swim team and explore what she could do with what she had.

Some people believe in fate and sit back accepting whatever life throws at them. They accept their fate as destiny and they do not want to do anything about it. They also accept that what happened to them is the result of some past deeds from a previous life. That is a pitiful state of helpless, hopeless inaction, doomed. They bear with the circumstances for the rest of their life when in fact they should give themselves all the reasons to work hard and change their circumstances, to change their destinies.

The biggest handicap we have is not the one in our physique but in our minds. The years of limiting beliefs we constantly reinforce in our minds,